Being Happy: BC remorse, Going Back to Relaxers, Loving Natural Hair

[hopeful]

So...does any one else ever miss their length?
I don't really miss the length because I didn't get it until I went natural. My hair is the longest it's been in years, I'm not even sure it's ever been this long.

Does anyone else feel shrinkage bothers them more than they'd normally admit?
Yes, shrinkage really frustrates me. I want my length to show. Shoot I even get mad when a natural on here who's hair I know is bsl or mid-back and their twist-out is sl, I mean I am frustrated about that and it's not even my hair.

Does anyone else think there's a lack of love for those who go back to relaxers?
I have so much to say but for some reason can't word it right, so I'll just answer the question: Yes.

 

[Cheleigh]

So...does any one else ever miss their length?

Sometimes, but pretty rarely, actually. I love my natural texture much more than I loved the feel and look of my relaxed hair. My flat ironed natural hair also feels lovely. Most of the time, I wore my relaxed hair in a sloppy bun or ponytail anyway.

Does anyone else feel shrinkage bothers them more than they'd normally admit?

Well, I don't love shrinkage, but I don't hate it either. Without shrinkage, my hair wouldn't be super curly. Since the only way to get looser hair would be for me to texturize it (and since I love my texture AND really not at all interested in getting back on the relaxer merry-go-round), I'd rather just have the shrinkage. Also, the longer my hair gets, the less shrinkage bothers me, honestly.

Does anyone else think there's a lack of love for those who go back to relaxers?

Well, I think everyone needs to do what's best for them and their own goals. I rarely applaud folks going natural, although from my own BC experience, I do realize that they might need a little more support than someone who's just going back to what a majority of black women already do anyway. So, no, I'm probably not going to applaud someone who goes back to the relaxer. I love the look of natural hair, but I appreciate the look of (a lot of) relaxed hair too. I'm pretty indifferent to what anyone does with their own hair. If I'm the only person in the world who stays natural, that's just fine with me--I don't need to pour juices and berries on the ground to lament the loss of a natural.

 

[LadyKaypnyc]

I say do what makes you happy, b/c at the end of the day, it's YOUR hair. I am completely and utterly in love with my hair and will never relax again, but I don't think less of those who choose to use chemicals to achieve a desired look. I used to hate shrinkage, but I've accepted the fact that it comes with the territory, and it forces me to be creative Plus, I love the looks of surprise when people realize just how long my hair really is. Anyway, do what you want to do and to hell with naysayers

Oh, and I don't miss the length, I did when my natural hair was shorter, but now that I'm APL (stretched), I can deal with it.

 

[Irresistible]

So...does any one else ever miss their length?
I don't really miss the length because I didn't get it until I went natural. My hair is the longest it's been in years, I'm not even sure it's ever been this long.

Does anyone else feel shrinkage bothers them more than they'd normally admit?
Yes, shrinkage really frustrates me. I want my length to show. Shoot I even get mad when a natural on here who's hair I know is bsl or mid-back and their twist-out is sl, I mean I am frustrated about that and it's not even my hair.

Does anyone else think there's a lack of love for those who go back to relaxers?
I have so much to say but for some reason can't word it right, so I'll just answer the question: Yes.

O/T hopeful girl define being on another lhcf break! *in your siggy* Cause I want to go back on one again too and here we are *lookin@ her*

 

[LunadeMiel]

^ agree...

me too...

 

[hopeful]

O/T hopeful girl define being on another lhcf break! *in your siggy* Cause I want to go back on one again too and here we are *lookin@ her*

I know I know, everytime I'm like this is my last post for awhile. But I can't resist posting on threads like this, I just can't.

 

[MonPetite]

me too...

Wow...I didn't know kitchen hijinks could be a path way into all of one's hair methodologies.

I didn't know pursuing the most frizz free 4a a possible without using lye meant deep down you're crying out for bone straight hair. Ouchies.

I wonder if this means people who spend 45 minutes under a dryer with avocado and coconut milk in their hair are crying out for a good texlax???



....Couldn't resist.

 

[LunadeMiel]

Wow...I didn't know kitchen hijinks could be a path way into all of one's hair methodologies.

I didn't know pursuing the most frizz free 4a a possible without using lye meant deep down you're crying out for bone straight hair. Ouchies.

