Coming to Terms with my Hair

[IndianAngel22]

In the search for better hair, I've started to believe that I am never going to have the hair I desire. Not based on anything but genetics. I compare it to a "white person" let's say, who has thin hair, just like a baby. You've seen it. And you're like man, her hair is as thin as a baby's head I wonder why it's like that. No amount of washing or care is going to make that person's hair thick, or the strands thicker or anything. Her hair could grow down to her but and put as many curls in it as she wants, and she'd never have thicker hair. It will always be light, soft, and thin. This is how I compare my hair. A lot of times I wish I had a more Course grade of hair, because with a perm I know my hair would still be thick, I could get it straight, and it would have swing. I even went natural to try and help, but for some reason I only remember likeing my hair more when I had a perm.... I can't remember why it's been so long. MY hair is so thin strand wise, and I realize it always has been even when it was it's longest. My hair is 3c in a lot of places but that doesn't mean "good" hair to me. I just want to have the thickness that all my other black friends have. That people with my same number grade of hair have. My hair could grow to my braw strap length and still need a weave to have any type of body..... I just want to be happy with my hair but I'm starting to realize, I may never be.........

Just felt like letting it out....... need some support

 

[Nonie]

OK, I think the first thing you may have to do is stop looking at other people's hair. Seriously, for one day, just write down all the things you do like about your hair. Soft, healthy, easy to style...

You know, if we were all to put our hair problems in a bucket, I can bet my bottom dollar you'd be happy to pick up your very own and keep the devil you know. It always looks greener but it really isn't.

Instead of wanting your hair to do the boring ol' swing that people with no styling ideas might just have to make do with (No offense to our swinging hair sistahs, but it's not about you right now. ), lets learn some cute updo styles that make you look très classy.

My hair doesn't swing. I think it might have swung maybe once when I was relaxed but it's so odd that I've never really cared for swinging hair. Long hair yes. Long hair that can go into a puff, not hair that flows. Every now and then my twists will move, it does feel like fun. But it's not something I work so hard for or dream of achieving. Swinging is so... *yawn*

I'm sure your hair doesn't take a whole day to detangle. (Mwedzi has hair we'd all die to have, but do you remember her venting? I'm sure if she got a hard press, she'd be tossing it about like she was Miss Piggy, but then there are days when she gets "sick of it, sick of it" because of how long it takes to work on it.

So what we have to do, in your case, is find fun things you can do with it. I have a friend with very thin hair. I'm not sure if hers is from overprocessing or what, but it's not hair I admire. She's relaxed but you should see how she works with it. Every day a new do that totally makes you forget how thin it is.

Girl, PM me if you're feeling down. I'ma turn you into such a snob, you'll probably not have any friends.

 

[Libra08]

I once thought the same way as you did because my mom has really thin hair, and I thought my thin, heat damaged hair was genetic. But I for a whole year I didn't flat iron or use any other kind of heat and my hair now is nearly 5 times as thick as it once was. I thought that my hair was strong enough to handle heat this semester so for about three months I flat ironed it and it has gotten a little thinner so I'm back again at using no direct heat until 2012. I haven't used direct heat since November and it's thickening up again. Sometimes you have to make drastic changes to see results. Not using heat for a year or more is drastic for me, but the benefits are endless and worth the sacrifice. Good luck on your hair journey and please don't give up! You'll end up regretting it more.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

If you ain't on megatek you need to be. My hair has thickened up alot. It won't work miracles - my hair has a "fine" texture - but it has made a significant difference. I've been using it for 7 months now and my hair that has grown in is significantly thicker and stronger, even after relaxing.

 

[caramelcutieinva]

there are a ton of products that you can use to get added thickness
there are also ways to style your hair so it appears thicker

PM me if you would like some suggestions


I will tell you though be careful what you wish for. My hair is usper thick and it can be hard to take care of sometime. I have to style it a little differently then others to control how big it is. As i type write now it is all in my face.

 

[Amerie123]

All of these ladies have made good points already. How long have you been in your hair care journey? do you have a set regimen? have you tried the castor oil or megatek? if all else fails, listen to what nonie said.

