Court Wedding Now and have a Traditional Wedding Later?

[Ediese]

Does that make any sense? Purely hypothethical.

If you were moving in with your SO and planned on getting married sometime in the future (like in 1.5-2 yrs because you both wanted to take care of your financial obligations without tacking on debt from a wedding, would you just get married in court, and have the real wedding later?

I'm not interested in shacking even if it's short term, so I was wondering if I'm already planning to get married, why not just do it in court and then have a real wedding later. Has anyone done this? I guess the only drawback is since you'd already be married, the real wedding could potentially keep getting pushed back if other things kept coming up.

Thought just came to me, but this is just hypothetical.

 

[hopeful]

I would have a very small, inexpensive wedding, and then plan on a big anniversary party at year 5 or 10. If the big wedding could occur within a year following the courthouse wedding that would be fine but two years or more later seems silly to me BUT what matters most IMO is that the couple not shack up before getting married. Being married is wayyyy more important than a big wedding. But also, if the big wedding is super important I say bite the bullet and have it. I personally know women who didn't have the big wedding they wanted and they never really get over it.

 

[thecurlycamshow]

Hubster and I eloped and are still married almost 15 years later. A big wedding does not equate the relationship. Look at how many ppl spend $10k and $20k+ on a wedding and divorce. It really depend on what You two want. If its a big deal then do it. If not, renew later. Good luck and warm wishes either way. Happy Blessings.

 

[1stladyv]

I've actually did this. My husband and I lived together for 6 yrs before getting married "shacking up". Lol! We ended up having a small wedding with just us and the children. In Fort Worth, we found a minister who renovated his home for small weddings. It was very simple, it was still a beautiful day. I believe we paid $40 for the license and about $70 for the ceremony. For us this was a simple decision. Most of our family lives in Massachusetts and his in California so a small wedding was no big deal. The vow to God and my husband are all that matter. Even now spending thousands on a wedding still seems ridiculous, in my opinion. I understand that lots of women dream of this day, for me I never thought I would marry or have children so I was happy just to be married at all.He wanted to marry years ago, but I wasn't in a rush. I would still choose it the same way. Now probably get the family together at our 10 or 20yr anniversary. We'll see.

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[divachyk]

We went to the courthouse and never followed up with a traditional wedding. We will opt for renewal later.

 

[calmsensual1]

My husband and I just had a courthouse wedding. We'd still like to have a wedding for the family but my side of the family is acting a little funny style about it. They're like "well, you're already married. Whats the point? You should just have a reception." They don't understand the cultural importance of weddings. So I'm not sure if we're going to have an actual wedding or a lone reception for that matter.

 

[Theo]

Hmm... if I couldn't afford a wedding, I think I would wait to get married. I want to have a wedding. It doesn't have to be an expensive wedding, but I want it to be a nice wedding. Having the ceremony a few years after wouldn't be the same.]

But people should do what works from them...some people aren't really big on the idea of a wedding and something like that wouldn't matter to them like it would matter to me.

 

[AlekHidell]

If you're the only ones paying for the wedding, then definitely do whatever works for you as a couple. I didn't want a large wedding and dh didn't care either way. But both our very large, traditional families wanted a big deal . . . and ponied up the money for it. So I had a big wedding.

My opinion is that if you're truly not interested in living together before being married, but really want to live together and start your lives together now, then have the wedding you can afford now (meaning, without going into debt).

I also agree with some others that going all out for your 10 year anniversary if you can't have the wedding of your dreams now would be fun. In many way, it will probably be more fun and less stress for all involved.

 

[mychai]

Co-workers of mine did this. They married at the courthouse for practical reasons first and then had the big wedding 8 months later. It worked very well for them. They continued to refer to each other as "Fiance" until the big wedding.

 

[LiftedUp]

To me a wedding is for celebrating a marriage the same way a birthday party is for celebrating a birthday. However, you can get married without having a wedding and have a birthday without the party.

That said I think that if the couple is already married and they want to have a celebration with friends then the most appropriate thing is to have a reception. I mean will you take off your rings before and then exchange them again at the altar lol. Will your father and mother pretend to give you away?

For me personally, it's a no go. I need to have my finances in tact before getting married and I intend to have a wedding on the same day.

