Can't win for losing sometimes!! S***T!

[kandi1280]

I recently pinned up my hair at a bbq because folks kept trying to touch it. Mind you its not long compared to what's on this board. But I had wanted to wear my hair out after bunnig and having it in protective styles all the time. I mentioned numerous times that I am very anal about hands in my hair, but people just either ignored me or kept right at it. I didn't want to ostracize myself from the festivities so I just pinned it up.

Went to a salon with one of my girlfriends and this ***** stylist let this one girl sit with a relaxer too long because she over booked. Then she had the nerve to get an attitude when the girl complained about how thin her style came out in the end and wanted it redone. Then that same stylist was grilling another girl coming out of another chair with GORGEOUS mid-back length (4a/b) hair. She asked her "what kind of hair she bought?" When the girl told her that she wasn't wearing extensions , she was like "mmmm".

I have been tonining my legs, but because I have keratosis pilaris, when I remove hair from my legs I get those little black spots. I will get a compliment about my legs from most people who've noticed that I've worked hard toning them out. But twice I've gotten comments from AA women with a backhanded comment, like "I wish I was as confident as you to show my legs like that. If I have marks or anything I just can't do it!" all said with a false smile. I 've learned that shoot my body's not perfect, but hey its mine. I used to never wear shorts or skirts, but now puuhlease!

Its so damn sad the amount of hate we get from other black women about our hair (or anything else: car, house, man, dog, cat, child, cooking, clothes). There was a post a while back about how some heffas would try to burn hair, start fights, stylists doing unecessary cuts and a whole bunch of other crap. Now I see why AA women sometimes get the "hater" labels that we get jeez!!

 

[caribeandiva]

how did that stylist get so many clients when she's so rude to them? i had enough of the backhanded compliments. it took me a while to realize that's what they were. i always took them as genuine compliments and flashed the person a bright smile afterwards. maybe that's why they gave me such strange looks after that? people hate on you for no damn reason. they'll always find a reason to dislike you. the best revenge is to pay them no mind and keep doing your thing. that works so much better than arguing with them.

 

[kandi1280]

I can't lie, some of her styles were really really nice. But her attitude just turned me off. And I just went to keep my friend company.

 

[firecracker]

twice I've gotten comments from AA women with a backhanded comment, like "I wish I was as confident as you to show my legs like that. If I have marks or anything I just can't do it!" all said with a false smile. I 've learned that shoot my body's not perfect, but hey its mine. I used to never wear shorts or skirts, but now puuhlease!

The above sounds like a sincere compliment not a dig at you. Many of us envy others for having the guts to do things we are unable to do. Heck I wanna tell my coworker how I envy her muffin top she seems so proud to flount at work. Cuz when I'm bloated into muffin top I wear tunics, baby doll tops and flowy tops to hide the muffin.

 

[laurend]

I have nice legs and love to wear short skirts and I also have keratoris Pilarious. I put Alpha Hydroxy on my legs it helps to keep those bumps at bay. Go to dermadoc.com to get her lotion made for people with that skin condition or go to www.skinstore.com and put in your skin condition and several lotions should come up. By the way your hair is beautiful.

 

[kandi1280]

twice I've gotten comments from AA women with a backhanded comment, like "I wish I was as confident as you to show my legs like that. If I have marks or anything I just can't do it!" all said with a false smile. I 've learned that shoot my body's not perfect, but hey its mine. I used to never wear shorts or skirts, but now puuhlease!

The above sounds like a sincere compliment not a dig at you. Many of us envy others for having the guts to do things we are unable to do. Heck I wanna tell my coworker how I envy her muffin top she seems so proud to flount at work. Cuz when I'm bloated into muffin top I wear tunics, baby doll tops and flowy tops to hide the muffin.

Maybe your right. I never looked at it that way. I guess it was the tone of one of them last year that just didn't strike the right chord with me..

 

[chocolatesis]

Went to a salon with one of my girlfriends and this ***** stylist let this one girl sit with a relaxer too long because she over booked. Then she had the nerve to get an attitude when the girl complained about how thin her style came out in the end and wanted it redone. Then that same stylist was grilling another girl coming out of another chair with GORGEOUS mid-back length (4a/b) hair. She asked her "what kind of hair she bought?" When the girl told her that she wasn't wearing extensions , she was like "mmmm".

