Black Hair and Weaves

[glamazon386]

But I must admit that I dont know if I would be willing to admit that I wear a weave to one of my mostly white co-workers. And for the same reason bmore mentioned in her in her thread about someone sharing her fotki link (sorry about that bmore). I too don't feel like explaining "black hair" or even "my hair" or the "how to's." Most sisters have been there and done that or already know about it. They usually just want to know if it is your real hair, and possibly who did it or where you got it from. From my experience with people from other races I get 99 questions if I tell them its not all my hair. erplexed Like, "Wow thats not your hair? "How do you do that?" "Where does your hair end and the fake hair start?" "How long did it take?" "How long is your real hair?" etc etc etc.... And I know the questions would likely be drawn from pure curosity and ignorance to black hair and weaves but I'm usually not in the mood to be anyones teacher .

But if someone black were to ask me.....whether I knew them personally or it was off of the street....I would be quick to tell them it was a weave. Just because I dont have to explain the why's and the how to's. Also I feel like they can relate to me more when I tell them it is a weave.....and they would be less likely to judge me (in most cases). So thats my 2cents.....just being honest.

Right. If it's a black person that's one thing but a white (or anything else but black)person? Nah I'm just gonna go with the smile and nod. Because it won't end with just that one question. Why even go through all that? The black people already knew it was weave. They just wanted to find out more about it. That I'm cool with. I've even referred people to my weaveologist after they asked.

 

[SleekandBouncy]

Quite honestly, it's because weaves mean different things for white woman than black women. When a white woman wears a weave it's assumed that she's the exception to the rule or that she's got nice long hair underneath but wanted extra length or fullness whereas it's assumed that when a black woman wears a weave it's because she has to, has no hair or can't grow long hair. That is why I think white celebs are more apt to spill the weave beans, Jessica Simpson figures she's got enviable hair without the weave so she doesn't care. With that said I have met many white women that will die before admitting to wearing a weaves so it's also a woman things.

Lastly, there's a stigma to black women and weaves, you can hear it in hip hop, I hear black guys talking about wanting a woman with "real" long hair and I know guys that won't date a woman that wears a weave at all, and many blk are aware of that stigma. Men in general get wacky over things like weaves, implants, makeup and stuff erplexed

...so I was reading what went on with one of our LHCF ladies and how the information she offered on this board was misused on another. Bummer situation, because we're all here for support and friendship - it's disheartening to think that what we see as positive on this board can be taken to another place and be used against someone or in a manner that may be hurtful.

That aside, I was wondering - what's with this thing about black hair and weaves?! Or is it even a black hair thing - is there a reason why we're so secretive when it comes to our hair secrets?! In some ways, are we playing into the stigma that black hair doesn't grow - that it can't be long, etc?

A poster mentioned that if Beyonce was on camera, and someone asked about her hair, would she say it's a weave? Probably not. But Jessica Simpson, Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman, even Paris Hilton do all the time. "Your hair looks pretty Paris" "yea, well Jacque put some extensions in and then died them to make my hair look fuller". Jessica Simpson openly admitted to wearing WIGS on the read carpet numerous times. No shame in her game. Pamela Anderson has admitted many times that she hates putting in the extensions for red carpet appearances because they give her a headache. BUT OUR stars want everyone to believe it's ours?

So I'm wondering, is there still a little shame in our game - not necessarily here on these boards, but just with sisters in general, and our hair?!

:::Sex in the city moment:::

I can't help but wonder - with sisters, does the hair make the girl?

