Dating Advice: Do you let the guys know?

[AnjelLuvs]

Okay, ladies I have been gettin out there in the dating game... But, now I am thinking maybe I took on to many numbers at once, and now I am struggling to keep things str8... I am talking to Three guys now....

How do you ladies handle it? In regards to going out and not letting the other guys suspect, or do you just flat out say hey I am going on a date with a male friend... erplexed

 

[tiara76]

I myself am honest about my situation...if Im dating others then its no secret to anybody else

 

[AnjelLuvs]

Thanks! For some reason I feel like that will crush guys.... erplexed.... So, I stay on that going out with girls line...

But, honesty should be best policy....

 

[tiara76]

I have been called "mean" at times for being honest but in my life experience...I caused somebody I loved years of heartache from lying to him about my dating/living situation partly due to selfishness to keep him at bay just in case what i was doin at the time didnt work out, partly due to not wanting to hurt his feelings and I learned that I don't ever want to be that person who can cause that much pain to somebody else all from not being honest even while we weren't a couple....so even in casual situations ...i dont volunteer detailed information and warn to most to be careful what they ask me if they really don't want to know

 

[chokolate miss]

i too think that you let them know from the start. you tell them that you really like them(or not!) but that at the moment you are seeing other people. until you guys have made a commitment to each other there is no reason to limit yourself to one person. you're probably not the only person they're dating either!

 

[tocktick]

be honest. if you're not in an exclusive relationship, then those guys don't need to know exactly who you're going out with anyway. however, you need to tell them from the get go what your situation is so that there are no misunderstandings about what's going on. additionally, they need to know where they stand so that they realise the role they play (i.e - no one think they're your SO). if you're just dating, it's quite likely that they're doing the same thing as you anyway.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

Ok letting them know, I am dating is the way to go, which has been done.... I just get flustered when asked what doing at such and such time.... I tend to replace guy name with GIRL FRIENDS... Like me and GIRLFRIENDS are going to a comddy show, or me and GIRLFRIENDS are going out to movies...

I guess details don't necessarily need to be disclosed... being simple like going to movies is enough...

Got it...

 

[tocktick]

^^ if they ask if you're available and you're not, there is no need to give the actual reason. just tell them you're not going to be able to make it. no explanation or lies necessary. it's not as if you're sneaking around on anybody.

 

[frankie]

When I date...I date. I let guys know that I'm not in an exclusive relationship, yet dating. I also recommend to them that they make plans ASAP because my calendar fills up fast.

A guy recently told me that he doesn't play a good number 2, after I told him that I spend a significant amount of time with one man in particular...but we are not in a committed relationship. I was honest, he didn't like it . C'est la vie.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

^^^ YOU hit the nail, usually I will plan things with a guy, then another wants to do something... I am like well I doing something with GIRLFRIENDS... lol...

I guess I am/was disclosing too much info...

I didnt want to come off as pretentious...

 

[lux10023]

exactly i let dudes know--look sweety my calendar gets booked up real quick so plan accordingly---i am very honest--and u know what it brings the men coming--i luv being honest nothing to hide nothing to cover up--no weight on my shoulders at all---dudes know what time it is--if you
want to be a priortiy in my life--get on your grind baby and make yourself a priority---cause im worth it....works every time--and i do not feel bad about dating or etc when i was dating-- i use to let certain dudes get first dibs on some time slots since i was into them---never volunteer info--if asked then proceed with the answer--what are you doing tonight- going to a jazz club--simple and the truth-but when dating do you--cuz best believe ppl will do them

When I date...I date. I let guys know that I'm not in an exclusive relationship, yet dating. I also recommend to them that they make plans ASAP because my calendar fills up fast.

A guy recently told me that he doesn't play a good number 2, after I told him that I spend a significant amount of time with one man in particular...but we are not in a committed relationship. I was honest, he didn't like it . C'est la vie.

 

[Syrah]

I myself am honest about my situation...if Im dating others then its no secret to anybody else

I feel like guys are actually MORE interested, or MORE persistent and attentive or something when they find out they're not the only one. Its as though the "competition" adds incentive for them to try and "win" you over.

