Bubblegum And Spit In Return

PrissiSippi

PrissiSippi

Simply Komplex
I just feel like writing...the blog isn't working lol.

“I don’t understand. I do so much for him. Why doesn’t he appreciate it?” I was stuck listening to a student’s problems. She had lent her car to her boyfriend to make sure he had a ride to school everyday. They had a newborn baby so she couldn’t drive anyway. She rationalized it this way. But the guy rarely came back to her on time and wasn’t stepping up with the baby like she needed.

Nevertheless, Her words hit me like a sack of bricks. And it hurt even harder. Like a lump in my chest that won’t ever go away I was taken back to years ago. Almost ten years ago now. I closed my eyes and was taken to an angry place. Now this student....I was her. That same girl in college. I was the perfect All-American girlfriend. I was down for the cause; I guess a Ride or Die to say the least. My boyfriend had ran out of money to pay his phone bill. I say boyfriend loosely because he claimed he "wasn't ready for a relationship." But I was willing. Willing to wait. Willing to be patient. Hey they say great things come to those that wait right?Using the last $100 I had in my already tight college budget…I handed the money over to him for him to promise me that he would pay me back ASAP.

A week turned into two. I still smiled. Two weeks turned into two months. Still a slight grin. But always a wonderment in the back of my mind. No explanation. No qualms. Just a new TV that was just bought at Walmart WITHOUT paying me back my money.

Rhianna said it best...better have my MONEY! Where was my award? Where was my respect? Look at me! I’m captain save a heaux. See the S on my chest? Where is my street cred?

I mean I did everything you wanted right? I was there for you. I made sure you were straight. Doing your homework, making sure you looked neat for interviews, helped to work on your credit, lent you money, made your doctor appointments? What did I get in return? Bubblegum and spit. Years have passed and I've grown up but I still see that girl from time to time. Angry at the world for a world she made her own self. Yeah...sometimes Captain Save a H becomes Ms. Plays a H.

OAN: Why is this? If a guy was your save all do you think you would really appreciate what he gave? Or would you use what you got to find an even better guy? Why do mean throughout time do this over and over? Why no respect for their girlfriends that give them their all?
 
I think men do this because they can. Its a lack of integrity on their part. Why have integrity when you gets your needs met while being your dirtball self? The reason they don't see it as wrong or a "problem" is because systematic patriarchy supports this.

For example, just watch how many posts after mine blame the woman, w/o holding the man to their own foolishness.

Also, I think we women are less likely to take advance of men because we were not raised that way. We weren't raised to be selfish towards our male partners, so you'd see a lot less of the scenario in reverse.

To answer the op, I wouldn't want a guy who tries to be my "save all". Its a boundaries issue.
 
keyawarren said:
I think men do this because they can. Its a lack of integrity on their part. Why have integrity when you gets your needs met while being your dirtball self? The reason they don't see it as wrong or a "problem" is because systematic patriarchy supports this.

For example, just watch how many posts after mine blame the woman, w/o holding the man to their own foolishness.

Also, I think we women are less likely to take advance of men because we were not raised that way. We weren't raised to be selfish towards our male partners, so you'd see a lot less of the scenario in reverse.

To answer the op, I wouldn't want a guy who tries to be my "save all". Its a boundaries issue.
Click to expand...
I was just going to ask why do women not think to do men the same way but you hit every single point. Good insight.
 
keyawarren said:
I think men do this because they can. Its a lack of integrity on their part. Why have integrity when you gets your needs met while being your dirtball self? The reason they don't see it as wrong or a "problem" is because systematic patriarchy supports this.

For example, just watch how many posts after mine blame the woman, w/o holding the man to their own foolishness.

Also, I think we women are less likely to take advance of men because we were not raised that way. We weren't raised to be selfish towards our male partners, so you'd see a lot less of the scenario in reverse.

To answer the op, I wouldn't want a guy who tries to be my "save all". Its a boundaries issue.
Click to expand...
Yea. it's a reward for shitty behavior. can't manage your finances so let me reward you with the money and all the other things girlfriends do with no conditions on it. not only does it become a mother-son relationship but a co-dependent one.
 
keyawarren said:
I think men do this because they can. Its a lack of integrity on their part. Why have integrity when you gets your needs met while being your dirtball self? The reason they don't see it as wrong or a "problem" is because systematic patriarchy supports this.

For example, just watch how many posts after mine blame the woman, w/o holding the man to their own foolishness.

Also, I think we women are less likely to take advance of men because we were not raised that way. We weren't raised to be selfish towards our male partners, so you'd see a lot less of the scenario in reverse.

