Asking for too much

[ALWAYZL8]

I met a guy about a year ago and blew him off because I was so in lust with somebody else. Anyway when my relationship ended, I called him and went out with him. He was really sweet, but I was in PAIN! Another year goes by, we reconnected and became cool. We went out a couple of weeks ago. He came to my house and picked me up, but he did not open my car door. While we were out, I asked him about it and he apologized. He opened my door for the rest of the night. We went out again last weekend and he came to pick me up, but he did not come to the door to get me. I walked outside to his truck and my neighbor shook his head in shame. I went out with him anyway and I called him on it and he apologized. When he dropped me off, he walked me to the door and saw me inside. I am about to be "30" in 16 days and I don't have any other possibilities. This guy has it together, but he has some issues when it comes to treating me like a lady. He calls maybe once a week to make sure I'm free on the weekend. Should I go out with him again? Do I expect too much? Should I work with this brotha? Tell me what's up!!!

 

[Blackoutzangel05]

This is the time in your relationship when you need to communicate your expectations. He can't be blamed for not doing something that he might not know you want done. If you find it rude to not have doors opened for you and you have told him about that, its up to him to remember and adhere to it. I would only make my expectations known once and then I would begin my 3 strikes and you are out. I believe that if men are into you then they remember things, or at least they try. My honey opens doors for me, pumps gas for me ( I was shocked as **** when he did this because I have never had this done before), we talked everyday but that is because we both wanted to talk to each other. Maybe he isn't a phone talker. Have you tried calling him to just see how his day is?

Don't be afraid to communicate what you want and be prepared for whatever he may say....

 

[ALWAYZL8]

He called yesterday, but I didn't see the point in answering the phone. He does seem to want to right his wrongs, but I just figured at 39 years old, he would know better. Blackoutangel, cherish your honey...he sounds like icing on the cake!

 

[Blackoutzangel05]

Girl please...my baby is perfect for me, flaws and all. You are right at 39 he should know better but how many women really speak up when men are doing something wrong, or do they stand idlely by and allow the man to do whatever just so they can say that they have a man??? He might not know that he is doing anything wrong, even if he should know...

 

[Much2much41]

He called yesterday, but I didn't see the point in answering the phone. He does seem to want to right his wrongs, but I just figured at 39 years old, he would know better. Blackoutangel, cherish your honey...he sounds like icing on the cake!

You would think so, but because women (in general) no longer demand that men treat them w/chivalry, he truly may have never encountered one that does. If he is a good guy in other ways, then perhaps he can be worked with. Explain how you want to be treated (in detail, so you're not exasperated everytime something new comes up), and see if he complies. He could be a diamond in the rough. Give him an honest chance.


As far as the rest of your initial post, I don't agree w/the assertion that you have no other prospects. There is no such animal. There are men EVERYWHERE! I've seen them! If he's not "up to snuff", don't be afraid to put yourself out there to attract someone who is.

 

[**Glamourlicious**]

I met a guy about a year ago and blew him off because I was so in lust with somebody else. Anyway when my relationship ended, I called him and went out with him. He was really sweet, but I was in PAIN! Another year goes by, we reconnected and became cool. We went out a couple of weeks ago. He came to my house and picked me up, but he did not open my car door. While we were out, I asked him about it and he apologized. He opened my door for the rest of the night. We went out again last weekend and he came to pick me up, but he did not come to the door to get me. I walked outside to his truck and my neighbor shook his head in shame. I went out with him anyway and I called him on it and he apologized. When he dropped me off, he walked me to the door and saw me inside. I am about to be "30" in 16 days and I don't have any other possibilities. This guy has it together, but he has some issues when it comes to treating me like a lady. He calls maybe once a week to make sure I'm free on the weekend. Should I go out with him again? Do I expect too much? Should I work with this brotha? Tell me what's up!!!

