Christian ladies PLEASE tell me what YOU do when it comes to dating and sex.

StarScream35

StarScream35

Well-Known Member
I know what the bible says and I am following it but my my my the Christian men I meet who have this I need to test it out mentality or if you aren't initimate the relationship won't be strong. I'm getting more and more confused. I know I shouldn't be but I am because our society is so loose these days. Even women have this mindset that you need to do it. I was talking to a girlfriend of mine and she said if you don't do it within three months then there is nothing there. Is this really how society behaves now! I guess I fell off the boat!
 
Brighteyes35 said:
I know what the bible says and I am following it but my my my the Christian men I meet who have this I need to test it out mentality or if you aren't initimate the relationship won't be strong. I'm getting more and more confused. I know I shouldn't be but I am because our society is so loose these days. Even women have this mindset that you need to do it. I was talking to a girlfriend of mine and she said if you don't do it within three months then there is nothing there. Is this really how society behaves now! I guess I fell off the boat!
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Go by what the word tells you to do. It does not matter if everyone is telling you to go ahead and do it. Most Christian men will test you, they are men afterall but You have to be strong. If he dumps you cause you won't give him any than that is all he wanted to begin with. You will look back and thank God you did not give him any of your goods. The man God has for you will wait. I believe that.
 
Please hold on to what you know is right.
Several of my students are in college and I begged them to hold on to their virginities and they are all in the same position I am... they feel used up, guilty, and disappointed.
People say these things because of fear... they say that they need to know how a person is and what they will be like intimately... People want to test these waters because they are afraid of relationships. And I dont blame them... relationships are FAILING MISERABLY these days. The institution of family is disintegrating.
Hang on to the Lord and do what He says. Besides the biblical reasons there are obvious ones. I'm not going to go through and list them... not yet I'm cooking but think especially about disease and then think about the person who you want to be with for the rest of your life. You will want to give them your very best as part of your ministry in a marriage. Ok thats it for now time to eat.
 
I say this as transparent as possible OP.Keep your panties up and pants on.This world would like you to believe even these so called christian folks that you can just taste it and then be ok.Wrong! I will be very frank I wish I was never raped which opened the door to many sexual things for myself.I have alot of issues due to this ie craving of attention and desiring sexual things.I haven't dated in 6yrs and I can say now that I only date for purpose of marriage thus no test riding before the car is bought.I will have to trust that God knows what I desire and likes are and knows what is best for me.We have ties to each person we sleep with its best it be with the one person your husband.
 
I think alot of the problem is, people are calling men Christian who are not Christian. Just because he says he go to church doesn't make him a Christian. He may a "churchtain" but doesn't make him a Christian. The bible says you should know the tree by the fruit it bears. If this rascal is trying to get in the bed with you, :stop:, he isn't one.

Lets breakdown what makes someone a Christian. First of all to be Christian means to be "Christ Like" or striving for the characteristics of Christ. Someone who has surrendered there will to the will of God. Someone who doesn't just say the word of God, but someone who lives the word in truth and DEED.So you can't look at the smooth words or how fine he may be, but look at his (fruit) character.Is he godly? The bible says out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. Someone can show you exactly where they are by what they converse about. If all he has to talk about is wordly, carnal things...:Run:...

I keep hearing "there are no Christian men around, they all fake". Well i think the problem is the ones that you are calling Christian..... isn't.

Im not trying to offend anyone because I dont know any of you personally, but this is a GENERAL statement. I've noticed sometimes we attract what we are. If all we keep attracting is worldy, carnal, sexual men we may want to examine ourselves and see are we doing something to attract these men to us. If you find him in the club, and you dont see anything spiritual and he is trying to sleep with you..should you be surprised?? :look:.

I dont care if you met him at Barnes and Nobles and he was in the bible section, CHECK HIS FRUIT!! Ladies, lets not be deceived because they say "Jesus"....we can't be naive like that. The devil is after our souls and we have to be wise in this hour.

Let God lead you in all things. And I believe they are some good Christian men out there, but they are so careful about who they are picking, you probably wouldnt even notice them.

Real quick, and I'm done. At my church, we have a majority of young people (18-35) ,and the brothers who go there I really see them as my brothers and they are great men of God. Im talking about men of God, that looovvee God, some have been single 3-6 yrs because they choose not to settle. Well I talk with them all the time and they say how they don't want no woman who is focused on a man. They always tell me , they can tell when a woman is hasty to be in a relationship and that turns them off. They say what they find appealing is a woman who is so consumed in God that she dont even recognize them.See the world has taught us that us women we have to "make ourselves available" and "be in the right place and the right time" and "pretty ourselves up". But a real man of God is not even concerned about. What makes a woman attractive to them is their devotion and allegiance to God.


