Being with a man you are not into?

J

JereK

New Member
This is the delima ladies...I have been going out with this guy for a couple of months, in the begining i thought this was it-educated, handsome, intelligent, good conversations..everything-or so i thought was everything. Fast foward to the present after a couple of hurtful arguments, bad sex, boredom -I really dont feel the same way i did before. But the problem is he still thinks that there is a chance between us. but in my head i am like :nono: I mean i know he is a good man... no one is perfect. i dont know if it is the love making--horrible i rather watch paint dry--no sexual chemistry what so ever. In the past before i met him i always attracted men that were never really in to me and i was doing the chasing, the crying, the spying, the calling--everything. Now a halfway decent guy comes my way who wants to really make me happy and here i am holding on to him knowing damn well that my feelings are not the same as his. but i dont want to let him go because i know there are really not many good men out there... I know-- dont throw stones at me..i know what iam doing is wrong its not fair to him and iam short changing both of us. he deserves to be with someone who wants to be with him and i deserve to be with someone who i really want to be with. I dont know how much longer i can do this and whats worse he is there thinking that things will get better. i feel so confused :wallbash: I bet if it were a guy treating me like crap i would of been in love. :nono:...sighs..
 
You know what you have to do...end it. You already know its not fair to either one of you, the longer you wait the harder its going to be.
 
I went though this earlier this year. I kept thinking to myself, Is this the best i can do. I ended up leaving that guy alone. I couldnt do it. I would rather be alone then be stuck with someone miserable. I refuse to believe that there that big of a shortage of men in this world that we must be unhappy or not get what we want in a relationship. I dont think that it should be effortless, but if you aren't attracted to him then there is nothing u can do to change it . It sounds like he hurt you and that you are done with him for that reason.

I wouldn't stick around for the potential that he could maybe be a good man.. You can be alone for that
 
prettypuff1 said:
I went though this earlier this year. I kept thinking to myself, Is this the best i can do. I ended up leaving that guy alone. I couldnt do it. I would rather be alone then be stuck with someone miserable. I refuse to believe that there that big of a shortage of men in this world that we must be unhappy or not get what we want in a relationship. I dont think that it should be effortless, but if you aren't attracted to him then there is nothing u can do to change it . It sounds like he hurt you and that you are done with him for that reason.

I wouldn't stick around for the potential that he could maybe be a good man.. You can be alone for that
Click to expand...

^^^ITA. If you're not attracted now, nothing will change that. If anything, it'll get worse.
 
i know its tough to get rid of someone who is finally into YOU...but don't let that be the reason you stay with him. B/c then, you wouldn't be any better than the men who have done this to you.
 
I agree with not stringing him along.
But, the reason you may not be into him is because your used to jerks. Maybe it's not that there's no chemistry, but that you aren't allowing yourself to let go with him because you want a jerk.
I went through something similiar and I had to do alot of soul searching and work on my own before I could really be with another man.
The thing is once I was able to figure out what I wanted and deserved, I wound up dating one of the "boring nerdy" ones I had let go. The passion that I thought wasn't there before, had a chance to show itself. Whew! We wound up having a great relationship for awhile and he treated me wonderfully!
 
Figure out why you seem to go for the jerks or you'll still end up miserable. Let him know how you feel so you can find yourself.
 
There is an off shot to an ongoing conversation title something like should the man love you more than you love him.

I must say that it is a miserable condition, don't stop til you get to your soul mate! Anything less just blocks the way for him(soul mate) to get to u.
 
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If you're REALLY not into him (meaning, you're not just scared of rejection or scared of getting "close" with a man that could potentially break your heart), then it's really not worth it IMO. :nono:
 
I think you are kinda into him, but you're bored. Maybe you're just used to all the drama that followed you in those relationships (you referenced spying, chasing, etc.) All of that probably including some great makeup sex too lol... You said you liked him initially right? Before you cut him lose, why don't you first try finding different (drama-free) ways to spice up your relationship?

I think you deserve a good guy and I don't want you to just throw one away just because you're not used to having one you know?
 
prettypuff1 said:
I went though this earlier this year. I kept thinking to myself, Is this the best i can do. I ended up leaving that guy alone. I couldnt do it. I would rather be alone then be stuck with someone miserable. I refuse to believe that there that big of a shortage of men in this world that we must be unhappy or not get what we want in a relationship. I dont think that it should be effortless, but if you aren't attracted to him then there is nothing u can do to change it . It sounds like he hurt you and that you are done with him for that reason.

I wouldn't stick around for the potential that he could maybe be a good man.. You can be alone for that
Click to expand...

I agree, and he will just continue to get on your nerves- you'll find yourself wanting to use the :rolleyes: in real life. I went through the same thing, asking yourself if yoiu are just being too picky, etc, but if it;s not there for you, it's just not there. Move on and both of you can find the right relationship with someone else.
 
Fast forward a couple of more months ahead......

You'll be even more unhappy than you are now.............IF....
you stay just for the sake of staying.

It won't get better
 
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