 

[punchinella]

This is JMHO, but I think the reason that a lot of black women don't really want to talk about their weave is not to deceive other people. It's just the way they are approached sometimes that makes them put up their defenses. My Mom used to say it's not always what you say but how you say it.
Now take for instance if you let a family or friend look at some of the women's hair on this site and then you took them over to one of the non black sites where some of the ppl have hair down to the back of their knees, it bet 8 times out of 10 they will assume that the ladies on this site have weave and just take it at face value that the ppl on the other site's hair is their own(such stereotypes).
I bet they would never say to the ladies on the non black sites "if that is all your hair it sure is pretty", they would just say "it's pretty". So I think a lot of black ladies when they hear that whether they have weave or not are like you said that to say what?
That's like somebody coming up to a sister and saying "oh I thought your butt would be bigger", and you know she's gonna say "why because you think all black ppl have big butts?" Stereotypes
So once we get past all these notions that a black women can only have long hair if it's a weave or if she has a weave that she has no hair, or if a white women has long hair it's all hers, then maybe ppl wouldn't be so tight lipped about having weave.
And sadly more black women assume that other black women have weave, because white ppl usually think it's your hair, but a sister will see another sister with long hair and say "girl please that aint nuthin' but weave". Like in Coming to America "That aint nuthin' but curly perm"
We don't know the reason why someone is wearing weave and since it is not our head we should let them do what they have to do.

Please forgive me for being longwinded but I just wanted to share some of my thoughts. Now let's get back to growing some hair

 

[secretdiamond]

I personally, have never worn a weave (glue-in/sew-in). It's just not my thing. But I have worn a piece for an updo for a wedding and USED to wear braid extensions as a child and one last time 2 years ago.

Now I don't have a problem with others wearing weaves. It's their business & their choice. I have a problem with the fact that many black women use weaves as a crutch. And instead of using it as a means to an an end (like the women on this board), it IS their end.

 

[glamazon386]

This is JMHO, but I think the reason that a lot of black women don't really want to talk about their weave is not to deceive other people. It's just the way they are approached sometimes that makes them put up their defenses. My Mom used to say it's not always what you say but how you say it.
Now take for instance if you let a family or friend look at some of the women's hair on this site and then you took them over to one of the non black sites where some of the ppl have hair down to the back of their knees, it bet 8 times out of 10 they will assume that the ladies on this site have weave and just take it at face value that the ppl on the other site's hair is their own(such stereotypes).
I bet they would never say to the ladies on the non black sites "if that is all your hair it sure is pretty", they would just say "it's pretty". So I think a lot of black ladies when they hear that whether they have weave or not are like you said that to say what?
That's like somebody coming up to a sister and saying "oh I thought your butt would be bigger", and you know she's gonna say "why because you think all black ppl have big butts?" Stereotypes
So once we get past all these notions that a black women can only have long hair if it's a weave or if she has a weave that she has no hair, or if a white women has long hair it's all hers, then maybe ppl wouldn't be so tight lipped about having weave.
And sadly more black women assume that other black women have weave, because white ppl usually think it's your hair, but a sister will see another sister with long hair and say "girl please that aint nuthin' but weave". Like in Coming to America "That aint nuthin' but curly perm"
We don't know the reason why someone is wearing weave and since it is not our head we should let them do what they have to do.

Please forgive me for being longwinded but I just wanted to share some of my thoughts. Now let's get back to growing some hair

You are so right. My mother used to say that same thing to me when I was a kid and got flip with her. I never understood it until I got older. You have to be careful how you say things to people. Your approach will dictate their reaction.

 

[Southernbella.]

I bet they would never say to the ladies on the non black sites "if that is all your hair it sure is pretty", they would just say "it's pretty". So I think a lot of black ladies when they hear that whether they have weave or not are like you said that to say what?

There may be a reason for that. I was in line at a store behind a lady with GORGEOUS shoulder length hair. I was 99% sure it was hers. I tapped her and told her, "your hair is so pretty!" she looked kind of embarassed, then said, "thank you". She turned back around, then a minute or so passed, and she turned back to me and said quietly, "Well, it's not really MY hair, but thank you anyway."

She was embarassed. I think that's why some people say, "if that's your hair", because some women would feel awkward being complimented constantly on their hair if it wasn't even theirs. I think that qualifier is some people's way of trying not to make the other person uncomfortable, you know? Now, I never compliment anyone's hair unless I"m 100% sure, because I don't want to make them feel funny.