Im done :look:
 
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+ :jaws::jaws: = :assimilat + :heated: / :cry4:
 
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Alicialynn86 said:
Real quick, and I'm done. At my church, we have a majority of young people (18-35) ,and the brothers who go there I really see them as my brothers and they are great men of God. Im talking about men of God, that looovvee God, some have been single 3-6 yrs because they choose not to settle. Well I talk with them all the time and they say how they don't want no woman who is focused on a man. They always tell me , they can tell when a woman is hasty to be in a relationship and that turns them off. They say what they find appealing is a woman who is so consumed in God that she dont even recognize them.See the world has taught us that us women we have to "make ourselves available" and "be in the right place and the right time" and "pretty ourselves up". But a real man of God is not even concerned about. What makes a woman attractive to them is their devotion and allegiance to God.


Im done :look:
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Men say a lot of things. I see what your saying but OP has a valid point. Men will say these things but then they get you alone and suddenly their pants are off. Saved or not people are still humans and it is REALLY hard to find a man that is on the same page with purity
 
Well if you continue to have a negative outlook on all men and say they are all like that, thats what you will draw..

I believe they are still some men of God that have purity of heart. The problem is we going out looking and it shouldnt be so..

and when you are "saved", for real saved, not "I just go to church saved", you no longer walk in the flesh but you walk in the spirit and when you walk in the spirit of God, you cant fulfill the lusts of the flesh..


If we would just sit still and seek the face of God, and stop being so ansty to be in a realtionship and wait on God, we wouldnt get alot of the heartache we get.

SummerSolstice said:
Men say a lot of things. I see what your saying but OP has a valid point. Men will say these things but then they get you alone and suddenly their pants are off. Saved or not people are still humans and it is REALLY hard to find a man that is on the same page with purity
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Ladies thanks for you posts. Very inspiring. This world gets tougher and tougher and its really sad how the word of God is watered down. I'm trying to be strong but I am human. I know whats right it's just when people start telling you stuff and what they say really does seem believable. Thank you ladies so much and please do continue to post. GoddessMaker thanks for sharing your story. I know someone who was raped and she still hurts from it to this day.
 
Alicialynn86 said:
Well if you continue to have a negative outlook on all men and say they are all like that, thats what you will draw..

I believe they are still some men of God that have purity of heart. The problem is we going out looking and it shouldnt be so..

and when you are "saved", for real saved, not "I just go to church saved", you no longer walk in the flesh but you walk in the spirit and when you walk in the spirit of God, you cant fulfill the lusts of the flesh..

If we would just sit still and seek the face of God, and stop being so ansty to be in a realtionship and wait on God, we wouldnt get alot of the heartache we get.
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I'm sure its not that easy :ohwell: I think everything you're saying is correct, but I share OP's sentiments. Those feelings are valid and do exist. It is easy to say the way things should be, but the way things are is just so different.
And then that really leads to the question of how still do you really sit? What is considered "looking?" As a Christian women what do blanket statements such as these really look like in reality?

In fact could some of you post what sitting still was like for you? Including honest feelings and how you acted and carried yourself throughout the day.
 
Reading some of these post I'm going to say this nicely.Every hurdle isn't everyone's.Just because some can do things and just say oh just do this and that's all it takes is easy for some.For others there are alot more complexities that go along with their lives.We all should be aspiring and growing but don't cut others short because they voice how they are really doing.I think this is why so many silently suffer for fear of persecution.Correction is needed yes but sharpness does nothing.
 
true however, we shouldn't let our feelings control us, we control our feelings therefore our flesh...

He has given us strength by his grace and power...


SummerSolstice said:
I'm sure its not that easy :ohwell: I think everything you're saying is correct, but I share OP's sentiments. Those feelings are valid and do exist. It is easy to say the way things should be, but the way things are is just so different.
And then that really leads to the question of how still do you really sit? What is considered "looking?" As a Christian women what do blanket statements such as these really look like in reality?

In fact could some of you post what sitting still was like for you? Including honest feelings and how you acted and carried yourself throughout the day.
Click to expand...
 
