Can we really be friends

[grow_N_Him09]

I want to follow "The Rules," but can I really just be friends with a guy? If so, how do I do it?
If I'm not supposed be doing the calling, how do I "check up" on them and see how they're doing, can we ever just "hang-out" without pressure that it's like a date?

And I guess should give a little background, to be fair...

I've known the guy for about a year now and at first I he pursued and seemed to be interested in a relationship (calls, texts, invites over to his house, etc.) but it didn't take me too long to realize he wanted a "physical" relationship. But I still played into it and went over every once and while and managed to keep my standards
So then I kind of fall for him and tell him. But I sort of lie and make it sound like I was into someone else when it was really him I was talking about. Right after that he tells me about some girl I never heard of until then and apparantly, it's serious I kind of get upset and don't answer his messages. Then I come clean a few days later with my real feelings toward him.
He claims he didn't know and it may have been different if he would have. Granted, I'm real nonchalant about it all and act like I really don't care about his feelings one way or the other. The main purpose for me telling him was to clear my conscious.
The next day he texts to "see how I'm doing." I guess I'm supposed to be so crushed and heartbroken.

this was back in April and we've talked periodically since then but never an extended conversation and I haven't been back over either. The agreement was to stay friends and since we've done some "friendly" things for each other but I'm just wondering how much I should pursue developing the friendship. Last week he invited me to a little get together but I didn't go (planned to but just didn't make it) but that may not have really meant anything to him.

I've come to grips that I basically played the fool and read his signals the wrong way

Basically, I just want to know how you can be "just friends" with guys and not seem like you're the obsessed girl who can't let go or the girl drooling all over them... erplexed

 

[MissNina]

I don't apply "The Rules" (the limited amount I follow on a regular basis ) to guy friends - only to guys I'm dating/interested in. I don't understand why you just didn't tell him from jump. It was kind of immature and he's not a mind reader so he probably thought that was the A okay to talk about another female to you. When he texted you, he probably just wanted to see how you were b/c he hadn't talked to you in awhile. . .wanted to see if you're still cool to talk to him.

But nonetheless, I mean, if you're genuinely not interested in him other than a friendship, who cares how it seems? He will be the one tripping. But if you still have feelings for him, then I suggest you K.I.M. It sounds like you still feel some kind of way about him. . .and that isn't a real friendship, IMO. My male friends I do NOT have those feelings about. The ones that I have, regardless if something was coming of it or not, are in another category.

The one thing I notice with women is that we tend to play the friends role when we know that's not what we really want. Guys know this too. We're not fooling anybody.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I want to follow "The Rules," but can I really just be friends with a guy? If so, how do I do it?
If I'm not supposed be doing the calling, how do I "check up" on them and see how they're doing, can we ever just "hang-out" without pressure that it's like a date?

You don't.

If there's one thing the "Rules" advocates, it's NOT being "friends" with guys that you're romantically interested in. Are you ROMANTICALLY interested in this guy friend of yours?? Because it sort of sounds like you are. If you aren't then that's one thing. You wouldn't have to care how often you contact him or whatever because you only like him as a friend period. But if you ARE interested in him romantically, I don't advocate going the "just friends" route.

See...it's ONE thing to be completely platonic friends with a guy (with no attraction on your end whatsoever), and later on down the line you both fall for each other, or he shows you signs that he wants to be more than just friends. But it's a completely different thing all together when you secretly have feelings for him, or he senses you have feelings for him, and you're still trying to hang around him in some way under the guise of "just friendship". Please don't do this.

I think guys can sense when a woman is just hanging around as a friend because she likes him, and I don't think the guy ends up respecting this type of woman. He may enjoy the attention, sure...but it never really makes him want to actively pursue her.

I've come to grips that I basically played the fool and read his signals the wrong way

Basically, I just want to know how you can be "just friends" with guys and not seem like you're the obsessed girl who can't let go or the girl drooling all over them... erplexed

Awwww...don't worry about it girl. Trust me, I'm in your same situation. I've been through it with the so-called "guy friend". Don't believe me?? Just read some of my previous posts here on the relationship board.