 

[natural2008]

I have a friend who came to terms with her hair that was thin and has never been thick. she got a chort hair cut that looks really good on her. Hair isn't everything.

 

[natural2008]

I have come to terms are realized that i cannot get texturizers because my hair does not like those and am going back natural but I just have to deal with it.

 

[IndianAngel22]

All of these ladies have made good points already. How long have you been in your hair care journey? do you have a set regimen? have you tried the castor oil or megatek? if all else fails, listen to what nonie said.

Well I've started to realize finally what works for my hair. My hair LOVES protein and it helps to keep it healthy sense it's so dang thin. But I started thinking and I started to go back to when I was a kid. i always hated my hair. i can't remember any time i EVER loved my real hair permed or natural, unless I had Pocahontas braids down to my but, or a weave. There was a time in middleschool where I thought my hair was pretty but I still didn't love it. I wanted better. That's when I started getting real weaves and I thought I was the shi*. And honestly once I had that I kindof was the shi*. That's why my dependency on my weaves began and now after almost 4 or more years of constant weaves and coming ot of that, I just don't remember EVER loving my own natural hair. It's very discouraging to keep trying and now finding LHCF, even with my progress, I'm just getting back to the healthy hair I used to have. But that doesn't mean I love it any more. Secretly I still don't like it. That's where this thread is coming from. Looking around at all the black women around me, different grades of hair, thicker, courser, longer, and shorter than mine. And still wishing that I had what wasn't on my head. Or that it would change. My roommate calls her hair "kunta" hair and claims without a perm she could never take a comb to it, but her hair is so beautiful to me, and I would trade her any day. I'd rather pay for a perm once a month to get my hair straight, and have what's on her head, than this light stuff I have. I just want to love my hair. That's what this is about. I'm waiting for that day after 20 years, that I will finally look at my own hair the way it is and be happy with it, and not the tracks in it

 

[discodumpling]

Be thankfull greatful and appreciative of the hair that you have on your head & for LHCF & the knowledge here to make your hair dreams a reality.

As your regimen settles you will come to love your hair even more.

 

[Amerie123]

Well I've started to realize finally what works for my hair. My hair LOVES protein and it helps to keep it healthy sense it's so dang thin. But I started thinking and I started to go back to when I was a kid. i always hated my hair. i can't remember any time i EVER loved my real hair permed or natural, unless I had Pocahontas braids down to my but, or a weave. There was a time in middleschool where I thought my hair was pretty but I still didn't love it. I wanted better. That's when I started getting real weaves and I thought I was the shi*. And honestly once I had that I kindof was the shi*. That's why my dependency on my weaves began and now after almost 4 or more years of constant weaves and coming ot of that, I just don't remember EVER loving my own natural hair. It's very discouraging to keep trying and now finding LHCF, even with my progress, I'm just getting back to the healthy hair I used to have. But that doesn't mean I love it any more. Secretly I still don't like it. That's where this thread is coming from. Looking around at all the black women around me, different grades of hair, thicker, courser, longer, and shorter than mine. And still wishing that I had what wasn't on my head. Or that it would change. My roommate calls her hair "kunta" hair and claims without a perm she could never take a comb to it, but her hair is so beautiful to me, and I would trade her any day. I'd rather pay for a perm once a month to get my hair straight, and have what's on her head, than this light stuff I have. I just want to love my hair. That's what this is about. I'm waiting for that day after 20 years, that I will finally look at my own hair the way it is and be happy with it, and not the tracks in it

I do understand, and hopefully there is something out there that can be your miracle product. I know how it feels to want to change something, but cant. so, if after a while you realize you cant fix it, and you've tried absolutely everything, then work with what you got, and make it the best hair that you can possibly have. use styles that compliment your hair type. and if one day you want your hair to have that swang, then sew in a track or two, but still using mostly your hair. make it work girl!!

 

[IndianAngel22]

I do understand, and hopefully there is something out there that can be your miracle product. I know how it feels to want to change something, but cant. so, if after a while you realize you cant fix it, and you've tried absolutely everything, then work with what you got, and make it the best hair that you can possibly have. use styles that compliment your hair type. and if one day you want your hair to have that swing, then sew in a track or two, but still using mostly your hair. make it work girl!!

