Can you believe this @#$%!!!!

[Soul♥Flower]

Yesterday, I was talking to a VERY good friend of mine. Her hair is natural now and very long. When I first met her, her hair was relaxe9 and neck length and mine was natural and THICK. Well, I was reminiscing about how thick my natural hair was and wondering how long it would be if I had just left it alone and not cut it or relaxed it. Now, she transitioned about two to three years after I met her and her hair is almost waist length. Anyway, see I TRUSTED this girl and come to find out she had been hating on me the whole time!

When my hair was natural she would make remarks about other "nappy head girls" to me when we were out it public.

She would call my natural hair a bush and then laugh

She talk about doing something to her hair and then when I would talk about doing something to mine....she would make that face like she was trying so hard not to say something

She "tricked" me into thinking my natural hair was soo ugly and at the time NOBODY was rocking natural hair in my area and I WAS starting to feel a little out of place...So I trusted her!

So I relaxed my hair, it was very long and pretty healthy. I was happy with it for a while but I did miss not having to go for touch ups all the time, but whatever...I looked good.

After a while we would be looking through hair books and she would be talking about how this haircut looked good and that haircut looked good, and you should cut your hair b/c you would look sooooo good with short hair....I trusted her!

THEN after a couple of years went by we went somewhere and she came out the house and her hair was NATURAL!!!! This ***** was growing her hair out the whole time she was telling ME to relax and cut mine!!!! That's why she was always in the hairsalon.....she was getting her hair pressed!

Anyway, I didn't really pay too much attention to it. I told her how nice her hair looked and she was saying her thank you's...all cheesin and mess, but like I said, I trusted her...so whatever.

Well, like I said before, now her hair is almost down to her waist, and mine is short, breaking off, and no where near as long and healthy as it could be.
And can you believe what this chick had the nerve to say to me?!!!

"Your hair used to be sooo pretty when it was natural, you should grow your hair out like I did."

:angeldevi


CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS @#$%!!!!

 

[naturallylovely]

thats really messed up how bogus she was, and hatin' and stuff.....but u cant trust people to THAT extent...and im sorry, me and her would no longer be friends, because she is obviosly fake and doesn't have your best interest at heart....

 

[Proudpiscean]

She sure doesn't have your best interest at heart.......the ***** probably just wanted to say she 'did it first' & you copying her. Some people are so childish & fake .......Anyway, she would mosdef be outside the circle of trust!

 

[Healthb4Length]

That's just wrong...watch your back.

 

[beyondcute]

OUCH... Well in the end you have to learn how to trust your own judgement when it comes to you body.

 

[Radianthealth]

I call that a "hating friend" their hate is subtle so you can't completely let them go plus they are good to hang out with just to make the time go by but I do not share any information with these people and I stay away from them as much as I possibly can. I don't need that negativity in my life

 

[good2uuuu]

I can't believe she did and said that!

 

[DDTexlaxed]

I think she had ulterior motives for being your friend. She knew how gorgeous natural hair was and led u astray. It was peer pressure that led u astray. It shows the reason why we shouldn't give a crap what ppl say. It could've been u with the waist long natural hair. You can still go natural yourself. You just temporarily lost your path.

 

[WomanlyCharm]

That girl was not your friend. I do think there was some jealousy involved in what she said to you.

She was definately trying to hate...But YOU made the final decision about what was and was not done to your hair.

It's a lesson learned...trust yourself and your own instincts. You are the only one who has your (hair's) best interest at heart.

 

[Proudpiscean]

I call that a "hating friend" their hate is subtle so you can't completely let them go plus they are good to hang out with just to make the time go by but I do not share any information with these people and I stay away from them as much as I possibly can. I don't need that negativity in my life

I call them frienemies.....pretending to be your friend, but really your d** enemy!

 

[Soul♥Flower]

That girl was not your friend. I do think there was some jealousy involved in what she said to you.

She was definately trying to hate...But YOU made the final decision about what was and was not done to your hair.

It's a lesson learned...trust yourself and your own instincts. You are the only one who has your (hair's) best interest at heart.

Yeah I kinda think she wanted to say she did it first, but to carry out her plan for such a long time....she must be some kind of evil geniusevil:. Anyway, it's been a couple years since I stopped asking other people for dramatic beauty advice,and you're right I did make the final decision and I'm fine with that....I just can't believe someone that I have known for 10yrs could be so manipulative.

Oh well, thanks for letting me vent.

 

[WomanlyCharm]

Yeah I kinda think she wanted to say she did it first, but to carry out her plan for such a long time....she must be some kind of evil geniusevil:. Anyway, it's been a couple years since I stopped asking other people for dramatic beauty advice,and you're right I did make the final decision and I'm fine with that....I just can't believe someone that I have known for 10yrs could be so manipulative.

Oh well, thanks for letting me vent.

You know when it comes to hair...some folks really can plot for years on how to best get it off your head and onto theirs!

And don't apologize about venting...you're one of us, vent away!
And we all work together to get our hair into shape. Shoot, just wait, in a while you'll be doing the "white" girl toss and showing this chick that haters neva win.

 

[nomoweavesfome]

I have to laugh because I've been there. I know exactly what you are speaking of. Boy did I learn - Boy did I learn. BOY did I LEARN and it took a course of several years to learn it. I do not know what to say except everyone who has posted a comment about this is absolutely right. I am sorry this has happened to you the hard way but I'm glad that this opened your eyes and was a learning experience for you. Happened to me all through my early to mid twenties in not just hair- I mean EVERYTHING. It's all good. You are a very valued individual is all it means. VERY VALUED. Do you Ma. and Ma, keep your intentions to your self.

