dealing with fokti comments..... that border on the good hair bad hair notion..(rant)

[silvergirl]

so today i noticed one or two comments on my fotki i dont suspect its anyone from here, though i could be wrong.

but how do you deal with comments that border on good hair or bad hair notions. normally i just state that all good hair is good hair,, which it is as long as its healthy. but this person asked me if i was mixed...

now Irl when im asked that, (an i am ...alot). just telling that no is not good enough. they never seem to believe me, saying "but you HAVE to be mixed with something" is the answer that i usually get. then ill sigh an say 'well my grandpa is 1/2 chinese if that means anything" and they are usually satisfied with that... my rant is that that would make me like 1/16 for what its worth, i dont understand how 1/16 of anything could rise up above my black genes and make me have good hair or lighter skin lol. i personally dont believe any of this , my skin is average color for a black person and my hair to me is normal black hair.

should i just copy and paste this rant in my fotki lol. should i just ignore it, ignoring it may seem like im accepting it. it just boggles my mind everytime i get asked questions like that.

how do you deal with those types of comments?

 

[trulyurangel82]

i dont understand it either.
I known some people from africa at my school (exchange students) and actually their hair was in better shape and longer than the african americans at my school. Even the lighter skin african americans.
Being mixed or having somethin in you does not guarantee someone good hair.

some people are just ignorant. They are used to seeing african americans with short hair and think that those that do have long hair have to have something in them. Its just that some people dont take care of their hair.

We all know on this board that black hair can grow.
You should show them this link lol.

 

[Country gal]

I understand what you mean. Folks think nice hair or a nice complexion is the result of mixing. I had people ask me if I was mixed becasue my hair calls itself curling up.

 

[Lusa]

I would just say let it go. You shouldn't have to defend your ethnicity to anyone checking out your album. It's just gonna drag out, and I don't think it's worth the time.

 

[glamazon386]

I understand what you mean. Folks think nice hair or a nice complexion is the result of mixing. I had people ask me if I was mixed becasue my hair calls itself curling up.

Same here. I just usually say I'm Black and keep it moving despite their questions. I don't get it. They don't want to believe it. Telling people I'm just black is clearly not enough. Some people are just ignorant and I'm not going to entertain their foolishness.

 

[CAPlush]

It just gives her an excuse not to take care of her hair and not to strive to have hair as healthy as yours. You should have just said "No" and left it at that, knowing some one's family tree is not going to help you take better care of your hair.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I would probably keep it there, so no one else would ask me.

Sometimes I read the comments on people's fotkis and I know they might not mean any additionalharm but I am like " ." Not that this makes it any better, but you got to understand that some people just don't know any better and that they may not mean any harm.

 

[pistachio]

I looked at your fotki album "My Pics", and the 6th and 7th photo you def. looked part Chinese.

 

[glamazon386]

I would probably keep it there, so no one else would ask me.

Sometimes I read the comments on people's fotkis and I know they might not mean any additionalharm but I am like " ." Not that this makes it any better, but you got to understand that some people just don't know any better and that they may not mean any harm.

Very true.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I looked at your fotki album "My Pics", and the 6th and 7th photo you def. looked part Chinese.

I thought she was Asian (bi-racial) too.

 

[naturallylovely]

Re: dealing with fokti comments..... that border on the good hair bad hair notion..(r

I looked at your fotki album "My Pics", and the 6th and 7th photo you def. looked part Chinese.

I would have to respectfully agree. I would not ask you what you were mixed with, because I feel like I would have already known that answer. I'm not saying this to downplay the health of your hair, cause I'm sure if you did not take care of it, it would be jacked up. But, my point is that 1/16 is a lot compared to people who don't have anything mixed in. I feel the ingnorant part comes in when people neglect the fact that they are tribes in Africa with light skin and "good" hair, so I would not doubt it possible for someone to have a softer texture of hair and not be mixed. I know people from the Fulani tribe, who have hair in the 3a3b area and they are straight from Africa.

Don't know if Im rambling, but to me, you do appear to be mixed, and you are probably going to be asked if you are mixed a million times, whether it's on fotki or not...because to me, you don't look like the "average" black person, but one of mixed decent.....just my two cents

I will add, that you hair looks awesome and that you are very pretty....

 

[silvergirl]

Re: dealing with fokti comments..... that border on the good hair bad hair notion..(r

maybe i need to look at myself in the mirror more often cause i dont really see it .. lol
i dont know. i guess im just surprise ppl ask because when i brush out my hair, it looks just like an afro... a floppy one but its still an afro heh. an i dont think my skin is at all different from most black ppl. i dont really have the asian eyes or anything. i have the biggest nose, big lips, wide spaced eyes... ..so no i dont understand it. probably cause im not on the outside looking in...

