Dating and Last Minute Invites

L

Lindy

New Member
Just curious on how you all feel about accepting last minute dates from guys...

I was looking at my old "The Rules" book the other day and in that book it says that you should never accept a date from a guy (a guy you've recently met) after Wednesday; that you have to "train" the guy to always ask you for a date early in the week. They say that even if you're doing nothing but sitting home watching Scooby Doo, you have to say that you already have plans... :look: The objective is to show them that you have a full and busy life and if they want to date you, they must let you know at least 3/4 days in advance.

Do you all subscribe to this?? Many times I have accepted last minute invites... Heck, if i'm sitting home doing nothing and someone calls and wants to do a spur of the moment dinner or movie, I'm usually like, "sure"!! I just feel like I'm too old to be playing these coy types of games, but the rules insists that this is what you must do.

How do you all feel about this??
 
I can't think of one time I've accept a date with a guy that late. My mother, father, grandparents, aunts, etc were old school. It just never would have crossed my mind to say yes to a guy asking me out on a Wed for a Fri date.:perplexed
 
I think you should do what is comfortable for you. OR what works.

What worked for me was letting the man know that if he wanted to go out on Sat. I needed an invitation by Wednesday and so forth. And maybe it is a mind game, but it worked :rolleyes: I don't like to be at their 'beck and call.' JMHO :)
 
That's game to me. Trying to see if you really would jump at their beck and call AND at the point, you are probably the back-up date anyway and your number is LAST on his call list.

If he likes you, he should be asking for another date WHILE he's on a date with you cause he can't wait to see you again and get himself in your schedule with a quickness.

That's happened to me before..Calling me at 7pm to see if i want to make the 9pm movie! Why? Cause your girlfriend or your REAL date cancelled on you! Whateva!
 
MizzBrown said:
That's game to me. Trying to see if you really would jump at their beck and call AND at the point, you are probably the back-up date anyway and your number is LAST on his call list.

If he likes you, he should be asking for another date WHILE he's on a date with you cause he can't wait to see you again and get himself in your schedule with a quickness.

That's happened to me before..Calling me at 7pm to see if i want to make the 9pm movie! Why? Cause your girlfriend or your REAL date cancelled on you! Whateva!
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That's my thinking to. I've seen my brother and cousins do it and their all dogs. (Well my brother's not anymore)
 
I think accepting last minute invitations are a no-no if this is someone you're just dating. I don't think it's a game. You can always tell someone how you feel about that. If they really like you, they won't mind.
 
Re: THE RULES: Are you a Rules Girl??

OK, actually I should have said that if they call Thursday and want to go out on Saturday, I'll usually say "sure"... NOT if they call out of the blue on Saturday asking to go out that night (unless it's someone I've already been dating for a while)... :nono:

Oh, and another thing the book says is that you should not call men. Only call them if you must... like if you're returning their call. They also say to set a timer and only talk on the phone with them for 10 minutes at the most, and then say "I have to go...", otherwise you will start talking too much and telling too much about yourself. :look:

I have to admit that I've been breaking these rules big time... I can sit on the phone with a guy for an hour... :blush:
 
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Some of this advice you have to take with a grain (or a cup :look:) of salt. My goodness. I would like to hear from the married ladies about this....
 
cupcake said:
Some of this advice you have to take with a grain (or a cup :look:) of salt. My goodness. I would like to hear from the married ladies about this....
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I think some of these rules are good while some are ............ :perplexed

It's been a long time since a read the book. I know over 15 years. But I remember when I read it I thought did my mother write this book. Because she had been giving me the same advice.
 