 

[Wanda]

People compliment me on my hair(which is a weave) all the time and I gladly say thank you because It is my hair, I bought it. Crutch or no crutch, I am a weave wearer. People can like it or not, that is their choice. My boyfriend saw my hair in between weaves and asked me why don't I wear my real hair and I just ignored him. But, what I have noticed is that now that he has seen that I do have some hair and prefer weaves, he compliments my weaves even more and even picks up my hair for me which he never did before.

 

[2cute2B4gotten]

...so I was reading what went on with one of our LHCF ladies and how the information she offered on this board was misused on another. Bummer situation, because we're all here for support and friendship - it's disheartening to think that what we see as positive on this board can be taken to another place and be used against someone or in a manner that may be hurtful.

That aside, I was wondering - what's with this thing about black hair and weaves?! Or is it even a black hair thing - is there a reason why we're so secretive when it comes to our hair secrets?! In some ways, are we playing into the stigma that black hair doesn't grow - that it can't be long, etc?

A poster mentioned that if Beyonce was on camera, and someone asked about her hair, would she say it's a weave? Probably not. But Jessica Simpson, Charlize Theron, Nicole Kidman, even Paris Hilton do all the time. "Your hair looks pretty Paris" "yea, well Jacque put some extensions in and then died them to make my hair look fuller". Jessica Simpson openly admitted to wearing WIGS on the read carpet numerous times. No shame in her game. Pamela Anderson has admitted many times that she hates putting in the extensions for red carpet appearances because they give her a headache. BUT OUR stars want everyone to believe it's ours?

So I'm wondering, is there still a little shame in our game - not necessarily here on these boards, but just with sisters in general, and our hair?!

:::Sex in the city moment:::

I can't help but wonder - with sisters, does the hair make the girl?

I don't know, I but I do remember seeing Ashanti on TV getting a makeover and by the time I caught it, they were starting on her hair. They were telling her what they had in mind as far as styling and it included a cut. As this was happening, Ashanti's mother walked in and gasped saying, "Oh my goodness, they are going to cut all of your hair off!" To me, that comment by her mother could have been left out. All of "us" know that it isn't her hair, so why pretend? Wearing weaves or extensions or whatever you want to call them isn't shameful, because so many people (white and black) use them as enhancements.

 

[Sistaslick]

People compliment me on my hair(which is a weave) all the time and I gladly say thank you because It is my hair, I bought it. Crutch or no crutch, I am a weave wearer. People can like it or not, that is their choice. My boyfriend saw my hair in between weaves and asked me why don't I wear my real hair and I just ignored him. But, what I have noticed is that now that he has seen that I do have some hair and prefer weaves, he compliments my weaves even more and even picks up my hair for me which he never did before.

Now thats love!

 

[MoonStar]

My 2 cents on Beyonce - in her interviews the answers seen so contrived and rehearsed, I'm not sure if she could give a genuine answer....

I agree!!!!

A lot of black stars don't admit it, especially in black hair magazines.....one place they should!

 

[sherann]

Now, girl - you know Statistics are used in SUPPORT of a point as opposed as to help make a point. In other words, whoever did that study had a theory in mind. It's like the stats about 75% of black men being in Jail - nonsense at it's best.

Statistics are like umm..."booty holes" ....everyone has one.

 

[Lioness]

Great thread

The whole reason I decided to grow my hair long was because of this:

I went to the hair shop to get some weave, and the cocky Indian hair shop assistant was trying to help me find the right colour, and the right length.

Guess what he said::::::

"Black women NEED weave for their hair to be long"

THAT WAS IT!

That was the day (about a year and a half ago) that I decided that my hair would be LONGER than the shoulder length weaves I had been wearing.

I think the to weave or not to weave issue is based on the individual. Indeed white women have been wearing weaves for yonks, as have black ladies, but if we could ALL just get passed the whole black hair=short hair thing, I don't think certain women would hesitate in admitting that that long hair isn't all theirs!