Ive been single for almost 5 years now. Before I got saved, I lived with my ex boyfriend. I knew what it was like to have someone to come home to, to hug/kiss me, someone to be there at night. So when God called me to surrender my life unto Him,I had to let the boyfriend go because I wanted to be pleasing to God. And with me being in fornication I couldn't be.I had to fight! No, Im not a virgin, I know how sex feels(not trying to be explict, but I want to be real with you). It was many of nights my body was screaming for bad habits I taught it, many of nights I cried myself to sleep. Sometimes it was because I wanted to be sexual, other times I just wanted to be held. But I knew I couldnt put myself in a position to fall.But God brought me to a place of strength, place of contentment

1 Peter 4:1
Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin

I had to suffer in my flesh. Whats suffering? Suffering means to feel pain or distress. I had to began to resist the things I was feeling in my flesh so that I could cease from the sin that was ruling my members.

Now why I am saying all this? because I am a testimony that I went from feeling like I couldnt live without a man to being single and being happy ALONE. Its possible. I dont just make comments, just to make it. But I make them because I'm living it. I dont try to be "sharp" when I say things, but I speak with confidence because I know what God can do. But we limit Him because we dont allow Him to do the work in us. its not sharpness it confidence. We dont want to suffer, we want everything when we want it.

Now you said "Including honest feelings and how you acted and carried yourself throughout the day"...

I can't and wont lie and say I dont see attractive men. Yes I do. Do I dwell on them or make them notice me? No.
Do the feeling of lonliness comes upon me? Yesss. But like Paul said " I bring my body into subjection"...we have control over our emotions/flesh. And if I began to feel like the emotion is overwhelming, I fall on my knees and pray. I dont go out and find a alternative to soothe the emotion. All dependency has to be on God.

And then that really leads to the question of how still do you really sit?
When I mean "sit", I mean dont ever feel like you have to be in a rush to do anything...except seek God. The number one trick of the enemy is too make you in a rush. When you get in a rush you become hasty, therefore you fail to acknowledge God and you make decisions based upon flesh and emotion and thats not good.But busy yourself with seeking God, getting to know Him! Thats a full time thing all by itself. Its not boring spending time with God and if it is it means you havent fully connected to Him. When you are "sitting" you are busy with connecting with God, being formed into Him image, serving in the ministry, fellowshipping with believers, crucifying yourself that Christ may live in you. The bible speaks about how every believer has a purpose. We need to be busy finding our purpose and destiny in God. Its not gone fall out the sky, you have to seek for it.
I dont mean sitting at home thinking "When will my Boaz come"?:look:


What is considered "looking?"

Looking means to have a direct gaze or focus on. We should not be consumed with obtaining a husband. The bible says "We should love the Lord thy God with all our heart, mind and soul. God is a jealous God. Do you think God wants us focus on anything more than Him? When you find yourself being CONSUMED and find yourself being depressed because you are not married, how do you think God feels? He is thinking "Am I not enough for you? Can I not fill the voids? Can I not be the source of your joy? Will you be complete with a husband, and not be complete with just me? If I never give you a husband, am I still worthy?"



God knows the desires of our hearts. He knows all, but He also wants nothing before Him. He said if we delight ourselves in Him, He will give us the desires of our heart.

Delight means great pleasure. When we find ourselves consumed with God, and just loving Him for Him...because of who He is..not necessarily wanting nothing in return, but just loving Him. Our desires will chase us down.When our joy isnt hinged about what blessing we get, then He can trust us with our desires.

The devil tries to battle my mind and tell me "You about to be 26, you not married, no kids...u know u getting old right? All your friends married but you, you always gone be alone"....the enenmy brings things to my mind, but thats when I rest in God because He shall bring it to pass if its His will...and if not, He is still worthy. But my joy or happiness will not be based on marriage, but it will be based upon my King.



I guess right now my focus is on purifying my heart from evil and wordly things. We are living in the last days and Jesus is soon to return. I have to be ready. I can't afford to be distracted right now. The bible says only the pure in heart shall see God. I have to get my heart pure and right, for my true BRIDEGROOM. Alot of times people are worrying about the wrong marriage, we need to make sure our marriage with Christ is right.

I hope this clarified some things up. God bless :yep:




* I know I said "you" alot but I was speaking generally.







SummerSolstice said:
I'm sure its not that easy :ohwell: I think everything you're saying is correct, but I share OP's sentiments. Those feelings are valid and do exist. It is easy to say the way things should be, but the way things are is just so different.
And then that really leads to the question of how still do you really sit? What is considered "looking?" As a Christian women what do blanket statements such as these really look like in reality?

