Christians can't stay married

[Guitarhero]

Seeking G-d's face is no guarantee against difficulty in a marriage any more than belief and following Jesus prevents discord in the Body of Christ. When you marry, that is your promised one (within reason, of course...equally yoked) and that's the relationship that needs to be nurtured. There is no perfect union.

 

[aribell]

Also, I have seen a lot of divorce with seasoned saints. It shook me, I'm like "God, what happened?". These were people I looked up to as a babe Christian. Now they are divorced, some are dating and some remarried.

But did they initally seek God regarding whether they should date the person or not. Remember God never sends an incomplete package. While no one is perfect...God never sends people who aren't ready or looking to hurt someone. We are usually hurt when we dont seek him and make our own choices which usually ends in disaster, this could be years later.

I can think of a couple of examples. One is with a woman who had a traveling preaching ministry. Her husband was also a minister. She had a website and video on Youtube about how God specifically told her that this was her husband, how their marriage came to be, etc. It was all very inspiring. Well, she kind of disappeared for a while, and more recently I learned that she and her husband have divorced. No explanation was given other than that God took her family away from her because she idolized her husband and children and that God treats prophets more strictly.

Another example is a couple who wrote for a Christian magazine. Their entire romance unfolded through published articles. I remember one where she talked about receiving a sign from God that her husband was the one. A few years later they divorced--she said he was emotionally abusive, she left the faith, and all their articles were removed from the Christian website without a word. I only know the backstory because we have a mutual friend.

Both of those stories bothered me because in both cases because I had found the stories originally to be very inspiring. They talked so much about how it was God who brought them together, and how they received a clear word from God that this was His will; but if that's so, then how could it have ended in divorce? I think it's possible for people to mess up something that is ordained of God; but maybe Christians tend to overspiritualize things. There are lots of unbelievers who manage to keep their marriages together. Perhaps Christians put too much emphasis on "God led me to..." and "This is what I feel the Spirit said..." and not enough on reading the signs and maintaining a healthy relationship.

 

[Laela]

^^ Yes, but I won't be quick to discount that some people really can and do hear from God.

God doesn't make mistakes or changes His mind...but we humans can. Abraham is a fine example of hearing what we want to hear (Ishmael) instead of hearing what God actually told us us (Isaac).

 

[Love Always]

Amen, this happens a lot.

Perhaps Christians put too much emphasis on "God led me to..." and "This is what I feel the Spirit said..." and not enough on reading the signs and maintaining a healthy relationship.

 

[LucieLoo12]

People just dont fight for nothing no more. They give up so easily. They dont wanna compromise, its just me me me me me. But u should be learning self denial in your walk with God. So maybe its a lack of maturity in God......just a thought


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[ktykaty]

I am so glad a fellow catholic chimed in. He's right. Qui c'est ce pretre? Not only full knowledge of what marriage itself it, what the other person has up his sleeves. I can vouch totally!

Père Denis Sonet.



Now, maybe it's different in France, but in the U.S., you are not excommunicated after a divorce.

but I was confused for years on what to do. I didn't know if it were deemed valid before I entered the RCC, whether Jewishly invalid and we should go through the rabbis or whether it were true he was considered excommunicated via the Orthodox. Either way I looked at it, it needed some kind of nullity, dispensation etc. What a mess! Figured out now...and I'm keeping my eyes open. At the time of my marriage, neither of us were religious. This next time around...it's gonna be permanent cuz I'm purposefully going to be entering in full knowledge into a valid marriage.

There's a subtlety. When divorced you are not excommunicated as in canonic excommunication, but you may be living in a state of mortal sin. If your divorcing is a breach of covenant, you cannot take communion, but if it's not a breach of covenant, you can. It's determined on a case by case basis. By default, divorce = breach of covenant.

For a catholic, having a civil marriage without a sacramental marriage is a breach of covenant. Our church recognize the validity of civil marriage.

 

[Raspberry]

I think younger Christians in particular are a lot more likely to marry thinking that all it takes is faith, but they lack wisdom. Or, they get married for sex.

Also, who knows how they're defining Christian and whether they were Christians before getting married.

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I've seen the bolded quite a bit. I grew up in a conservative denomination that emphasized being equally yoked spiritually and it gave the impression that the main thing that counted is that you both love Christ a whole lot.

As I got older I saw many divorces and it became clear that practical and personality issues were the main reasons Christian couples were breaking up, even if nobody cheated. Like the way each party thinks about money, marital responsibilities, child-rearing, etc. was hardly ever addressed except for maybe a 6 week pre-marital counseling session.. and of course when you're emotionally invested, in love, and really want to have sex, the red flags seem like no big deal and a few counseling sessions aren't going to change your mind.

