Can you get over someone without replacing them?

[SimpleKomplexity]

Just want to know other perspectives. Many people say the ebst way to get over someone is to place them with someone or something else.

I remember that Lefteye Rap that said: Erase, Replace, Embrace, New Face! Say it with me now! lol

Is it possible to get over a previous loved one without replacing them with another love?

I'll add my input later.

 

[MissYocairis]

IMO, the healthiest way to get over someone is to do it alone and without the distraction of someone new. I don't believe in doing rebounding and I don't like the idea of dating someone on the rebound either. Get your house in order and THEN go out and fall in love again.

 

[Bachelorette]

I dont know. It hasnt worked for me at all so Ive cut that out of my life for now.

 

[varaneka]

no. you can never feel whole when there's an empty space. I have learned to practice "dating detox" during those times when I'm tempted to find a rebound guy. Instead of using people to replace someone, I lean on Jesus. I focus on God. This is the only way I've learned to TRULY get over someone. Hope that helps xoxo

He's the only One who's made me feel whole! Once you keep God first, the right "replacement" man will follow.

 

[deltadreamland]

I did it and I'm so glad I did. I now have the ability to move forward in a healthy relationship without the emotional baggage of my ex chilling out in my heart. It's a good feeling.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

Bumping this back up!

 

[sky_blu]

I think its possible but its hard. I dont think you can completely get over them but over enough to move on. Once you have someone new and hopefully you see how much better they treat you and should treat you, you'll eventually forget about that old person and completely move on. At least that how it is for me even though the old one keeps coming back everytime he has an inkling that he's losing me (which he has )

 

[MissNina]

It's possible but just a lot harder. You don't necessarily need to replace them, but you do need to find something else to focus on. A lot of times when we're in relationships, our SO or relationship in general is what we tend to put the most energy towards mentally.

So, maybe not a rebound guy, but maybe it's finding a new job, getting better grades, working on your body/self-esteem, etc. . .or maybe you can spend more time with your grandparents or best friend. This always makes it easier b/c it keeps your mind occupied on something proactive rather than just reminscing or shoulda woulda coulda

 

[Jade Feria]

It may seem harder, but that's the way it should be done. You need time to work on your relationship with yourself. To me, looking for a rebound is a cop out, and in doing that, you're avoiding the responsibility of taking care of and healing yourself. You can't expect someone else to fix your problem for you. If you don't love yourself enough to spend time alone with yourself, how can you expect someone else to? If you don't work on making yourself whole, you will continue to attract your incompleteness in other people.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

I asked this because when I first got on the board, I was desperate to get away from my ex. I made a few posts about it in tears as I typed it, almost in tears now about how he cheated on me (or cheated on his fiance with me) and then cheated on both of us with another girl. The rrebound girl and he are still together. He was my first and only, I made a million mistakes with him, and basically let him know he was the only one who had treated me so well, (but now I notice that he didn't treat me well AT ALL). Despite that, I'm kinda upset. I got with him in November of my freshman year so 2006. We broke up around March but we remained "friends or an unREALationship until the next year.) It is now three years later since we met, and 2 years since we broke up (roughly) and I still dream of him everyday. I still wish he were beside me when I wake up, I still wish we were dating, I still dream about him, and I still slip up and talk to him (he's in Iraq) from time to time. I pretend that it's because I care about him because he's in Iraq (and he pissed me off so bad I told myself I wish he would just erase himself from my memory.. in worse terms) , but the conversations are totally for my benefit because I miss him. I pray that he slips up and says something out of line so I can scold him and end the conversation, but know that he misses me also.

I told my friend about this, and she told me it is darn near impossible to get over someone (especially the first person you dated) until you replace them with another romantic interest.

I agree that this is the WRONG way to do things, because you should be focusing on other things such as yourself, but I think it is absolutely almost impossible to get over a guy that you completely adored without having someone else to replace him with romantically. *sigh*

I am soo upset with myself. I haven't wasted 3 years per se, because I have learned sooo much, but I wish I would have gotten over this hurdle a loooong time ago. I was doing so well. I stopped talking to him for about 6 months, but even during that time, the feelings remained.

 

[JustKiya]

I think replacing someone to get over them is possibly the least healthy way to do it, personally.

*thinks* I think that relationships, a lot of times, are like - hrm, sillyputty/playdoh on the emotional level.
The longer you are in one, the more you are 'shaped' simply via the pressure of the relationship, to fit into it better. Now, once you break up, you are still partially shaped by that ex.
To attempt to heal yourself by squishing someone else into that space just leaves you with 'gaps' between who you actually are, who you want/need to be, and who you should be in order to be best in a relationship.