In fact could some of you post what sitting still was like for you? Including honest feelings and how you acted and carried yourself throughout the day.
Click to expand...
 
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SummerSolstice

I'm so glad you brought the whole thing up about looking because this has been an area of struggle for me. Some say don't seek, ask and the lord will provide, then there are those who believe in being proactive~~pray about it and then seek by doing online dating at Christian sites etc. I do know one thing................times have changed, men are no longer seeking out women like they were back in the day and I think people, especially Christian women are struggling to accept this. Pre-feminism or prior to the
60's, gender roles were defined and men knew what was expected of them and women knew what was expected of them and they acted the part. Post feminism or post
1960's, women are actively seeking men, being sexually aggressive, asking men for their hand in marriage, being the breadwinners, making more money etc and this has changed the way men respond to women. Sadly, Christians have gotten lost in all of this and really don't know how to respond or what to do. I'm no exception.............I could wait all day long and pray all day long but will God just deliver him to my door? Or I could pray, ask God to send SAVED Christian men my way and at the same time put myself out there, mingle and even gentle ask Christian men out.

I use to go to a church that had a large singles population and would you believe the men rarely asked the women out? So basically the singles population, remained single! After discussing this issue with a married friend of mine who attended the church as well he concluded that the men were afraid to ask the women out because they didn't want the women to think they were being too agressive or think poorly of them. Feminism was all about attacking masculinty so here we are post feminism where masculinity has been attacked so much that men don't act upon their masculine instinct to go get the woman because of fear of retaliation from women. The situation is a bad one................very bad!
 
Sex has never sustained a relationship...

Most women who will tell you that you need sex to keep a man...have had more than one relationship

Most men who will tell you that you need sex to keep a man...have had more than one woman

If it was the secret ingredient for relationships then everyone would be with the first person they had sex with.
 
Follow the Lord's command. Plain and simple. Dont' have any sex before marriage. I've learned my lesson regarding this and I believe when my mind reflects on the plentiful STDs and AIDS and it's connection to sex, that it's the Lord's way of telling me why it's extremely important to have sex with your spouse and not just any ole body.

Read 1 Corinthians 6 for what Paul says about our bodies not being our own.
 
To her friends giving her unsound advice...

'oil and water don't mix...so run...cuz listening to the crowd of sharks will lead to assimilation which ultimately leads to hellfire divided by a lot of crying'
 
Guitarhero said:
To her friends giving her unsound advice...

'oil and water don't mix...so run...cuz listening to the crowd of sharks will lead to assimilation which ultimately leads to hellfire divided by a lot of crying'
Click to expand...

:lol::lol::lol:

Oh... Okay. I was having a Rose Nylan moment... :lol:

You're good... :clap:
 
This whole thread is on point! Where were you when I needed to hear this! I loved the part what it means "to sit" and what it means "to be looking." And knowing that we need to make sure, as a priority, that our marriage to Christ is on point!

Alicialynn86 said:
Ive been single for almost 5 years now. Before I got saved, I lived with my ex boyfriend. I knew what it was like to have someone to come home to, to hug/kiss me, someone to be there at night. So when God called me to surrender my life unto Him,I had to let the boyfriend go because I wanted to be pleasing to God. And with me being in fornication I couldn't be.I had to fight! No, Im not a virgin, I know how sex feels(not trying to be explict, but I want to be real with you). It was many of nights my body was screaming for bad habits I taught it, many of nights I cried myself to sleep. Sometimes it was because I wanted to be sexual, other times I just wanted to be held. But I knew I couldnt put myself in a position to fall.But God brought me to a place of strength, place of contentment

1 Peter 4:1
Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin

I had to suffer in my flesh. Whats suffering? Suffering means to feel pain or distress. I had to began to resist the things I was feeling in my flesh so that I could cease from the sin that was ruling my members.

Now why I am saying all this? because I am a testimony that I went from feeling like I couldnt live without a man to being single and being happy ALONE. Its possible. I dont just make comments, just to make it. But I make them because I'm living it. I dont try to be "sharp" when I say things, but I speak with confidence because I know what God can do. But we limit Him because we dont allow Him to do the work in us. its not sharpness it confidence. We dont want to suffer, we want everything when we want it.

Now you said "Including honest feelings and how you acted and carried yourself throughout the day"...

