Communicating with Exs and Jump Offs

Country gal

Country gal

Well-Known Member
Do you still communicate with your Exs or Fbs? Do you think it's okay if your man still communicates with the ex girlfriends and previous booty calls?
 
No, I have absolutely no contact with exes and I'd have a problem if my man still did. I have an issue with bringing it to his attention without sounding like I feel threatened though. I can talk all day about why I don't believe in it, but he may not share that same sentiment.

I don't want to hijack your thread but I also have a question I'd like answered on this. Should it be a deal breaker if you two feel differently about it? I'm not one that wants to try to 'force' someone to stop communicating with someone that may threaten our relationship because we all know how that can turn out, he'd more than likely just hide communication which is even worse. So what's the best way to handle it if it is what it is?
 
I still talk to my old boy toys. We are just friends. They can't get this no more. I'm not an insecure woman, my boo knows what he has at home so I don't have a problem with him communicating with his old friends too. It might be different if he and I were married then I don't think that think that would be appropriate. But I don't have papers on him and he dosen't have papers on me, so its ok.
 
It's a dealbreaker. Think about it - what do these jumpoffs/fb's have to discuss with your man that is soooo important? Oh, I know - how great the sex was, when they'll see each other again, if they miss each other, is your new girl prettier/sexier/better than I am? Do you still have that picture of me in the black g-string? Remember that time that we %$#*@....

If a man is hesitant about breaking off contact and especially if he gets defensive about breaking off contact with his former fb's - run like the wind. Trust me when I tell you he's keeping the lines of communication open in case you act up or he gets a little too bored/lonely.
 
SvelteVelvet said:
No, I have absolutely no contact with exes and I'd have a problem if my man still did. I have an issue with bringing it to his attention without sounding like I feel threatened though. I can talk all day about why I don't believe in it, but he may not share that same sentiment.

I don't want to hijack your thread but I also have a question I'd like answered on this. Should it be a deal breaker if you two feel differently about it? I'm not one that wants to try to 'force' someone to stop communicating with someone that may threaten our relationship because we all know how that can turn out, he'd more than likely just hide communication which is even worse. So what's the best way to handle it if it is what it is?
Click to expand...


The bolded is so true. That's why I don't think it's worth it to pursue a relationship with someone who puts too much value in keeping in touch with his old fb's. He's going to do as he sees fit and it's best to have a relationship with someone who has the same values.

I tried to convince an ex to erase the 100+ female numbers he had in his phone and he claimed he couldn't remember most of the girls anyway and he wasn't going to let my 'insecurity' determine what he did with his phone. :rolleyes: Of course, he was still keeping in touch with some of those women and talking about things I won't type here. I should have been smart enough to let him go as soon as that dumb sh!t left his lips.
 
hmmm I have an ex and I know if I need anything he is there for me. When I get a man who can step up like that then he gets put to the back. Until then... no.
I dont find ex as friends as a deal breaker. Its all about the relationship and how it effects our relationship and who they are in their life. If she can't get kicked to the back for me then thats a problem but if you write on each others wall of facebook I'm not tripping.
 
I don't talk to my exes. He did talk to an ex, but I told him I felt uncomfortable w/ them still talking, so he stopped talking to her.
 
i don't have many ex's but one is father of the kids so we have to talk...others i could care less if i talk to them so i would be fine with no communication. i would hope the man i talk to isn't connected to his ex unless its his wife.

there's nothing for the x's to talk about.
 
Yes. He has a girlfriend and doesn't care for me (and I really don't care for her) but he won't stop talking to me :laugh: I haven't tried anything with him but boy has he flirted with me and talked about being with me. :laugh:
 
I don't communicate with my exs. Except lil man's dad and I am forced to talk to him. I don't get it. I have one male friend that I was intimate with and I don;t talk to him because he always brings up hitting it again. He claims it's been 7 years so he wants to go at it again. :rolleyes:
 
Country gal said:
I don't communicate with my exs. Except lil man's dad and I am forced to talk to him. I don't get it. I have one male friend that I was intimate with and I don;t talk to him because he always brings up hitting it again. He claims it's been 7 years so he wants to go at it again. :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

Neither do I and I NEVER will. I've really tried to grasp the concept but when you TRULY see the situation for what it is, I don't see how anyone would be ok with their SO communicating with an ex and it has NOTHING to do with insecurity..it's realism.