I'm getting over my unrequited love for a guy friend of mine. I'm still not 100% sure where I stand with him, but I have already started moving on. I have to live my life. I can't be "waiting" around for ANY man. I'm worth more than that. If he wants me, I'll know!

To be honest, if you have feelings for your guy friend, and you're not sure how he feels about you, or if he doesn't exactly feel the same way, the best thing is to just leave him be. Let him live his life, and you live YOUR life. Based on personal experience, if you don't just let it go, you'll end up waiting and eventually in pain if you keep trying to be his "friend" and he doesn't move things to a commited relationship with you. Trust me, you'll know if he likes you as more than a friend as well. If you've already hinted at liking him anyway, he would have made it clear to you that he felt the same way if he did.

So for right now I would just keep my distance from him a bit. He may be trying to keep the door open and use you as a fall back plan (guys tend to do this quite a bit ), but you don't want to be somebody's "option". So, just be nice, cordial, and cool with him, but don't be overly available to him either. If he invites you somewhere (and you think you can handle being in the same vicinity with him), then go SOMEtimes. Not all the time.

How do you not seem like the girl who's obsessing over him or drooling around him??
Simple... DON'T obsess or drool all over him! I know that sounds so simple, but it's really the truth. Tell yourself you are over him, and are not obsessing, and see what happens. Sometimes, when you don't think about a guy 24/7 and you just continue to live your fun life and aren't worried about whether or not he likes you, you automatically become more APPEALING to a man. That's why guys often fall for their female "friends". That's also why a lot of times women find that the guys they don't even care/think about often fall for them. Why? Because they are just being themselves. They are letting their naturel feminine radiance show. They're not thinking about their guy friends 24/7, or acting differently around him because they like him. They're just being cool, easy-breezy, slightly elusive, fun to be around, and not worried about "the future". Believe me, a desperate, anxiety-ridden female is NOT a good look. And guys can sense it a mile away...even if you don't think so.

So...honestly, don't obsess over him (trust me...been there...done that! ), just continue to go and live your life. He'll eventually get the hint that if he wants a more romantic relationship with you, he's going to have to step up his game!



Whew! Sorry this post was so long. I just had to share w/you things I've learned from my OWN personal experience with "guy friends" that I was interested in romantically.

 

[grow_N_Him09]

I don't apply "The Rules" (the limited amount I follow on a regular basis ) to guy friends - only to guys I'm dating/interested in. I don't understand why you just didn't tell him from jump. It was kind of immature and he's not a mind reader so he probably thought that was the A okay to talk about another female to you. When he texted you, he probably just wanted to see how you were b/c he hadn't talked to you in awhile. . .wanted to see if you're still cool to talk to him.

But nonetheless, I mean, if you're genuinely not interested in him other than a friendship, who cares how it seems? He will be the one tripping. But if you still have feelings for him, then I suggest you K.I.M. It sounds like you still feel some kind of way about him. . .and that isn't a real friendship, IMO. My male friends I do NOT have those feelings about. The ones that I have, regardless if something was coming of it or not, are in another category.

The one thing I notice with women is that we tend to play the friends role when we know that's not what we really want. Guys know this too. We're not fooling anybody.

Girl, you are sooo right. It was really childish for me to lie like that. And I made sure to apologize to him when I told him the truth. I still look back and wonder how I could have done that But I am about 8 years younger than him so that may have had something to do with it.
But...really, I think he was lying to me about his "girl." I've seen them together and they didn't look all that serious how we has making it out to be....but it's all ancient history now.
I can def say I learned a few things and know what not to do in my future relationships

 

[grow_N_Him09]

You don't.

If there's one thing the "Rules" advocates, it's NOT being "friends" with guys that you're romantically interested in. Are you ROMANTICALLY interested in this guy friend of yours?? Because it sort of sounds like you are. If you aren't then that's one thing. You wouldn't have to care how often you contact him or whatever because you only like him as a friend period. But if you ARE interested in him romantically, I don't advocate going the "just friends" route.

