ARG! WANT TO GIVE UP,SO WON"T SUPPORT!

[RegaLady]

I so want to give up growing my hair. My husband will not completely support me. I have talked about growing it long, he says,"I don't want all that hair in my face, and I don't think it compliments your features." I have been told that hair over powers me, but I really want to try something different. And when I want to get braids, a sew in or something protective, he says that you can grow your hair without that stuff. Last time I got a sew in with lacing braids, he really gave me a hard time. erplexedNow I know he doesn't like weave, like most men, but I want him to at least support me in my idea of doing this. He loves the idea of me going natural, but I cheated on him and went behind his back and got a relaxer . I don't know what to go ladies, I need some encouragement.

 

[InnerSoul]

I so want to give up growing my hair. My husband will not completely support me. I have talked about growing it long, he says,"I don't want all that hair in my face, and I don't think it compliments your features." I have been told that hair over powers me, but I really want to try something different. And when I want to get braids, a sew in or something protective, he says that you can grow your hair without that stuff. Last time I got a sew in with lacing braids, he really gave me a hard time. erplexedNow I know he doesn't like weave, like most men, but I want him to at least support me in my idea of doing this. He loves the idea of me going natural, but I cheated on him and went behind his back and got a relaxer . I don't know what to go ladies, I need some encouragement.

@the bolded you scared me for a minute... but luckily I finished reading the sentence

It is your hair and I know you want to respect his wishes, maybe you can have a heart to heart talk with him about the reasons you want to wear your hair the way that YOU want to do it.. after all it is on your head, not his.

Also explain how important this is to YOU.

 

[BrooklynSouth]

I so want to give up growing my hair. My husband will not completely support me. I have talked about growing it long, he says,"I don't want all that hair in my face, and I don't think it compliments your features." I have been told that hair over powers me, but I really want to try something different. And when I want to get braids, a sew in or something protective, he says that you can grow your hair without that stuff. Last time I got a sew in with lacing braids, he really gave me a hard time. erplexedNow I know he doesn't like weave, like most men, but I want him to at least support me in my idea of doing this. He loves the idea of me going natural, but I cheated on him and went behind his back and got a relaxer . I don't know what to go ladies, I need some encouragement.

Surely, it would be great to have your husband's support but since you do not at this point just rely on LHCF for your encouragement and support. I think you should be quiet about what you are doing then let him be surprised at your hair's growth and health. Living with him makes it hard to hide the things you'll be doing to gain a glorious mane so do your hair thing when he is not around! The man may fear you being too darned attractive to others, reassure him along the way. YES!! The hair on your head is yours after all.

 

[Fine 4s]

I so want to give up growing my hair. My husband will not completely support me. I have talked about growing it long, he says,"I don't want all that hair in my face, and I don't think it compliments your features." I have been told that hair over powers me, but I really want to try something different. And when I want to get braids, a sew in or something protective, he says that you can grow your hair without that stuff. Last time I got a sew in with lacing braids, he really gave me a hard time. erplexedNow I know he doesn't like weave, like most men, but I want him to at least support me in my idea of doing this. He loves the idea of me going natural, but I cheated on him and went behind his back and got a relaxer . I don't know what to go ladies, I need some encouragement.

You want support for growing your hair long, going natural or fighting what others say? If it's the latter, it's tough...First you need to make a decision as to whether you want to believe what others say or not. Then decide whether you're going to make your decision based on other people's opinions and beliefs other than your own. It's not really about hair. I think once that's settled, we'll support whatever decision makes YOU happy...and also looks good

 

[ravenmerlita]

I am short and many people thought that longer hair would overpower me. It's been the exact opposite, I look so much better with longer hair. There are a lot of options when your hair is longer -- pulling it back, cutting layers arounds the face, wearing it curly -- that can really enhance the features.

If you are unsure on whether long hair will overpower you, you can always go try on some wigs. There are so many different styles and you'll be able to see for yourself what it will look like.

I have a friend who is being told she should not grow her hair out. She's in a different situation because she's unmarried and it's her other friends who aren't supporting her. She is growing her hair out with curly roller-sets. They are super cute and you can't see the length until she straightens her hair.

