BF isn't so happy about my decision to go natural

[Bellamystic]

I told my BF that I was going natural and will be cutting my hair in 1 year to be a full natural. He asks me why do I want to cut it when my hair is already long. I tell him because I want my hair to be natural and I don't want my hair to be fragile. He thinks my hair is long, but I don't consider it long because I am a witness of how long BW hair can get by just being here on LHCF. He isn't too happy, though. I asked him does he think relaxers are the best option to go then and he says no. So, I say, well idiot that's why I'm chopping my hair off.


Then, I go on to explain to him that I'm not chopping it off all at once. I told him my hair will be the same length it is now when I cut it off, it just will look curly. He still doesn't understand. So, I'm like F it in my head. I'm still doing it and whatever he says is not going to stop me.


He doesn't prefer me wearing weave, so I'm sure he'll be pleased with the end results anyways. He loves black women with long hair, so I know he'll be happy, he just doesn't understand the process.

 

[Whimsy]

It's YOUR hair.

Good luck with your transition!!!

 

[Eritreladiee]

Do your thing and don't worry too much about it. Men are visual and they usually don't think they'll like something til they see it.

Congrats on your decision to go natural!

 

[LynnieB]

Sometimes it's not a good idea to treat your BF as your BFF. Some guys can only see things in black and white - no gray areas - no transitional phase (pardon the pun) Some guys have only been raised around relaxed hair, weaves or wigs and all they've heard is how horrible nappy hair is and how you gotta keep those embarrassing kinks hidden from view.

If it's something you really want to do than do it. You CAN successfully transition and go natural and look great in the process but don't depend on your BF as your main source of support right now 'cause he just doesn't get it.

Good Luck girl.

 

[BostonMaria]

When I decided to transition to natural hair I sat down with my husband and explained to him what I was going to do, why, how, when, etc... then let it go. He understood that at some point in the future I was going to cut my hair, but that my main goal was to grow it out and have long hair again. Any type of support or encouragement was a phone call away... to my dear sister! My DH doesn't have a clue about hair. Now sports he can talk all day LOL but hair, ehh not so much.

Go ahead and transition and maybe at some point explain what you're doing. LynnieB is right though, he doesn't relax his hair and won't really understand what you're talking about. All he hears is "cutting hair" and most men hate when we do that. Good luck with your transition.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

When the NG grows in, have him do small circles on your hair with his fingers. He will fall in love with how it feels and you will too. Share with him the journey and help him understand. Grow closer together with this transition . You won't regret it.:Rose: HHG!

 

[melissa-bee]

It's good that you told him what you want and are sticking to it. Good luck.

 

[dr.j]

I am transitioning too and had to explain it to my SO. He's into long hair like you're BF. I agree with the ladies above - look to others for support through this process. Do you do braidouts/twistouts? With those styles you can show him that your hair shrinks but it is longer when straightened and explain to him that your natural hair will do the same thing (will shrink but still long).

Whatever you do, stay true to yourself!

 

[PrincessLinzz]

Its your hair and no one is going to take care of it but yourself. Stick to your guns! Good luck!

 

[Kurlee]

good luck on your transition and i'm glad you are secure enough to go through with it anyway. I notice that most black men, don't "get" the hair thing.

 

[lbellin]

No worries Charnedra, when I told my husband that I was going to go natural, his first response was...."Does that mean your hair is going to be nappy?" This from a man that has braids. I said...."Do you consider your hair nappy?" [Can you say crickets?] Any hoo, like Eritreladiee said "men are visual". Just transition. Keep your hair tight. I bet you he will never even notice when all the relaxer is gone until you tell that it is.

Good luck with your transition.

 

[tailormade84]

he is BF, not DH....chop, chop and keep it moving....

 

[DigitalRain]

He'll be alright.

 

[sharifeh]

^^^ I think the same thing. He's not DH so whatever.
I'm sure he doesn't understand a thing when you explain transitioning. Just drop the issue with him lol!
I'm sure he'll like it in the end too!
Good luck!

 

[antisocial]

Girl he will get over it. I BC'ed and didn't explain anything. He's still around ...

 

[southerncitygirl]

Its your body and hair so do what you like, if he truly accepts you for who you are not how you look he will accept it. You'll be fine, once he sees how gorg your natural texture is he'll be wondering why more black women aren't natural.

