Constant Chatter -> Silence. Why?

V

Vinyl

New Member
(Note: This isn't wig guy. xD)

Known this guy two months, and we hung out in person twice. I liked him, but friendzoned him because I felt he wasn't interested. We text a lot, and he recently told me he'd like to "talk to" me exclusively, and that he hoped it'd eventually lead to a relationship. I was weirded out and told him I needed to know him better in person first.

When we met again I realized "Hey, I really like this guy."

However, he's stopped texting me unless I initiate conversation, and even then he's flaky. Before we hung out he'd text constantly. He's one of those, "Hey, what's up? Wanna hang out? I miss you! What're you up to?" guys.

I felt the night was awkward and thought that may've been the case; I asked him if he was still interested, and he was surprised I thought he wouldn't be and hadn't noticed I was feeling awkward that night. I was affectionate enough that I'm sure he noticed I was also interested.

However, I did say before we met that I wasn't ready for the exclusiveness and hadn't even thought of a relationship with him... maybe that's why? >.<

I also suspect it may be that when I agreed to "talk to" him, I started initiating conversation/hang out ideas, whereas before I ignored or brushed him off 90% of the time, because his constant texting was annoying. I know he didn't pick up on how annoyed I was because he kept doing it right up until we met in person again... but maybe he liked me because of my icyness, or now he feels I'm too eager?

When I asked him why he was so quiet he said he was "working out," which meant he didn't understand the question.

I thought about going back to ignoring him, but I'm afraid he'll either think I'm not interested or he'll just never talk to me again.

Am I overreacting? If I'm not, what can I do to salvage the situation? Did I totally mess things up by reacting poorly to his "I'd like to eventually be with you" statement?
 
Just fall back. If he's interested, he will show you. If a guy goes from showing that to barely hittin you up at all, he just may have lost interest.
 
Perhaps be may have moved on as PYT said. Or maybe he feels you have to show him you're really interested and cut back because he may have picked up you found him annoying.
 
I think you have to start relaxing. Don't worry about every lull in a friendship. It doesn't indicate there's a problem. He could be going through something right now. It could be something entirely unrelated to you. Don't worry about it. Let him come after you when he's ready. Men want to pursue. And, because he's expressed a desire to know you better, let HIM do the legwork. That's how he wants it. He'll come around. In the meantime, don't sweat it. Again, it could be anything and totally unrelated to you.
 
Alright guys, I'll try not to worry so much. I'm not used to this dating thing and the last few guys who stopped talking to me after the date had lost interest... BUT this guy was still interested after hangout 1 and 2 so I'm pretty sure he'd tell me if he had. I will just wait it out.
 
Two words. Chill out. I know you like the guy but if you really like him and he is worth it, the best thing you can do is nothing.
 
Vinyl said:
... so how long do I wait for this call before I assume he just wanted sex. :perplexed
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What would sex have to do with him not calling? Have you already done the deed? Or have you already turned him down for it or told him you were celibate or something?
 
HoneyA said:
Two words. Chill out. I know you like the guy but if you really like him and he is worth it, the best thing you can do is nothing.
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I have a question...

How many of you ladies who are in relationships now/married have found that "doing nothing" actually worked? :confused: I'm not trying to be combative or "smart"...I'm actually being very sincere when I ask this.

I ask because with SOME women, it seems like they did a LITTLE extra something to end up with the guy that THEY wanted/were interested in. I'm not saying they chased the guy down or anything lol. I'm just saying.... is doing "nothing" or sitting there waiting or *hoping* that a guy that you're interested in will do something really the only route to go? I'm talking about doing ABSOLUTELY nothing...no smoke signals...etc.

I'm just curious...because I've been advocating the guy being the pursuer and the woman being receptive (ie. not doing anything really) for a long time, but I find that I don't usually get the types of guys that I personally want when I do this...or when I do "nothing". :look:

So I can totally understand the OP's dilemma. :ohwell:
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
I have a question...

How many of you ladies who are in relationships now/married have found that "doing nothing" actually worked? :confused: I'm not trying to be combative or "smart"...I'm actually being very sincere when I ask this.

I ask because with SOME women, it seems like they did a LITTLE extra something to end up with the guy that THEY wanted/were interested in. I'm not saying they chased the guy down or anything lol. I'm just saying.... is doing "nothing" or sitting there waiting or *hoping* that a guy that you're interested in will do something really the only route to go? I'm talking about doing ABSOLUTELY nothing...no smoke signals...etc.