Thankfully I'm now in a Christian community that speaks of marriage in much more of a balanced fashion but too many Christians are neglecting to do their due diligence as far as marriage preparation. The fact that your man loves to praise the Lord and yall both speak in tongues isn't enough to go on...

 

[Raspberry]

But did they initally seek God regarding whether they should date the person or not. Remember God never sends an incomplete package. While no one is perfect...God never sends people who aren't ready or looking to hurt someone. We are usually hurt when we dont seek him and make our own choices which usually ends in disaster, this could be years later.

I hear you but I'm not sure what the expectations of a complete package should be. I mean, just because hurtful things happen within a marriage doesn't mean they weren't supposed to be married in the first place. We have to guard over and make the most of the gifts God provides. Nobody gets married looking to hurt someone but imperfect people who love God hurt each other all the time, married or not.

I think of married Christian relatives I have who have gone thru some hard times in their marriage - hard-headed spouses, emotional affairs, trifling financial decisions,etc. Some got through it some didn't. Everyone has to take responsibility for how they walk out the values they claim to believe and we're all responsible for seeking to grow in holiness.

You could get married and a some years later your spouse goes through incredible depression, or gets disillusioned with his faith, or maybe decides to self-medicate his pain in unhealthy ways... seems like the key is how you ride the waves when they hit you.

 

[Raspberry]

Both of those stories bothered me because in both cases because I had found the stories originally to be very inspiring. They talked so much about how it was God who brought them together, and how they received a clear word from God that this was His will; but if that's so, then how could it have ended in divorce? I think it's possible for people to mess up something that is ordained of God; but maybe Christians tend to overspiritualize things. There are lots of unbelievers who manage to keep their marriages together. Perhaps Christians put too much emphasis on "God led me to..." and "This is what I feel the Spirit said..." and not enough on reading the signs and maintaining a healthy relationship.

I definitely agree . I also think we have to manage expectations - and maybe it's easy for Christians to have expectations that are through the roof because we assume that any earthly thing God ordains has to be awesome right? I've had a lot of "this is not what I thought it would be" moments in life in trying to walk in God's will and they've made me realize that God's definition of "good" might be very different than mine .

While the Bible tells us to hold marriage in high esteem, sometimes Christians go the extreme end in expecting the ideal marriage to be the culmination of a perfect spiritual and physical union of personality that is ultimate fulfillment on earth. That's a whole lot of disappointment if the experience doesn't match those expectations.

 

[curlyninjagirl]

I hear a lot of judgement in this thread. Speaking as an outsider looking in, I can't help but wonder 'where's the comraderie? where's the fellowship?' A few of you have said it's the responsibility of the two people tied to one another and have also questioned their Christian status.

I love the saying "It takes a village..." I apply this concept to many aspects of life. In the face of evil, would you abandon your comrades? Living on this planet is hard. I don't mean to get all kumbayah, but I wish we would lift each other up instead of pointing the finger and tearing each other down.

 

[Shimmie]

Great conversation in this thread. I'm learning something from each post.

I'm thankful to everyone sharing. All of this has great value.

 

[Mis007]

Perhaps Christians put too much emphasis on "God led me to..." and "This is what I feel the Spirit said..." and not enough on reading the signs and maintaining a healthy relationship.

Very true, this is where wisdom, discernment and good old fashioned common sense must be applied. If we decide not to use any of that, God's under no obligation to give us everything we want because we prayed. He's not our spiritual jeannie in a bottle

 

[Guitarhero]

Well, she kind of disappeared for a while, and more recently I learned that she and her husband have divorced. No explanation was given other than that God took her family away from her because she idolized her husband and children and that God treats prophets more strictly.

Another example is a couple who wrote for a Christian magazine. Their entire romance unfolded through published articles. I remember one where she talked about receiving a sign from God that her husband was the one. A few years later they divorced--she said he was emotionally abusive, she left the faith, and all their articles were removed from the Christian website without a word. I only know the backstory because we have a mutual friend.

but maybe Christians tend to overspiritualize things.

I so agree. Tis why the Good L-rd also gave us a brain with common sense in addition to His word. We all make mistakes but this is just so sad all around. I think people are misinterpreting the Prophets like Hosea and misunderstanding the true meaning of it. It was symbolism representing Israel and not necessarily word we should expect a wrapped gift of a man to land in our laps. We have to keep our eyes open.