I meant me too as in I feel like you really want to go back to relaxing. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with that, it's just the impression that i got. I'm a little biased because I have some very strong feelings about hair what others expect from their ahir so maybe I was reading your post from clouded eyes...

 

[hopeful]

Wow...I didn't know kitchen hijinks could be a path way into all of one's hair methodologies.

I didn't know pursuing the most frizz free 4a a possible without using lye meant deep down you're crying out for bone straight hair. Ouchies.

Girl, I personally didn't read anything into your sour cream/lemon/baking soda hi jinx, I just thought you were experimenting. I was actually shocked when you expressed interest in relaxing because you look so darn pretty with your twa (especially with those pretty flowers).

 

[MonPetite]

.............................

 

[BirdieGray]

I feel your pain chick-a-dee. Shrinkage, for me, is not the business. I tried to get a dominican blowout since when I flat-iron it does nothing for my hair. Well my strands laughed at the DB. In spanish. And I still had to pay I'm thinking of texlaxing or relaxing. I haven't decided yet. But, like I said, I feel your pain.

 

[MonPetite]

........................

 

[Irresistible]

I understand your just going through hair frustration and trying to come up with the right answer for you.....its ok you can work it out here!

I will NEVER return to relaxers, as in, "bone straight". I do know that. I can't handle the burns again. I doubt highly you can psycho-analyze and determine my motives through an online post about my kitchen hijinks.

I have not relaxed bone straight in years, though I texlaxed for 3 or so.

Texturizing is as close as I'll go. I won't put my scap through that again. I use "relaxer" as a term to describe any relaxing of the curl, which I shouldn't, as it is confusing.

I put on so much and left it on so long because A) It was 1 AM and I was tired and just done cramming Chemistry and B) I wanted to see what it's full potential might be. I'm not leaving anything on my head longer than that.

 

[Irresistible]

Its clear your just trying to find answers

after all you didnt owe anyone an explanation or to even share your kitchen experiences here at all. and basically common sense says it would have been mighty easy for you to have just went and got the texturizer or relaxer if thats what you wanted to do without needing permission first

I'm aware.

I was surprised people conjured up such a specific assumptions from a person playing around with conditioner and baking supplies!

Texturizing might be as far as I go. Right now however, I plan to leave things be.

Everytime I think about it, I find another thing I love about my hair as is. So it may just be a call of the familiar. Wearing your hair straight for the majoirty of your life, long and silky, and then having it short and nappy is still a shock no matter HOW much you love your natural texture. I haven't even been natural a year yet. It's no surprise old ghosts of my texlaxed days came back to say hello.

But if my using baking soda in my conditioners to have less frizz means I want to relax, than everyone on here using coconut milk/yogurt/avocado/etc. for less frizz in relaxed curls must be dying for a date with some lye too if you make that assumption.

Something I highly doubt.

 

[MonPetite]

I understand your just going through hair frustration and trying to come up with the right answer for you.....its ok you can work it out here!

Thanks, Iris!

And as for my B.so experiments I'll probably have all the trouble shooting nailed down by tomorrow night.

I'm finding my thoughts that it may change hair grade are true...if you use it every day for a year.

What it does is perfect whatever you have by smoothing, detangling, and softenign hair and letting it better absorb whatever you put on it. So it looks less frizzy, etc. which can give in allusion of it looking more relaxed in curl when really it's just less fussy!


I'm just going to accept shrinkage as a part of the territory. It is what it is.

 

[LunadeMiel]

OP: This is what has helped me with shrinkage and frizz

* I use less products. Using too many products was causing my hair to curl too much...
* Frizz: cold water rinses. I know this sucks but it has helped me alot...

 

[MonPetite]

OP: This is what has helped me with shrinkage and frizz

* I use less products. Using too many products was causing my hair to curl too much...
* Frizz: cold water rinses. I know this sucks but it has helped me alot...

Despite my many reviews I don't use many at one time: One shampoo, one conditioner, one leave-in. I didn't know that it could lead to frizzeness too though. Good to know! Thanks!

Aww, man. I've been trying to deny cold water rinses work in my own mind. You're making it harder.

 

[LunadeMiel]

Despite my many reviews I don't use many at one time: One shampoo, one conditioner, one leave-in. I didn't know that it could lead to frizzeness too though. Good to know! Thanks!

Aww, man. I've been trying to deny cold water rinses work in my own mind. You're making it harder.