I have been tonining my legs, but because I have keratosis pilaris, when I remove hair from my legs I get those little black spots. I will get a compliment about my legs from most people who've noticed that I've worked hard toning them out. But twice I've gotten comments from AA women with a backhanded comment, like "I wish I was as confident as you to show my legs like that. If I have marks or anything I just can't do it!" all said with a false smile. I 've learned that shoot my body's not perfect, but hey its mine. I used to never wear shorts or skirts, but now puuhlease!

Its so damn sad the amount of hate we get from other black women about our hair (or anything else: car, house, man, dog, cat, child, cooking, clothes). There was a post a while back about how some heffas would try to burn hair, start fights, stylists doing unecessary cuts and a whole bunch of other crap. Now I see why AA women sometimes get the "hater" labels that we get jeez!!

I just had to highlight the above because this happened to me. That's why I'm scared to death to let anyone put a relaxer in my hair now.

It is sad that we do this to one another. With all the things we have to deal with anyway, we should be able to count on one another for support. I know that it's not possible for every black woman we come across to be supportive, but we just tear one another down too much. I can't believe someone would say something smart about your legs. It is really sad when women can be that petty.

 

[kandi1280]

I have nice legs and love to wear short skirts and I also have keratoris Pilarious. I put Alpha Hydroxy on my legs it helps to keep those bumps at bay. Go to dermadoc.com to get her lotion made for people with that skin condition or go to www.skinstore.com and put in your skin condition and several lotions should come up. By the way your hair is beautiful.

Thank you Lauren! I will try that. ETA: I take after my father so my legs get HAIRY. Becasue of that if I use Veet ,in a day in a half you can already see stuble. Waxing is just too costly. Maybe the Veet is making the condition worse?

And thanks for the compliment

 

[sareca]

http://shoots.beyonceworld.net/albums/2003/021/014.jpg
And that's all I have to say about that! Heffas!

 

[deejoy]

Some people wouldn't know tact if it slapped them in the face. Sure it's a compliment to mention that you're confident but you dont really want people to mention the spots do you? People need to think about how they say things and shoot sometimes you just got to fight fire with fire and give folks a taste of their own medicine. Betcha they'll shut up then.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Sad but true... women in general can be catty, but it seems like BW can be worse than others with this. Especially if they find you threatening. Don't dare be prettier than her, or appear to be more intelligent, wealthy, or even just lighter skinned. Otherwise the hater will come out.

I don't go to salons AT ALL because I hate the gossiping, I hate the pettiness and I hate how the beauticians butcher people's hair while smiling in their faces. Ugh. I'd rather do it myself. I used to go with friends, though, to keep them company.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

I can't stand people who just HAVE to find something negative to say all the time, no matter what. My sister is like this and I was thinking the other day how when I got my very first car and this was almost 10 years ago, it wasn't old, it was cute but it didn't have power anything. For the first time she's in my car, I was giving her a ride and she says "You ain't got no power windows or locks or nothing?" This coming from someone who didn't have a car herself at the time.

She's always has something to say about any and everything. I love her but she's a hater.

 

[laurend]

Thank you Lauren! I will try that. ETA: I take after my father so my legs get HAIRY. Becasue of that if I use Veet ,in a day in a half you can already see stuble. Waxing is just too costly. Maybe the Veet is making the condition worse?

And thanks for the compliment

Girl save up your money and get laser hair removal. I had it done on my stomach and I don't worry anymore about shaving that area.

 

[Lady Esquire]

Dont be mad mami, even though it is easier said than done. When people direct their nastiness at you, with passive-aggressive remarks or even with straight-up bluntness, most of the time it is their own insecurity that is at play.

Kill them with kindness because you do not want them to transfer that negative energy to you. Never stoop down to that level, 'cause it's grimy down there. Be fabulous and enjoy it.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Oh and this reminds me of something else..I have a friend who's late twenties and still lives with her parents. Nothing wrong with that. She works full time, has a car note, no kids, not married cool. Well I'm a few years younger, I have my own apartment, I own my car..etc etc. We were somewhere and there was a dj or comic or someone saying something about being over 25 and living with your parents just going on and on about different things of that nature. She feels the need to whisper in my ear, "Just because you have your own place doesn't mean you own your own house." And I just looked at her and smiled. Like hmm.. you may feel bad or embarassed about this and taking it a bit personal but don't try to discredit the fact that I do have my own place and pay my own bills. YOU HAVE NEITHER!!!