 

[RegaLady]

Thanks ladies, I just think that because I met him while I was young and he was older, I have been very dependent on what he wants me to be, but as I am getting older I am getting tired of it. I do ask for his opinions so maybe that causes it. I really envy women who do whatever they want without the care of otherserplexed.

 

[Fine 4s]

Thanks ladies, I just think that because I met him while I was young and he was older, I have been very dependent on what he wants me to be, but as I am getting older I am getting tired of it. I do ask for his opinions so maybe that causes it. I really envy women who do whatever they want without the care of otherserplexed.

Exactly my point this has nothing to do with hair!
I wish I had the right words to help you get out of that...Maybe someone else can chime in but let me just tell you that when people see that you live for yourself, they respect you a LOT more even if your decisions are KKKRAAAYYYZEEE DEE-RANGED! I know this one girl, who was soooo dependent on other people for just about EVERYTHING when we were in college. Today, wow...she is amazing and the happiest person I know. I LOVE being around her eventhough she doesn't listen to a damn thing I say LOL.

It's like Frank said "I did it my way..." and "To thine own self be true!"

BIG HUG

 

[Tinky]

I remember when I first got with my boyfriend I was young and he older and I had a submissive personality and he had a very dominate personality. I tried to change almost everything about myself in order to get his approval. And after four years I got tired of it because I was miserable. When I first started putting my foot down it was really rough, but once my boyfriend realized that I wasn't going to back down like I used to he changed. This past year has been amazing for us. We are friends now and that was something I couldn't say before. Even though I got off on a tangent what I am trying to say is that I still regret not putting my foot down a long time ago because I basically missed out on enjoying the first half of my twenties. I think you should grow your hair if that is what you want to do. Years down the road I don’t want you to have to look back and regret not doing this.

 

[nodisrespect]

Punch that fool in the face and tell him mind his own damn business



Just kidding, violence is never the answer

 

[vestaluv1]

The man may fear you being too darned attractive to others

This is exactly what I was thinking when I was reading your message.
Forgive me if I'm totally on the wrong track but it seems like he might be a tad bit insecure (even if he doesn't show it).
I know alot of guys like this. Specially older guys with younger women.
If I always cared about what others thought about anything, I probably wouldn't get anything done.
I know your SO is not just 'anybody' but who's hair is it?
I ask my SO what he thinks about my hair/hair plans all the time...just to see what he thinks, not to let him really influence my decision.

Figure out what YOU really want to do...and work towards it.

 

[RegaLady]

I am short and many people thought that longer hair would overpower me. It's been the exact opposite, I look so much better with longer hair. There are a lot of options when your hair is longer -- pulling it back, cutting layers arounds the face, wearing it curly -- that can really enhance the features.

If you are unsure on whether long hair will overpower you, you can always go try on some wigs. There are so many different styles and you'll be able to see for yourself what it will look like.

I have a friend who is being told she should not grow her hair out. She's in a different situation because she's unmarried and it's her other friends who aren't supporting her. She is growing her hair out with curly roller-sets. They are super cute and you can't see the length until she straightens her hair.

Everyone likes my hair short, but I guess in comparison to the weave. But they just think it suits my personality. And I have to admit, that replays in my memory journal when I want to do anything with it. So I go and cut it when it shows any sign of growing. I like it for a little but, but then I regret that I cut it. So I don't cut it anymore. I think I will appreciate it, when they appreciate it, when I appreciate it. They just are gonna have to but out!

 

[RegaLady]

Exactly my point this has nothing to do with hair!
I wish I had the right words to help you get out of that...Maybe someone else can chime in but let me just tell you that when people see that you live for yourself, they respect you a LOT more even if your decisions are KKKRAAAYYYZEEE DEE-RANGED! I know this one girl, who was soooo dependent on other people for just about EVERYTHING when we were in college. Today, wow...she is amazing and the happiest person I know. I LOVE being around her eventhough she doesn't listen to a damn thing I say LOL.

It's like Frank said "I did it my way..." and "To thine own self be true!"

BIG HUG

Thank you for this! It is so true. And this is the impact I want to make on others!

