Hey Cayenne,
Girl, I'm feeling you right about now. I'm going through my first bout with breakage since I started my hair journey over a year ago. For that, I'm definitely blessed, but it's still nerve wracking trying to get it under control. I really think mine came about due to excessive dryness, even though I oil my hair regularly. Coconut oil has always been sufficient enough to maintain the moisture of the length of my hair, but I do have to treat my scalp and ends. Getting sulfur on my hair is what I believe messed up that balance, even though it was great for my scalp.
erplexed Instead of trying to always assess where my hair is (like I have time for that), I basically just follow a schedule. It has become second nature, and because I have extremely fine hair and know how it generally behaves, a schedule works best for me. I relax on schedule, protein every 6 weeks, henna once a month, wash DC once a week, trim every 12 weeks, etc. That way I can't possibly see me overconditioning or using too much protein.
Another huge thing with my hair, for some reason I cannot use products with cones, and I HATE THAT!!! I just recently bought the Joico moisture recovery line and that made my hair feel like silk when it was wet. It was the first conditioner that actually fully detangled my hair by itself without me combing. NEVER had that happen. Man, I was in heaven. Fast forward a few hours with air-dried hair, it looked and felt like a straw broom.
Now some products with the cone near the end of the list I can tolerate, but very few. If the cone is in the beginning or middle, I can't do it. Believe me I try over and over, hoping to find the one that will be different, and I just can't do it. I can't use any serums that are used for flat ironing...I mean none at all. If I do, I will have gorgeous silky hair for all of day 1 and dry, dull, hair for day 2, and day 3 my edges will start popping off like oil on a hot griddle. I say all this to say that maybe you need to assess your product ingredients more closely, especially if your hair is really fine like mine. Just because you get a great result during wash/condition time doesn't mean the product is really good for your hair. You really need to assess the longevity of the products in your hair. They could really be ruining your hair.
Also, I have to trim. It's mandatory..so I do it on a schedule to remember to get it done. If I don't, I will begin loosing my hair rapidly. And my hair is funny, it won't necessarily break in little pieces so that I will know what is happening right away, it will break right up the hair shaft so it resembles normal shedding. Nice long strands....yeah right. When this happened to me, by the time I figured it out my hair was shot...a mess I tell ya.
And protein.....gotta do it on a schedule too. Aphogee intense protein works great on my hair, even though it's really fine. In fact, it really turned my hair around quickly when I got extremely mushy from co-washing. Oh, and luckily a stylish noticed I had mushy hair so she showed me how to tell....cause I thought it was just nice and soft. She took a strand of my wet hair and pulled both ends....it stretched for what seemed like forever....like a rubberband....then when it broke it frayed on both ends. Each strand turned into three or four strands.....it was a cool experiment, but it wasn't cute.
So just imagine if you hair is fraying like that, what kind of breakage you can get. I got a good trim and started the protein/DC/PC routine once a week for 4 weeks, then every 4 weeks, then every 6 weeks, until I saw no more shedding, which actually occurred some time during those first 4 weeks.
Now fast forward to this crazy episode. I did the Joico Moisture Recovery, so of course that didn't help matters....(remember everything that says moisturizing may not moisturize YOUR hair...read the ingredients). The K-Pak Intense Hydrator is excellent though...that's a keeper.
So Honeydew..with her product pushing self...PUSHED me into trying the PC shampoo (thanks HD!). That stuff is great....I'm a little scared of the ALS..but so far so good. Afterwards I used the PC Extreme Moisture Recovery Pak....I needed 2 mixed with a little regular PC conditioner...and deep conditioned with a heat cap for 20 minutes. This doesn't rinse with a lot of slip so I used some EMB after rinsing. I have noticed the breakage has diminished and my hair is looking shiny and holding moisture again for the first time in the past couple of weeks.
Okay...so I really, really do apologize for this being so long, but I type 100 words a minute and it doesn't bother me in the least.
I just hate to see a sistah in distress......we've all been there, are there, will be there again.
Hope this helps!!! PM me if you need to talk.