Funny I had the SAME instance with my new honey. What I did was similar to your experience. I asked him WHY he did not open the door. I told him WHY I expected it to be opened BUT at the same time...my view is this. These days...you have to chose your battles. My guy is a really good guy. There is really not much I can complain about ...so I would rather have a REALLY good guy that doesn't open car doors...versus a guy that opens all doors and buys flowers and crap...but cheats...lies...plys games. However, since I mentioned it to him lastb week...he has started opening the doors. He apologized over and over again. Maybe you can just remind him until he gets in the habit...that is if it is that important to you. But I do not think you should NOT talk to this guy if he is an everall good guy aside from this one small thing. JUST my .02.

 

[**Glamourlicious**]

Girl please...my baby is perfect for me, flaws and all. You are right at 39 he should know better but how many women really speak up when men are doing something wrong, or do they stand idlely by and allow the man to do whatever just so they can say that they have a man??? He might not know that he is doing anything wrong, even if he should know...

SO true! I know up until recently I was afraid to met a man know when something bothered me.

 

[cocoberry10]

This is the time in your relationship when you need to communicate your expectations. He can't be blamed for not doing something that he might not know you want done. If you find it rude to not have doors opened for you and you have told him about that, its up to him to remember and adhere to it. I would only make my expectations known once and then I would begin my 3 strikes and you are out. I believe that if men are into you then they remember things, or at least they try. My honey opens doors for me, pumps gas for me ( I was shocked as **** when he did this because I have never had this done before), we talked everyday but that is because we both wanted to talk to each other. Maybe he isn't a phone talker. Have you tried calling him to just see how his day is?

Don't be afraid to communicate what you want and be prepared for whatever he may say....

You would think so, but because women (in general) no longer demand that men treat them w/chivalry, he truly may have never encountered one that does. If he is a good guy in other ways, then perhaps he can be worked with. Explain how you want to be treated (in detail, so you're not exasperated everytime something new comes up), and see if he complies. He could be a diamond in the rough. Give him an honest chance.

As far as the rest of your initial post, I don't agree w/the assertion that you have no other prospects. There is no such animal. There are men EVERYWHERE! I've seen them! If he's not "up to snuff", don't be afraid to put yourself out there to attract someone who is.

I agree with both of these!

 

[scorpian]

I met a guy about a year ago and blew him off because I was so in lust with somebody else. Anyway when my relationship ended, I called him and went out with him. He was really sweet, but I was in PAIN! Another year goes by, we reconnected and became cool. We went out a couple of weeks ago. He came to my house and picked me up, but he did not open my car door. While we were out, I asked him about it and he apologized. He opened my door for the rest of the night. We went out again last weekend and he came to pick me up, but he did not come to the door to get me. I walked outside to his truck and my neighbor shook his head in shame. I went out with him anyway and I called him on it and he apologized. When he dropped me off, he walked me to the door and saw me inside. I am about to be "30"in 16 days and I don't have any other possibilities. This guy has it together, but he has some issues when it comes to treating me like a lady. He calls maybe once a week to make sure I'm free on the weekend. Should I go out with him again? Do I expect too much? Should I work with this brotha? Tell me what's up!!!

No more possibilities at 30? Your possibilities are endless. As long as you leave the door open you never know who might come into your life when you least expect it. I know ladies who hooked up with their SO when they were much older than 30.

Like the other ladies said, I think that you need to tell him exactly what it is that you expect and then it is up to him to deliver. IMO it's not asking for too much to want him to come to the door and pick you up or open the car door for you. I still expect those same things from my DH.

I wouldn't give up on him just yet. If he's a good guy I would work with him. If he really does have it together except for a few issues that need to be worked out then he will do what it takes to keep you interested in him.

 

[ALWAYZL8]

Alright...because he is a nice guy, I'll give it one more shot. I will have a talk with him about whay i want and expect. If he is alright with i...cool. If not, my life will go on. Maybe it is a good thing that I'm not excited about him anymore. I'll focus on me and stop thinking negative thoughts. I appreciate all of the feedback!!!