I keep asking myself is that ok? You know? Like..... I've always wanted to be the girl with the full head of natural swinging hair but maybe that's why they created weave. Like would I be happy sewing in just 2 tracks with most of my hair out for the rest of my life? I'm not sure if I'm explaining enough but that's exactly what I do. Right now I'm useing clip ins. WIth the clip ins in it adds a little more too my hair and I love it.... but will I ever be able to love it, without them............

 

[IndianAngel22]

Be thankfull greatful and appreciative of the hair that you have on your head & for LHCF & the knowledge here to make your hair dreams a reality.

As your regimen settles you will come to love your hair even more.

Looking at your photos your hair looks JUST like mine. Literally. The front edges, the thinness, color, shape, everything. Are you experiencing the same feelings I am about your hair?

 

[gissellr78]

In the search for better hair, I've started to believe that I am never going to have the hair I desire. Not based on anything but genetics. I compare it to a "white person" let's say, who has thin hair, just like a baby. You've seen it. And you're like man, her hair is as thin as a baby's head I wonder why it's like that. No amount of washing or care is going to make that person's hair thick, or the strands thicker or anything. Her hair could grow down to her but and put as many curls in it as she wants, and she'd never have thicker hair. It will always be light, soft, and thin. This is how I compare my hair. A lot of times I wish I had a more Course grade of hair, because with a perm I know my hair would still be thick, I could get it straight, and it would have swing. I even went natural to try and help, but for some reason I only remember likeing my hair more when I had a perm.... I can't remember why it's been so long. MY hair is so thin strand wise, and I realize it always has been even when it was it's longest. My hair is 3c in a lot of places but that doesn't mean "good" hair to me. I just want to have the thickness that all my other black friends have. That people with my same number grade of hair have. My hair could grow to my braw strap length and still need a weave to have any type of body..... I just want to be happy with my hair but I'm starting to realize, I may never be.........

Just felt like letting it out....... need some support

Don't feel bad we are all different and as long as you achieve healthy hair i dont think you should focus on things you cant change...I am sure your are a beautiful girl and once you achieve healthy hair...your hair will behave. stay strong

Oh also,, short hair is not a bad thing....I think a lot of us focus on growing longgg but cant retain....There are millions of women with fabulous short hair...as long as is healthy is all that matters

 

[Tybi]

I know how you feel. My hair looks a lot like yours. Its very fine. I love to straighten it, but almost hate to because of the see through ends. But like another poster mentioned, since I joined LHCF, I have been noticing big changes. I used to hate my hair, dread having to do it, but lately it is becoming more enjoyable.

Keep taking care of your hair and I guarantee you will see results. MSM really thickened my hair up, as did henna. I think I remember you in another thread saying henna did not work for you. I don't know how that is going, but I have some helpful tips if you want, just PM me. I have some hair horror stories that will make your toes curl and have you feeling much better about your situation!

 

[RedVelvet310]

I used to think that way too.. when I was relaxed... you may have answered this and I may have missed it but are you relaxed? I'm looking at your siggy and it looks relaxed.. or maybe just straightened? Why not try BCing... my friend (who is Persian) had thin hair when she was younger.. her mom shaved off her entire head and it grew back thicker.. I think this was discussed on LHCF before... but thats an extreme..

ETA: Have patience girl.. and LISTEN TO YOUR HAIR.. the thinness might be your hair telling you that there is something you're doing to it that is not working.

HTH

 

[Kimbosheart]

We all have something we don't like about ourselves. Something physical and genetic that can't be changed.

I admit my hair isn't it for me but I am tall, 5'11" and I used to hate that. There is not a darn thing I can do about my height. I had to learn to love it and now I do. I don't know what did it for me, maybe it was reading about people in Asia who voluntarily broke all the bones in their legs for the hope of growing an inch taller. But I love my height now.

Another example, being tall comes with big feet. Can't change that either. Just gotta learn to love them.

You will always be harder on your physical appearance than anyone else. You see yourself under a microscope when you look in the mirror. The friend who's hair you admire so much could be wishing for the manageability that you have, or the softness.