 

[RegaLady]

I remember when I first got with my boyfriend I was young and he older and I had a submissive personality and he had a very dominate personality. I tried to change almost everything about myself in order to get his approval. And after four years I got tired of it because I was miserable. When I first started putting my foot down it was really rough, but once my boyfriend realized that I wasn't going to back down like I used to he changed. This past year has been amazing for us. We are friends now and that was something I couldn't say before. Even though I got off on a tangent what I am trying to say is that I still regret not putting my foot down a long time ago because I basically missed out on enjoying the first half of my twenties. I think you should grow your hair if that is what you want to do. Years down the road I don’t want you to have to look back and regret not doing this.

You know, I need to hear this! We were doing great when I didn't discuss with him these things. I guess I really value what he says, that's all. But the would is not going to stop if I wear my hair one way or the other. Well said!

 

[RegaLady]

Thank you ladies, so much! That's why I love this site!
I didn't want to jump on my poor husband, but I got to think for me in all this. I think all of this is bigger than hair!

 

[LivingDoll]

Everyone likes my hair short, but I guess in comparison to the weave. But they just think it suits my personality. And I have to admit, that replays in my memory journal when I want to do anything with it. So I go and cut it when it shows any sign of growing. I like it for a little but, but then I regret that I cut it. So I don't cut it anymore. I think I will appreciate it, when they appreciate it, when I appreciate it. They just are gonna have to but out!

This used to be me too. I also had a SO just like your husband. I totally understand the way you're feeling. Look to the LHCFers for support. When all else fails, encourage yourself.

 

[hopeful]

Thanks ladies, I just think that because I met him while I was young and he was older, I have been very dependent on what he wants me to be, but as I am getting older I am getting tired of it. I do ask for his opinions so maybe that causes it. I really envy women who do whatever they want without the care of otherserplexed.

If you keep focussing on getting his support you will be very frustrated. And the focus will be on him and not you, your aspirations, and your hair. Just do what works for you for the next year or so, don't talk about it with him, focus on your personal growth and your hair's growth. I think you just need time to get to know yourself better and be more confident in yourself and your decisions. It's not about being "whatever!" when it comes to his opinion, but you don't want to be dependent on his opinions or feel like you can't make a move without his support. People act like everything is so permanent. If you grow your hair out and don't like it, you can cut it. It is not that serious.

 

[PassionFruit]

I so want to give up growing my hair. My husband will not completely support me. I have talked about growing it long, he says,"I don't want all that hair in my face, and I don't think it compliments your features." I have been told that hair over powers me, but I really want to try something different. And when I want to get braids, a sew in or something protective, he says that you can grow your hair without that stuff. Last time I got a sew in with lacing braids, he really gave me a hard time. erplexedNow I know he doesn't like weave, like most men, but I want him to at least support me in my idea of doing this. He loves the idea of me going natural, but I cheated on him and went behind his back and got a relaxer . I don't know what to go ladies, I need some encouragement.

My husband doesnt like my hair longer either... and he hates perms & weaves... if he had his way, Id have a TWA til eternity... but guess what.... this is MY hair... I dont style it to please him, just as I dont pick my clothes to please him.... I let him go on & on about how much time & money Im wasting and then I go back to doing as I want....
When he really gets on my nerves, I remind him how though he complains about my castor & coconut oil concoctions & all of the "experiments" he says Im cooking in the kitchen... I notice that my oil bottles get lower even on the days I dont use them

 

[RegaLady]

My husband doesnt like my hair longer either... and he hates perms & weaves... if he had his way, Id have a TWA til eternity... but guess what.... this is MY hair... I dont style it to please him, just as I dont pick my clothes to please him.... I let him go on & on about how much time & money Im wasting and then I go back to doing as I want....
When he really gets on my nerves, I remind him how though he complains about my castor & coconut oil concoctions & all of the "experiments" he says Im cooking in the kitchen... I notice that my oil bottles get lower even on the days I dont use them

Hopeful, you are right, it really is not that serious. It just seems so, when he makes comments about it! We'll get it together.

Passionfruit, that was so funny. The other day, he asked if his hair looked good. I told him it did. Then he says, "Yeah, I put a lil' olive oil in it, I saw how it made your hair look shiny the other day."

 

[Dayjoy]

Maybe it's not the longer hair he doesn't like, perhaps it's the funky in between stage. That's where I am now and even I don't like it. But you gotta go through to get to...

If that's not it, he'll get over it. My DH knows what he likes (which hasn't been what I like for the past several years) but I think he enjoys watching me have fun with my new hobby.