Christian men with girlfriends...

[sidney]

Hey ladies,

Ooowwweeee, this may be my first thread. Okay, I have a quick question. Have you ever encountered christian men with girlfriends that maybe aren't aware of their body language...but you can tell that they like you or atleast may be attracted to you? Yeah you're not flirting brother, but I can tell. Personally, if I am with someone, I don't see ANYONE else. Just him! This really bothers me. Are men who do this wrong? Or do we all have eyes and can't help who we subconciously show attraction to.

This one guy in particular at my church got married a few months ago. But, I've caught staring a few times. I don't even know this guy. I'm a super goodi girl so there's nothing that I'm doing. I've encountered this twice before, but these two men were christian guy friends of mine and their character and walk are consistent with having a strong relationship with God. What do you think?

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

I would say keep them on their toes and hold them accountable for their actions.I feel if your booed up as a christian then you are in the courtship which means there is no others..if they still want to pursue other candidates they should relinquish that relationship

 

[Renewed1]

^^Agreed. But you also have to realize that men are men. As long as they are not being improper, gave them the nasty look.

 

[SND411]

^^Agreed. But you also have to realize that men are men. As long as they are not being improper, gave them the nasty look.

How is that an excuse?

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

^^Agreed. But you also have to realize that men are men. As long as they are not being improper, gave them the nasty look.

See that a issue.God gave everyone penis or no penis control.So I will not accept the whole boys will be boys and that its all the woman's responsiblity to keep her booty and boobies covered.Most women have curves that the way God made us.I'm not saying go parade around in the skin tight dress or pants so tight you can see what size undergarments your wear but I do feel you should look presentable bc you represent the kingdom.I m not saying being over the top with makeup and jewulary but being nicely accented is fine.At times wearing a piece of statement jewulary can be a opening piece for ministrying while Im on campus.Ppl will kinda stay away from you if you look all mousey..God was confident and strong we were made in his image therefore we should follow suit.

 

[sidney]

Thanks ladies, its just so strange because this is behavior I would typically expect from unsaved men and wouldn't think twice about. I agree with you justnotaprettyface, I don't think we need look extremely mousy. I'm not going to wear the turtle neck all the way up to my ears,lol. But I will keep it feminine but tasteful, and mostly importantly appropriate for church.

When I first started this thread, I wasn't 100% sure anything was wrong with this, but now that I think about it...if it were me it would please me to know I'm the only woman that could catch my guy's attention. If it's just a guy thing then its something that needs to be controlled

 

[sidney]

^^Agreed. But you also have to realize that men are men. As long as they are not being improper, gave them the nasty look.

You know what, you're right. Christian men are not exempt, they are still men...and no matter what we think about the issue men notice other women. But maybe the difference should be that even if you notice someone subconciously, the person you notice should not be aware of it. I think that's something that we all can control.

 

[Renewed1]

How is that an excuse?

It's not an excuse. But we are HUMANS first and men are going to do what's natural for them. Which is to look at women.....again its not an excuse and it may not be right. But most men tend to look and stare at what they consider beauty.

See that a issue.God gave everyone penis or no penis control.

Yes, but we ALL struggle with our natural desires and everyone isn't on the same level when it comes to controlling our sexual desires. Does it mean those men are unsave? NO. But we are human and we tend to do what's natural for us. Again, lines are cross if they are having impure thoughts AND try to act on them.

For all we know they probably thought the Opster was a beautiful woman and that was as far as the thought went.



Just my opinion.....

 

[SND411]

You know what, you're right. Christian men are not exempt, they are still men...and no matter what we think about the issue men notice other women. But maybe the difference should be that even if you notice someone subconciously, the person you notice should not be aware of it.t I think that's something that we all can control.

I'm sorry, but this does not even make any sense. It doesn't matter if the other person notices or not, GOD ALWAYS WATCHES and knows what we do in secret. Yes, they are still men. But a CHRISTIAN is someone who is transformed by the Holy Spirit and ready to be holy both in MIND and BODY; not someone who uses excuses for their behavior.

 

[SND411]

It's not an excuse. But we are HUMANS first and men are going to do what's natural for them. Which is to look at women.....again its not an excuse and it may not be right. But most men tend to look and stare at what they consider beauty.




Yes, but we ALL struggle with our natural desires and everyone isn't on the same level when it comes to controlling our sexual desires. Does it mean those men are unsave? NO. But we are human and we tend to do what's natural for us. Again, lines are cross if they are having impure thoughts AND try to act on them.

For all we know they probably thought the Opster was a beautiful woman and that was as far as the thought went.



Just my opinion.....

But doesn't the Bible tell us that it is our very nature that is wicked? I don't understand how this whole "it's in my nature" as it is applied to lust/sexuality, but never other sins. For instance, gluttony is a sin, yet I could easily say it is beyond my control to control what I eat because I am human and I love food. That would sound stupid.

I'm not saying you cannot admire people, but the OP's post sounded like there was some lust involved. We all need to remember what Jesus said about this and not try to exclaim, "I can't help it." Imagine if one of the disciples said that...