See...it's ONE thing to be completely platonic friends with a guy (with no attraction on your end whatsoever), and later on down the line you both fall for each other, or he shows you signs that he wants to be more than just friends. But it's a completely different thing all together when you secretly have feelings for him, or he senses you have feelings for him, and you're still trying to hang around him in some way under the guise of "just friendship". Please don't do this.

I think guys can sense when a woman is just hanging around as a friend because she likes him, and I don't think the guy ends up respecting this type of woman. He may enjoy the attention, sure...but it never really makes him want to actively pursue her.




Awwww...don't worry about it girl. Trust me, I'm in your same situation. I've been through it with the so-called "guy friend". Don't believe me?? Just read some of my previous posts here on the relationship board.

I'm getting over my unrequited love for a guy friend of mine. I'm still not 100% sure where I stand with him, but I have already started moving on. I have to live my life. I can't be "waiting" around for ANY man. I'm worth more than that. If he wants me, I'll know!

To be honest, if you have feelings for your guy friend, and you're not sure how he feels about you, or if he doesn't exactly feel the same way, the best thing is to just leave him be. Let him live his life, and you live YOUR life. Based on personal experience, if you don't just let it go, you'll end up waiting and eventually in pain if you keep trying to be his "friend" and he doesn't move things to a commited relationship with you. Trust me, you'll know if he likes you as more than a friend as well. If you've already hinted at liking him anyway, he would have made it clear to you that he felt the same way if he did.

So for right now I would just keep my distance from him a bit. He may be trying to keep the door open and use you as a fall back plan (guys tend to do this quite a bit ), but you don't want to be somebody's "option". So, just be nice, cordial, and cool with him, but don't be overly available to him either. If he invites you somewhere (and you think you can handle being in the same vicinity with him), then go SOMEtimes. Not all the time.

How do you not seem like the girl who's obsessing over him or drooling around him??
Simple... DON'T obsess or drool all over him! I know that sounds so simple, but it's really the truth. Tell yourself you are over him, and are not obsessing, and see what happens. Sometimes, when you don't think about a guy 24/7 and you just continue to live your fun life and aren't worried about whether or not he likes you, you automatically become more APPEALING to a man. That's why guys often fall for their female "friends". That's also why a lot of times women find that the guys they don't even care/think about often fall for them. Why? Because they are just being themselves. They are letting their naturel feminine radiance show. They're not thinking about their guy friends 24/7, or acting differently around him because they like him. They're just being cool, easy-breezy, slightly elusive, fun to be around, and not worried about "the future". Believe me, a desperate, anxiety-ridden female is NOT a good look. And guys can sense it a mile away...even if you don't think so.

So...honestly, don't obsess over him (trust me...been there...done that! ), just continue to go and live your life. He'll eventually get the hint that if he wants a more romantic relationship with you, he's going to have to step up his game!



Whew! Sorry this post was so long. I just had to share w/you things I've learned from my OWN personal experience with "guy friends" that I was interested in romantically.

Thanks! I needed every word of it!
I think I knew the answer all along. I just wanted somebody to confirm it (or tell me it was OK to call him )
But, yeah, it hurts because I feel like I let him slip through my fingers. It was like I had his interest and then I lost it. But if I'm honest with myself I think it was because he saw he was not going to win me "physically"
So I erased his phone number (which doesn't do much good because I know it by heart ) and I plan to K.I.M.
...which kind of worked out today. I was in the library and this guy comes to my table to sit, which is understandable because it had one of the few power outlets and he and I both had our laptops.
So I'm in my books and he asks for some gum. So I give him some. About 10 minutes later he introduces himself, shakes my hand, etc. (not like I really asked who he was lol) But I take the hints and "play along" and ask him what he does, etc. So we talked for some time and he asked for my number and it looks like we're going to dinner this weekend.
But I'm really not into him "like that"' or maybe I'm still into my other guy Anyway, he's new in the area and it just looked like he needed some company, so I was friendly. We'll see what happens....