 

[tiara76]

I feel like guys are actually MORE interested, or MORE persistent and attentive or something when they find out they're not the only one. Its as though the "competition" adds incentive for them to try and "win" you over.

unfortunately the "game" appeals to alot of folks...so you are correct that happens alot or they try to make you think they have soooo many women fallin over them, however I stopped playin games wit dudes years ago so I get turned off rather quickly these days.... not to mention so many dudes are insecure on different levels, which wouldnt be a problem except they try to act like they aren't and I have no problem pointing them out so they start over doin stuff and over compensating....it gets old quick

 

[shelli4018]

As long as you aren't sexually involved with all three I see no reason why you should hide your dating situation. I mean, why lie to guys you barely know? The purpose of dating is getting to know people and/or have a good time. No need to commit to anyone or tell all your business right away. There's also no need to hide anything.

In my experience men don't go away just because you're a free agent. If anything they'll resort to stupid tricks and fake commitments to lock you down while THEY continue playing the field.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

Yea no relations are going down as of yet... ...

 

[Syrah]

unfortunately the "game" appeals to alot of folks...so you are correct that happens alot or they try to make you think they have soooo many women fallin over them, however I stopped playin games wit dudes years ago so I get turned off rather quickly these days.... not to mention so many dudes are insecure on different levels, which wouldnt be a problem except they try to act like they aren't and I have no problem pointing them out so they start over doin stuff and over compensating....it gets old quick

Over compensation is SUCH a bummer. It only makes the insecurities seem that much more apparent. And I feel like over compensation leads to projection - they project their feelings on to you.

As far as the game goes - it's a thin line. Being honest can be misinterpreted as game playing. "Can I take you out on ___ night?" "nah, I'm busy that night" "Oh so you got it like that"...

Being honest shouldn't be about throwing in people's face how "desirable" you are. It's pretty simple - you're being honest. There's a difference between keeping your options open until one gives you reason to do otherwise vs being a perpetual "player" for the sake of being a player.

I'm so tired of meeting dudes who say within 2.5 seconds of meeting you that "they're not looking for anything serious" when it is so clearly obvious that they are. You almost want to whisper in his ear "its ok, I know you'd want nothing more to settle down with a decent chick, but I won't tell ya boys - that way you can maintain your street cred"...

 

[SvelteVelvet]

I've never had the opportunity to date more than one guy because it takes me a very looooong time in between relationships to meet a guy I actually like, Im very picky and in the past liked to focus on one person. Now I want to, to see what its like to play the field. Im seeing one person now but we're not exclusive.
If I were in that situation, Im more like 'dont ask don't tell' but as far as volunteering the 'with girlfriends' line or other type of lie to appease feelings of someone who isn't my man (yet) no need for that. And if he does ask who, id tell him. Men are competitive by naturè and slow to commit, someone who really likes you and realizes you have options may step up his game. If he's a wuss, then maybe he'll skidaddle and he probably did you a favor. Worse comes to worse (or best) someone who really wants to keep seeing you will "Want to talk"

 

[NOEChic]

Ok letting them know, I am dating is the way to go, which has been done.... I just get flustered when asked what doing at such and such time.... I tend to replace guy name with GIRL FRIENDS... Like me and GIRLFRIENDS are going to a comddy show, or me and GIRLFRIENDS are going out to movies...

I guess details don't necessarily need to be disclosed... being simple like going to movies is enough...

Got it...

You don't have to tell guys that you are "dating" other people UNLESS you are sleeping around. I would say I have plans that night. He don't need to know who you are going out with. Dating is for you to explore your options, you meet people go out have fun. being exclusive is a whole nother ball game, and should not be dating anyone else

 

[Highly Favored8]

No, I do not date more than one man at a time. I just do not have time. I stick with one and fill my life with other things that are not included with him. I want to say that when a man sees that yes she is seeing me only, it still lets him know that I still have options. Just b/c I am talking to you if someone else strikes my attention then step up. If not step down. No sex is involved so even though I may date one dude at a time I still let him know I have options and I do have my own life and he is not priority just because he is the only man I am talking to at the moment. This makes the man more prone to hold on to me even tighter!

 

[TLC1020]

It depends.... If they don't ask I don't tell....
If one ask am I seeing someone I just say that I am actively dating. They maybe able to tell by my actions b/c when I am actively dating I am doing just that "dating" and may the best man wins. Dating includes going out on a series of dates. I don't disrespect them and I am not to be dispected.. I definitely try to treat people the way I want to be treated so I do tell them "if they ask". If one guy want to do something when I have plans with another guy I just say I have something going on that day how about this or that day instead. I always tell dudes to let me know ahead of time if they want to do something anyway...

I am a busy women you know..