Dating men with bad health habits(your OP)

[Choclatcotton]

I have a close friend who was in love and about to marry a man who had all things going for himself, except he was a slob about his health, overweight, high bld pressure, high blood sugars, lived off of pasta. He treated her like a queen, dropped off and picked up her son from school. Cooked dinner, took her out to her favorite restaurants, massaged her feet at the end of the day(she works on her feet all days as a CNA. He eventually proposed and bought her a nice carrot but she felt she just could not live with his bad health habits. He was not even willing to go to the gym. So she left him.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Wow, I wouldnt want to marry someone who was sending himself to an early grave either. Bad enough we have all types of other stuff tryna kill us off. We dont need to do it to ourselves...And he did not want to improve his health habits to boot. However, I hope she gave her all to the cause before leaving...he sounded like a great guy.

 

[hopeful]

I wonder what changed. She was in love. He treated her like a queen and treated her son well. He was good enough to let him do all those things, but not good enough to marry? I think she will end up regretting her decision.

 

[UmSumayyah]

I know someone who buried a spouse who was sick for a long time. A terrible health habit that never changed, and the spouse suffered the last few years of their lives.

I would never want to do that if it could be avoided.

It would have been better for her not to have dated dude in the first place, but better dump him now than watch him suffer later.

 

[Aviah]

Ouch. Tough call, but I understand her reasoning. I'd hate to know I'd bury a guy over something completely avoidable as that. Chances are that's what would have happened.

 

[TayMac]

What were his reasons for not wanting to change?

I wouldn't have gotten so serious with him in the first place if he was that slack about his health.

 

[GeauXavi]

I've done this. This man was exactly like the one above...and we dated, but I felt like he had low self-esteem. He didn't eat ANY vegetables, and gained 60lbs while we were dating... Also...he NEVER went to the doctor. I'd known him for 2 years, and I think he was terrified...really.

I'm not a skinny girl...but I'm ridiculously health conscious. I can't have an S/O who is not worried about his health in the least bit.

 

[metro_qt]

I wonder what changed. She was in love. He treated her like a queen and treated her son well. He was good enough to let him do all those things, but not good enough to marry? I think she will end up regretting her decision.

Regretting her decision?

I would do the EXACT same thing as her!
My father died due to his neglect.

He had high blood pressure, and he knew it.
He didn't really let us know, he minimized the situation, and didn't take his medication.
One day, he had a brain embolism 3 days after his birthday, and died the same week.

I was 17.

If i can avoid that for my future husband and the heartache for my future children? I will do all it takes to get the man to take care of himself as well as I take care of myself, or? I have to go.

point blank.

 

[dynamic1]

I couldn't do it. It is one thing to deal with an unsuspected illness and quite another to bring it on through bad habits.

 

[JollyGal]

Thank God she was only dating him.
A person who doesn't love/care about themselves will never be able to love or care for another person

 

[Makenzie]

It's better she break if off now, rather than later. I couldn't do it. He doesn't have to be a gym rat. But has to be taking care of himself.

I do wonder why she let the relationship get so serious before ending things. He was in her sons life on the regular, fallen in love with her to the point he wanted he wanted to marry her and make the three of them a family. I'm sure she knew about his bad habits before he proposed.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

What were his reasons for not wanting to change?

I wouldn't have gotten so serious with him in the first place if he was that slack about his health.

OKaaaaaayyyy??

That is one thing that I take a look at when evaluating which men I will date and which ones I won't. I don't mind if the guy is a little "husky" or a bit round... but if you can't or WON'T take care of your health, or exercise and eat right at least SOME of the time, then I'm sorry...but there's no way I can become serious with you.

There is a limit that I have to how overweight a man I will date. I'm sure most men have a "limit" too for women they will date. I'm sorry, but if a man blatantly doesn't take care of his health, (and it SHOWS ) then that makes me wonder just how he views himself, and whether or not he would make even worse decisions in the future.

Plus, everyone usually gains a few "love lbs" after marriage anyway. I always say add about 15 lbs to your man and that is how he will look after marriage. But if you're ALREADY overweight to begin with then... I'm sorry..... It's going to be hard for me to remain attracted to you. I'm sorry...I'm just being honest.

