Case of the Ex Gone Back to His Country:American Kids with Me

auparavant

auparavant

New Member
Well, the ex has remarried in his country. Mazal tov...I'm not jealous. I would never wish him on a cockroach. But....I get this feeling. Before we were finally divorced, I think he was crying to his family about xyz (his fault) and wanted to stay. He eventually went back home to have them pamper him..but they set him up to marry a friend of their sister who wants to come to the states. Some of his family told me so. He even admitted it, scared to tell me he remarried. Why? I intend to. But anyhoo, he was using his chronic condition as some sort of excuse, not eating, passing out etc. He squandered his money and had to pay a lawyer for multiple speeding tickets and driving with no license. Suspended for 6 months. I think this was part of it. He's become horribly unstable. So, to make a long story short, I get the feeling he's going to stay there - just something in my spirit. Problem? My daughter told me today she's afraid he's going to stay in "Cush" as well. I haven't prompted them and they've not overheard my discussions with my cousin. Even the older son away at school said it a couple of times. I was just silent.

Well, in case he does, how do we break it to the rest of the younger ones? It's not going to be easy. It's a definite possibility...and it could be due to illness if he doesn't care for himself right there. He might be stuck. How would you deal with it? Seek counseling? I'm ok with it but I have children. Just in case...sigh...he just won't go away with all these problems. :nono:
 
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Is it set in stone that he isn't coming back? If so tell them asap and get counseling. The longer you hem and haw about it, I think it would be worst. Actually their father should be the one telling them in my opinion, not you. He made the decision to leave. IMHO he is making you the clean up woman.

How old are you little one's? Kids appreciate honestly from the start.
 
FlyyBohemian said:
I'm very sorry about this. I hope you
get through it.
Click to expand...

Well, it's not about me, I'm fine and relieved I finally got out from under that relationship. This is one reason I moved to the other side of the country. I'm very worried about the kids. That would kill them. They are such good kids and I don't want anything that would send them over into misbehavior. It's tough being single raising them and looking around at all the other religious families with troubles. :nono:
 
ThickHair said:
Is it set in stone that he isn't coming back? If so tell them asap and get counseling. The longer you hem and haw about it, I think it would be worst. Actually their father should be the one telling them in my opinion, not you. He made the decision to leave. IMHO he is making you the clean up woman.

How old are you little one's? Kids appreciate honestly from the start.
Click to expand...

I don't have any certainty yet but I want to be prepared beforehand. He's there right now and is expected back (after 6 mos) just that I get this feeling...also my daughter, which suprised me that she just up and said it. I dunno. And if he got ill over there, basically, it's like losing a parent to death. What is annoying is that he's still draining some of our lives from us. :nono: I'm saying it is a possibility. We have been divorced for 5 years now. He remarried there. That is not the issue..it's the possibility if he stays and doesn't see them anymore. Would I go through my pediatrician for referrals??? Yikes, having to explain all this mess to a physician...sigh. LOl. How many times am I reediting for clarification:

What I mean to say is that I am not hurt by this. I am over him. It's the kids of import and how they would react, feel if, in case, he didn't return. This is part of his "control" over everyone around him, mired in uncertainty and emotions over his illness which he uses to manipulate etc. :nono:
 
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I would just tell them the truth. That you really don't know if he will come back and that there is a possibility, but you hope that he can come back and spend time with them. Kids know a lot more than adults give them credit for in situations like this (probably why they are starting to ask) better to just be honest. IA with the counselling, even if you start now when you're still unsure, it'll at least give them time to iron out all the emotions and make sure they have the coping skills they need if/when he confirms.

I'd also avoid badmouthing their father to them in anyway.
 
I'm so sorry. It seemed like you sensed something awful was coming. I pray you and your kids will be okay.
 
I am so sorry to hear this, I know you've been through a lot with him (from reading your earlier posts). My condolences to you and your children.
 
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