I'm just curious...because I've been advocating the guy being the pursuer and the woman being receptive (ie. not doing anything really) for a long time, but I find that I don't usually get the types of guys that I personally want when I do this...or when I do "nothing". :look:

So I can totally understand the OP's dilemma. :ohwell:
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I think there has to be a balance. You show that you have interest, but don't act too laid back or he will fall back-foreva! lol.
 
Well he IMed me today but the conversation only lasted like two sentences before he disappeared. I'm so confused. @-@
 
Crystalicequeen123 said:
I have a question...

How many of you ladies who are in relationships now/married have found that "doing nothing" actually worked? :confused: I'm not trying to be combative or "smart"...I'm actually being very sincere when I ask this.

I ask because with SOME women, it seems like they did a LITTLE extra something to end up with the guy that THEY wanted/were interested in. I'm not saying they chased the guy down or anything lol. I'm just saying.... is doing "nothing" or sitting there waiting or *hoping* that a guy that you're interested in will do something really the only route to go? I'm talking about doing ABSOLUTELY nothing...no smoke signals...etc.

I'm just curious...because I've been advocating the guy being the pursuer and the woman being receptive (ie. not doing anything really) for a long time, but I find that I don't usually get the types of guys that I personally want when I do this...or when I do "nothing". :look:

So I can totally understand the OP's dilemma. :ohwell:
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@ the bolded: I see what you are saying. I was flirtatious with dh from the get-go. Not too forward I don't think, but he knew I liked him. I did not give him my number without him asking for it, I never asked him out, or asked him to dance at parties, etc. But he definitely knew that I liked him:yep:, I let him take it from there though.

Vinyl said:
Well he IMed me today but the conversation only lasted like two sentences before he disappeared. I'm so confused. @-@
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Don't be confused. Right now he is not pursuing you for whatever reason. For now I would let it go. You can't make him be more interested again. Some ladies recently have discussed men like him: uber interested until the lady shows interest then they fall back. It's a game of cat and mouse.

Remember, he was pursuing you via texting, please don't forget that. It's not like you two were dating and he stopped being interested. It's like Bunny and others have said, e-mail and text relationships are not real. It's not real till it's face to face and phone calls. It seems he flaked on you after you wanted a real relationship.
 
I guess the only reason it bugs me so much is that I slept with him, because I only did that b/c he said he wanted a relationship. He's the second guy I've ever done anything with, b/c I try to be really careful with that... I mean I'd even feel better if we'd dated for three weeks then broke up or something.

At any rate though, I know everyone learns something the hard way and this is just my lesson to wait long enough that I'm sure the person won't end up being a one night stand.
 
((((hugs)))) Don't beat yourself up. Everybody makes mistakes. He tricked you. He lied about wanting a relationship. You learned your lesson and I don't think you'll make that same mistake again. Texting a lot does not a relationship make. You deserve dates, phone calls, consistency, etc. for months (at least) IMO. Heal your heart, pray about it, read Steve Harvey's book too. I don't agree with everything he said but it's a starting point. Everything's going to be okay:yep:.
 
I think there is someone else he's more interested in, and he's doing just enough to keep you around in case his current situation doesn't work out.

He's acting exactly how I act when I'm in that type of situation.

OP, stop waiting on him and wondering about how he feels. I've been in the same situation--wondering if this guy is interested, waiting on him to contact me, initiating contact, etc... I held on to every little piece of hope that was there. He says he likes you but that doesn't matter. Never go by what a man says, but by what he does. Everything he is saying to you, I've said it to someone before. If he was interested, things would be different, I guarantee.

I suggest that you fall back and start exploring other options. You don't have to cut this guy off, but if he wants to talk to you, he'll initiate. When he does initiate contact, be nice as usual, but don't let him know you've been waiting around. When you stay busy and keep your options open, flaky guys don't bother you. You're not always available to him so if you're only hearing from him every few days it doesn't matter because some other guy or your hobbies, etc... are occupying your time. He's gotta step it up if he wants to win you from all the other guys who are desperate for your time and attention. First come first serve.
 
Vinyl said:
I guess the only reason it bugs me so much is that I slept with him, because I only did that b/c he said he wanted a relationship. He's the second guy I've ever done anything with, b/c I try to be really careful with that... I mean I'd even feel better if we'd dated for three weeks then broke up or something.

At any rate though, I know everyone learns something the hard way and this is just my lesson to wait long enough that I'm sure the person won't end up being a one night stand.
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Damn. That sucks man. Well, then you REALLY have to ignore him back. In his mind he already 'hit it' and doesn't want anything else to do with you right now. If he does call, you can bet money that it would be only a booty call. DON'T. FALL. FOR. IT.