 

[Windsy]

I see nothing wrong with it especially if you are against shacking up. In my opinion, the law marries you first (marriage license) and then the ceremony.

 

[Seraphina]

A good friend of mine did this. She and her husband couldn't wait (he was facing deportation, so time was of the essence). Then 5 years later they renewed their vows on the beach in a more traditional ceremony on their anniversary. It was still small, but my friend really craved a wedding.

 

[onejamifan]

DH and I did this. We had a civil ceremony with 1 witness and a year later my parents threw us a huge wedding. We consider our anniversary to be the day we got married in front of God and our family, not the civil one.

 

[SurferBabe]

I plan on getting married at the courthouse regardless . I've just never been a wedding person! However, I really don't see a problem with living together if you are engaged and a date is set. That makes all the difference from just living together with no wedding in sight.

 

[UmSumayyah]

I think it's dumb for all the reasons aforementioned.

But I'm also big on people doing what they want regardless of who thinks it's dumb.

If I were in that position I think I would have a small but pretty wedding. Rent a gazebo at a park and do it up with candles and tablecloths and partylights and flowers, and have the reception there in a pavilion. I'd hire a caterer that specialized in outdoor weddings, and keep the food simple, mostly things that could be eaten with the hands like kabobs served on small skewers, sandwiches, empanadas etc.

This kind of wedding could be simple, beautiful, and inexpensive.

 

[Whimsy]

Sounds silly to me.
If you dont want to shack up and that's why you're having the court marriage then why not just have a small wedding instead?

 

[TayMac]

I would just opt for a smaller scale wedding that we could pay for in cash.

 

[Browndilocks]

My husband and I just had a courthouse wedding. We'd still like to have a wedding for the family but my side of the family is acting a little funny style about it. They're like "well, you're already married. Whats the point? You should just have a reception." They don't understand the cultural importance of weddings. So I'm not sure if we're going to have an actual wedding or a lone reception for that matter.

I hate to admit it but I feel this way too. If what you want is a real wedding in the traditional sense, then have one. It doesn't have to cost a fortune. I know someone who is already married and now she's having a more traditional wedding. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I'm less inclined to go because she's been married for a while now. All the extra hoopla for no other reason than to say you've had a wedding seems silly.

 

[Ediese]

Thanks for responding ladies! The wedding that I envision will be small with about 50 people. I've already looked into the costs of having it back home on the beach. The budget is set and everything, and it's only about 15k.

The only issue is we do want to decrease/eliminate our combined debt first. That plan is already in place, and should be complete by the end of 2012. I could shack up for 1.5 years, and have my dream wedding in April 2013. On the other hand, I could just go ahead and go the civil route, and then have my dream wedding a year later. I guess I have to think about it.


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[kandake]

I don't see the point of having both. I would just have the court wedding and be done with it... With the option of renewing vows years down the line.

 

[MissYocairis]

Couples should do what they want, imo. Not what the family wants or what other people dream of. If shacking up is something you aren't comfortable with, then don't take low and do that because it could lead to strain on your relationship. I think if you want a courthouse wedding to avoid shacking, then you should do that and plan for your larger wedding when you are ready. I doubt your loved ones will be boycotting your wedding celebration because you guys did the courthouse thing. Just be sure that you guys are in full agreement that you will be planning a wedding when the time is right.

 

[Browndilocks]

Thanks for responding ladies! The wedding that I envision will be small with about 50 people. I've already looked into the costs of having it back home on the beach. The budget is set and everything, and it's only about 15k.

The only issue is we do want to decrease/eliminate our combined debt first. That plan is already in place, and should be complete by the end of 2012. I could shack up for 1.5 years, and have my dream wedding in April 2013. On the other hand, I could just go ahead and go the civil route, and then have my dream wedding a year later. I guess I have to think about it.


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I've been to a lot of weddings, many of which were on that big, platinum level. Yet one of the classiest, most elegant and posh weddings I've ever been to had 45-50 guests. The bride didn't break the bank and everyone seemingly had a great time. It didn't even feel like there were too few people or anything.

The good thing I've learned about small weddings is that you can really focus on more intimate details that could otherwise be ignored. Her wedding wound up having a spread in a magazine.

 

[Sade]

Ediese, do what works for you and you feel most comfortable with. It seems you feel more comfortable not shacking up. So to that I'll say do a civil ceremony and have a reception later.

