Courtship vs. Dating

[tmichelle]

UPDATE: God said NO. Normally I would have continued with this relationship b/c with dating I decide who is right for me. The relationship is great but it's not what God wants for me. God said no, and I am moving on. Although I don't know why He said no, I know that it is in my best interest. I remember telling you guys that God said he would show me my husband. And He did in a dream. He was not "boo" Because I chose to guard my heart and listen to God I am leaving this courtship with my heart intact and continuing to focus on God, myself and my future. I am really all smiles right now.

You'll never go wrong listening to God. I am so glad your heart is still intact!

 

[BeautifulFlower]

I had to bump this...after seeing the to be content alone thread and reading Choosing God's Best by Dr. Don Rauniker...I have DUMPED DATING. Dating simply doesnt work and leads to broken hearts (because 99% of your dating relationships end with what...a break up) and broken marriages (pain of you two dating or you dating people before him makes a nest in your marriege and gives birth to some bad chicks).

Courtship is so holy and pure before the eyes of God and its totally centered around his choice and his timing. You can never go wrong if God is the match maker.

 

[aribell]

So, sometimes when people say they gave up dating for courting I'm not quite sure what they mean. Courting, as I have seen and understood it, is an intentional progression towards marriage--not just that a relationship should be headed towards marriage in general, but that we are specifically asking explicit questions to figure out now whether or not we ought to get married. Get the difference?

I'm on board with all aspects of courting--the limited physicality, the community involvement, the shared values, etc. But what if you don't want to get married ASAP? I know some courtship advocates who say that if you can't see yourself married within a year that you shouldn't begin a relationship with someone. Not sure what I think about that...

 

[a_ caribbean_dream]

I agree. The book "Choosing God's Best" by Dr. Don R. has changed my life and perspective on so many things!!!!!! I would recommend all Christian singles reading this book ASAP.

I wish I found this book earlier, I wouldn't have fell into some of the traps I did. But to God be glory, I feel very positive about my future and what God has in store for me and everyone who loves and obeys him.

I don't mean to hijack this thread but a question:

Married ladies who were courted, how did you make the transition from courtship to actual engagement and marriage? Did God personally speak to you and said he approved of the man?

 

[Duchesse]

This is a great thread! I've given up on merely dating and have absolutely no desire to go down that road again. I need to pick up that book you all suggested.

 

[BeautifulFlower]

Dumping dating means that you ALL of your relationships with the opposite sex will be purely for christian friendship and building up others. Time spent alone with the other person is almost no-existent. If you find yourself, catching feelings...you know you need to back up and pray about it. The object is not to be lonely but to PROTECT YOURSELF from establishing anything counterfeit with someone that is not your future mate. Because no matter whether you convince yourself that it will be ok, if he doesnt recipricate or breaks it off, you'll be hurt and thats not God's perfect will for you.

So, sometimes when people say they gave up dating for courting I'm not quite sure what they mean. Courting, as I have seen and understood it, is an intentional progression towards marriage--not just that a relationship should be headed towards marriage in general, but that we are specifically asking explicit questions to figure out now whether or not we ought to get married. Get the difference?

I'm on board with all aspects of courting--the limited physicality, the community involvement, the shared values, etc. But what if you don't want to get married ASAP? I know some courtship advocates who say that if you can't see yourself married within a year that you shouldn't begin a relationship with someone. Not sure what I think about that...

 

[msa]

Question: How do you make courtship work if you have no family? Or if your family does not believe the same? Do you use your church family as a substitute?

 

[chicacanella]

Can I just say, I love this attitude:
My worth is more than rubies...and he knows it.

My dh and I have worked with young people in various congregations and no matter what many girls say their actions say differently. They allow boys to do to them all sorts of things that show a lack of belief for the value God gave them.

I think courting really underscores the value that the Lord has given us as men and women.[/quote]


Did you mean, "I think dating really underscores the value that the Lord has given us as men and women."

 

[inthepink]

Courting is the ONLY way to go! I have been and am being courted...and after being courted, I will NEVER, EVER allow a man to merely date me again.

My worth is more than rubies...and he knows it.

Wow - do tell more? Where do you meet these men who will court?

 

[inthepink]

My problem is that at my age, 36, there is not a large group of singles to hang out with. I am not sure how to pull off courting at my age, especially when trying to find someone on the internet b/c there are none IRL...though internet is pretty bare these days too.

Please share your experiences if you are in your 30s or 40s and single.

 

[Raspberry]

Yes, this describes it perfectly.

This is what my husband and I did prior to getting married. Our courtship only lasted about 3 mos before he proposed to me. about 9 months later we were married. We date now, and it's fun!!!! We've been married about 4 years.

There were also other Christian married couples who held us accountable, advised us, and watched over us during our courtship (and we were not a "young" couple" either). Just wanted to do it God's way.

This is the way to go. I now let my hair done, so to speak - we are emotionally, spiritually, and physically one now, but not before. I also feel more secure now that if anything happens within my marriage, God's got my back - because I did it his way and not the world's way.

This is really great.. and I really like the idea of having much more to experience with your partner after marriage - like how you and your husband are having fun dating now. I know so many couples who live together for years before getting married, so when they do get married it's like they're already old couples and all that changed was the legal status.

 

[Bunny77]

This is really great.. and I really like the idea of having much more to experience with your partner after marriage - like how you and your husband are having fun dating now. I know so many couples who live together for years before getting married, so when they do get married it's like they're already old couples and all that changed was the legal status.

Ooh, this is a great point!

It's interesting how we're taught to believe that you have to get to know a man super duper duper well before marrying him... but people think that this means that you need to spend every waking hour of the day with him for years and years and years on end.

When in fact, all of that non-marital familiarity and emotional connection being built between two unmarried people actually can harm the marriage.... interesting.

 

[Raspberry]

Ooh, this is a great point!

It's interesting how we're taught to believe that you have to get to know a man super duper duper well before marrying him... but people think that this means that you need to spend every waking hour of the day with him for years and years and years on end.

When in fact, all of that non-marital familiarity and emotional connection being built between two unmarried people actually can harm the marriage.... interesting.

Yea, it is pretty interesting.. I don't completely understand everything about this, but I'll take God's word for it lol.. plus it's not like the way the average person dates and prepares for marriage now is some great surefire method.

I've been realizing from others' testimonies that there is a lot about building a relationship that is way more fulfilling to experience within the security of a healthy marriage than before it. Not saying that relationships between unmarried people can't be great, but marriage seems to take it to another level.

 

[Sunshine_One]

****Bump*****

 

[maxineshaw]

What an incredible thread. Cleared up a lot of misconceptions I had about dating/courting.

 

[HoneyA]

Very interesting thread. I am at the point where I am praying about a particular guy. God already said NO in no uncertain terms about another one so I am awaiting His confirmation or denial on this one. What I have realised is that I want God to choose my husband. I refuse to have it any other way because the heartache is not worth it. He has not failed me in any other area of my life and the guy God chooses for me is the one who will court me with the specific aim of getting married in mind. I know God has this under control so I'm loving life and expecting God to move suddenly...and it is so exciting!

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

My take on courtship is its a exclusive friendship get to know each other time that neither of you are messing with anyone else..

Dating is like your a company hiring for a position..you interview alot of candidates and you select one..alot of one on one time which isnt always good.

I want to be courted this time go around gosh darn it..I deserve to be treated properly not like the towns whore bc I have a past.I deserve to be taken out and treated like the princess I know God has me to be.I want to get to know the man insides ..not below the equator though..but I want to know his mind,heart,soul dreams,fears,aspirations,desires,likes dislikes..I want to know the substance of the man...