I remember when wearing a weave used to be looked down on, but now that celebrities wear them and look good wearing them, they're no longer (for most people) a negative thing.

I remember when when I was wearing a weave and people used to ask me if that hair belonged to me?
I'd say yes (I bought it didn't I? )

 

[Barbara]

This is JMHO, but I think the reason that a lot of black women don't really want to talk about their weave is not to deceive other people. It's just the way they are approached sometimes that makes them put up their defenses. My Mom used to say it's not always what you say but how you say it.
Now take for instance if you let a family or friend look at some of the women's hair on this site and then you took them over to one of the non black sites where some of the ppl have hair down to the back of their knees, it bet 8 times out of 10 they will assume that the ladies on this site have weave and just take it at face value that the ppl on the other site's hair is their own(such stereotypes).
I bet they would never say to the ladies on the non black sites "if that is all your hair it sure is pretty", they would just say "it's pretty". So I think a lot of black ladies when they hear that whether they have weave or not are like you said that to say what?
That's like somebody coming up to a sister and saying "oh I thought your butt would be bigger", and you know she's gonna say "why because you think all black ppl have big butts?" Stereotypes
So once we get past all these notions that a black women can only have long hair if it's a weave or if she has a weave that she has no hair, or if a white women has long hair it's all hers, then maybe ppl wouldn't be so tight lipped about having weave.
And sadly more black women assume that other black women have weave, because white ppl usually think it's your hair, but a sister will see another sister with long hair and say "girl please that aint nuthin' but weave". Like in Coming to America "That aint nuthin' but curly perm"
We don't know the reason why someone is wearing weave and since it is not our head we should let them do what they have to do.

Please forgive me for being longwinded but I just wanted to share some of my thoughts. Now let's get back to growing some hair

One of my friends (Darlene) was sitting on a bus (in front of two women), and one woman said to her friend: "Her hair is pretty." The other woman said sarcastically: "You know it's a weave." Darlene just ignored her, because she felt she didn't have to prove to them it was her real hair. I would have done the same thing by not saying anything.

 

[motherx2esq]

Sorry to hear this happened to a member... Now my two cents

I for add hair all the time be it weaves, braids, ponytails, etc. I love it. It's just me. I also love wearing my hair. I, for one, wear these styles b/c they help me to achieve my goals and it's what works for me. I have co-workers who will openly comments" how I knew your hair wasn't that long" or " I knew you wouldn't wear your hair for long". And these women both have hair that is shorter than mine. But they love to comment on my weaves. I just think that there is still a stigma with black women wearing weaves and it's going to take time to change that. But until it changes we should just be support of everyone else choices b/c at the end of the day, it doesn't really matter...

I couldn't have said it any better myself.

 

[Barbara]

There is a popular myth that African American hair will not grow. That's why it’s prevalent to see beauty supply stores in African American neighborhoods saturated with floor to ceiling, wall to wall hair weaves, extensions, wigs, etc., especially in beauty supply stores owned by Asians. The majority of their customers are African Americans, so what else are they suppose to believe? We as a whole were never taught how to take care of our hair properly--even though we thought we were.

Even my stylist said: "African American women as a whole don’t know how to take care of their hair.” Incidentally, his customers have the longest hair than any of the other customers in the salon.

The Asians that I work with and the ones in my beauty salon know that some of us don't need to add hair to our head to make it long. They are astonished to see our hair gradually grow to bra clasp or waist length. erplexed I have even had my hair washed and detangled by my Vietnamese manicurist several times when my stylist gets backed up. So some of them know, but even Whites say the same thing: “African American hair just don’t grow.” This is what they were taught.

Some African American women don’t want to work with their hair. They want it to be black, straight and shiny like Asians hair, so they demand their stylist that it’s dyed jet black and pressed extremely hard. It starts falling out in clots. Then they want to be really creative with their hair, wear "extraordinary" styles daily, and their hair cannot handle the daily abuse, because it’s fragile. As I told my coworker: “We have to work with our hair, not work against it, and that’s where the problem lies.” Then they turn to wigs, weaves (which my stylist says that’s not good for the hair in the long run), braids, dyes, perms, etc.