To answer the op, I wouldn't want a guy who tries to be my "save all". Its a boundaries issue.
Click to expand...
Why do you feel that you wouldn't want to be your save all. What's your reasoning behind this?
 
PrissiSippi said:
Why do you feel that you wouldn't want to be your save all. What's your reasoning behind this?
Click to expand...

I'd want someone who is dependable, loyal, and has my back, but not my "save all".

The difference lies in the integrity. People who run behind others in an effort to always save them tend to rely on those actions for self validation. It comes down to boundaries, stepping back when its best for you. Those people are never respected because they don't respect themselves (aka poor boundaries aka low self esteem).

Think of those mothers who constantly enable their sons.

I want a partner who will check me when I need to handle my own **** instead if trying to do it for me. I don't want a man whose values are wrapped up in my, or others, opinions of themselves.

I hope that makes sense.
 
Ugh, that girl. I remember her too. She wasn't quite as young, but she loved charity work, it seems. At this point I was on my Netflix and Chill nonsense, because I had things to do. He was tall, handsome. Always bragging about what movies or shows he was in or his football career. Showing pictures of his good friends from Real Housewives of XYZ. But there was a disconnect. Why are you in Austin driving a Volvo working at a furniture company?

Every time he showed me his picture with Morris Chestnut. Okay, Morris is Morris, but you work at Furniture Row. But he was telling me all the charity work in Chicago. You work at Ikea. He was on the Steve Harvey show where he won a date. You work at Star Furniture... I had a fashion show to go to and he was like can I come, it's XYZ from BET the Game. Naw Playa, we cool on that. These are white people, they won't know you. I barely know you.

Where I figured out I should abort mission is when he asked me for 40$. I did not mind. I will drop it off at your flat. He said he wasn't home, and if I could jump over the balcony and put it inside. IF I COULD JUMP OVER THE BALCONY and put it inside. I was in my lbd...IF I COULD JUMP OVER THE BALCONY AND PUT IT INSIDE. Well I am going out I will drop it off later. He says no he kinda needs it now. Oh where are you. He is picking up a little ganja. So for some decent dro it 40$ and you want how much from me. He said he did not anticipate the cost of boarding his nephew. I can understand that but you have 40$ for dro, but not for food? How did it get to the point you are down to your last 40$ and you choose to spend it on weed? Or you just want to spend my money. As I drove to his place, I was getting more and more upset, but for the off chance it was true, I left it under his doormat and promptly deleted and blocked his number.

My current SO was on real Housewives of XYZ/ BBW as well. I never watched the shows, I don't know about that culture, but every dude I run into has a cameo. Why are yall here? Is Austin the Housewives graveyard?
 
HappyMadison said:
Ugh, that girl. I remember her too. She wasn't quite as young, but she loved charity work, it seems. At this point I was on my Netflix and Chill nonsense, because I had things to do. He was tall, handsome. Always bragging about what movies or shows he was in or his football career. Showing pictures of his good friends from Real Housewives of XYZ. But there was a disconnect. Why are you in Austin driving a Volvo working at a furniture company?

Every time he showed me his picture with Morris Chestnut. Okay, Morris is Morris, but you work at Furniture Row. But he was telling me all the charity work in Chicago. You work at Ikea. He was on the Steve Harvey show where he won a date. You work at Star Furniture... I had a fashion show to go to and he was like can I come, it's XYZ from BET the Game. Naw Playa, we cool on that. These are white people, they won't know you. I barely know you.

Where I figured out I should abort mission is when he asked me for 40$. I did not mind. I will drop it off at your flat. He said he wasn't home, and if I could jump over the balcony and put it inside. IF I COULD JUMP OVER THE BALCONY and put it inside. I was in my lbd...IF I COULD JUMP OVER THE BALCONY AND PUT IT INSIDE. Well I am going out I will drop it off later. He says no he kinda needs it now. Oh where are you. He is picking up a little ganja. So for some decent dro it 40$ and you want how much from me. He said he did not anticipate the cost of boarding his nephew. I can understand that but you have 40$ for dro, but not for food? How did it get to the point you are down to your last 40$ and you choose to spend it on weed? Or you just want to spend my money. As I drove to his place, I was getting more and more upset, but for the off chance it was true, I left it under his doormat and promptly deleted and blocked his number.

My current SO was on real Housewives of XYZ/ BBW as well. I never watched the shows, I don't know about that culture, but every dude I run into has a cameo. Why are yall here? Is Austin the Housewives graveyard?
Click to expand...
Loooool! Too funny to read!!
 