I can't and wont lie and say I dont see attractive men. Yes I do. Do I dwell on them or make them notice me? No.
Do the feeling of lonliness comes upon me? Yesss. But like Paul said " I bring my body into subjection"...we have control over our emotions/flesh. And if I began to feel like the emotion is overwhelming, I fall on my knees and pray. I dont go out and find a alternative to soothe the emotion. All dependency has to be on God.

And then that really leads to the question of how still do you really sit?
When I mean "sit", I mean dont ever feel like you have to be in a rush to do anything...except seek God. The number one trick of the enemy is too make you in a rush. When you get in a rush you become hasty, therefore you fail to acknowledge God and you make decisions based upon flesh and emotion and thats not good.But busy yourself with seeking God, getting to know Him! Thats a full time thing all by itself. Its not boring spending time with God and if it is it means you havent fully connected to Him. When you are "sitting" you are busy with connecting with God, being formed into Him image, serving in the ministry, fellowshipping with believers, crucifying yourself that Christ may live in you. The bible speaks about how every believer has a purpose. We need to be busy finding our purpose and destiny in God. Its not gone fall out the sky, you have to seek for it.
I dont mean sitting at home thinking "When will my Boaz come"?:look:


What is considered "looking?"

Looking means to have a direct gaze or focus on. We should not be consumed with obtaining a husband. The bible says "We should love the Lord thy God with all our heart, mind and soul. God is a jealous God. Do you think God wants us focus on anything more than Him? When you find yourself being CONSUMED and find yourself being depressed because you are not married, how do you think God feels? He is thinking "Am I not enough for you? Can I not fill the voids? Can I not be the source of your joy? Will you be complete with a husband, and not be complete with just me? If I never give you a husband, am I still worthy?"



God knows the desires of our hearts. He knows all, but He also wants nothing before Him. He said if we delight ourselves in Him, He will give us the desires of our heart.

Delight means great pleasure. When we find ourselves consumed with God, and just loving Him for Him...because of who He is..not necessarily wanting nothing in return, but just loving Him. Our desires will chase us down.When our joy isnt hinged about what blessing we get, then He can trust us with our desires.

The devil tries to battle my mind and tell me "You about to be 26, you not married, no kids...u know u getting old right? All your friends married but you, you always gone be alone"....the enenmy brings things to my mind, but thats when I rest in God because He shall bring it to pass if its His will...and if not, He is still worthy. But my joy or happiness will not be based on marriage, but it will be based upon my King.



I guess right now my focus is on purifying my heart from evil and wordly things. We are living in the last days and Jesus is soon to return. I have to be ready. I can't afford to be distracted right now. The bible says only the pure in heart shall see God. I have to get my heart pure and right, for my true BRIDEGROOM. Alot of times people are worrying about the wrong marriage, we need to make sure our marriage with Christ is right.

I hope this clarified some things up. God bless :yep:




* I know I said "you" alot but I was speaking generally.
Click to expand...
 
@sidney

All Glory goes to God! :yep: He has taught me sooo many things. But I still know nothing. lol But its through my sufferings and pains has He imparted wisdom and understanding to me.


sidney said:
This whole thread is on point! Where were you when I needed to hear this! I loved the part what it means "to sit" and what it means "to be looking." And knowing that we need to make sure, as a priority, that our marriage to Christ is on point!
Click to expand...
 
And the truth shall set you free! John 8:32. I pray this doesn't sound self-righetous, but I thank God daily that I am happy and full in him. If he doesn't do anything else. My joy is full and complete Colossians 2:10. I know when I delight in him, my desires will come. But I rejoice that I am happy now James 1:2, lacking nothing...but only by his grace!

Alicialynn86 said:
@sidney

All Glory goes to God! :yep: He has taught me sooo many things. But I still know nothing. lol But its through my sufferings and pains has He imparted wisdom and understanding to me.
Click to expand...
 
Guitarhero said:
To her friends giving her unsound advice...

'oil and water don't mix...so run...cuz listening to the crowd of sharks will lead to assimilation which ultimately leads to hellfire divided by a lot of crying'
Click to expand...

Ah...okay. Only half failed. But the pattern that stuck out to me was the yellow.

True word.
 
Naturally, because he is 'saved' I am going to assume that he is very familiar with the Bible, I am quite certain that he will be more than willing to show you the multiple scripture verses that support fornication because that is what is plain and simple.
 
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