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

But...really, I think he was lying to me about his "girl." I've seen them together and they didn't look all that serious how we has making it out to be....but it's all ancient history now.
I can def say I learned a few things and know what not to do in my future relationships

Oh, so you've seen him and his gf together? Just out of curiosity...how did you manage to see them together? Like, did you run into them or something? And also, what gave you the impression that it wasn't that serious between them? Just curious...

Thanks! I needed every word of it!
I think I knew the answer all along. I just wanted somebody to confirm it (or tell me it was OK to call him )
But, yeah, it hurts because I feel like I let him slip through my fingers. It was like I had his interest and then I lost it.

Yeah...I understand. I have the same experience with my guy friend too. I think there was a time when he was trying to "test the waters" with me, and MAYBE give me hints that his feelings for me had changed to be romantic. But by this time I was so guarded around him (I liked him first and I believe he knew this--which is another reason why I advocate the "Rules" & WMLB) and I didn't want to get hurt again that I just brushed off his interest, and I didn't always take him up on his offers when he invited me someplace with him. Now when I look back I kind of wished that I had just trusted him a little, relaxed, and just seen where things might have gone between us. I think it's the "what if" that's eating me up the most right now. BUT!!! I can't live in the past. He's with a new girlfriend now, and seems pretty happy. Besides, if he REALLY wanted me, or wants me in the future, he will NOT let me get away. He'll pursue me hard...even if I seem a little unsure at first.

So, please...don't beat yourself up. YEs, sometimes guys can get really nervous if they like you, and yes communication between men and women can get lost in translation sometimes with mixed signals, miscommunication, misunderstandings or whatnot...but the BOTTOM line is...if a guy REALLY wants a relationship with you (notice I said RELATIONSHIP), he will NOT let you get away. He will continue to try to show you (even in small ways) that he is interested.

But if I'm honest with myself I think it was because he saw he was not going to win me "physically"

Oh...well if you believe that all he really wanted was something "physical" with you, then he's not worth it! Unless...that's all you wanted from him too...

So I erased his phone number (which doesn't do much good because I know it by heart ) and I plan to K.I.M.

Good for you!

So I'm in my books and he asks for some gum. So I give him some. About 10 minutes later he introduces himself, shakes my hand, etc. (not like I really asked who he was lol) But I take the hints and "play along" and ask him what he does, etc. So we talked for some time and he asked for my number and it looks like we're going to dinner this weekend.But I'm really not into him "like that"' or maybe I'm still into my other guy Anyway, he's new in the area and it just looked like he needed some company, so I was friendly. We'll see what happens....

This is excellent news! I can't wait until I find someone that I'm interested in that wants to take me out. I can't wait for mine!! Even if you're not interested in this guy, it's good that you're going out with him and feeling him out . You never know! Plus, I'm telling you...when you are out with a guy who REALLY genuinely likes you, the energy is SOOO much better!!! It's sooo much easier, and you feel a LOT less anxious. Things are just easy. You feel so beautiful and desired, and the conversation just flows. This is how you want it to be. You don't want to be digging the guy more than he's digging you. This will ALWAYS put you in an uncompromising WEAKER position. He WILL take advantage of you in some way. If not physically, emotionally or mentally. I did this for far too long... I say: "NEVER AGAIN!"

 

[Highly Favored8]

You don't.

If there's one thing the "Rules" advocates, it's NOT being "friends" with guys that you're romantically interested in. Are you ROMANTICALLY interested in this guy friend of yours?? Because it sort of sounds like you are. If you aren't then that's one thing. You wouldn't have to care how often you contact him or whatever because you only like him as a friend period. But if you ARE interested in him romantically, I don't advocate going the "just friends" route.