Its a decision you will make one day for yourself, something will click. There may be a miracle product out there for you but chances are nothing will be as much of a miracle as you being thankful for what you've got and learning how to work with it instead of wishing for something else.

 

[Kimbosheart]

I can already think of a benefit to soft hair like yours. You can braid it up and get a weave or wear a fly wig.
There is no braiding my hair flat enough for a sew-in weave, the hair would be inches off my head, and i don't think that would be fly. I've tried and it wasnt so I took the weave out the same day and still had to pay the lady.

 

[hopeful]

I think it's an internal thing. How you look at yourself and how you handle imperfection. You can look at imperfection like this or like this . Most of my hair is thick and lush. But my nape is dry and fine and breaks easily. I used to hate it, despised it. Since being on LHCF I've learned to love my nape, not necessarily how it looks or how delicate it is but I love it, can you feel me, I'm like oh this part of my hair is delicate and needs more attention and that's what I'm going to give it. It's not strong and takes a long time to grow but that's okay, it just is what it is, and as long as I am gentle and loving toward it, it flourishes.

 

[hillytmj]

I agree with everyone else, and I believe that as you continue your haircare journey, you will begin to appreciate the unique-ness of your hair. I know that Kinakakes (sp?) on this board has fine, waist-length hair and it's beautiful.

The best comparison that I can make to your feelings has to do with my experience as a professional makeup artist. When you do lots of faces, models and people with "perfectly creased" eyelids and flawless skin, it's very easy to notice your own differences and judge them as being less than others. For years, I didn't like my eye shape or skin type because I have heavy eye lids and oily/acne prone skin, but as I continued practicing my own makeup techniques to suit my features, I have a new appreciation for my eyes and skin. In fact, I love my eyes and skin now and am protective about letting my makeup artist friends do my makeup, even for practice. The moral of the story is that as you continue to care for your hair, you will develop a new bond with it and hopefully embrace it.

BTW...You have beautiful hair!

 

[ThickHair]

Kind of off topic but I think it is on point. My mother broke her arm in 06. She complained, hemmed and hawed to anyone who would listen about her arm hurting her and never healing correctly and she couldn't open her can of Pepsi without a little pain. Her neighbor is in a wheelchair and doesn't have any use of her legs. One day my mother said she was complaining again to this woman about her bum arm, the lady told her she would trade her bad legs for my mother's one bum arm. My mother hasn't complained about her arm in over 2 years.

Be thankful for what you have.

 

[kblc06]

Well I've started to realize finally what works for my hair. My hair LOVES protein and it helps to keep it healthy sense it's so dang thin. But I started thinking and I started to go back to when I was a kid. i always hated my hair. i can't remember any time i EVER loved my real hair permed or natural, unless I had Pocahontas braids down to my but, or a weave. There was a time in middleschool where I thought my hair was pretty but I still didn't love it. I wanted better. That's when I started getting real weaves and I thought I was the shi*. And honestly once I had that I kindof was the shi*. That's why my dependency on my weaves began and now after almost 4 or more years of constant weaves and coming ot of that, I just don't remember EVER loving my own natural hair. It's very discouraging to keep trying and now finding LHCF, even with my progress, I'm just getting back to the healthy hair I used to have. But that doesn't mean I love it any more. Secretly I still don't like it. That's where this thread is coming from. Looking around at all the black women around me, different grades of hair, thicker, courser, longer, and shorter than mine. And still wishing that I had what wasn't on my head. Or that it would change. My roommate calls her hair "kunta" hair and claims without a perm she could never take a comb to it, but her hair is so beautiful to me, and I would trade her any day. I'd rather pay for a perm once a month to get my hair straight, and have what's on her head, than this light stuff I have. I just want to love my hair. That's what this is about. I'm waiting for that day after 20 years, that I will finally look at my own hair the way it is and be happy with it, and not the tracks in it

I know what you mean....I too have fine hair that doesn't like full or thick unless it's in a blunt cut with all of the ends the same length. It splits like nothing, especially when left in its natural state and when straight looks very wispy. I've longed for the day when I would have long heavy-hanging hair and twists and braids that look as thick as your wrist like Sera or other thick haired members, but I'm coming to realize that this may not be a possibility. I don't see the point in having long hair if it's not even full

 

[natstar]

I also have come to terms that my hair will never be thick. Now I do a lot of "sets" and I am doing more cute updos to try to try and make my hair look the best it can be even if itdoesn't have body. OP just try to work best with what you have and eventually u will get used to it

 

[Nayna]

My hair has its moments too, whether u relax or stay natural u gotta learn to love it and work with it, I tried the weaves and putting tracks in it for years while I transitioned, even after I BC, in the end I was just like F it, try some protective styles like braids or kinky twists and just know that ur beautiful no matter what u do to ur hair.