 

[plastic]

My boyfriend is quite annoyed that Im bcing so soon. At least you are going to have a year's worth of ng. He said he is going to call me African boy because that is what I'm going to look like ... I quite simply told him .. well if you dont want this African boy Im sure someone else will. He shut up

 

[blackisbeautiful08]

When I decided to transition, I told my BF, and I thought he was gonna have a heart attack. His reaction was like nothing that I expected. All he kept saying it "why would you do that? That nappy s*** aint in!" i was so frustrated and I almost decided not to transition. But then after a great one on one with my best friend and my mother, I decided that i needed to do what was best for me. So I transitioned and I'm still transitioning. At about 4 months in, I was at my BF's house and he just kept complimenting me on how thick and long my hair looked. Although, I wanted to jump up and down and say I TOLD YOU SO , i choose not to crush his ego. Instead I smiled and said thank you. . I'm very interested to see what he's gonna say in a year when I get my BC. I say go ahead and do it. Men just sometimes don't understand. he hasn't done the research that you have, so I'm sure this might take him some time. He'll come around trust me. After the first conversation w/ BF. I was sure my decision to transition would be the end to our realationship.

 

[PPGbubbles]

Men usually just like longer hair period...relaxed natural whatever. As long as it is styled and long men seem to like it!

He will be fine gurl, just dont bring it up too often. 1 year is a long time his mind will transition along with your hair. I think he envisions a dramatic chop! and as you explained that is not the case

You have all the support you need on the board he will come around in time

 

[I Am So Blessed]

is your man black? becuase i have noticed that the black men arent feelin the natural thing, i have nooo idea why becuase its soo beeutiful to me. i love being natural. i cant be any other way. so just embrace yourself and do you. becuase its all about you and how you feel.

 

[Bellamystic]

is your man black? becuase i have noticed that the black men arent feelin the natural thing, i have nooo idea why becuase its soo beeutiful to me. i love being natural. i cant be any other way. so just embrace yourself and do you. becuase its all about you and how you feel.

Unfortunately black men are so caught in the media of what they think black women's hair is supposed to look like when in reality napturality is what we are really meant to look like.

 

[bella_boucles]

i've noticed a lot of people, men and women, aren't aware of the possibilities and beauty of natural hair. they tend to think it will be the foxy brown or the MJ fro. may show him some pics of the beautiful natural heads here on LHCF so he can see the versatility, ability for growth and healthiness. a lot of people will see healthy natural hair and think its 'mixed' hair or 'good' hair because they expect it to be dry and hard to comb, etc.

when i told my SO he hadn't seen me since B4 i cut it and he didn't know i was transitioning. we were on IM and i asked him if he liked natural hair. he said 'do you mean like an afro' i told him yes. hes not stupid and knew there was a reason i was asking so he asked why i was asking. i told him i didn't have a perm anymore and had been natural for a while. he said he wasn't sure about natural hair and thought he preferred relaxed. and I said
.......OK....
and left it at that. when he sees me, i could give a blankety blank less about whether or not he likes it. though i'm pretty sure he will. i could go amber rose on his but and he wouldn't think twice. we'd just carry on and i wouldn't have it any other way.

i refuse to deal with people who don't except me the way i am. i used to always b concerned with what people think and while i'm still getting over that, i never cared what people thought about my hair. i love, God loves it (He made it...lol...) and i ain't even worried cause i know he'll like it.

do you ma, sorry so long but i have gotten stares and comments and compliments etc. etc. and ima be me.

 

[robot.]

Do your thing and don't worry too much about it. Men are visual and they usually don't think they'll like something til they see it.

Congrats on your decision to go natural!

I agree to this wholeheartedy. My SO was the same way - when I told him I wanted to BC, he wasn't happy. But he came over after work and helped me chop and now he loves my hair.

 

[PerplexingComplex]

When the NG grows in, have him do small circles on your hair with his fingers. He will fall in love with how it feels and you will too. Share with him the journey and help him understand. Grow closer together with this transition . You won't regret it.:Rose: HHG!

OT: I had a guy do that to the hair on my nape when I had braids in. My exact expressions...ohwell:. I don't like people touching me or my hair, but he was such a nice guy (at the time). I just couldn't go off on him like I wanted to.