PrissiSippi said:
Loooool! Too funny to read!!
Click to expand...
He obviously did not care about his dignity at this point so it was either (a) he is a user (b) he cannot handle money. But he was so fine. I could see him getting his way. There were other issues going on with him and I am a bleeding heart, but I have a bs limit too. That 40$ symbolized he couldn't do nothing for me,but I too young to bea sugar momma. He sold himself short. But I am not going to completely blast him. At the end of the day, we all try, but he wildin
 
I remember I gave a guy I was seeing $10 for gas money. Uggg it bothered me for days cause I was like how you gone ask a woman for money??? I was mostly mad at myself tho for giving it to him. He caught me on a good day after some amazing coloring. Darn post coloring hormones.
 
I remember I went on a date with this guy to Applebee's. We eat and the bill comes. He looks at it and goes, "Man, that's what I hate about eating out. The bill is always high. It's $75" I say nothing. He asks, "Do you have $10?" I tell him, "I have $2." He says, "Gimme."

LAWDDDDD

TURN OFF TO THE MAX

If the bill is $75, WTH you gon' do with my $2? I just gave it to him because I wasn't about to argue about a bill in a restaurant and lecture him about how to treat a woman. He knew EXACTLY what he was doing. He told me that he had a job working Homeland Security at the moment, but at a certain time he was veryyyy broke and was looking to do just about anything to earn money.

He didn't really try anything on our date but I can tell he sleeps around a lot. One thing I notice about dating is that broke men are always the most sexual. It's like they know they have nothing to offer you but their sexuality so they lead with that first. I think that he's probably so good in bed women look past his brokeness and give him money when he asks. I think because I seem really sweet and naive he thought he had a good mark.

His whole livelihood is built on getting money from women so he HAS to be good in bed. He probably wouldn't eat otherwise.
 
luving me said:
I remember I gave a guy I was seeing $10 for gas money. Uggg it bothered me for days cause I was like how you gone ask a woman for money??? I was mostly mad at myself tho for giving it to him. He caught me on a good day after some amazing coloring. Darn post coloring hormones.
Click to expand...
Man whaaa? Coloring gets the best of us all!

GraceJones said:
I remember I went on a date with this guy to Applebee's. We eat and the bill comes. He looks at it and goes, "Man, that's what I hate about eating out. The bill is always high. It's $75" I say nothing. He asks, "Do you have $10?" I tell him, "I have $2." He says, "Gimme."

LAWDDDDD

TURN OFF TO THE MAX

If the bill is $75, WTH you gon' do with my $2? I just gave it to him because I wasn't about to argue about a bill in a restaurant and lecture him about how to treat a woman. He knew EXACTLY what he was doing. He told me that he had a job working Homeland Security at the moment, but at a certain time he was veryyyy broke and was looking to do just about anything to earn money.

He didn't really try anything on our date but I can tell he sleeps around a lot. One thing I notice about dating is that broke men are always the most sexual. It's like they know they have nothing to offer you but their sexuality so they lead with that first. I think that he's probably so good in bed women look past his brokeness and give him money when he asks. I think because I seem really sweet and naive he thought he had a good mark.

His whole livelihood is built on getting money from women so he HAS to be good in bed. He probably wouldn't eat otherwise.
Click to expand...
Bruh. Two dollars? Really?! WTF that's gonna do?
 
This thread is so timely.

I just cut this guy off that I just met a couple weeks ago. We haven't even been on a date yet and he's asking me to grab a burger for him and bring it to his job. And didn't even mention paying me back IF I were to do it. WTH?? I shut that down with a quickness. Men who have NO SHAME in asking women for money or things, automatically get put in the scrub category. Total turn off.

Today it'll be a $5 burger, next week it'll be a meal at Red Lobster and next month it'll be a car payment. smh. I'm definitely not the one. I see through all of that weak game.
 
BeautyPoint said:
This thread is so timely.

I just cut this guy off that I just met a couple weeks ago. We haven't even been on a date yet and he's asking me to grab a burger for him and bring it to his job. And didn't even mention paying me back IF I were to do it. WTH?? I shut that down with a quickness. Men who have NO SHAME in asking women for money or things, automatically get put in the scrub category. Total turn off.

Today it'll be a $5 burger, next week it'll be a meal at Red Lobster and next month it'll be a car payment. smh. I'm definitely not the one. I see through all of that weak game.
Click to expand...
BeautyPoint said:
This thread is so timely.

I just cut this guy off that I just met a couple weeks ago. We haven't even been on a date yet and he's asking me to grab a burger for him and bring it to his job. And didn't even mention paying me back IF I were to do it. WTH?? I shut that down with a quickness. Men who have NO SHAME in asking women for money or things, automatically get put in the scrub category. Total turn off.