I suspect another problem. We often are lacking in knowing where to get help before and during a marriage. We cannot leave it up to G-d and expect Him to perform miracles all day long. Why, then, are we in this journey? He gives us strength for the journey - implying we work through it. It would be nice if G-d regularly performed these miracles of spouses but more often than not, people in good marriages married the imperfect and worked it all out for the better of the couplehood.

I think I've mentioned it before, but a rabbi said that G-d does announce your perfect match days before your birth but that it's not guaranteed you will find said person and marry him/her. Therefore, whoever you marry is your perfect match at that time and that you should work on your relationship. G-d knows who we will end up with, whether for good or bad. If we keep vigil and select a person with the qualities we will not sacrifice on, we stand a better chance. If we work on ourselves and learn how to sacrifice in justice (egality is a must) with our spouses, we could have a lovely marriage.

 

[MonPetite]

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[LucieLoo12]

This thread wasn't started to frighten, or even "tear down" as one poster said but its to just inform and get different views on this issue. I personally have learn somethings from this thread. I just hope it can enlighten people on what are some issues that are facing the Christian marriages. I believe the ladies have shared some insight on what a marriage may face. Some ladies have speculated on what may be a issue in a marriage, which is great as well...so i hope to hear more from this thread


carry on

 

[Laela]

There is always Hope... If you look at marriages in the Bible, they were culturally based, much like today. In biblical marriages, despite the flaws of the couples involved and what transpired, God had a plan. So I don't believe we can 'mess up' God's plans for us. Afterall He is the all-knowing God. He would work even our mistakes into his plan. Sometimes He allows us to go through certain tests, not for His benefit but for ours.
Here's some links that are great studies on marriage:

• The Honeymoon Is Over - The Story of Adam and Eve
• Yes, My Lord— The Story of Abraham and Sarah
• Talk to Me - The Story of Isaac and Rebekah
• Never Satisfied! - The Story of Jacob and Rachel
• Two to Get Ready— The Story of Boaz and Ruth
• Caught in the Tempter’s Trap—The Story of David and Bathsheba
• My Way— The Story of Ahab and Jezebel
• Undying Love— The Story of Hosea and Gomer
• For Such a Time as This— The Story of Ahasuerus and Esther
• Impossible Things Do Happen— The Story of Zacharias and Elizabeth
• Do You Trust Me?— The Story of Joseph and Mary
• Be Honest— The Story of Ananias and Sapphira
• Side by Side— The Story of Aquila and Priscilla

Threads like this frighten something deep within me about the state of the Church and my own hope for spending my life with a godly man. Can we not get something, ONE THING, right as the Body?

 

[LucieLoo12]

So true I believe that marriages can be ordained God, but when they hit a rocky patch they feel "this cant be God because if it was God, I wouldnt have to go through this"...We feel that God is only associated with good and not evil. Like Job said "Should I only receive good and not evil from the Lord"? We feel when we have good things "Man this must be God", but when bad things come we say "This cant be God"...but alot of times the bad stuff is God, its just God want to get some glory.


I hear alot of couples say marriage is a ministry. And I truly believe that. So that ministry has to be tested and proven. But its through the testing and proving stage that people give up and call it quits. Every ministry has to be tried and if anyone think that the devil gone sit back and let them live a happy and save marriage and the devil not gone bring trouble, they crazy.People walk into marriages expecting the good times and not preparing for the bad times that will come

Like my pastor say, if you are "alive" when you get married, you gone have some problems..he says you have to be dead to self.


Just an thought

 

[Sarophina]

I can think of a couple of examples. One is with a woman who had a traveling preaching ministry. Her husband was also a minister. She had a website and video on Youtube about how God specifically told her that this was her husband, how their marriage came to be, etc. It was all very inspiring. Well, she kind of disappeared for a while, and more recently I learned that she and her husband have divorced. No explanation was given other than that God took her family away from her because she idolized her husband and children and that God treats prophets more strictly.

Another example is a couple who wrote for a Christian magazine. Their entire romance unfolded through published articles. I remember one where she talked about receiving a sign from God that her husband was the one. A few years later they divorced--she said he was emotionally abusive, she left the faith, and all their articles were removed from the Christian website without a word. I only know the backstory because we have a mutual friend.

Both of those stories bothered me because in both cases because I had found the stories originally to be very inspiring. They talked so much about how it was God who brought them together, and how they received a clear word from God that this was His will; but if that's so, then how could it have ended in divorce? I think it's possible for people to mess up something that is ordained of God; but maybe Christians tend to overspiritualize things. There are lots of unbelievers who manage to keep their marriages together. Perhaps Christians put too much emphasis on "God led me to..." and "This is what I feel the Spirit said..." and not enough on reading the signs and maintaining a healthy relationship.