He said he wanted a relationship, so you were very "nice" to him and now he doesn't want to be bothered. Don't feel too bad about yourself though, you just been through "Guys Will Tell You Anything To Smash 101". He may have really wanted a relationship but doesn't want one now. Who knows. Who the hell cares. You shouldn't; it's not your problem.

You don't seem like one of those fascinating people who can just hookup with anyone without a relationship and not care; so you owe it to yourself not to hookup with any more jerks. Make them court you a little. Call your own plays, set the tone for what YOU want, not them. Make them work for it, because you're worth it.
 
So the real question is, did he get distant RIGHT AFTER the sex? or your initial "Not ready for a exclusiveness" revelation?

Because saying "Not ready to be exclusive" and then sleeping with him could have put you in that "Well, she wants nothing serious and we did the deed, so I'mma put her in the FWB category." Except he's not even being a friend either right now.
 
Well we chatted and such normally after the sex (timeline wise I think it may've been the same day we talked about exclusivity/hanging out in person), but after he went home the communication died. Though I'd already decided to accept his offer, I probably should've mentioned that before sleeping with him. Maybe he thought I just wanted sex too and he wasn't interested in that?

We both talked about it beforehand and agreed that we didn't want sex with someone we weren't close to, so maybe he thought the same things I am like "she was just saying that to get into my pants." I guess I assumed that when I slept with him he'd know I wasn't going to continue seeing other people, butyeah, *** out of u and me.

At this point I've blocked him from IMing me b/c he would IM me only to say two sentences and then disappear, which wasn't helping things. It would suck if this is just some huge misunderstanding or something, but even so maybe it's for the best since if that's the case we'd have failed horribly at communication from day 1. :perplexed
 
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Gosh that would be a story to tell... the whole rslp convo stemmed from him going (after like a month of chatting), "I'm interested in you, but I guess you're not interested?" And I was like, "No, I was interested, but I thought you weren't."

What if it's like, "I was interested, but I felt that you only wanted sex." And then it's like, "No way, I was interested but I thought YOU only wanted sex!" Oh gosh...
 
I suggest you ask this question and post your blog at a men's message board. They will tell you the real deal. I don't want to be accused of raining on anyone's parade, but the writing is on the wall. You saw this guy IN PERSON a total of 2!!!! times. You slept with him one of those two times. I'm hoping it was the 2nd time you saw him. :look: What do you expect from him?
 
I see you are young. As a word of advice, don't let random guys feel you up or have sex with you. If they cared anything about you, they would still be talking to you now.
 
Oh wow. I missed the two times bit. :S

Well, count it as a lesson learned, ok? The way he's acting to you makes him not such a good candidate for a relationship if you're looking for it since the tone has been set (and guys can be so set in their ways.)

Since you blocked him, I guess that means you're moving on.
 
Actually it was three times; two at first, then another two months or so later after I said I wanted to hang out in person first. Butyeah I do wish I hadn't slept with him... wish I could go back to only having 1 guy I've done that with. But oh well.
 
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Vinyl said:
Actually it was three times; two at first, then another two months or so later after I said I wanted to hang out in person first. Butyeah I do wish I hadn't slept with him... wish I could go back to only having 1 guy I've done that with. But oh well.
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Blah, you screwed the guy, it's OK...well It's gonna have to be right?

The guy was a complete moron who barely worked for what he got. Thanks for being honest about your interactions though. No judgements here. You just haven't had anyone put you up on game yet. But that's why we are all here; to help you recognize the "okey doke" when it tries to come all up in your face talking all that yin yang.

Remember, people will only do to you what you allow them to do. Everybody is out for what they want. Some people only want to be your friend and not change you or cause you to compromise your morals/values. Some may honestly want to love you in exchange for you loving them. Others have very selfish and "bad" motives, like your male friend here. Getting the quick ego-boost(text messaging), getting sex, etc. It's a tough reality but the quicker you learn the better.
 
don't beat yourself up about sleeping with him!! it was a mistake in the past. and i bet it was a learning experience too.

it really seems that you are not hounding him. continue to leave him alone, but i want you to focus on other things! at this point, his not worth your thoughts or energy.

keep us posted
 
Vinyl said:
It would suck if this is just some huge misunderstanding or something, but even so maybe it's for the best since if that's the case we'd have failed horribly at communication from day 1. :perplexed
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I doubt that it was a huge misunderstanding on his part. He was clear as to what was going on, you were the person who was cloudy.

Now you know, life lesson learned, you will move on being educated and wont repeat again. Good luck sis.
 
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