 

[MizAvalon]

I would never date a man with poor health habits. Being a caretaker is NO JOKE. I hope women who are dating these smokers/drinkers/poor eaters/non exercisers/don't want to go to the doctor types realize that.

Black men are the WORST about taking care of themselves. That's exactly why as soon as they hit about 45 their bodies begin breaking down. I'm not going to be with anyone who doesn't care for his vessel properly.

 

[Etherealsmile]

I have a co-worker who is 50 something married to a man 10 years her junior @ 40 something. Her husband has a plethora of health issues due to how much he abuses himself with what he eats and how he takes care of himself. She is watching him put himself into an early grave and there is absolutely nothing she can do about it. If he's not willing to change for himself, how can she change him?


I see exactly why the woman in the OP made this decision. It is a tough call but I can't say I blame her.

 

[ChasingBliss]

I would never date a man with poor health habits. Being a caretaker is NO JOKE. I hope women who are dating these smokers/drinkers/poor eaters/non exercisers/don't want to go to the doctor types realize that.

Black men are the WORST about taking care of themselves. That's exactly why as soon as they hit about 45 their bodies begin breaking down. I'm not going to be with anyone who doesn't care for his vessel properly.

@ the bolded. I work with these families every day as most of my veterans are in poor health.

They retire together but then he gets sick (due to degenerative diseases brought on by poor health habits) and in stead of traveling the world, having fun, enjoying their grands, living the peaceful sweet life, the wife is now caregiver, taking him to the doctor every week, crying about his decline and sobbing about what they should have been doing during these years. It's really sad.

I am so grateful to be with a guy who is as health conscious as I am...we've had this discussion and neither one of us wants to be a caretaker before our time...if something is unavoidable...then so be it. But if it's gonna be due to stuff we could have prevented? No Thanks. I'd like to prevent that NOW.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I have a co-worker who is 50 something married to a man 10 years her junior @ 40 something. Her husband has a plethora of health issues due to how much he abuses himself with what he eats and how he takes care of himself. She is watching him put himself into an early grave and there is absolutely nothing she can do about it. If he's not willing to change for himself, how can she change him?


I see exactly why the woman in the OP made this decision. It is a tough call but I can't say I blame her.

That is so sad...

 

[hopeful]

Regretting her decision?

I would do the EXACT same thing as her!
My father died due to his neglect.
...

I don't blame her for not marrying him one little bit. I just find it strange that she had such a strong preference, and yet, fell in love, let him bond with her son, wine & dine her, rub her feet, and on and on. Just sounds strange to me.

 

[GeorginaSparks]

I don't blame her for not marrying him one little bit. I just find it strange that she had such a strong preference, and yet, fell in love, let him bond with her son, wine & dine her, rub her feet, and on and on. Just sounds strange to me.

I guess the proposal was a wake-up call.

 

[Urban]

What were his reasons for not wanting to change?

I wouldn't have gotten so serious with him in the first place if he was that slack about his health.

I think happens with some women who think they can change a man

 

[bluediamond0829]

I think she made the right decision.

and will have no regrets. Life is too short to at least try to influence a person especially one that is not willing to at least work on himself and improve his health to make changes. It doesnt have to be major changes but at least changes for a better and longer life.

My Mom has the same issue with my Dad. My Dad used to be into body building and was really buff now he has a stomach out to nowhere, drinks beer every now and then and will eat a entire bag of chips by himself like its nothing. My Mom has been overweight and even diabetic and been trying to lose weight since she had me and my sister. She tries to encourage my Dad to help her with losing weight also but it goes in one ear and out the other. They have over 30 years of marriage together so its really hard to leave someone at that stage in life and a marriage.

But I REFUSE to start off with someone as stubborn and unwilling to help himself like my Dad. I had a ex the same way--everytime we would go out be it a restaurant, he's taking me to lunch, going to the movies--he has to have a drink. If we go multiple places in one night he has to have a drink every place we went. I mean not only was the drinking too much for my taste. But it was just like when I would try to at least tell him that eating fast food every meal was not healthy it didn't matter to him. Don't get me wrong right now while we were dating he didn't have much of a weight issue, but eating out every single day(fast food or food at a restaurant eventually I know it will catch up)...

So I broke up with him..not only because of the issues with him not caring about his lifestyle but some other things too.

I'm not looking for a health nut but I do want someone at least health conscious.