 

[kandi1280]

Oh and this reminds me of something else..I have a friend who's late twenties and still lives with her parents. Nothing wrong with that. She works full time, has a car note, no kids, not married cool. Well I'm a few years younger, I have my own apartment, I own my car..etc etc. We were somewhere and there was a dj or comic or someone saying something about being over 25 and living with your parents just going on and on about different things of that nature. She feels the need to whisper in my ear, "Just because you have your own place doesn't mean you own your own house." And I just looked at her and smiled. Like hmm.. you may feel bad or embarassed about this and taking it a bit personal but don't try to discredit the fact that I do have my own place and pay my own bills. YOU HAVE NEITHER!!!

Wow!

Here I am wishing my mother lived in NJ. I would move in with her in a heartbeat. Stack my money and pay off my bills in a year and be 100% debt free!

Svelte - Girl do your thing, because having your own place is not easy.

 

[ladylibra]

i hate those backhanded comments... don't pretend to compliment someone for "being brave" to show off what you consider flaws. "oh i don't show off my legs if they look effed up, but YOU'RE so brave for doing it!" "oh my hair is too nappy to not relax it, but YOU'RE brave for doing it!" "oh i would never leave the house without make-up on, but YOU'RE brave for doing it!" the whole idea behind that passive-aggressive crap is to not sound like you're being mean-spirited when you really are...

 

[kandi1280]

Dont be mad mami, even though it is easier said than done. When people direct their nastiness at you, with passive-aggressive remarks or even with straight-up bluntness, most of the time it is their own insecurity that is at play.

Kill them with kindness because you do not want them to transfer that negative energy to you. Never stoop down to that level, 'cause it's grimy down there. Be fabulous and enjoy it.

Your are 100% right, it really is grimy down there. And that's not even my character to be shady and mean. That's another reason I just pinned my hair up at the bbq. I hated having to keep telling me to stay out of my hair. Having it up and out of temptation was just more peaceful and passive for me.

Thank you for the advice.

 

[kandi1280]

http://shoots.beyonceworld.net/albums/2003/021/014.jpg
And that's all I have to say about that! Heffas!

Thanks Sareca,

That just goes to show that for some people its only natural. It used to KILL myself esteem.

Thanks for the moral boost.

 

[kandi1280]

i hate those backhanded comments... don't pretend to compliment someone for "being brave" to show off what you consider flaws. "oh i don't show off my legs if they look effed up, but YOU'RE so brave for doing it!" "oh my hair is too nappy to not relax it, but YOU'RE brave for doing it!" "oh i would never leave the house without make-up on, but YOU'RE brave for doing it!" the whole idea behind that passive-aggressive crap is to not sound like you're being mean-spirited when you really are...

EXACTLY, why not just say your hair looks great. Or love the makeup and leave it at that. Id you don't mean what you say then simply don't say a thing! Your heart knows what you really feel. And there is nothing wrong with not agreeing with something.

 

[kandi1280]

Sad but true... women in general can be catty, but it seems like BW can be worse than others with this. Especially if they find you threatening. Don't dare be prettier than her, or appear to be more intelligent, wealthy, or even just lighter skinned. Otherwise the hater will come out.

I don't go to salons AT ALL because I hate the gossiping, I hate the pettiness and I hate how the beauticians butcher people's hair while smiling in their faces.. I'd rather do it myself. I used to go with friends, though, to keep them company.

The sad situation is that many black salons across the US this is the norm. I used to go to a salon faithfully. And my hair faithfully stayed the same length. I rather stay with my hair thick as cotton, but health instead of long but thin and flat.

@ the intelligent comment - It never seems to amaze me how you can get the "girl you sound white right now." That comment Makes me so - No I'm just speaking proper English. As if being educated is a crime.

 

[amwcah]

I can't stand people who just HAVE to find something negative to say all the time, no matter what. My sister is like this and I was thinking the other day how when I got my very first car and this was almost 10 years ago, it wasn't old, it was cute but it didn't have power anything. For the first time she's in my car, I was giving her a ride and she says "You ain't got no power windows or locks or nothing?" This coming from someone who didn't have a car herself at the time.

She's always has something to say about any and everything. I love her but she's a hater.

Ditto! Sounds just like my sister sometimes. I got a new wig and she hated at first. Then, after she heard all the compliments I got she wanted to wear it!

 

[SvelteVelvet]

Wow!