You have to give your sillyputty a chance to 'reset' - to recover to it's 'neutral' and most 'you' presence, before you try to bring someone new into your life and start 'reshaping' yourself for the next.

And, the interesting thing is that - even if you aren't 'physically' still connected to that person, if you are still emotionally/mentally bound up with them - your sillyputty is not going to be able to regain it's 'proper' shape - it's going to still be pressured and shaped by the emotional and mental pressures of the relationship (even if it's one sided) that you still have with the person. You've got to let it all go - or at least push it far enough away to give yourself time to reshape and heal.

G'luck.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

I think replacing someone to get over them is possibly the least healthy way to do it, personally.

*thinks* I think that relationships, a lot of times, are like - hrm, sillyputty/playdoh on the emotional level.
The longer you are in one, the more you are 'shaped' simply via the pressure of the relationship, to fit into it better. Now, once you break up, you are still partially shaped by that ex.
To attempt to heal yourself by squishing someone else into that space just leaves you with 'gaps' between who you actually are, who you want/need to be, and who you should be in order to be best in a relationship.

You have to give your sillyputty a chance to 'reset' - to recover to it's 'neutral' and most 'you' presence, before you try to bring someone new into your life and start 'reshaping' yourself for the next.

And, the interesting thing is that - even if you aren't 'physically' still connected to that person, if you are still emotionally/mentally bound up with them - your sillyputty is not going to be able to regain it's 'proper' shape - it's going to still be pressured and shaped by the emotional and mental pressures of the relationship (even if it's one sided) that you still have with the person. You've got to let it all go - or at least push it far enough away to give yourself time to reshape and heal.

G'luck.

I'm feeling the silly putty analogy (THAT'S THE WORD I WAS TRYNA THINK OF ) . Makes a LOT of sense! Three thumbs up!

 

[Jade Feria]

I think replacing someone to get over them is possibly the least healthy way to do it, personally.

*thinks* I think that relationships, a lot of times, are like - hrm, sillyputty/playdoh on the emotional level.
The longer you are in one, the more you are 'shaped' simply via the pressure of the relationship, to fit into it better. Now, once you break up, you are still partially shaped by that ex.
To attempt to heal yourself by squishing someone else into that space just leaves you with 'gaps' between who you actually are, who you want/need to be, and who you should be in order to be best in a relationship.

You have to give your sillyputty a chance to 'reset' - to recover to it's 'neutral' and most 'you' presence, before you try to bring someone new into your life and start 'reshaping' yourself for the next.

And, the interesting thing is that - even if you aren't 'physically' still connected to that person, if you are still emotionally/mentally bound up with them - your sillyputty is not going to be able to regain it's 'proper' shape - it's going to still be pressured and shaped by the emotional and mental pressures of the relationship (even if it's one sided) that you still have with the person. You've got to let it all go - or at least push it far enough away to give yourself time to reshape and heal.

G'luck.

Love the analogy!!

 

[phynestone]

I'm still working on this. Right now, I'm trying to spend time praying, journaling and talking to friends. I work out from time to time, but I still have a lot of empty hours in the day. I go out, but I don't meet anyone. Other than that, I don't know what else to do.

I'm glad you started this thread SK.

 

[SimpleKomplexity]

I just dunno what to do. I feel so just ugh at times. Like last night. i had a dream again that I was back with "him". In the dream I was telling myself I shouldn't even be with him. Remember what he did to you? But I didn't care. We were back together and that was important. Even though I know that I wouldn't ever date him again.....I just wish i could learn to not want to entertain his conversations and I wish i could evolve to not miss him like how I do.

 

[nucienuce1]

You have to stay in prayer and learn to love yourself enough to know that you deserve so much better then he could ever give you and once you stop looking for someone to fill that void you will find the man that you are supposed to be with. I speak from experience and yes I have found the man that God has sent for me. Be Blessed

 

[GoingNatural]

Yes, that's how I got over my ex. I was so in love and thought dating new people would help me move on but it didn't. I actually had to be alone to know was finally free from that situation.

 

[Kerryann]

shoots you know what i did after the break up i went to the gym and started taking extra care of myself and was even flyer than ever before and i was just a little hurt but trsut me eventually u will get over it when u least expect it a nice guy will come along and then you would say dam what the hell was i thinking with the other guy