 

[silvergirl]

Re: dealing with fokti comments..... that border on the good hair bad hair notion..(r

It just gives her an excuse not to take care of her hair and not to strive to have hair as healthy as yours. You should have just said "No" and left it at that, knowing some one's family tree is not going to help you take better care of your hair.

yea, i havent said anything yet . not sure if ill respond or not yet.

 

[silvergirl]

Re: dealing with fokti comments..... that border on the good hair bad hair notion..(r

But, my point is that 1/16 is a lot compared to people who don't have anything mixed in.

maybe . but that means 15/16 of me is black. thats a lot of black .
id be shocked to think the minor 1/16th would play such a major part in my hair (texture ,curl pattern, length or otherwise)

 

[Ayeshia]

Re: dealing with fokti comments..... that border on the good hair bad hair notion..(r

Silvergirl, I also thought you were multiracial and it was not solely because the texture of your hair.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I wouldn't let it get you down nor would I get so quick to be mad at the other person. Like I said, I don't think that the people who asked you that were trying to be malicious and/or hurt your feelings.

I will be honest, when I look through fotkis I have a certain preference. Just like some naturals prefer to look at natural albums, relaxed heads like to look at relaxed albums, women with type 4b hair etc. I think it is only natural to have these preferences. Now this may be my own thing ( I personally call it a preference but some people look at it as a fault) but when I look through fotkis I look for inspiration. I like to look through fotkis of people who have hair like me (via hair type or relaxed) or who I think are like me (racially).

I don't think the person asked you if you were black to put you down moreso to get confirmation that you don't have to be mixed to have long hair. It's like "Oooh she has pretty hair, but before I get all hyped thinking this can/will be me, lemme make sure she is LIKE me first." Some women are still under an impression that it is 'easier' for mixed women to have long hair-and I will admit that a part of this rings true to me too. Though everything that is said on this board is contrary to this belief, I still think so. Probably always will.

Now I am not saying I thought it was easier for you personally, since I never seen your fotki before this post, just giving you light from the other side of the spectrum. It might just be a confirmation type thing. I hope you get what I am saying.

 

[naturallylovely]

Re: dealing with fokti comments..... that border on the good hair bad hair notion..(r

maybe . but that means 15/16 of me is black. thats a lot of black .
id be shocked to think the minor 1/16th would play such a major part in my hair (texture ,curl pattern, length or otherwise)

yeah, that's a lot of black, LOL....but that 1/16th is enough for all of us to be able to see. plus, most of us black folks in the US have other stuff mixed in, due to slavery and stuff back in the day....i would bet good money that NO ONE on this board is 100% black....

 

[Poohbear]

Re: dealing with fokti comments..... that border on the good hair bad hair notion..(r

silvergirl, don't worry about what people have to say about your appearance. Dark skin, kinky hair, wide nose, big lips, and bug eyes are NOT the only traits for Black people. Once people understand that, they'll stop all this "are you mixed" and "good hair" stuff and realize that every Black person has a mixture of different traits. It doesn't make sense to me when people say "you don't look like a normal Black person". If that's the case, then what is a normal Black person that's not mix with something?

I agree with you that all natural hair textures are good hair, and I also believe all skin colors are beautiful too! We are a unique people... a very DIVERSE Black race. No one Black person looks the same. Some people just can't seem to fanthom that or look pass the social conditioning and ideologies that have taken over and brainwashed their minds. Plus, Black is just a category that we are placed in based on common traits. Just because we may not have all those "Black" traits doesn't mean we are any less Black and not Black at all. Black is not real... it's just a title, a name, a group. As long as you know who you are and have your own identity, it does not matter what others have to say. If you say you are Black, you are Black. Case closed!

 

[naturallylovely]

Re: dealing with fokti comments..... that border on the good hair bad hair notion..(r

It doesn't make sense to me when people say "you don't look like a normal Black person".

Maybe I should have said this a different way....but what I meant is that we can all see that she ismultiracial....

If you say you are Black, you are Black. Case closed!

Actually, she said she was black and chinese...

 

[Poohbear]

Re: dealing with fokti comments..... that border on the good hair bad hair notion..(r

Maybe I should have said this a different way....but what I meant is that we can all see that she ismultiracial....

Okay, but I wasn't talking about you specifically when I said "it doesnt make sense for someone to say you don't look like a normal black person"... I was just talking in general when anyone says things like that.

Actually, she said she was black and chinese...

I know who she said she was... it still doesn't make her any less Black. And when I said "If you say your black, then your black", I was talking in general as well.

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

Yea silver just based off of your looks and the texture of your hair, i would have guessed that you were multiracial. BUT i would never ever ever have asked that question because it is absolutely none of my business. And i don't think that you owe it to anybody on the streets or anybody visiting your fotki to tell them about your history. You should just say no, or throw the question back at them and say 'why do you ask?' so they can hear how stupid they sound. But ur a pretty chick with pretty hair so WHATEVER!!!!