Here I am wishing my mother lived in NJ. I would move in with her in a heartbeat. Stack my money and pay off my bills in a year and be 100% debt free!

Svelte - Girl do your thing, because having your own place is not easy.

Yeah, I'm looking at her like she's lucky. I do love having my own space and luckily it's not financially burdensome but I'd loooove to stay at my parents rent free, there is sooo much I can do with what I pay for rent or rather I'd meet my goals alot quicker but..I know she knows she's has it good, she just let the speakers put-down about it let her a little insecure, that's why I just smiled.

 

[amwcah]

The sad situation is that many black salons across the US this is the norm. I used to go to a salon faithfully. And my hair faithfully stayed the same length. I rather stay with my hair thick as cotton, but health instead of long but thin and flat.

@ the intelligent comment - It never seems to amaze me how you can get the "girl you sound white right now." That comment Makes me so - No I'm just speaking proper English. As if being educated is a crime.

I speak proper English as well. For the most part, I believe it to be a person's tone of voice that gets this comment.

 

[kandi1280]

I speak proper English as well. For the most part, I believe it to be a person's tone of voice that gets this comment.

I'm soft spoken though. Lol people are always telling me to speak up.

 

[VeryBecoming]

*hugs*
I say this sincerely, I wish I was as brave as you are to wear short skirts, shorts, etc. I have KP and I just can't bring myself to do it. I really wish I could be that confident.

 

[DSP]

kandi1280, you are beautiful and blessed. Let the haters twist themselves in knots while you do your thing and grow that hair!

Here's my anthem for the summer -- "Hate on Me" by Jill Scott (Thanks Toinette!):

Listen here:
Hate on Me

or download here:

http://www.zshare.net/audio/2020769a1b7b2e/


btw, I have Keratosis Pilaris too. When I shave or exfoliate my legs every morning (which discourages ingrown hairs & lightens the "dots"), keep my legs moisturized, and get a bit of sun on them, it's hardly noticeable.

 

[mango387]

I recently pinned up my hair at a bbq because folks kept trying to touch it. Mind you its not long compared to what's on this board. But I had wanted to wear my hair out after bunnig and having it in protective styles all the time. I mentioned numerous times that I am very anal about hands in my hair, but people just either ignored me or kept right at it. I didn't want to ostracize myself from the festivities so I just pinned it up.

Went to a salon with one of my girlfriends and this ***** stylist let this one girl sit with a relaxer too long because she over booked. Then she had the nerve to get an attitude when the girl complained about how thin her style came out in the end and wanted it redone. Then that same stylist was grilling another girl coming out of another chair with GORGEOUS mid-back length (4a/b) hair. She asked her "what kind of hair she bought?" When the girl told her that she wasn't wearing extensions , she was like "mmmm".

I have been tonining my legs, but because I have keratosis pilaris, when I remove hair from my legs I get those little black spots. I will get a compliment about my legs from most people who've noticed that I've worked hard toning them out. But twice I've gotten comments from AA women with a backhanded comment, like "I wish I was as confident as you to show my legs like that. If I have marks or anything I just can't do it!" all said with a false smile. I 've learned that shoot my body's not perfect, but hey its mine. I used to never wear shorts or skirts, but now puuhlease!

Its so damn sad the amount of hate we get from other black women about our hair (or anything else: car, house, man, dog, cat, child, cooking, clothes). There was a post a while back about how some heffas would try to burn hair, start fights, stylists doing unecessary cuts and a whole bunch of other crap. Now I see why AA women sometimes get the "hater" labels that we get jeez!!

Keep wearing your legs out. I have a keloid behind one of my ears and stretch marks around my cleavage, and NO MAN has ever said anything about them. Why? The keloid and the stretch marks don't bother me. If a petty woman wants to comment, let her do it. My brother is crazy, and he responds to backhand compliments like that in the following manner "See that is the the problem. You are not confident like me." (I love my brother).

 

[firecracker]

Kandy if they said it with a nasty tone you know the deal. Whoever posted the pic of Beyonce's legs close up wth my legs look like that too. Kandy did you see the picture? Is that what your talking about ?

 

[kandi1280]

*hugs*
I say this sincerely, I wish I was as brave as you are to wear short skirts, shorts, etc. I have KP and I just can't bring myself to do it. I really wish I could be that confident.

Last summer was the first time in 8 years that I wore shorts. I completey understand.