There is a certain window when ex's continue communication and it entails one or both being single and one or both still holding on. I've never tried to get back with an ex, they tried to come back to me. It always starts off 'innocent' just checking to see how I was doing..blah blah..then BAM.."Can I see you?" AFTER I done told you I'm engaged..yeah. And anytime I've 'found' communication to my man from an ex, she was being fresh. So anybody talking about they still talk to an ex or their man still talks to their ex and it's 'nothing' you are only fooling yourselves.
 
Do you think it's okay if your man still communicates with the ex girlfriends and previous booty calls?
Click to expand...

Absolutely not. And anyway, he should no longer have an interest in her life...so there should be no reason for him to even want to keep in contact with her.
 
Last edited:
I still talk to my ex. Very rarely but he does check in from time to time. We had an issue with him talking with his ex and it did ultimately have a direct affect on us ending our relationship. I never had an issue with him communicating with her until I found out that she was married and he was basically her confidant. She lived out of town and would detail all her marital issues to him. Inappropriate IMO. So i conveyed this to him and he didn't think there was anything wrong with their relationship and it eventually took its toll on our relationship and we ended our engagement. Truthfully I think it was for the best because if he didn't see the fault in it then he wasn't right for me.

Back on topic, I do think there is a fine line between friendship with exes and when it is appropriate and not. Depends on the situation and the security of the people and relationships involved.
 
I don't communicate with my exes at all. I believe that exes are exes for a reason. Even if the break-up wasn't horrible, if you're a part of my romantic past, then there is where you shall stay.

I would have a problem if my husband was communicating with his exes, except for the sake of his children. He actually was friends with one of his exes until October, when I just couldn't take it anymore. Actually, I knew her before I knew him. It's just that the let's-all-be-friends-and-ignore-the-past deal wasn't working for me. I couldn't fake the funk anymore.

In terms of whether a person communicates w/ his or her exes or jump offs should be a dealbreaker, I think it should be. As the poster who posed this question mentioned, your SO will just hide his relationship w/ his ex if you don't agree. The other possible scenario is that you're going to have to fake the funk like I did--and I don't wish that on anybody.
 
Country gal said:
Do you still communicate with your Exs or Fbs? Do you think it's okay if your man still communicates with the ex girlfriends and previous booty calls?
Click to expand...

I have ex's who are still friends. I just don't need the extra negative energy of keeping animosity and bitterness frozen in time. Part of my healing process is to forgive and to make peace. I will never go back and I won't forget, but I refuse to be bitter. I don't want them and they don't want me like that. We are just cool. I moved on and they moved on and we can laugh and joke and let that be it. We don't even talk often. Just rarely...and only to wish each other well. Check on each other's accomplishments, offer congrats, etc.

And, I don't care if my SO still communicates with ex's because that would be hypocritical and I'm not hung up on regulating the friendships of others. That kind of thing is borne of distrust, IMO. You cannot stop a person from doing what they are gonna do. If I cannot trust you to make the right decision then my demanding that you not speak to your ex's is not gonna change anything.

In fact, my SO knows I speak to old SO's occassionally because we discuss it. And, he asks about them and it's all cool. There is nothing to hide. He's less inclined to speak to old SO's because he is the "cut this person out of my life for good" type. But, I am not that type.

And, my ExH and I have children so we HAVE to be friends. I'm never going to hide that from SO and he knows everything going down with that. There is no threat.
 