I think this is way tooo old school. This really is just playing games. What are we...6? Are who are we playing games with? Most guys (not the "wanna be playas", but the regular nice ones) are not that conniving. They don't think that deep into what they do and say like women. (That's why they think half of us are crazy with our "revelations" and why we think they don't listen or understand.) If a guy were to ask me out on a Wednesday for a Saturday, he done gave 3 days notice! (If a female friend asked you out on Wednesday for Thursday, y'all would hop to it.) But as I was saying, 2-3 days is as much as most guys can think ahead!! Ask a guy to plan something, they will not plan anything more than 2-3 days in advance.(I don't think they're capable!) Ask a girl the same question, she's already telling you what she's doing next week, next year for her birthday, and her wedding day plans (at 12 years old!).

I think you just need to go after what you want and not play these games. I'm not saying chase homeboy down cause you're desperate, but I mean let's be adults. I'm not going to lie to anyone and say "I'm busy" mean while the only person I have to talk to is myself and Fluffy the cat cause "I have pride." You're gonna be full of pride and lonely as hell.

Just my two cents. :)
 
lizjoseph said:
I think this is way tooo old school. This really is just playing games. What are we...6? Are who are we playing games with? Most guys (not the "wanna be playas", but the regular nice ones) are not that conniving. They don't think that deep into what they do and say like women. (That's why they think half of us are crazy with our "revelations" and why we think they don't listen or understand.) If a guy were to ask me out on a Wednesday for a Saturday, he done gave 3 days notice! (If a female friend asked you out on Wednesday for Thursday, y'all would hop to it.) But as I was saying, 2-3 days is as much as most guys can think ahead!! Ask a guy to plan something, they will not plan anything more than 2-3 days in advance.(I don't think they're capable!) Ask a girl the same question, she's already telling you what she's doing next week, next year for her birthday, and her wedding day plans (at 12 years old!).

I think you just need to go after what you want and not play these games. I'm not saying chase homeboy down cause you're desperate, but I mean let's be adults. I'm not going to lie to anyone and say "I'm busy" mean while the only person I have to talk to is myself and Fluffy the cat cause "I have pride." You're gonna be full of pride and lonely as hell.

Just my two cents. :)
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To be sure, men are not like women. But I think you give guys too little credit. When a man is focused on something he wants (a woman) I believe he will put a lot of thought into it. Besides, who wants to marry a man who's not a good planner? A man who's put no thought into the kind of life he wants to build for his wife and kids? :nono:
 
lizjoseph said:
I'm not saying chase homeboy down cause you're desperate, but I mean let's be adults. I'm not going to lie to anyone and say "I'm busy" mean while the only person I have to talk to is myself and Fluffy the cat cause "I have pride." You're gonna be full of pride and lonely as hell.

Just my two cents. :)
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:lachen::lachen::lachen:
your two cents was WELL SPENT.
 
lizjoseph said:
I'm not going to lie to anyone and say "I'm busy" mean while the only person I have to talk to is myself and Fluffy the cat cause "I have pride." You're gonna be full of pride and lonely as hell.
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Yep. This is how I see it too!! I would feel sooo ridiculous sitting at home all by myself on a Sat. night because I had to follow "the rules" and pretend I had something else to do, because 'someone I really would have liked to go out with' asked me out on Thursday... :look: Hell, I say Carpe Diem (seize the day)!! :laugh: Maybe it's my age, but... heck, I'm in my 40's now (still feel like 25 tho!! :grin:); but I feel like I'm too old for these kinds of games!! I'm like "you're home alone, I'm home alone... shooooot, let's go get some dinner, see a movie, or go hang out!! Screw the rules!! :laugh:

My daughter is in college and she says that these rules are outdated... that there are too many girls out there who are ready and willing and down for whatever... the ones trying to play coy will be by themselves or hanging with the girls every weekend... :perplexed
 
I think it depends. As with all rules, we must apply with gumption. I'd hate to see women here miss out on great guys because of rigidly applying stupid rules. And I'd also hate to see women here get played left and right because they dispensed with rules and let guys get slick with them. There's a middle ground and to achieve that middle ground requires relying more on intuition than on what some book says. If your intuition is that a guy is trying to make you his backburner b-tch by calling you at the last minute, then why are you even talking to him? If your intuition is that a guy is genuinely too busy to make long range plans but wants to see you, then why are you edging him out with a stupid rule?