See...it's ONE thing to be completely platonic friends with a guy (with no attraction on your end whatsoever), and later on down the line you both fall for each other, or he shows you signs that he wants to be more than just friends. But it's a completely different thing all together when you secretly have feelings for him, or he senses you have feelings for him, and you're still trying to hang around him in some way under the guise of "just friendship". Please don't do this.

I think guys can sense when a woman is just hanging around as a friend because she likes him, and I don't think the guy ends up respecting this type of woman. He may enjoy the attention, sure...but it never really makes him want to actively pursue her.




Awwww...don't worry about it girl. Trust me, I'm in your same situation. I've been through it with the so-called "guy friend". Don't believe me?? Just read some of my previous posts here on the relationship board.

I'm getting over my unrequited love for a guy friend of mine. I'm still not 100% sure where I stand with him, but I have already started moving on. I have to live my life. I can't be "waiting" around for ANY man. I'm worth more than that. If he wants me, I'll know!

To be honest, if you have feelings for your guy friend, and you're not sure how he feels about you, or if he doesn't exactly feel the same way, the best thing is to just leave him be. Let him live his life, and you live YOUR life. Based on personal experience, if you don't just let it go, you'll end up waiting and eventually in pain if you keep trying to be his "friend" and he doesn't move things to a commited relationship with you. Trust me, you'll know if he likes you as more than a friend as well. If you've already hinted at liking him anyway, he would have made it clear to you that he felt the same way if he did.

So for right now I would just keep my distance from him a bit. He may be trying to keep the door open and use you as a fall back plan (guys tend to do this quite a bit ), but you don't want to be somebody's "option". So, just be nice, cordial, and cool with him, but don't be overly available to him either. If he invites you somewhere (and you think you can handle being in the same vicinity with him), then go SOMEtimes. Not all the time.

How do you not seem like the girl who's obsessing over him or drooling around him??
Simple... DON'T obsess or drool all over him! I know that sounds so simple, but it's really the truth. Tell yourself you are over him, and are not obsessing, and see what happens. Sometimes, when you don't think about a guy 24/7 and you just continue to live your fun life and aren't worried about whether or not he likes you, you automatically become more APPEALING to a man. That's why guys often fall for their female "friends". That's also why a lot of times women find that the guys they don't even care/think about often fall for them. Why? Because they are just being themselves. They are letting their naturel feminine radiance show. They're not thinking about their guy friends 24/7, or acting differently around him because they like him. They're just being cool, easy-breezy, slightly elusive, fun to be around, and not worried about "the future". Believe me, a desperate, anxiety-ridden female is NOT a good look. And guys can sense it a mile away...even if you don't think so.

So...honestly, don't obsess over him (trust me...been there...done that! ), just continue to go and live your life. He'll eventually get the hint that if he wants a more romantic relationship with you, he's going to have to step up his game!



Whew! Sorry this post was so long. I just had to share w/you things I've learned from my OWN personal experience with "guy friends" that I was interested in romantically.

Said like true "rules woman"

 

[grow_N_Him09]

Oh, so you've seen him and his gf together? Just out of curiosity...how did you manage to see them together? Like, did you run into them or something? And also, what gave you the impression that it wasn't that serious between them? Just curious...

Well...it may be a little stalker-ish , but they were at this community event (all I can say without giving too much detail on the web) and I couldn't go, but a girlfriend of mine went. And she had videotaped it to let me see. When they walked in, he walks in before her, like rushs in front her and leaves her to kind of catch up. It was like 'OK, follow me' kind of thing. And when we went somewhere together, he always let me go first, opened the door, etc.
He also invited me to the event, but didn't invite me to go with him. I told him I would go and "bring somebody." So part of me thinks he just grabbed somebody to go wtih so he didn't look bad. But maybe I'm still reading too much in it...

But by this time I was so guarded around him (I liked him first and I believe he knew this--which is another reason why I advocate the "Rules" & WMLB) and I didn't want to get hurt again

If I can ask, what made you put up your guard? did he do something to hurt you or somebody else?

Besides, if he REALLY wanted me, or wants me in the future, he will NOT let me get away. He'll pursue me hard...even if I seem a little unsure at first.