Does your leave in have protein? Could you be protein sensitive?

If you count while doing it, it makes it easier.... Not only is my hair less frizzy, it's also much softer..

 

[MonPetite]

Does your leave in have protein? Could you be protein sensitive?

If you count while doing it, it makes it easier.... Not only is my hair less frizzy, it's also much softer..

My hair doesn't need more protein but it doesn't get to angry if it gets more than it needs thanks to my Cap n Go method.

Counting? Whoo, boy. erplexed The things I do for some hurr.

 

[Sui Topi]

Fabiennd, I've been meaning to shout you out on those cold water rinses. I tried it one day after reading your cut down on products challenge thread, and it really is the frizz buster! Everytime I do it I'm like, "oh yeah, I gotta go on LHCF and tell Fabiennd she's the best" lol.


LittleGoldLamb, I'm stressed over the shrinkage thing too. I almost bought a new blow dryer so I could get some salon quality flat irons every once in a while, but Sally's was closed (who closes at 8:30 on a week day? Especially a chain store ). I think we're just going through a phase, once our hair gets longer and it shrinks up but still looks long, we'll be happy. then we can band and it wont look like some spiky nest or do braid outs that don't just look like our regular hair just stretched out a bit. However, if in your heart you don't want to wait for that day, go ahead and do what you need to do to your hair. We have such a wide array of heads on here, we'll still love you no matter what. Just make sure whatever you're doing will make you happy and is not harming you. Keep in mind though how hard it may be to keep up with texlaxing without having your ends look stringy. Keep on girly! You can get past this if you want, and if you decide to take an alternate route, it's not a thing!

 

[lilsparkle825]

i just miss being able to slap my hair in a bun and go about my business. i also find it interesting that when my hair is wet it is SL but when it dries i have a TWA. i have to stretch a coil to show people i didn't really lose that much length.

i was explaining to my mom the other day what a texlax is and how its different from a relaxer...my 13 y/o sister happened to be in the room and was very intrigued. (she has coarse 4b natural hair...she hates heat but also hates her shrinkage, hence the greatness of braids and twists.) now my mom is trying to convince her she never needs chemicals in her hair again, while she is showing a desire to texlax to a 4a. im working on it with her but my mom can barely take care of her own hair, much less my sister, and it frustrates her. IDK.

 

[nodisrespect]

So...does any one else ever miss their length?

Does anyone else feel shrinkage bothers them more than they'd normally admit?

Does anyone else think there's a lack of love for those who go back to relaxers?

I don't miss length because I barely remember back when I had some.

It doesn't bother me to admit that shrinkage bothers me, and is the main reason why I am resistant to transitioning. I didn't decide to relax until I was a teenager, (I know some people didn't get the choice), but/therefore I know what my natural texture looks like. I have those coveted "big 3 texture curls" naturally, but my hair is not oily or thin, so I am concerned that they'll be big and pretty, yeah, but also nappy.

Obviously there is a lack of love for relaxed heads on this board and there is no reason to sugar coat that. I think you worded the question that way to be polite but c'mon we all know PLENTY people on here push the natural agenda and some (overbearingly) aggressively.

I really liked your post because I could understand how much thought you put into examining your feelings... then I felt like I'd been had when I read the end when you said "well whatever in the end I don't care"...

 

[MonPetite]

[/b]

I really liked your post because I could understand how much thought you put into examining your feelings... then I felt like I'd been had when I read the end when you said "well whatever in the end I don't care"...

WHOA, darlin' where on EARTH did you get that idea?

I'd like you to find what gave you that idea, quote it, put it in bold and repost so I can know exactly what you're talking about as this concerns me greatly.

I don't mean that I don't care at all about these issue any longer, but that, as I've stated towards the middle of this thread (or perhaps in another, I was complimenting someone at the time) that big hair = long to me. So shrinkage wouldn't be an issue (IE I wouldn't care about it, it being shrinkage) because my hair would be long ANYWAY. Shrinkage being my main pet peeve about being natural. No surprise. I'm just going to have to accept it.

I've decided to stay natural through pondering these things, so I obviously DO care. I wouldn't have posted as much as I have or even started the thread if I didn't. It's unfortunate that was misunderstood.

 

[anon123]

Wow...I didn't know kitchen hijinks could be a path way into all of one's hair methodologies.