 

[Renewed1]

I'm sorry, but this does not even make any sense. It doesn't matter if the other person notices or not, GOD ALWAYS WATCHES and knows what we do in secret. Yes, they are still men. But a CHRISTIAN is someone who is transformed by the Holy Spirit and ready to be holy both in MIND and BODY; not someone who uses excuses for their behavior.

I understand your point Afri, but no one is flawless. Yes the Holy Spirit renews the mind and body but the REALITY is that we (HUMANS) have a sinful nature and we will always come up short. Maybe that is an area or the one time where those men came up short and had to repent.

In any event, none of us can judge these men walk with God.

But uplift our Christian men in prayer; considering Christian women outnumber them in churches.

 

[sidney]

I'm sorry, but this does not even make any sense. It doesn't matter if the other person notices or not, GOD ALWAYS WATCHES and knows what we do in secret. Yes, they are still men. But a CHRISTIAN is someone who is transformed by the Holy Spirit and ready to be holy both in MIND and BODY; not someone who uses excuses for their behavior.

Hey lady,

No, I don't believe any lust is involved. These men appear to live godly from what I have seen from knowing them. I don't think any of them were lusting. I just felt like they shouldn't show attraction towards other females.

 

[SND411]

Hey lady,

No, I don't believe any lust is involved. These men appear to live godly from what I have seen from knowing them. I don't think any of them were lusting. I just felt like they shouldn't show attraction towards other females.

And they shouldn't. You know, if a woman did this, she would be called improper, ungodly, and all sort of names/judgments. But men get a slide because it's "their nature?" Since when is righteousness double sided like that?

 

[katblack]

And they shouldn't. You know, if a woman did this, she would be called improper, ungodly, and all sort of names/judgments. But men get a slide because it's "their nature?" Since when is righteousness double sided like that?

You're absolutely right! It's within our reach to sin just as much as it's in our reach to be holy. The OP said this was done more then once, so this man is lavishing in his desires (atleast in his mind) and the fact it troubles the OP should a concern. What should be asked, is if the OP is seeing the situation correctly? Perhaps he isn't looking at her but paste her

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Good topic, but I'm not really understanding...

So, this man who's married in your church stares at you all the time? Or, was he just looking at you one day? IMO, yes...I feel that men WILL look at an attractive woman. But unless the guy is CONTINUING to look, and have improper thoughts...and realize he's having those thoughts and CONTINUES to look and maybe even flirt w/you, then that IMO is wrong.

But to say that a man won't look when he sees an attractive woman is like saying a dog won't salivate when it smells a piece of steak. I'm not condoning his behavior at all, but it would seem more WEIRD to me if he were forcing himself NOT to look and was acting weird as a result. If he just happened to see me, and was looking more than usual because I looked especially nice that day...then fine. I don't see the big deal.

But at the same time...he's married and he shouldn't be staring at women other than his wife...yes. HOWEVER, I do realize that it's harder for men. We don't live in men's bodies, so we can't possibly know how it feels to have that much testosterone flowing. I'm not excusing guys or anything, but I have heard from men how it can be a daily struggle sometimes just to keep their thoughts pure! I can only imagine how it is when they actually SEE someone attractive.

If it is really offensive, then maybe you should let him know?? IDK...again, it's all so subjective. Like someone else mentioned, he could be looking PAST her and not AT her. It's just not concrete enough. If you did approach him about it, he could always deny it. Plus, he could very well say that YOU must be looking at him if you notice him "staring" all the time. Idk... just a thought...

Sorry if my input was so wishy-washy. This is a tough one!

 

[sidney]

Good topic, but I'm not really understanding...

So, this man who's married in your church stares at you all the time? Or, was he just looking at you one day? IMO, yes...I feel that men WILL look at an attractive woman. But unless the guy is CONTINUING to look, and have improper thoughts...and realize he's having those thoughts and CONTINUES to look and maybe even flirt w/you, then that IMO is wrong.

But to say that a man won't look when he sees an attractive woman is like saying a dog won't salivate when it smells a piece of steak. I'm not condoning his behavior at all, but it would seem more WEIRD to me if he were forcing himself NOT to look and was acting weird as a result. If he just happened to see me, and was looking more than usual because I looked especially nice that day...then fine. I don't see the big deal.

But at the same time...he's married and he shouldn't be staring at women other than his wife...yes. HOWEVER, I do realize that it's harder for men. We don't live in men's bodies, so we can't possibly know how it feels to have that much testosterone flowing. I'm not excusing guys or anything, but I have heard from men how it can be a daily struggle sometimes just to keep their thoughts pure! I can only imagine how it is when they actually SEE someone attractive.

If it is really offensive, then maybe you should let him know?? IDK...again, it's all so subjective. Like someone else mentioned, he could be looking PAST her and not AT her. It's just not concrete enough. If you did approach him about it, he could always deny it. Plus, he could very well say that YOU must be looking at him if you notice him "staring" all the time. Idk... just a thought...

Sorry if my input was so wishy-washy. This is a tough one!

It happened several times already, but I don't think he was thinking anything unpure. But I think you are right, men are just wired differently and are more visual then women are. I won't try to pretend that I know what its like to be a man and judge them based on what I don't understand.

I'm definitely not staring at him, women ALWAYS know when someone is them undue attention.

I don't know the guy, so I wouldn't mention anything to him. Maybe he doesn't know...some body language is subconcious...