I knew I wanted a wedding from the get go so that was what I worked towards. But we shacked up for 4 years and saved up some money before the wedding.

Everyone's situation is so different.


Oh and congrats lady! I smile everytime I read about your relationship.

 

[RegaLady]

I think it's dumb for all the reasons aforementioned.

But I'm also big on people doing what they want regardless of who thinks it's dumb.

If I were in that position I think I would have a small but pretty wedding. Rent a gazebo at a park and do it up with candles and tablecloths and partylights and flowers, and have the reception there in a pavilion. I'd hire a caterer that specialized in outdoor weddings, and keep the food simple, mostly things that could be eaten with the hands like kabobs served on small skewers, sandwiches, empanadas etc.

This kind of wedding could be simple, beautiful, and inexpensive.

This!

I did this and don't even miss a big, dream wedding.

 

[calmsensual1]

I hate to admit it but I feel this way too. If what you want is a real wedding in the traditional sense, then have one. It doesn't have to cost a fortune. I know someone who is already married and now she's having a more traditional wedding. I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I'm less inclined to go because she's been married for a while now. All the extra hoopla for no other reason than to say you've had a wedding seems silly.

You don't have to hate to admit it. I actually understand where they're (and you are) coming from. But we had to hurry and get married after joining the military together while we were still dating. We had already talked about getting married before joining but as we were going through basic training and what not we didn't like the way we were being treated. They don't respect that boyfriend/girlfriend stuff by law.

So us getting married quickly like that was really for administrative purposes. I was hoping my family would understand that but apparently not.

 

[caltron]

I had both a court wedding and a bigger wedding for the family five months later. My mother was dying of cancer, and I wanted to marry dh before she died because she liked him a lot.

 

[sunnieb]

We went to the courthouse and never followed up with a traditional wedding. We will opt for renewal later.

We are knockin' on the door of our 18th anniversary and still haven't had a traditional ceremony. I thought about doing one for our 10th, but didn't feel like being bothered.

I think I'm just not a wedding person. I'm already planning on taking a big trip for our 20th instead of doing a ceremony. I'm just not into it.

However, if you really want a ceremony try to do a small one at the start. Like someone mentioned, the years can really fly by and sometimes you lose interest.

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[Britt]

Hmm... if I couldn't afford a wedding, I think I would wait to get married. I want to have a wedding. It doesn't have to be an expensive wedding, but I want it to be a nice wedding. Having the ceremony a few years after wouldn't be the same.]

But people should do what works from them...some people aren't really big on the idea of a wedding and something like that wouldn't matter to them like it would matter to me.

Yep.....

Sounds silly to me.
If you dont want to shack up and that's why you're having the court marriage then why not just have a small wedding instead?

Yep....

I would just opt for a smaller scale wedding that we could pay for in cash.

Yep.... I know for sure I want a very small and nicely done wedding. I refuse to have a wedding put us into debt. My mind is already pretty set on a destination wedding. Also, finances aside, the other major factor is that I don't like planning, and details, and all of the kinks that would be involved in wedding planning. I'd want someone to handle all of that for me. Destination weddings cut down on some of this, it's less details to choose from. Since you're trying to save $$ and cut down on debt, I think you should either have a wedding on a scale you can afford, or wait to have the wedding you want .

 

[locabouthair]

Yep.....


Yep....



Yep.... I know for sure I want a very small and nicely done wedding. I refuse to have a wedding put us into debt. My mind is already pretty set on a destination wedding. Also, finances aside, the other major factor is that I don't like planning, and details, and all of the kinks that would be involved in wedding planning. I'd want someone to handle all of that for me. Destination weddings cut down on some of this, it's less details to choose from. Since you're trying to save $$ and cut down on debt, I think you should either have a wedding on a scale you can afford, or wait to have the wedding you want .

This is how I feel too. Ultimately it's up to the couple. I'm not sure if I could go to the court and do something bigger later but there's nothing wrong with others who want to do it.

 

[Mrs. N Lugo]

My friend was in the same situation. Her fiance wanted her to move in and she didn't want to shack up, so she got her marriage license and they called their minister and he married them in the living room of their house. 9 months later they had the big wedding. My friend really didn't want the big wedding but her mom wanted her to have a huge wedding and she didn't want to disappoint her family.