Dating A Coworker

[TinyT]

Ladies,

Most of us spend 40 hours or more in the workplace. Some companies are large and some are small. But what I do know is that when you spend that much time with people of the opposite sex that you have things in common with, you can become attracted.

So my questions are:

• Have you ever dated a coworker?
• How did you maintain the decorum necessary.
• Was the relationship affected by the size of your company, work group, whether or not you work in the same building, department, or floor?
• How did the dating start?
• Did the relationship last?

I spend more than 40 hours a week working. I am an engineer and most often the only woman on a team (which is kinda nice). I casually dated people who work for the same company and never had an issue. But I would love to hear from those who have done it or have considered it.

 

[Isis]

Yes, the attraction is certainly there but I've always believed it's best not to date a co-worker and I have chosen not to experience this. Although there are always exceptions, people who date one another in the workplace do not seem to have lasting relationships.

The exceptions I've seen were when one or both parties decide to leave the company while dating or before dating. I've seen couples fall in love at the workplace and even marry, but usually one partner relocates to another company or quits.

 

[MizzBrown]

Yes i have dated a co-worker and we are still together after a year and some change.

We have over 150 employees but he works day shift on one side of the building and I work 2nd shift on my side of the building. Its weird but there are times when i don't see him at work for a week at a time because of how the building is set up and our hours so it works out great. We can't get tired of each other.

When he used to work 3rd shift and i was leaving, i would go in the break room to get my stuff together and he would STARE at me but never speak for weeks. Then he finally caught me in the parking lot and asked for phone number.

I like it one way because at least I know where he is 8 hours of the day for certain. Only a few people at work know about us. We try to keep it on the hush, hush.

 

[MJ]

One of my friends did this. It didn't work out and things got so stressful and uncomfortable he started losing weight. After a while he decided to change shifts. He now works 12 am - 8 am, and feels the peace of mind is worth it.

I've always had the mindset that I should never to get involved with coworkers .

ETA:
In my company, I've know two marriage couples and both partners work here. They are in different departments and floors. They seem happy. At the same time, I know one couple who are in a long-term relationship, with child, they both work on the same floor, and maybe it's my imagination, but it seems tense sometimes.

 

[Determined22]

Once, and he was actually my supervisor. But it was just a short summer job that I didn't really care about (Home Depot). But we kept it very discreet.

I don't think I would date someone at my current job. There aren't a lot of us and I'm still early in my career. I'd hate to have it screwed up because of a bad breakup.

 

[mzhotniz86]

Ladies,

• Have you ever dated a coworker? yes, two .
• How did you maintain the decorum necessary? we kept our relationship private and tried to maintain the same business relationship (hi and bye) we did before we started talking.
• Was the relationship affected by the size of your company, work group, whether or not you work in the same building, department, or floor? we worked in the same building. and this job is one that i work overnight for a newspaper company.sometimes we end up working on the same machine and we would talk etc.it was always easy for him to see if someone else was trying to get at me and vice versa, even though we werent serious.
• How did the dating start? they both started the same with meaningless convo and flirting until they gave me their numbers. we really didnt take it far . i let them take me out to eat , movies etc.
• Did the relationship last? it wasnt too serious for me to call it a relationship and both times it ended because of me.i didnt want a boyfriend and after awhile it was weird having to see them at work. so i ended it and one of them is still cool with me. the other one i dont talk to at all.

 

[Everything Zen]

• Have you ever dated a coworker? Yup
• How did you maintain the decorum necessary. I am well behaved but that devilishly devious man is always trying to kiss me in the supply closet or on the stairwells. Sometimes he calls me into his office and we'll kiss a little. We send each other text messages and grab lunch together when we can. No one in the office knows- except for one lady.
• Was the relationship affected by the size of your company, work group, whether or not you work in the same building, department, or floor? Yes because he is the director of the program and I am an administrative assistant and our boss is our mutual friend and rumor has it he likes me as well and he told Mike to stay away from me. So shhhh....
• How did the dating start? Three days after my long distance boy broke up with me he talked about us dating and how much he liked me and slowly wore me down over the course of several dinners at his house and kissing me after work.
• Did the relationship last? We are still together and very much in love. There's talk of getting married...

 

[Vinyl]

I don't know if this counts since I work at McDonalds and all, but two of my coworkers dated and it was drama, drama, drama day after day. He even broke up with her while they were bothat work once... via text message. (They're back together now, but he quit awhile ago.) It was so bad the manager actually felt the need to "warn" another guy that was interested in dating this gal. Wow.

Soyeah... Probably wouldn't date a coworker unless I happened to end up working with my boyfriend or something.

 

[reallynow]

I have to say I was one of those people who said that dating in the workplace was a very bad idea, but well I didn't take my own advice.

• Have you ever dated a coworker? Yes
• How did you maintain the decorum necessary. Absolutely-we didn't work directly with each other but we interacted enough that we could have been sloppy but nope no one knew until we let folks know. We went to management and told them we were seeing each other so there would be no misunderstanding and they were like no problem since there was not a direct working relationship.
• Was the relationship affected by the size of your company, work group, whether or not you work in the same building, department, or floor? I think so-see above answer. Also my office is very cool about things like this as long as everyone knows the deal because a relationship one day could be a sexual harrasment suit the next. If you are not upfront about it then there can be consequences. If it is just casual then folks just need to use their best judgement.
• How did the dating start? He was helping me out with some rehab properties I was thinking of buying.
• Did the relationship last? We's married now! Still work for the same company and new employees always are amazed when they find out we are married ( I use my maiden name at work) because we are all business all the time!