I got to, got to, got to keep this mind Men don't need my help in "getting things rolling." I had a little weak moment yesterday and sent him a message But I just asked one question and kept is pretty platonic. Still, probably not a good idea so I won't be making it a habit .

Oh...well if you believe that all he really wanted was something "physical" with you, then he's not worth it! Unless...that's all you wanted from him too...

I know it sounds stupid, but, if nothing else, it was little flattering to be wanted like that But I just figured all men want that at first so there was no real getting around it. I just made sure we had an understanding from the get-go.

I can't wait until I find someone that I'm interested in that wants to take me out. I can't wait for mine!!

You'll get it. I know so because I NEVER go on dates. In fact, this guy I'm trying to get over was my first official dating experience. So I know firsthand how brutal the waiting period can be, especially when it seems like everybody around you is "all hugged up with somebody." erplexed I just hope somebody comes along who looks as good. God knows He did a good job on him ...he was absolutely gorgeous

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Said like true "rules woman"

haha! You know it!

Well...it may be a little stalker-ish , but they were at this community event (all I can say without giving too much detail on the web) and I couldn't go, but a girlfriend of mine went. And she had videotaped it to let me see. When they walked in, he walks in before her, like rushs in front her and leaves her to kind of catch up. It was like 'OK, follow me' kind of thing. And when we went somewhere together, he always let me go first, opened the door, etc.
He also invited me to the event, but didn't invite me to go with him. I told him I would go and "bring somebody." So part of me thinks he just grabbed somebody to go wtih so he didn't look bad. But maybe I'm still reading too much in it...

Hmmm...well, maybe you are...or maybe you're not. Only time will tell. The most important thing now however is that YOU move on, and just focus on yourself...especially now that he's dating someone else. If he really wants you, he'll come back your way one day. Honest. Trust me girl...we're going through the same thing.

If I can ask, what made you put up your guard? did he do something to hurt you or somebody else?

Well....it's kind of complicated really. To be honest, when I first met him I didn't even like him like that, but after he seemed to be showing some interest in me I started to like him. He was a little on the shy side, and so I figured: "Well, he's kind of 'shy', so let me give him some encouragement." So, I ended up pursuing him a little bit. (I SO wish I had "the Rules" back then! )

Anyway, at the time though he was really interested in another girl, but I always noticed that he would "keep in touch" with me for some reason. He and the other girl sort of started talking and I guess "dating" casually for a good 2 years, but she played games w/him and they were not compatible at all romantically. Unfortunately, in that 2 year span things between me and him were always very awkward. Sometimes due to him, and sometimes due to me. Since we never really established what we truly were, I don't think we knew whether to interact as "just friends", or as a little more than friends. Plus he was always acting really "nervous" around me so I just figured that he was acting that way because he knew I liked him and didn't want to give me the wrong impression.

Well, after some time passed, he started showing more and more interest in me, but I was very guarded and didn't trust it because I wasn't sure if he wanted me as "just a friend" or as more than a friend. At times I really was mean! I knew MY feelings & didn't want to play games, but I didn't know if he felt the same way, or was interested or what. I didn't know WHAT he wanted from me! And I wasn't about to ask him (heck no! ). Plus, I wasn't sure if he still liked the other girl or what. All I knew was that he always acted very funny/strange if another guy was flirting w/me, or if I seemed to be having fun with another guy. He would always "get in between" somehow.

There was a time last summer when I could sense that maybe his feelings for me had changed, and now that I look back in hindsight he probably DID genuinely like me, but since I had shown that I liked him FIRST (yet ANOTHER reason to do "the Rules"!), I didn't know at the time whether or not his interest in me was really genuine, or if I was just a "last resort". He always seemed kind of shy/nervous around me at times. Idk...maybe it was just a big misunderstanding I guess. Maybe the timing was just always off. I liked him when he was interested in someone else, then as time went on he started to like me more, but by that time I was trying to move on and was already so guarded I didn't know whether to let him in...etc. It was just crazy!