I rarely speak to my ex, I thought maybe we could be friends we broke up over 3 years ago and I hardly ever speak to him. Plus I'm past the past. So we were talking over IM a few days ago. Conversation was going good; then he somehow switch the convo to talking about sex and hitting it again. (Of course, he claimed he was "joking").

I thought about it for a moment and I hurried up and got off the internet and haven't spoken to him again.

So I came to the conclusion exes/fb's should not speak once the relationship is done. Nor would I date a guy that still talks to his exes/fb's; I don't need the additional drama.

Besides, I personally feel, once you tell your SO that it bothers you if he/she cares about you then they should stop immediately. YOU are his girlfriend and at a certain point, I feel the gf has presendence over the female friend.
 
One of my exes (really, we were each other's first love) and I are best friends.

But he's also gay now, so I guess that makes it easier to speak? :lachen:

We were best friends before we dated, and that bond was just too deep to suddenly cease contact after breaking up. He knows me ridiculously well and vice versa.

But then there are others who I refuse to speak to. The negativity with them was just waaaaaaay too detrimental to my life.
 
sky_blu said:
Yes. He has a girlfriend and doesn't care for me (and I really don't care for her) but he won't stop talking to me :laugh: I haven't tried anything with him but boy has he flirted with me and talked about being with me. :laugh:
Click to expand...

And this is exactly why I am not down with the constant communication with an ex. It is way too much drama, and totally innapropriate because most men (like in the above quote) think it's cool to flirt with the ex, while having a main girl. This thus creates animosity between both women who are both too immature and silly to realize that the man is penting them against each other for his own enjoyment (again represented in the above quote). This in turn creates a false overblown ego in the man, and the ex, and a almost sickening sense of insecurity in the girlfriend. I do not have time for that. I am too grown to be dealing with a man that can't let the past stay in the past. A man with clean breaks is a must. If he cannot bare to let the ex go, then he is not ready for me....


ETA: I also refuse to be the ex who can't seem to stay out of the picture even when he has moved on. How crass...
 
Last edited:
my brother still communicates with his ex's and his new girl had no problem with this except for this one girl....and he would go hang out with her and talk to her alot, but he talked to other females as well....and somebody went to his girls job and overexagerated seeing him out with the particular female the new girlfriend doesn't care for..and she expressed that she's not happy with this friendship and doesn't want him that friendly with her...

He was like he doesn't have many friends and it doesn't matter hes not into her, if he still wanted to be with her he would and all this other stuff so he was basically playing down the situation and his girl "pretended" she was okay with this, but the week escaladed into more and more petty dumb situations between them till one day at the gym she flirts with a guy in front of his face that he blows up over and says she is doing it on purpose, she says she isn't...we know how that goes....they get into it and she tells him that she will probably start hanging out again with her male friends that she cut off......and he's like she's doing that on purpose she didn't have to cut them off and what not

so he's all mad at her...and im tellin him that all of this is coming from u refusing to stop hanging out with other chick...and some of the stuff is her consciously ****in with u some of it unconsciously but this is where its stemmin from and you have to realize the only reason she has a problem with this one particular girl is very simple

the other girl doesn't respect new girl nor the relationship and makes its very clear she would like to be back with you...she is quite okay that not only does her presence in your cause your girl "discomfort" but also that you defend the relationship.....its one thing if she respected the relationship and the other girl but she clearly doesn't...thats why its ONLY this specific one your girl is trippin off of...she doesn't give u grief over the other females u keep in contact with or see...those other ones show respect to the relationship.....so when u love somebody this is where consideration comes in...you can choose and decide what ever u want, but you are definitely being inconsiderate of her feelings and if thats not important to you then carry on....if it is you have a choice to make

the reason she cut all her male friends off is not because she is with you its because they want more and wouldnt respect you or the relationship and will definitely try to get in where they fit in...she didnt do it cuz she didnt like them, or didnt enjoy your company she did it out respect for you and her saying she will start hanging out again is her way of telling you that that respect is about to go out the window.....tic for a tac isn't good either though, so make sure you let her know that...but I understand where she is coming from

the respect factor is all that matters in situations like these..and peoples respect levels in alot of cases are not an all time high if there is any there at all, egos do drive the situations more so than respect
 
As a general rule, I wouldn't be communicating with exs and benefriend on a regular basis as it seems suspect. When there's a small argument between me and a new man, it would be too easy to call on them for "comfort" and then...
 