 

[plove]

This is one of many reason why i don't really have to many women friends.
This is also one of the many reason why I don't care what other people think about me. It goes in one ear and come out the other.

I have a friend who is trying to do that to me right now.
I told her that i wanted to get a second job to start saving to buy a house. She tells me that I shouldn't because it will be to much for me to handle (like she knows what i can handle) and i shouldn't kill meself working just to buy a house. She said more things but this is around the time when my mind started to wander off. Anyway I come to find out from a friend of ours that everything i told her that I'm going to do to buy a house, she is saying that is what she is going to do to buy a house, even the getting a second job part. so she is running around telling people my dreams like they are hers.

I just think it's so dan funny.

 

[Enchantmt]

Wow, I'm sorry to hear this happened.((((Hugs))) Nothing hurts worse than feeling betrayed. You start second guessing yourself and all your friendships. I know its easier said than done, but dont beat yourself up and get bitter over it. Just let it go and learn a few lessons: 1)You have tried relaxed and you have tried natural. You can have healthy hair either way. Decide what you want. If you want healthy relaxed hair the women here can help you. If you want healthy natural hair, you can get help to transition back. 2) Rethink how much power you give others over your decisions. There is nothing wrong with seeking counsel from others, but in the end make the decision YOU WANT for yourself. You cant afford to be influenced by people who have ill will toward you, or even by those who mean well for you but want to limit you or put into a box so they feel "safe" around you. 3) In deciding what you want examine your thoughts about natural hair. It sounds like her ridicule of natural hair got to you. If you think natural hair is "bad", nappy is "bad", or if the opinions of others matter to you so much that if someone close to you thinking it's bad would up set you up for another relaxer or identity crises, maybe you should hold off making any changes just yet. In the end, she may have given you negative messages about natural hair, but you are the one who decided to believe them and act on that belief. 4) Sometimes the ones closest to you arent able to give you the support you need. When you are having issues, feeling bad about your hair for whatever reason, know that when you feel like that you can come here to get support. The women here support each other in things like going for length when all their family and friends tell them black women cant grow hair, proper hair care when it goes against traditional teachings, going relaxed, going natural, hair crises like breakage, shedding, simple bad hair days and negative comments from people they deal with everyday.

In the end, what's done is done. You cant change it. Vent and take the time to grieve over making a poor decision, then resolve to do better and then just decide what you want to do to move on from here.

 

[so1913]

And this is a CLASSIC story to support the saying:

"With friends like that, who needs enemies"

Well, you live in learn. Make decisions based on what YOU want, not other people, or you may find yourself in these types of situation a lot more often

("you" meaning genrally speaking, anyone. We can all learn from this.)

 

[happycakes]

I say try to get her regimen. Bug her about it and ask to see her hair products. And I would also ask her why she didn't encourage you to stay natural knowing that she had also taken that route too. Have a light conversion about it (just enough to make her feel bad) and find out that *****'s regimen.

That's the list she can do for you at this point and besides we want to know too.

 

[Soul♥Flower]

In the end, what's done is done. You cant change it. Vent and take the time to grieve over making a poor decision, then resolve to do better and then just decide what you want to do to move on from here.

Yeah, you're right...but I'm still a little mad. Especially when I think of all the hair "advice" she used to give me. This girl (whom I will still care for but now I know a little more about her character) used to tell me I needed a touch up like every 2.5 weeks (when I used to let her do my hair) cause my hair was so strong and that I should wash my hair with steaming hot water to relax the nap.

Of course this was long before LHCF and I thought maybe she was just as naive about hair care as I was, but I'm starting to think this was also sabotage.

Anyway, thank you enchantmt for your encouraging words, I have already "forgiven" and since I've learned so much from this forum about how to do things properly, I don't think it will be THAT hard to forget.....or atleast I'll try to

 

[Jas123]

I have to laugh because I've been there. I know exactly what you are speaking of. Boy did I learn - Boy did I learn. BOY did I LEARN and it took a course of several years to learn it. I do not know what to say except everyone who has posted a comment about this is absolutely right. I am sorry this has happened to you the hard way but I'm glad that this opened your eyes and was a learning experience for you. Happened to me all through my early to mid twenties in not just hair- I mean EVERYTHING. It's all good. You are a very valued individual is all it means. VERY VALUED. Do you Ma. and Ma, keep your intentions to your self.

ITA...I've learned the hard way as well..not everybody has your best intention...It's really hard for me not to share, but I'm working on
keeping my intentions to myself.."i mind my bizness"

 

[infojunkie]

Like my Mama is quick to say - Girl, you know betta!

Can't nobody tell you how to do you. Find out what you wanna do and rock it - everybody else be d@#$ed.

 

[MissYocairis]

That girl was not your friend. I do think there was some jealousy involved in what she said to you.

She was definately trying to hate...But YOU made the final decision about what was and was not done to your hair.

It's a lesson learned...trust yourself and your own instincts. You are the only one who has your (hair's) best interest at heart.

EXACTLY! I think, in the end, I'd be more disappointed with myself for allowing anyone that much influence over my personal decisions than I would at that person who was obviously not dealing with a full deck anyway.

 

[jasmin]

..and this is a friend???erplexed

 

[Faith]

Sorry to hear your friend played you. Doesn't seem like she is a TRUE friend. I would not listen to her about ANYTHING ever again and leave it at that.
But...all I got from this besides you being rightly upset is that she grew waist length hair in a couple years ...how did she do that?