Oh well...He's dating someone else right now, so... I try not to think about it too much.

These days I'm just leaving all things up to God. Sometimes I think God knows who is right for you, and can even tell when the timing is very OFF for you and a certain person. Maybe that person really is meant to be with you, but it's not happening now because the timing is not right. The person isn't mature, you have some things you need to work on, the other person wouldn't be a good fit for you right now, etc. I firmly believe that what will happen will happen. If we're meant to be, then we will be. But if not him, then someone else!

I got to, got to, got to keep this mind Men don't need my help in "getting things rolling." I had a little weak moment yesterday and sent him a message But I just asked one question and kept is pretty platonic. Still, probably not a good idea so I won't be making it a habit .

Nope...they don't. Unless you can REALLY see them struggling, you don't need to do anything. And even if they are struggling, maybe giving them a LITTLE bit of encouragement is fine, but chasing after them?? No!

Oh yeah, and btw...I've learned that with guys, sending text messages is basically the same as calling them.

You'll get it. I know so because I NEVER go on dates. In fact, this guy I'm trying to get over was my first official dating experience. So I know firsthand how brutal the waiting period can be, especially when it seems like everybody around you is "all hugged up with somebody." erplexed I just hope somebody comes along who looks as good. God knows He did a good job on him ...he was absolutely gorgeous

Thanks! Yeah, I know he will come one day... @ bolded above: It IS hard especially when it seems like everyone has a bf or gf these days. But I'm just focusing on myself, and living my life to the full while I still can.

 

[Vonnieluvs08]

I just wanted to thank you ladies for all your thoughts and insights in this thread. I've been going through somethings for the last 2 months and they were finally getting to the breaking point. This thread was so on time (God is good, all the time) since I knew what I needed to do and since it hurt I kept thinking that there must be some other answer. After praying for direction I stumbled upon this post looking for an answer and again here it was whether I want to admit it or not. I have to tell the man that I have loved for the last 2 years that I can't be his friend since I still want to be with him though that's not what he wants right now. I will definitely heed the advice given in this thread and K.I.M. and see what happens. I hope things work out for all the women involved in this thread. I'm praying for you and myself for the strength to follow the right path even if it hurts or is difficult.

 

[LadyCee]

This is a very interesting thread since I can kind of relate to. I wanted to know if u can elaborate on texting and calling is the same thing in men terms?bc I'm not sure in my situation. So I met a guy through a family friend late last year and at first things really hit off well. He was nice and very into me I can say he basically pursued me and I liked the feeling bc I was recently out of a relationship. I wasn't making it too apparent but at first I didn't care for it as much as I found my self later liking him. so he lives a couple hours away from me and is in a college town so I was a Lil' hesitant abt that but didn't stress it bc we were just "hangin" out . and he asked me watt I was looking for and I didn't want to be to forward and say I was looking for a relationship which I was bc h seemed like a good guy so he basically gave the same answer. I sorta think that was a no no??

so he kept in touch when he went back home and I saw him as a pretty decent dude. well a little after he started to act different and stop calling/ texting as much and I guess I got a little puzzled. And everytime I would ask him abt his sudden disappereance he would say he was either busy or everyone tells him that he disappears for a while even his family. so I said okay sure and gave him the benefit of he doubt. Hejaz done this in several occasions and I haven't talked to him n weeks and just a few days ago he texted me if I'm still breathing and me being frustrated I don't repsond and the next day he texts me hey and I want to answer buy at the same time I don't want to go through that again bc I obviously did and possibly still do like him. don't really know what if he's bein such a jerk and we aren't even together so that's y I wanted to know how is textin and calling the same to men. I always taught calling wAs a better way of being mor personal and showing a person more interest rather than a text which context can be takin in the wrong way sometimes. what gives shud I respond or just forge it to not go through that hectic series of emotions again. it wud be so much simplier if he called rather than text but idk ??

 

[LadyCee]

bumping for advice...