 

[Ms Red]

I totally agree with the bolded.

Several marriages have occurred between employees at my current job. However, in about 80% of those cases, one of the partners has left the company. It seems like it can work but it's a sticky situation.

Yes, the attraction is certainly there but I've always believed it's best not to date a co-worker and I have chosen not to experience this. Although there are always exceptions, people who date one another in the workplace do not seem to have lasting relationships.

The exceptions I've seen were when one or both parties decide to leave the company while dating or before dating. I've seen couples fall in love at the workplace and even marry, but usually one partner relocates to another company or quits.

 

[bLackButtaFly]

• Have you ever dated a coworker?Yup
• How did you maintain the decorum necessary.It was pretty easy for us, b/c we worked on different floors, but we would find all kinds of sneaky ways to go on one another's floor, or a quick stairwell encounter
• Was the relationship affected by the size of your company, work group, whether or not you work in the same building, department, or floor? Looking back I Don't how we did it w/out getting caught, b/c we came close so many times. Plus we worked for avery small company, so everybody was in everybody's business.
• How did the dating start?I thought he wanted to be my mentor when I was working as an intern, and he invited me to lunch. we hit it off, started going to more lunches, and I still thought this was totally platonic b/c I was much younger then him. Well one day I was joking around after he'd accidentally touched me and said "don't make it a habit" and he said very smoothly "isn't that the whole point of this?" I looked at him, and I knew it was free game now. We went on real dates, started making out in the stairwell, I would bring him dinner when he worked late and lots of debauchery, but it was the most fun b/c there was such easy access.
• Did the relationship last? About 9 months off and on. He quit about a month after we started fooling around(had nothing to do w/me), so that lessened the stress level.
• I would do it again though. All the time you spend at work it makes sense to find someone there.

 

[londonjakki]

Yep..I dated somene that worked in the same building..but for a different company.......it was a lot of drama as my co-workers were upset as they were all chasing him.....anyway they tried to get me fired writing a letter to my supv. (lies) about me....anyway fast forward 6 years we a now married with two kiddies......

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Never. I've had mutual attraction things going on at previous jobs but nothing I'd even entertain. However...I just started a part-time job aside from my full-time, training started last night and the company just has this 'school' atmosphere about it, which is kinda what a like about it, perfect second job atmosphere..so anyway, there's this college boy who's the only male in my group and I ended up sitting next to him in class and we small talked a little I helped him out on his screen and he'd help me out on mine and throughout the whole night our instructor would be talking and he'd straight up turn his head and stare at me and I'm in the complete opposite direction of the instructor. He even made a comment to me while the instructor was talking and this isn't a large room so everyone turned and looked and I'm like damn boy, can you be that obvious? He's probably 22 at the most though, so I wouldn't do it simply because of his age. I hope it doesn't become more aggressive though, because he is a cutie, perhaps my age will throw him off..I hope.

 

[TinyT]

• Have you ever dated a coworker? Yup
• How did you maintain the decorum necessary. I am well behaved but that devilishly devious man is always trying to kiss me in the supply closet or on the stairwells. Sometimes he calls me into his office and we'll kiss a little. We send each other text messages and grab lunch together when we can. No one in the office knows- except for one lady.
• Was the relationship affected by the size of your company, work group, whether or not you work in the same building, department, or floor? Yes because he is the director of the program and I am an administrative assistant and our boss is our mutual friend and rumor has it he likes me as well and he told Mike to stay away from me. So shhhh....
• How did the dating start? Three days after my long distance boy broke up with me he talked about us dating and how much he liked me and slowly wore me down over the course of several dinners at his house and kissing me after work.
• Did the relationship last? We are still together and very much in love. There's talk of getting married...

Congratulations to you and the impending wedding. I know there is reservation for some to date on the job and I respect that. But ultimately there is the risk with dating in general that it wont be what you thought. The opportunity exists for me right now and I am pacing myself. I will keep you ladies posted if I take the plunge.

 

[STLCoverGirl]

I totally agree with the bolded.

Several marriages have occurred between employees at my current job. However, in about 80% of those cases, one of the partners has left the company. It seems like it can work but it's a sticky situation.

My sister married her supervisor. She chose to leave the company, and he stayed on.

 

[Everything Zen]

Congratulations to you and the impending wedding. I know there is reservation for some to date on the job and I respect that. But ultimately there is the risk with dating in general that it wont be what you thought. The opportunity exists for me right now and I am pacing myself. I will keep you ladies posted if I take the plunge.

Thank you!!! I am taking my time as well believe me! I'm also doing what other ladies have said in terms of leaving my job because my old job has been begging me to come back with a promotion as a clinical study coordinator (I took the admin assistant job as a slap in their faces because they treated people so badly) and because our current boss might fire him out of spite for talking to me becuase apparently he liked me but never pursued it. How immature is that? Besides I would've never gone for it.