I didn't know pursuing the most frizz free 4a a possible without using lye meant deep down you're crying out for bone straight hair. Ouchies.

I wonder if this means people who spend 45 minutes under a dryer with avocado and coconut milk in their hair are crying out for a good texlax???



....Couldn't resist.

But we didn't say anywhere that we thought you wanted bone straight hair. Nope, didn't say that. Said you wanted to (or were thinking of) going back to relaxers. Since a texturizer is a watered down relaxer, this was true. Especially since the thread about someone loosening their curl over time through baking soda had been bouncing around just before your treatment. Unlike avocado, unless I'm wrong, baking soda doesn't seem to be touted as a conditioning agent at all. I've only seen it mentioned as an alternative to shampoo and to loosen curl. Since you weren't trying to clean, the effect I thought you were going for was to make your curls looser. Also, you had several other posts recently where it seemed like you were wrestling with the idea of how to, or if you should, loosen your curls. Anyway, this was my reasoning when I assumed your experiment was an attempt to loosen your curls. Sorry if I made the wrong assumption, but I at least wanted to explain myself and let you know why I thought that.

I know you've decided to stay natural for now, and that's cool. In the end, though, I'm sure you know that, while we all have our own opinions, it is your hair and you're the one who has to live with it, take care of it, and hopefully enjoy it. I hope you'll do what makes you happiest.

 

[firecracker]

Heck I don't know. One day I love my new twa and the next I want my curly bush back like right now!!!!!! I don't miss the relaxed hair outside of my old rollersets b4 the first bc in 05. I figure if I want some hair really bad I'll go get a jheri curl so it will grow long w/i 8 months.

 

[NewYorkgyrl]

Does anyone else think there's a lack of love for those who go back to relaxers?

The following is my personal opinion.......

I don't feel there is a LACK OF love for those that go back to relaxers. People who relax their hair in my opinion do not need extra encouragement. Let's be real! Most black women use relaxers, that is mostly what you see in real life so it is considered "the norm". So I don't think most people put alot of thought into being more encouraging to people who return to "the norm". But I don't think it is a bad decision if that is what the person wants for themselves.

To be natural is not the norm. It may seem like it here but you and I both know it is not like that in the real world. How many times do people post about family discouragement, boyfriends and husbands not be accepting, people being made fun of, dominican hair dressers refusing to do your hair, etc (I can go on and on). Hence THAT is why most of the ladies here continue to be encouraging to naturals.
Relaxed heads DO NOT go through these daily struggles. (remember it is considered the norm) Black women are expected to relax their hair when they reach a certain age (some even are exposed as little babies). Heck even some white people think that our hair naturals grows out of our hair straight because that is the only way they see black women where their hair.

I have never read a post where someone was bashed for going back to relaxers. So I don't know what you mean by lack of love. Do they get the same encouraging speeches as they did when they were transitioning or as a natural.....No they don't. But from what I explained above it is obvious that, that kind of encouragment is not really needed. I just hope next time someone feels as though there is lack of loved for relaxed heads they really really think about ALL of the struggles naturals face (some experience all of them some not at all). Then ask yourself seriously if you had to face even half that when you were relaxed.


Do what is best for you. And this board will support whatever decision you will make.

 

[bludaydreamr]

So...does any one else ever miss their length?
I don't really miss the length because I didn't get it until I went natural. My hair is the longest it's been in years, I'm not even sure it's ever been this long.

I don't miss my length, because I think I am either back, or almost back to the length I had when I first started my transition.

Does anyone else feel shrinkage bothers them more than they'd normally admit?
Yes, shrinkage really frustrates me. I want my length to show. Shoot I even get mad when a natural on here who's hair I know is bsl or mid-back and their twist-out is sl, I mean I am frustrated about that and it's not even my hair.

Since I BC'd, I also feel this way; I thought I was the only one. I love my natural hair, so this makes me want to learn how to style and work with the shrinkage!

Does anyone else think there's a lack of love for those who go back to relaxers?
I have so much to say but for some reason can't word it right, so I'll just answer the question: Yes.

NO, I think because it is outside the norm IRL; the board shows a little more support. I have realized in my journrey that it helps to have thick skin in a world of relaxed heads.

So...does any one else ever miss their length?

Sometimes, but pretty rarely, actually. I love my natural texture much more than I loved the feel and look of my relaxed hair. My flat ironed natural hair also feels lovely. Most of the time, I wore my relaxed hair in a sloppy bun or ponytail anyway.

