Dating Question....taking things slow?

[blasianbeauty]

This may seem silly but I've just got to ask. When you first meet a guy, how often do you call/contact him? I've been seeing this guy for about a month, and although we're not serious (since I'm separated and he's been divorced for about a year...we're just taking our time) the attraction is really there and we talk nearly everyday. I do like the attention, but sometimes I do think that maybe we communicate too much since we're "supposedly" taking things slow.

Soooo, my question to all of you is - how exactly do you take things slow without become too "friendly" and losing interest? Talk maybe two to three times weekly? Limit text messaging? Help!!

 

[Kenedie]

Waiting on answers to this question myself!! Great post. Can't wait to read the responses.

 

[MsKipani]

It's tough, because when the chemistry is there it's hard to hold back. Also, you don't want to fall into playing games.
I think definitely limit the amount of times you see each other first. Once, twice a week max! It might be too soon to talk everyday, because it's so easy to fall into patterns and once you don't talk everyday you may think something is wrong. Texting is a good way to communicate without feeling too close. Texting is not as intimate as a phone call, so if you are just thinking about the person and want to say hi, send a text, rather than get into a long convo.
Also, have some clarity on both sides on how slow you want to take things. That way you don't feel like you're always plotting your next move or playing games. You don't want to feel like you're in high school again!

 

[MzLady78]

I don't think talking frequently means you're not taking it slow.That's how you get go know the person and can get a better sense of whether you're compatible or not. IDK, the whole "okay, we're only gonna talk Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 8:00" thing is kind of silly to me, LOL.

If you guys were hanging out all day everyday or doing the deed, now that might be a problem, LOL.

I personally think you're doing fine but if you feel like it's too much, then maybe you should limit your convos.

 

[MzLady78]

It's tough, because when the chemistry is there it's hard to hold back. Also, you don't want to fall into playing games.
I think definitely limit the amount of times you see each other first. Once, twice a week max! It might be too soon to talk everyday, because it's so easy to fall into patterns and once you don't talk everyday you may think something is wrong. Texting is a good way to communicate without feeling too close. Texting is not as intimate as a phone call, so if you are just thinking about the person and want to say hi, send a text, rather than get into a long convo.
Also, have some clarity on both sides on how slow you want to take things. That way you don't feel like you're always plotting your next move or playing games. You don't want to feel like you're in high school again!

Hmm, this is good point though!

 

[Lucie]

I don't think that talking often indicates that you two are not taking things slow. Especially if you two are into one another. Since you both are new to dating again, I think you should just enjoy the conversations and dates and make sure you do not do too soon

Also when you're dating someone it helps to do things with them to see exactly what sort of a person they are. I know that it is easy to get into a habit with calling and expecting a call back. Making plans on the same nights every weeks, but again, this is how you get to know someone. Good luck babe!

 

[Ms Red]

When I first started dating my SO, we would have a date on Sat. or Sun. and I'd be like "Ok, talk to you on Thursday!!" and he would be like "Huh?? Why Thursday?" And I was all "Well, I'll be busy working in the hospital, blah, blah "

Well then Thursday would come and we would be talking on the phone all night We texted in between though. He still mentions that to this day, how I had him hanging on every word.

I don't think there is a set rule. Just do what you feel is right!!!

 

[SpyCats]

It's tough, because when the chemistry is there it's hard to hold back. Also, you don't want to fall into playing games.
I think definitely limit the amount of times you see each other first. Once, twice a week max! It might be too soon to talk everyday, because it's so easy to fall into patterns and once you don't talk everyday you may think something is wrong. Texting is a good way to communicate without feeling too close. Texting is not as intimate as a phone call, so if you are just thinking about the person and want to say hi, send a text, rather than get into a long convo.
Also, have some clarity on both sides on how slow you want to take things. That way you don't feel like you're always plotting your next move or playing games. You don't want to feel like you're in high school again!

This has happened to me in the past. Really weird, it got to the point where he was EXPECTING me to call at a certain time and when I didn't it caused some problems.

 

[MsKipani]

When I first started dating my SO, we would have a date on Sat. or Sun. and I'd be like "Ok, talk to you on Thursday!!" and he would be like "Huh?? Why Thursday?" And I was all "Well, I'll be busy working in the hospital, blah, blah "

Well then Thursday would come and we would be talking on the phone all night We texted in between though. He still mentions that to this day, how I had him hanging on every word.

I don't think there is a set rule. Just do what you feel is right!!!

I agree! There are no set rules. Every relationship is different and sometimes you just have to go with the flow - go with your gut. I'm sure I've done things that others may have thought were stupid, but 4 yrs later I'm still happy with my bf! And we took things slow...well sort of

 

[blasianbeauty]

Thanks everyone for your replies...I'm back with my Saturday morning update. Well, we spent the night together last night, and we had a REALLY great time (well, that's so much for taking things slow, right!) I'm just gonna go with the flow like most of you have said. Thanks to all of you again!

 

[glamazon386]

I don't think talking frequently means you're not taking it slow.That's how you get go know the person and can get a better sense of whether you're compatible or not. IDK, the whole "okay, we're only gonna talk Monday, Wednesday and Friday at 8:00" thing is kind of silly to me, LOL.

If you guys were hanging out all day everyday or doing the deed, now that might be a problem, LOL.

I personally think you're doing fine but if you feel like it's too much, then maybe you should limit your convos.

I agree with MzLady. It also depends on the person. I'm not much of a phone person unless I really really like somebody. And even then, it's only when the feeling is mutual. If they're okay with it, then I'm okay with it. But I never call or talk more than they do. And then there are some men who just don't like to be on the phone so we may communicate other ways. One of my exes was like that. We talked mostly on AIM and via text messages but it didn't bother me. It was just easier for us. In the beginning of a relationship that shouldn't be the most frequent (or only) means of communication though. That would be a problem.