Today it'll be a $5 burger, next week it'll be a meal at Red Lobster and next month it'll be a car payment. smh. I'm definitely not the one. I see through all of that weak game.
Click to expand...

Exactlyyyyyyy
 
BeautyPoint said:
This thread is so timely.

I just cut this guy off that I just met a couple weeks ago. We haven't even been on a date yet and he's asking me to grab a burger for him and bring it to his job. And didn't even mention paying me back IF I were to do it. WTH?? I shut that down with a quickness. Men who have NO SHAME in asking women for money or things, automatically get put in the scrub category. Total turn off.

Today it'll be a $5 burger, next week it'll be a meal at Red Lobster and next month it'll be a car payment. smh. I'm definitely not the one. I see through all of that weak game.
Click to expand...

I swear that's a ho tactics strategy lolol
 
A few years ago I let some "male friends" get in my head and convince me to offer to pay for the check after a few dates because it shows that the woman is considerate. They assured me that the guy would turn down my offer but appreciate the gesture. Mind you, we were still in the early courtship stage... not exclusive.

Well I offered and this fool accepted it! :lol: I couldn't turn back so I paid. He went back to his ex after that. To this day I'm still a little salty about that $60. I know it isn't much, but it taught me that being generous and jumping through hoops doesn't promise anything with these men. When I start back dating, I'm getting mine dangit!
 
ArcticFemme said:
A few years ago I let some "male friends" get in my head and convince me to offer to pay for the check after a few dates because it shows that the woman is considerate. They assured me that the guy would turn down my offer but appreciate the gesture. Mind you, we were still in the early courtship stage... not exclusive.

Well I offered and this fool accepted it! :lol: I couldn't turn back so I paid. He went back to his ex after that. To this day I'm still a little salty about that $60. I know it isn't much, but it taught me that being generous and jumping through hoops doesn't promise anything with these men. When I start back dating, I'm getting mine dangit!
Click to expand...

You salty about your $60, I'm salty about my $2!

lmao
 
keyawarren said:
I

For example, just watch how many posts after mine blame the woman, w/o holding the man to their own foolishness.
Click to expand...
Hate to be the one to say it, but it IS the woman's fault. :look: People beg for ish that don't belong to them everyday, bums asking for change, dudes trynna get @ss, etc. Nobody said you had to give it to them. :look:

Now, you could say you were raised like that, but again, that's not dude's fault. That's yo mama's fault.
 
Honey Bee said:
Hate to be the one to say it, but it IS the woman's fault. :look: People beg for ish that don't belong to them everyday, bums asking for change, dudes trynna get @ss, etc. Nobody said you had to give it to them. :look:

Now, you could say you were raised like that, but again, that's not dude's fault. That's yo mama's fault.
Click to expand...
Yup ITA.

I stopped dead in my tracks yesterday. I ran into my exboyfriend's mother and father. They said you remember how you used to make sure ex's little brother always had Christmas presets and fireworks; we appreciate it. I stopped in my tracks when I thought about how much i did for him: I did the boy's homework to keep him from flunking college, I found him new clothes when he didn't have many clothes, I bought him socks, drawls, to save him time when he asked me to, took his parent's grocery shopping, got his sister into community college when she wanted to drop out, paid an effin bill for his parents when they were gonna lose their house.

My other boyfriend: paid his tickets upfront with my credit card and let him pay me back, help take care of his kid, found the application and found the reading material he needed for this school he wanted to go to, wrote various recommendation letters, made teacher appreciation gifts for his kids, let him borrow my car.

Bruh. I have absolutely lost my mind in the past. And negroes don't care. I don't care how much I did for them they felt the need to treat me like a dog and/or leave anyway.

If you do too much you will receive too less. If I had a girl I would explain that to her. I just realized I'm starting the cycle all over again. This student with a baby asked me what she should do. I am particular of her baby daddy. He is immature but he's a good child. He's not too smart but charismatic and loyal. He doesn't take care of the baby. He's scared of the baby. He wants to drop out of school to "take care of the baby" but really it's to be lazy. He doesn't have a car. Doesn't have a job.

I told ole girl that "you know how he is. You're going to have to push him". Pushing him puts her in the same predicament as I used to be: working on his potential and doing slave work just for him to use all the stuff you "improved" on the next girl. Not her job. I did her a disadvantage by giving her that advice.
 
I pray I don't coddle my son. But I also pray I'm not TOO hard on him. But I don't want him wasting girls' time like the people in my past. I also don't want him to be a pushover and get taken advantage of. It's such a thin line *sigh*
 
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