 

[Wishin4BSL]

Re: dealing with fokti comments..... that border on the good hair bad hair notion..(r

maybe . but that means 15/16 of me is black. thats a lot of black .
id be shocked to think the minor 1/16th would play such a major part in my hair (texture ,curl pattern, length or otherwise)

Chromosomes that you receive from your parents are chosen randomly, even though the majority of them are black. Even if you were 1/32 asian (like one of my best friends), you could come out with dark skin, asian eyes, asian lips, asian nose, black booty, and nappy, jet black hair (like my friend! ). So it could play a part in your physical features. I can see it. It all depends on what chromosomes God chose for you!


I'm so excited that I got to explain that because we talk about it in my psych classes all the time!

ETA: I've had people say the same thing about my RELAXED hair and I'm like ! I smile and just don't say anything because I'm straight up 4a!

 

[naturallylovely]

Re: dealing with fokti comments..... that border on the good hair bad hair notion..(r

Chromosomes that you receive from your parents are chosen randomly, even though the majority of them are black. Even if you were 1/32 asian (like one of my best friends), you could come out with dark skin, asian eyes, asian lips, asian nose, black booty, and nappy, jet black hair (like my friend! ). So it could play a part in your physical features. I can see it. It all depends on what chromosomes God chose for you!


I'm so excited that I got to explain that because we talk about it in my psych classes all the time!

ETA: I've had people say the same thing about my RELAXED hair and I'm like ! I smile and just don't say anything because I'm straight up 4a!

thanks for that little bio lesson...i would not have been able to articulate it like that

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I get the good hair comment on occaision, I'm sure to a much less extent than the OP, but I always say "Thank you, I bet you'd be surprised by what your own natural hair looks like with proper care."

That tends to lead into a dialogue about the amazing effect of using water on ones hair more than 12 times a year can have.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I get the good hair comment on occaision, I'm sure to a much less extent than the OP, but I always say "Thank you, I bet you'd be surprised by what your own natural hair looks like with proper care."

That tends to lead into a dialogue about the amazing effect of using water on ones hair more than 12 times a year can have.

I spit out my MSM water reading this!!!

 

[lsubabiedee]

ya know. i got similar comments recently. and it took me a while to even respond back to them.

i wonder if it's the same person.

 

[naturallylovely]

Re: dealing with fokti comments..... that border on the good hair bad hair notion..(r

I get the good hair comment on occaision, I'm sure to a much less extent than the OP, but I always say "Thank you, I bet you'd be surprised by what your own natural hair looks like with proper care."

That tends to lead into a dialogue about the amazing effect of using water on ones hair more than 12 times a year can have.

i tell people this all the time.....it's so true. i was natural for a long while before i found the boards, but my hair did not look ANYTHING like it does now....

 

[nurseN98]

Re: dealing with fokti comments..... that border on the good hair bad hair notion..(r

I get the good hair comment on occaision, I'm sure to a much less extent than the OP, but I always say "Thank you, I bet you'd be surprised by what your own natural hair looks like with proper care."

That tends to lead into a dialogue about the amazing effect of using water on ones hair more than 12 times a year can have.

It is amazing isn't it?

 

[Mystic]

I don't think the posters with the good hair bad hair comments mean any harm. The fact is, your hair does look mix. My natural hair definitely does not look like yours - unless I get a jerri curl. Maybe that's why some people are curious. If the questions bother you that much, maybe you should mention it in your fotki so people will stop asking.

 

[GoldenBreeze]

so today i noticed one or two comments on my fotki i dont suspect its anyone from here, though i could be wrong.

but how do you deal with comments that border on good hair or bad hair notions. normally i just state that all good hair is good hair,, which it is as long as its healthy. but this person asked me if i was mixed...

now Irl when im asked that, (an i am ...alot). just telling that no is not good enough. they never seem to believe me, saying "but you HAVE to be mixed with something" is the answer that i usually get. then ill sigh an say 'well my grandpa is 1/2 chinese if that means anything" and they are usually satisfied with that... my rant is that that would make me like 1/16 for what its worth, i dont understand how 1/16 of anything could rise up above my black genes and make me have good hair or lighter skin lol. i personally dont believe any of this , my skin is average color for a black person and my hair to me is normal black hair.

should i just copy and paste this rant in my fotki lol. should i just ignore it, ignoring it may seem like im accepting it. it just boggles my mind everytime i get asked questions like that.

how do you deal with those types of comments?

I've looked at your fotki several times, and to be honest I did not
think you were multi-racial. My only thought was "What a nice
head of hair; it's so healthy".

You will never be able to satisify everyone, whether they mean
well or not. So why try? IMHO, all hair is good hair if it is on
our heads. There is no bad hair, only bad hair care.

Ultimately, the best response you can give is the one you are
most comfortable with. If that is no response, it's okay. There
are many fotki posts that are not responded to.