Thanks wasn't enough! I'm so glad you shared this because this is exactly how it goes down 9 times out of 10 EVERYTIME. And the 'insecure' word is thrown on the woman or even man who has a problem with continued communications with exes waaayy too erroneously, much like the word 'hater' is overused. So many people don't understand that you must continually earn another persons level of devotion, loyalty, and undivided romantic attention. You reap what you sow. You give your mate a reason to worry, they'll give you a reason to worry, it's only natural, and IMO only right.

I now know the answer to my question. It definately should be a deal breaker and not a 'baby, can we talk about something' because the majority of the time it'll back fire on you. And he should know exactly why too. If you find out that it's to the level where they talk OFTEN and even see each other and you KNOW you can't deal with it, go ahead and mourn the loss of the relationship because no matter how you look at it you've reached a turning point. So it needs to be presented as a deal breaker like straight up "It's over, because I thought we were on the same page and this shows me that we are not. Peace." No ifs, ands, or buts about it. You gotta show these men you mean business if you want to make sure you aren't going to deal with something within your relationship. Leaving him, you are not feeding him the meal his ego is hungry for (possibly the reason he's not lettin go of the ex completely), you're snapping him to the reality that you DON'T need to be with him, the reality that there is a reason he's with you and not his ex, and you walking out that door means that you are confident there will be a man on the other side that won't have that 'issue' and will want you. If he's serious about you, he'll cut the communication off on his own in front of your face and he'll be taking ownership of the blame instead of pretending to not see the big deal and begging you to give him a chance to be the man you need. If he lets you leave, then you know what you were dealing with. Either way, you avoid the scenario below (souring of your relationship) which will eventually lead to your split anyway (why waste time?) or you will walk away (or stay) with your dignity in tact.

tiara76 said:
my brother still communicates with his ex's and his new girl had no problem with this except for this one girl....and he would go hang out with her and talk to her alot, but he talked to other females as well....and somebody went to his girls job and overexagerated seeing him out with the particular female the new girlfriend doesn't care for..and she expressed that she's not happy with this friendship and doesn't want him that friendly with her...

He was like he doesn't have many friends and it doesn't matter hes not into her, if he still wanted to be with her he would and all this other stuff so he was basically playing down the situation and his girl "pretended" she was okay with this, but the week escaladed into more and more petty dumb situations between them till one day at the gym she flirts with a guy in front of his face that he blows up over and says she is doing it on purpose, she says she isn't...we know how that goes....they get into it and she tells him that she will probably start hanging out again with her male friends that she cut off......and he's like she's doing that on purpose she didn't have to cut them off and what not

so he's all mad at her...and im tellin him that all of this is coming from u refusing to stop hanging out with other chick...and some of the stuff is her consciously ****in with u some of it unconsciously but this is where its stemmin from and you have to realize the only reason she has a problem with this one particular girl is very simple

the other girl doesn't respect new girl nor the relationship and makes its very clear she would like to be back with you...she is quite okay that not only does her presence in your cause your girl "discomfort" but also that you defend the relationship.....its one thing if she respected the relationship and the other girl but she clearly doesn't...thats why its ONLY this specific one your girl is trippin off of...she doesn't give u grief over the other females u keep in contact with or see...those other ones show respect to the relationship.....so when u love somebody this is where consideration comes in...you can choose and decide what ever u want, but you are definitely being inconsiderate of her feelings and if thats not important to you then carry on....if it is you have a choice to make

the reason she cut all her male friends off is not because she is with you its because they want more and wouldnt respect you or the relationship and will definitely try to get in where they fit in...she didnt do it cuz she didnt like them, or didnt enjoy your company she did it out respect for you and her saying she will start hanging out again is her way of telling you that that respect is about to go out the window.....tic for a tac isn't good either though, so make sure you let her know that...but I understand where she is coming from

the respect factor is all that matters in situations like these..and peoples respect levels in alot of cases are not an all time high if there is any there at all, egos do drive the situations more so than respect
Click to expand...
 
