Being Startled Awake (did I Overreact?)

[FearlessNik]

SO and I were about to start binge watching Prison Break. We were barely half way through the first episode when I dozed off. I imagine I was only sleep for about 5 minutes, but I was knock out tired so I’m sure I was in a deep sleep. Out of nowhere SO slams his hand on the back of my chair and wakes me (we are sitting in office style chairs with the hard plastic backs). The sound was loud to me and I was visibly startled. I felt terrified, my heart was pounding, and I felt like crying. Meanwhile he’s over here cracking up and thinks it’s funny. We aren’t a “practical joke” type of couple so this isn’t something that normally happens. He thinks it was funny, but I’m flaming mad. You don’t scare people out of their sleep. If you want to wake them up there’s levels to it. I feel that his “joke” was very insensitive.



Am I justified in being mad? Or am I just being petty because I was at the butt end of a joke?

 

[LunadeMiel]

I would be upset but not for too long.

 

[qchelle]

I would have punched him or pinched him really hard or pulled his hair or scratched him. But im abusive like that.

It can be really disorienting getting startled awake after being asleep for a few mins.

I once accidently woke my mom up like this. Something fell on the wood floor and startled her awake. She jumped up and ran around the room! It took her a few secs to realize where she was.

 

[LiftedUp]

I probably would've burst into tears. I'm not emotional but I'm a deep sleeper. When people startle me out of sleep I cry or get very angry then cry...

 

[LeftRightRepeat]

i would be pissed.

but over it the next day.

 

[CurlyMoo]

I have cussed people out when they startle me out if sleep. They have the audacity to argue back.

 

[FearlessNik]

I'm cooling down, but his lack of empathy is keeping my blood pressure up. He thinks it's funny because he said he repeatedly told me that I was going to fall asleep. That's no darn excuse. I made sure he knows that I don't appreciate being woken up like that.

 

[LostInAdream]

You are not overreacting at all. Granted it nay have been funny to him but once he saw your reaction he should've been consoling you. I don't play with my sleep at all. He would have to sleep with one eye open after that

 

[hopeful]

I would be upset that after seeing how upset I was that he could laugh like that and not feel badly. That was mean of him. You shouldn't have to explain to him how much that upset you.

 

[PJaye]

I think I'm the only one that believes you're overreacting.

 

[LeftRightRepeat]

I think I'm the only one that believes you're overreacting.

i kind of agree with you. so you're not the only one

i understand being annoyed the moment it happened though .

 

[LovinLea]

I would get over it quickly but pretend to still be mad so he doesn't keep it up.

 

[*SkolarStar*]

I think I'm the only one that believes you're overreacting.

You're not. I would be irritated in the moment, but not pissed, and then laught it off. That's not worth being angry about.

 

[FemmeFatale]

I'm known for shrieking in my sleep if I'm startled at the wrong time.

something similar happened to me, SO and I were falling asleep and He was nestled close to my neck. He shifted his head and I must've been in that early part of sleep cause I instantly grabbed his head with both hands to keep my teeth from grazing him since I knew my mouth was open. He was shocked and said my name.. I opened my eyes and let go of his head and explained that I felt him shifting and didn't want an injury to occur.

We both laughed and he said my reflexes were insane and called me Xena the rest of the day. I was impressed that he controlled his reflexes and handled me gently even though I had his head in my hands like a psycho.

OP I don't think this is anything worth remaining angry about.

 

[hopeful]

I think what is unnerving to you is that he has not shown you this side of his personality yet. And it seems that it is important to you to have a partner who is gentle and kind. Anyone can make a mistake. Perhaps he didn't realize how upsetting what he did would be? But the fact that he is unapologetic and laughing is bothering you for a reason. Trust your instincts and keep your eyes open moving forward.

Oftentimes it's not the actual action but the intention. I feel like there is something behind what he did. Like he was angry that you fell asleep? Showing you that he was right that you were going to fall asleep? Idk but it seems to be more than an innocent joke. And I'm not suggesting a fight or a prolonged argument. I'm suggesting you honor yourself and what your instincts are telling you.

Different things are important to different women. You have the right to be angry and to expect your partner to be gentle and protective, and to expect him to apologize quickly and on his own when he's made a mistake, upset you, or frightened you. How long have you guys been together if you don't mind me asking?

 

[LdyKamz]

It's not the fact that he woke you up like this that would upset me. I would expect a laugh and if you were still sitting there startled at least an "awww baby I'm sorry....but that was funny" lol or something. Just laughing while I feel terrified is what would make me angry and keep me there.

 

[FearlessNik]

I think I'm the only one that believes you're overreacting.

i kind of agree with you. so you're not the only one

i understand being annoyed the moment it happened though .

You're not. I would be irritated in the moment, but not pissed, and then laught it off. That's not worth being angry about.

Thank you ladies! This is why I asked because I could very well have been tripping. Sometimes its good to get an outside perspective.

 

[caribeandiva]

I think what is unnerving to you is that he has not shown you this side of his personality yet. And it seems that it is important to you to have a partner who is gentle and kind. Anyone can make a mistake. Perhaps he didn't realize how upsetting what he did would be? But the fact that he is unapologetic and laughing is bothering you for a reason. Trust your instincts and keep your eyes open moving forward.

Oftentimes it's not the actual action but the intention. I feel like there is something behind what he did. Like he was angry that you fell asleep? Showing you that he was right that you were going to fall asleep? Idk but it seems to be more than an innocent joke. And I'm not suggesting a fight or a prolonged argument. I'm suggesting you honor yourself and what your instincts are telling you.

Different things are important to different woman. You have the right to be angry and to expect your partner to be gentle and protective, and to expect him to apologize quickly and on his own when he's made a mistake, upset you, or frightened you. How long have you guys been together if you don't mind me asking?

My feelings exactly. Great post!

 

[caribeandiva]

It's not the fact that he woke you up like this that would upset me. I would expect a laugh and if you were still sitting there startled at least an "awww baby I'm sorry....but that was funny" lol or something. Just laughing while I feel terrified is what would make me angry and keep me there.

Exactly! It's as if the person who is supposed to be your protector (including of your physical well being and feelings) is the very one causing you to feel unsafe. You're not overreacting.

 

[pinkness27]

Send this meme to him and say he should feel terrible lol

I don't like people waking me up like that either. This girl woke me up by screaming in my ear and then laughing hysterically when I woke up startled. I still don't like her till this day hahah.

 

[rafikichick92]

Sounds like something my brother would do to be annoying. Right down to not being apologetic. That's just who he is, and I'm related to him, so it's not a "red flag" per se, because I have YEARS of data on what kind of person he is, but I'd still be PISSED. So no, I don't think you're overreacting at all.

 

[FearlessNik]

The cooling down period has come and gone. Of course he noticed I was still a little peeved and tried to fix it with coloring (I did let him try because I'm weak in the flesh). Once we started talking he still thought it was a funny practical joke. I shut it down and let him know that those types of jokes are a no go in my book and that it shouldn't happen again. Eventually he started to understand why it was a big deal to me. He knows I already don't like being scared, surprised, or tickled and he didn't realize that this was an extension of all of that. I also told him that I think it's bad to scare people out of their sleep because it could kill them (part old wives' tale, part possible heart attack). In the end he did apologize and said he wouldn't do things like that anymore.

 

[FemmeFatale]

I'm glad you gave him a chance and you worked it out OP.