For those that use megatek, has it changed ur texture in the course of making it thicker? i remember trying to make my hair thicker with something and it made my heair feel tough

 

[IndianAngel22]

I used to think that way too.. when I was relaxed... you may have answered this and I may have missed it but are you relaxed? I'm looking at your siggy and it looks relaxed.. or maybe just straightened? Why not try BCing... my friend (who is Persian) had thin hair when she was younger.. her mom shaved off her entire head and it grew back thicker.. I think this was discussed on LHCF before... but thats an extreme..

ETA: Have patience girl.. and LISTEN TO YOUR HAIR.. the thinness might be your hair telling you that there is something you're doing to it that is not working.

HTH

Nope I am 100% natural. I went natural about 3 years ago or so

 

[ravenmerlita]

I know exactly how you feel. My hair is very fine too and it can be hard to come to terms with it. I'm now focused on finding products, techniques and styles that give me the appearance of thicker hair. Cassia worked well but it's messy and needs to be redone often. There are plenty of commercial products out there that cosmetically thicken your hair, are convenient to use and work well -- Joico BodyLuxe, Sebastian Body Double, Xfusion Hair Fiber. These only last from shampoo to shampoo but that's better than nothing. Also, cellophanes and rinses, especially a darker shade, make the hair appear slightly thicker too.

 

[locabouthair]

Hmm, I used to wish I had fine hair because I hated my coarse strands. The grass is always greener on the other side.

 

[sunshinebeautiful]

My hair has its moments too, whether u relax or stay natural u gotta learn to love it and work with it, I tried the weaves and putting tracks in it for years while I transitioned, even after I BC, in the end I was just like F it, try some protective styles like braids or kinky twists and just know that ur beautiful no matter what u do to ur hair.



For those that use megatek, has it changed ur texture in the course of making it thicker? i remember trying to make my hair thicker with something and it made my heair feel tough

The texture of my newgrowth is softer and smoother using MT.

 

[gissellr78]

We all have something we don't like about ourselves. Something physical and genetic that can't be changed.

I admit my hair isn't it for me but I am tall, 5'11" and I used to hate that. There is not a darn thing I can do about my height. I had to learn to love it and now I do. I don't know what did it for me, maybe it was reading about people in Asia who voluntarily broke all the bones in their legs for the hope of growing an inch taller. But I love my height now.

Another example, being tall comes with big feet. Can't change that either. Just gotta learn to love them.

You will always be harder on your physical appearance than anyone else. You see yourself under a microscope when you look in the mirror. The friend who's hair you admire so much could be wishing for the manageability that you have, or the softness.

Its a decision you will make one day for yourself, something will click. There may be a miracle product out there for you but chances are nothing will be as much of a miracle as you being thankful for what you've got and learning how to work with it instead of wishing for something else.

I am 5'8" and i as a kid it seemed like i was the tallest kid around...I hated that...Now i love myself...i love my height

 

[IndianAngel22]

You all are giveing me so much encouragement I really appreciate it. I'm probably just having one of those moments like I had when I first started transitioning. I think I tried transitioning 3 times and didn't follow through with it until the 3rd try, and now after 2-3 years of being natural, 1.5 years full natural, I finally don't want to go back to a relaxer but even that took time. Just 2 months or so ago I was swearing up and down that I need to relax my hair, that I can't take it anymore. I finally found my products that have helped me to deal with my natural hair. That's definatly a milestone. Maybe this was all I needed. I'm starting to have hope that I will be satisfied with my hair one of these days, and if not, I'll take it for what it is a keep it the healthiest it can possibly be. Maybe I should try Hennaing one more time without the breakage this time. LOL