I think that a 'no date beyond Wednesday' rule is stupid for professionals because many careers require working late nights and even all night, and you never know when you'll be called to work a weekend or have to stay until 2am. When you're in such a field, making plans a week or more ahead is a recipe for cancellation, which then conveys a negative message. So, making plans closer to the date is smarter. For someone discount a person in such a position over some book is plain silly and will have you running into the arms of Andre the D-ckhead because you passed up John the Hedge Fund Partner. Letting some dude call you up at 6pm for a date the same night is stupid if you don't know each other like that, but so is saying no to a guy because he called you Thursday night for a Saturday night date.
 
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sonce said:
I think it depends. As with all rules, we must apply with gumption. I'd hate to see women here miss out on great guys because of rigidly applying stupid rules. And I'd also hate to see women here get played left and right because they dispensed with rules and let guys get slick with them. There's a middle ground and to achieve that middle ground requires relying more on intuition than on what some book says. If your intuition is that a guy is trying to make you his backburner b-tch by calling you at the last minute, then why are you even talking to him? If your intuition is that a guy is genuinely too busy to make long range plans but wants to see you, then why are you edging him out with a stupid rule?

I think that a 'no date beyond Wednesday' rule is stupid for professionals because many careers require working late nights and even all night, and you never know when you'll be called to work a weekend or have to stay until 2am. When you're in such a field, making plans a week or more ahead is a recipe for cancellation, which then conveys a negative message. So, making plans closer to the date is smarter. For someone discount a person in such a position over some book is plain silly and will have you running into the arms of Andre the D-ckhead because you passed up John the Hedge Fund Partner. Letting some dude call you up at 6pm for a date the same night is stupid if you don't know each other like that, but so is saying no to a guy because he called you Thursday night for a Saturday night date.
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I totally agree.
 
MizzBrown said:
That's game to me. Trying to see if you really would jump at their beck and call AND at the point, you are probably the back-up date anyway and your number is LAST on his call list.

If he likes you, he should be asking for another date WHILE he's on a date with you cause he can't wait to see you again and get himself in your schedule with a quickness.

That's happened to me before..Calling me at 7pm to see if i want to make the 9pm movie! Why? Cause your girlfriend or your REAL date cancelled on you! Whateva!
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I totally agree...
 
MizzBrown said:
That's game to me. Trying to see if you really would jump at their beck and call AND at the point, you are probably the back-up date anyway and your number is LAST on his call list.

If he likes you, he should be asking for another date WHILE he's on a date with you cause he can't wait to see you again and get himself in your schedule with a quickness.

That's happened to me before..Calling me at 7pm to see if i want to make the 9pm movie! Why? Cause your girlfriend or your REAL date cancelled on you! Whateva!
Click to expand...
AWW HELL NOO!! The nerve of that dude! This is excatly why i don't accept last minute dates (even if i'm sitting at home doing nothing). I don't want to be LAST on his list. I ain't no damn backup! They do wanna see how high you'll jump for that date. Men and the games they play. :nono: Two can play that game.:drunk:
 
Life is too short to play games. Several people miss out on great guys trying to follow arbitraty rules that don't apply to everyone and the circumstance.

If a nice guy asks you out on a date, short-notice, and you have nothing to do and you don't mind the short notice, go for it!

If he does that more than once, then you'll know something fishy is going down.
 
vivmaiko said:
Life is too short to play games. Several people miss out on great guys trying to follow arbitraty rules that don't apply to everyone and the circumstance.

If a nice guy asks you out on a date, short-notice, and you have nothing to do and you don't mind the short notice, go for it!

If he does that more than once, then you'll know something fishy is going down.
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vivmaiko, ITA!!!
 
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