tiara76 said:
the reason she cut all her male friends off is not because she is with you its because they want more and wouldnt respect you or the relationship and will definitely try to get in where they fit in...she didnt do it cuz she didnt like them, or didnt enjoy your company she did it out respect for you and her saying she will start hanging out again is her way of telling you that that respect is about to go out the window.....tic for a tac isn't good either though, so make sure you let her know that...but I understand where she is coming from

the respect factor is all that matters in situations like these..and peoples respect levels in alot of cases are not an all time high if there is any there at all, egos do drive the situations more so than respect
Click to expand...

Similar thing happened to me before. I cut off ties to the male friends because they really wanted more than just friendly convo out of respect for him.
 
SvelteVelvet said:
Thanks wasn't enough! I'm so glad you shared this because this is exactly how it goes down 9 times out of 10 EVERYTIME. And the 'insecure' word is thrown on the woman or even man who has a problem with continued communications with exes waaayy too erroneously, much like the word 'hater' is overused. So many people don't understand that you must continually earn another persons level of devotion, loyalty, and undivided romantic attention. You reap what you sow. You give your mate a reason to worry, they'll give you a reason to worry, it's only natural, and IMO only right.

I now know the answer to my question. It definately should be a deal breaker and not a 'baby, can we talk about something' because the majority of the time it'll back fire on you. And he should know exactly why too. If you find out that it's to the level where they talk OFTEN and even see each other and you KNOW you can't deal with it, go ahead and mourn the loss of the relationship because no matter how you look at it you've reached a turning point. So it needs to be presented as a deal breaker like straight up "It's over, because I thought we were on the same page and this shows me that we are not. Peace." No ifs, ands, or buts about it. You gotta show these men you mean business if you want to make sure you aren't going to deal with something within your relationship. Leaving him, you are not feeding him the meal his ego is hungry for (possibly the reason he's not lettin go of the ex completely), you're snapping him to the reality that you DON'T need to be with him, the reality that there is a reason he's with you and not his ex, and you walking out that door means that you are confident there will be a man on the other side that won't have that 'issue' and will want you. If he's serious about you, he'll cut the communication off on his own in front of your face and he'll be taking ownership of the blame instead of pretending to not see the big deal and begging you to give him a chance to be the man you need. If he lets you leave, then you know what you were dealing with. Either way, you avoid the scenario below (souring of your relationship) which will eventually lead to your split anyway (why waste time?) or you will walk away (or stay) with your dignity in tact.
Click to expand...

I get what you are saying. It is so much easier said than done. Your whole post was on point.
 
Country gal said:
Do you still communicate with your Exs or Fbs? Do you think it's okay if your man still communicates with the ex girlfriends and previous booty calls?
Click to expand...

NO, that's just unnecessary drama that we both do not need. Yes, you have to have TRUST in a relationship but do not TEST me, lol.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Similar threads

**SaSSy**
Do You Block/remove Your Ex's From Your Fg, Ig, Twitter, Ect.?
2
Replies
47
Views
960
BrownSkinPoppin
BrownSkinPoppin
StarScream35
Anybody here meet their SO or DH online?
Replies
18
Views
867
Keshieshimmer
Keshieshimmer
ChasingBliss
Dealing with Exs after Marriage
Replies
10
Views
513
naturalmanenyc
naturalmanenyc
Black Ambrosia
How long should you wait to have sex if you get back with your ex?
Replies
5
Views
131
BeautifulFlower
BeautifulFlower
T
let's play a scenario
Replies
2
Views
86
SHEANITPRO
SHEANITPRO
Back
Top