I think in the two examples you gave the spirit that directed them was not of God. I too have heard people say "God told me" and they were lying/deceived. I can't believe every testimony or story. But, rather I test it against the word of God.

In the first example, the woman should not be preaching in the first place (1 Co 14:33). She's out of spiritual order. So, I'm not sure how closely she walks with God and what spirit she is heeding to.

In the second example, if she left the faith, the bible says she was never one of us to begin with. So, the spirit that directed her was not of the Holy God.

I definitely believe God can directly lead a person to their future spouse. Yes, there are stories that are contrary based on people believing their flesh is the voice of God. But, I can definitely name countless more stories where people were directly lead to their spouse by God Himself.

 

[curlyninjagirl]

This thread wasn't started to frighten, or even "tear down" as one poster said but its to just inform and get different views on this issue. I personally have learn somethings from this thread. I just hope it can enlighten people on what are some issues that are facing the Christian marriages. I believe the ladies have shared some insight on what a marriage may face. Some ladies have speculated on what may be a issue in a marriage, which is great as well...so i hope to hear more from this thread


carry on

I just wanted to clarify, just in case, that I was speaking generally about mankind as a whole.

 

[Guitarhero]

Could it have been that the persons in the two examples thought with certainty they were actually hearing from G-d and not deceiving themselves? That they thought that G-d would honor their prayer for unity and permanence of that relationship but were overlooking character flaws that eventually destroyed the union? It's one thing to think you're hearing from G-d and it's totally another to deceive. This is the tricky part. Are you not in the "spirit of G-d" when you trust He will deliver what you pray for? We have a large part of responsibility in our relationships and there are no magic spiritual bullets to sustain them. For this reason, we are even called to counsel.

Don't get me wrong, G-d is the author of miracles and I absolutely know that. But we're partners of sorts in the creation of this world in the sense that we carry out His work and will. It's an on-going process and our work doesn't finish until death. Maybe this is what we miss regarding G-d leading spouses our way. We either miss the opportunity by looking for something better, neglect the one we've accepted or misunderstood that X-person was not for us. It's a hard call...even harder walk. And I think that the two examples Nicola gave truly believed they were in G-d's will.

Question: How do we know? We check scripture and abide by His laws...and still mess it us.

 

[MonPetite]

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[Rainbow Dash]

To clarify: I don't believe this thread was meant to frighten anyone and I've grown up hearing the knowledge in this thread. My parents, still married, have fought through what would've brought them to divorce (several times) to emerge on the other side together, marriage intact. It's just still disheartening. Why are we as a group getting it so, so, wrong --despite the HS' help? What can we do to begin fixing it within the next generation/young folks like myself?

LittleGoldenLamb
I love that your parents fought for their marriage and are still together. It's testimonies like this, that we need to hear about. People can see that some still made it even though they struggled. This example can be helpful for the next generation. How do you think your parents made it through? What did each person do in order to keep the marriage together (if you don't mind sharing)?

 

[MonPetite]

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[aribell]

Threads like this frighten something deep within me about the state of the Church and my own hope for spending my life with a godly man. Can we not get something, ONE THING, right as the Body?

Your hope is in God, not man, not even a Christian man, nor the Church generally. Our Lord makes deserts blossom...but only for those who trust in Him alone. This is not a criticism, only encouragement to keep looking higher and know that of you are in sync with God's will, everything He plans for you will come to fruition in your life.

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[Mis007]

Threads like this frighten something deep within me about the state of the Church and my own hope for spending my life with a godly man. Can we not get something, ONE THING, right as the Body?

I see where your coming from, it doesn't help when we are hearing more than ever about the messy marrriage lives of Pastors. How can a pastor preach against sin and admonish me about living a pure life, yet is guilty of the very things that he teaches against.

 

[Mis007]

Your hope is in God, not man, not even a Christian man, nor the Church generally. Our Lord makes deserts blossom...but only for those who trust in Him alone. This is not a criticism, only encouragement to keep looking higher and know that of you are in sync with God's will, everything He plans for you will come to fruition in your life.

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The Bible provide a standard for all of us to live by? None is saying that we are without flaws, but there is a standard that's demanded by God for us to meet.

 

[Shimmie]

I see where your coming from, it doesn't help when we are hearing more than ever about the messy marrriage lives of Pastors. How can a pastor preach against sin and admonish me about living a pure life, yet is guilty of the very things that he teaches against.

Don't give up hope and trust... God hears your heart and will prove that He is still the one in control of it all.

 

[Mis007]

Don't give up hope and trust... God hears your heart and will prove that He is still the one in control of it all.

Shimmie, I definitely respect that answer