Does anyone else feel shrinkage bothers them more than they'd normally admit?

Well, I don't love shrinkage, but I don't hate it either. Without shrinkage, my hair wouldn't be super curly. Since the only way to get looser hair would be for me to texturize it (and since I love my texture AND really not at all interested in getting back on the relaxer merry-go-round), I'd rather just have the shrinkage. Also, the longer my hair gets, the less shrinkage bothers me, honestly.

Does anyone else think there's a lack of love for those who go back to relaxers?

Well, I think everyone needs to do what's best for them and their own goals. I rarely applaud folks going natural, although from my own BC experience, I do realize that they might need a little more support than someone who's just going back to what a majority of black women already do anyway. So, no, I'm probably not going to applaud someone who goes back to the relaxer. I love the look of natural hair, but I appreciate the look of (a lot of) relaxed hair too. I'm pretty indifferent to what anyone does with their own hair. If I'm the only person in the world who stays natural, that's just fine with me--I don't need to pour juices and berries on the ground to lament the loss of a natural.

This made my morning!

 

[Afrikaisi]

I think, as many of us have responded, we all have a problem with shrinkage. If you want to texlax your hair, do you and live with the consequences.

I am dealing with my own issues with shrinkage, but if this is how God created my hair to be, I have to believe it was good for me.

Just try not to dislike the shrinkage so much, learn to embrace your shrinkage, lol!

Peace

 

[NYAmicas]

DO YOU! I'm soooo over the relaxed v/s natural war. It's just another way to break up/segregate the black community. I just texturized my hair FOR ME. The shrinkage never bothered me but those darn knots and long detangling sessions did...especially the longer my hair grew. Today my hair "thanks me" cause I'm no longer pulling and tugging on it...now tomorrow, I don't know what "my hair" will say. Once you been relaxed all your life, and then go natural...one day you reach the conclusion that "it's all just hair"..and doesn't in any way affect your blackness...i'm still black at the end of the day......as long as the hair is healthy and looks good...be it relaxed or natural..it's ALL GOOD..being a natural for the last 4 years, i realize that some naturals (don't take it personal...im only taking 'bout a few erplexed..not on this board tho')actually look down on women who relax their hair...why is this? i mean do white women look at another white girl who has a curly perm and thinks she's less of a white woman?? LADIES, WE GOT TO STICK TOGETHER. the relaxed ladies on this board have gone against ALL ODDS and proved that BLACK women can have LONG HEALTHY relaxed hair (which should be comforting to know if you decide to relax)...and this was something I didn't know while I was relaxed back in the day...so again DO YOU and whatever makes YOU happy whether it's staying natural or relaxed. Life's too short...tomorrow's not guaranteed.

great post!

 

[Connie]

I keep seeing posts that state that natural hair is not the norm, and I can't help but wonder when exactly did it stop being the norm for US and how did we let that happen?

I grew up in a time when women wore afros and puffs and cornrows without enduring funny stares and comments. Wearing your hair natural didn't require soul searching and courage. You either wore your hair natural or you ran a hot comb through it and wore it straight and no one questioned your sense of blackness. As long the hair was neat and attractive, we ALL were black and beautiful.

The fact that our hair can go from curly or kinky to straight with just the stroke of a flat iron or hot comb is what makes our hair unique and so intriguing to others. Back in the day, we accepted that our hair required more patience and effort to maintain because it was part of who we are and the hair we were born with. This is why seeing so many black women struggling with the idea of maintaining or handling natural hair still amazes me at times. Learning that so many black women have or had no idea of what their natural texture is was a real eye opener. I used to hate those hot comb sessions when I was a child and teen (my Mom would burn my scalp and try to tell me it was heat from the comb), but I'm glad for them, because even after 20 years of being relaxed, I still remember my natural texture well (which is why I think nothing of stretching my relaxers, even though my stylist wishes I wouldn't do it). And lately I've been wanting my 'old' hair back, even if I have to run a hot comb through it to keep it straight like I used to.

I long for the return of the days when a sister doesn't need to round up her family/friends and announce she's going natural; when she can just step out of the house wearing her hair HER way, and not the way she's "supposed" to wear it, and be admired for it. Only then will going natural stop being such a "big deal" and simply be a style preference.