Channel your inner Nola Darling(not the member)

[nappystorm]

When I am single, I'm usually dating(not coloring) several different men at a time. I kind of have a round table of guys who are not that into me that I'm not that into. I pretty much date like this until I become exclusive with someone.

I told this to a friend one day and she looked at me like . She's a "he's not that into you" situation with a guy and is "faithful" to him. This makes no sense to me. Why act like a his gf...if you are not his gf?

How are you faithful to someone who is not your bf? I understand you may have feelings for this person, but why turn down dates so you can be readily available when or if he decides to call? Then I realize that many women are this way.

Do you ever channel your inner Nola Darling when it comes to dating? Try it sometimes. At the very least you will have an active social life and some interesting stories to tell.

 

[TCatt86]

Yes I have in the past. I don't get intimate with them but I will date a number of men, the only difference between Nola Darling and I is she was very upfront with these men about each other, meaning they knew names and such. I made it a point to let them know there were others but beyond that that was all they needed to know.

 

[LoveLiLi]

I'm not familiar with Nola Darling, but I continue to date around until I find someone who I'm really into (who is also really into me, of course).

I also keep my options open until the guy starts pushing for a relationship, then I act as if that is first time I've seriously considered it. Don't get me wrong, I let it be known that I'm open to a serious relationship with the right person, I just don't do the chasing/asking etc.

I don't see the point in being faithful to someone who hasn't made it clear that they want a relationship with you. I also don't see the point in sleeping with someone who is not in an exclusive relationship with you (I don't kow if you're friend is sleeping with the guy or not).

I know some people like the whole fwb thing, but if she wants something long-term with him, I don't think she's likey to get it being his fb or behaving as though she's desperate for his time/ attention.

 

[smwrigh3]

I am dating 4 guys right now... I am coloring with one but only b/c we having been dating for the last 2yrs... I had 4 dates this weekend


I hope that wasn't to much information

ETA: if it makes it better they all know that I am dating other people...

 

[sky_blu]

Who is Nola Darling?

ETA: When Im dating someone I tend to fall into that dating one person at a time thing. I've tried dating more than one guy at a time and I mix names up and its just a mess. Maybe one day I can find and tackle my inner Nola Darling?

 

[ThickHair]

Who is Nola Darling?

Rent Spike Lee's first movie "She's Gotta Have It". Title character Nola Darling played by Tracey Camilla Johns.

 

[Bunny77]

I always date (not color with) multiple people until I decide to become exclusive with one.

Notice that most older women advise younger women to do this... but younger women seem to do a lot of what the OP's friend does and then get upset when dude says he doesn't want a relationship.

I think it's actually much safer and healthier emotionally to date a number of guys and let them win you.

And no, I don't tell them about each other. That's none of their business.

 

[Highly Favored8]

I only color with one man and one man only when we are exclusive. Other than that no coloring when I am dating around. It is just not going to happen.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

I've always been a one dude at a time person, and being single for a while I said I would try this..but it's just not in me. I'm not the 'dating' type and my automatic loyalty has more to do with ME than the man. I cannot fathom spending my time with any guy that I'm 'not all that into' or is 'not all that into me' for the sake of having someone to take m out. I have a hard time finding time to spend with friends, family, and one guy, I'll be DAMNED if I try juggling 3 guys, that's exhausting. I'd RATHER be completely single and seeing no one. Casual dating is a waste of time in my book and I have more important goals than having a man in my life. A woman who's main goal is finding a husband, ok, but that'll never be my main goal, a man is an addition to my life and the less confusion that entails the better. I don't even see the 'fun' in having multiple guys to take me out. Also, at this stage in my life and the men I'm meeting around my age, no guy that wants to see me in that way is 'ok' with me seeing other men and I know it shouldn't matter. But if I'm even seeing him, he must be quality in my book and is someone I can see myself with the rest of my life, so I wouldn't want to give him any reason to feel like I'm playing games when I'm not into playing games, especially if he's expressed that he WANTS a relationship that involves committment on both sides. That gives him reign to date around just as much as I am..so then what are we even dating each other for? That's just my mentality. I'm fiercely loyal but you also got one time to show me something different in yourself and my loyalty and my company will be lost and it'll always be their loss, not mine.

 

[gn1g]

I do it like the op. Keeps my emotions in check and since I kinda like playing mind games its a lot of fun. 3 dates last weekend and 2 so far this week now I don't always make them but it makes me feel good. Also I learn so much about men from men.

 

[Ms. Alainious]

Yea, I can't seem to find one decent man to date in LA , let alone enough to juggle. If they ever start to surface, then I'll play it like you OP

 

[CookieLAD]

Notice that most older women advise younger women to do this...

DITTO.....and this is for far more than the obvious reasons. Had it not been for casual dating I would not have been exposed to a great deal of things that I've experienced & learned along the way - both about men and life in general. Through "casual dating" I have landed jobs, obtained tickets to & attended numerous exclusive events, eaten at some of the finest restaurants & gotten all types of other hookups.

"Casual dating"....otherwise know as networking in the business world!