 

[curlcomplexity]

Great thread

The whole reason I decided to grow my hair long was because of this:

I went to the hair shop to get some weave, and the cocky Indian hair shop assistant was trying to help me find the right colour, and the right length.

Guess what he said::::::

"Black women NEED weave for their hair to be long"

THAT WAS IT!

That was the day (about a year and a half ago) that I decided that my hair would be LONGER than the shoulder length weaves I had been wearing.

I think the to weave or not to weave issue is based on the individual. Indeed white women have been wearing weaves for yonks, as have black ladies, but if we could ALL just get passed the whole black hair=short hair thing, I don't think certain women would hesitate in admitting that that long hair isn't all theirs!



I remember when wearing a weave used to be looked down on, but now that celebrities wear them and look good wearing them, they're no longer (for most people) a negative thing.

I remember when when I was wearing a weave and people used to ask me if that hair belonged to me?
I'd say yes (I bought it didn't I? )

No he did not!!! I would've caught a case that day

 

[MonPetite]

Hair as usual brings up several old wounds we as culture keep licking.

Why is there so much negativity? Why do we oust each other? Why do we care?

Remember during slavery blacks were TRAINED and REWARDED for back-stabbing, spying on each other, and NOT ORGANIZING.

The colorism we still practice, good hair vs. bad hair, weave vs. no weave reeks of the "crab-bucket" mentality that was ingrained in a people freshly stripped of their heritage and humanity.

I'm no militant, I don't like to beat the "Oh, Slavery is the cause of all out problems" drum, but in this case...some of this applies. Slaves who betrayed other slaves gained better opportunities for themselves AND LOVED ONES.

And honestly...those of you with children...wouldn't you do anything for them? Those with SOs and DHs...wouldn't you do anything for them? If telling "Massa'" that Slave John was going to slip something extra in his sweet potatoe pie would get you some more food scraps or gain his trust so you can be around to listen in through the door on who's getting sold that week I think we would be all be suprised what we would and wouldn't do.

This concept that pushing each other down, as a way of "climbing up" is real AND IS STILL REWARDED today by society.

One of the ways it manifests itself is in the negativity we have as black women towards each other. It's a problem for women in general thanks to our warped values of beauty = self-worth, but is exponentially worse for a culture TAUGHT that such negativity can be used for self-presevation or advancement.

Black hair, like skin color and facial features were used to make us seem less human. The SCIENCE of the time declared our "Woolly" hair was proof of our inferiority.

Hair. Is. An. Issue.

Which is why weaves are issue.

Is it in an issue we as a people could take care of? Yes. Is it a problem we don't? Yes. Is it indicative of a harsh past, condemnation and persecution socially? In part, yes.

To divorce this from why hair is such an issue for Black women and by extension weaves, is to miss potentially how to stop this foolishness. I'm not saying anyone is! I'm making a general statement...put the bows, arrows, AK-47s, and grenades down.

Now, no, I'm not saying it's an "issue" for ALL of us. I think you all could gather that. But...if it was no issue AT ALL...LHCF would not exist.

It wouldn't need to. We'd all be natural, or know to wait between relaxers, would get rollersets, would DC and it would be common knowlegde. Weaves would be seen as an enhancement.

Not a solution.


Black hair...to those who wish to use it as such, does "make the girl" so to speak. But to think this is only the case for us would be to ignore what an issue hair is for ALL women of all races....

But only our race has afros...

Only our race has had HAIR SPECIFICALLY CITED AS EVIDENCE of our lesser status.

So for black women...hair...is not just what grows out your head.

And honestly...much of that, of using hair to define ourselves, stauts, and possibly self-worth, which is why we oust others, etc., is our own fault. We are perpetuating something in time where there is no need. Not that there ever was, per se, but certainly not with the freedoms and opportunities available now we didn't have 100 years ago.

But that's another thread.


Very thought provoking responses one and all, ladies!