 

[MissNina]

This is a very interesting thread since I can kind of relate to. I wanted to know if u can elaborate on texting and calling is the same thing in men terms?bc I'm not sure in my situation. So I met a guy through a family friend late last year and at first things really hit off well. He was nice and very into me I can say he basically pursued me and I liked the feeling bc I was recently out of a relationship. I wasn't making it too apparent but at first I didn't care for it as much as I found my self later liking him. so he lives a couple hours away from me and is in a college town so I was a Lil' hesitant abt that but didn't stress it bc we were just "hangin" out . and he asked me watt I was looking for and I didn't want to be to forward and say I was looking for a relationship which I was bc h seemed like a good guy so he basically gave the same answer. I sorta think that was a no no??

so he kept in touch when he went back home and I saw him as a pretty decent dude. well a little after he started to act different and stop calling/ texting as much and I guess I got a little puzzled. And everytime I would ask him abt his sudden disappereance he would say he was either busy or everyone tells him that he disappears for a while even his family. so I said okay sure and gave him the benefit of he doubt. Hejaz done this in several occasions and I haven't talked to him n weeks and just a few days ago he texted me if I'm still breathing and me being frustrated I don't repsond and the next day he texts me hey and I want to answer buy at the same time I don't want to go through that again bc I obviously did and possibly still do like him. don't really know what if he's bein such a jerk and we aren't even together so that's y I wanted to know how is textin and calling the same to men. I always taught calling wAs a better way of being mor personal and showing a person more interest rather than a text which context can be takin in the wrong way sometimes. what gives shud I respond or just forge it to not go through that hectic series of emotions again. it wud be so much simplier if he called rather than text but idk ??

No one responded so I figured I'd come back

A lot of women on here seem to be stuck on the calling vs. texting thing and I don't really get why? It's not a male or female thing, it's just a preference. I text guys I like more than I call and vice versa. In fact, most of the times when I am on the phone with a guy I like, it's b/c he called ME. I rarely call out. But that's just how I do. Everyone is diff.

But he just sounds like he's everywhere. I'd respond to him but don't get your hopes up. Give him a lil space to work out whatever it is he's doing.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

This is a very interesting thread since I can kind of relate to. I wanted to know if u can elaborate on texting and calling is the same thing in men terms?bc I'm not sure in my situation. So I met a guy through a family friend late last year and at first things really hit off well. He was nice and very into me I can say he basically pursued me and I liked the feeling bc I was recently out of a relationship. I wasn't making it too apparent but at first I didn't care for it as much as I found my self later liking him. so he lives a couple hours away from me and is in a college town so I was a Lil' hesitant abt that but didn't stress it bc we were just "hangin" out . and he asked me watt I was looking for and I didn't want to be to forward and say I was looking for a relationship which I was bc h seemed like a good guy so he basically gave the same answer. I sorta think that was a no no??

Well, when I stated that I've learned that calling and texting guys is basically the same thing, I meant that it doesn't matter whether or not you call a guy or text a guy....if YOU'RE the one mainly initiating contact/get-togethers/one-on-one time, then you're still the one pursuing HIM. It doesn't matter if it's an e-mail, text, phone call, or whatever...if you're putting in more work than him, it doesn't look to promising with him.

I wish I had known this just a few years ago. I wouldn't have initiated a text with any guys I was romantically interested in. I thought: "oh...it's okay...it's just a text. It's not like I'm calling him or anything." HA! Nope!

But on the OTHER hand, when it comes to guys....yes, a text IS different from a phone call. When a guy texts you 24/7 instead of calling you this is a way of keeping you at an arm's length distance. Because if he really REALLY wanted you (especially if you're friendly towards him, and seem like you like him) he would be jumping at the chance to CALL you instead of sending lousy text messages all the time. A guy who is really interested in a woman will CALL her. He will want to hear her voice, hear her laugh, be intimate w/her over the phone, etc. He won't feel fulfilled just settling for reading a text message and deciphering emoticons.


I hope this clarified what I was trying to say.