Are you turned off by your man's tears?

[weaveologist]

Is your man a crier? Are you turned off by your man's tears?

This was a topic on the radio this morning and the answers were so funny. I did a thread search and didn't find anything so thought it was safe...

The actual question was how many times a year do you give your man to cry and what are the occasions? Then it just boiled down to women who are turned on/off my men who cry.

My junior and senior year of high school I didn't criers. They were true wimps! Junior year when I broke up with that boyfriend, him and I were walking to pick up my son from day care. I had him wait outside while I went into the building. When me and my son came outside this fools face was full of tears. He was just standing in front of the building balling as other parents came in and out. Then my son, who was two at the time, looked at him and asked me "What's wrong with him?" in the cutest baby voice.....Never got back with him.

Then senior year I was dating an emotional roller coaster. Whooooo he was a crier. Cried on my voicemail when we got in arguments. Just cry, cry, cry. And this fool was from the west side! One day we got into an argument as I walked him to the bus stop (he was leaving my house) and this fool starts crying and kicking bottles up the street. He was attracting attention from the gang bangers! I told him in my mama voice (you know the one when your mother grits her teeth), "You better wipe yo' face right now before we get shot!".....LMAO!

Ever since then I am sooooo unattracted to men who even APPEAR to be soft. I like men to be emotional but not TOO emotional. I need some aggression. Crying at funerals? Okay. Crying when we get married? Cool. Crying when Obama won? Understood... But that's it!

 

[JustKiya]

*shrug* My man is just as human as I am, and he's got the same range of emotions, and if something makes him cry - I'm glad he's man enough to express his true feelings, rather than bottling them up in some display of machismo, and ending up depressed/exploding in rage at some point when he can't hold it in anymore. That ish ain't healthy - I wonder if that's one of the reasons men tend to have a shorter lifespan than women - all that bottled up emotional stress....

I don't think that it has to be one or the other - you can have a man who cries at commercials, and he'll still dropkick someone who looks at you funny. Seems well-rounded, to me.

 

[weaveologist]

I like a balance between hard and overly emotional. You don't have to be HeMan all the time, but I definetly don't want you crying more or being weaker than me.

 

[dlewis]

Crying in general just seems to irritate me. When I got with my husband he was a hard man. You couldn't get him to cry for nothing. AND THEN I had a baby and I swear, he's been crying every since. Birth of a child...cry, kids first day of school.....cry, thinking about kids getting older.....cry, death of a family member (I understand crying in situations like this), watching kids sleep....cry. Sometimes I wanna say "stop all that damm crying". But I don't.

 

[Cheleigh]

I wish my SO cried more. He's one of those "macho" men who rarely cry, and never when I can see him. I think it's a bit like JustKia described--an occasional healthy cry helps the soul and I think it prevents all this bottled up emotion. I appreciate when a man can open up and cry around me. I've never met a man who cries more than me (I cry all the time though).

 

[LunadeMiel]

I don't like it when men cry... I would prefer if my man did not do it in front of me. This is purely for selfish reason though...

 

[heyfranz]

I gotta go with dlewis on this one. It's irritating, except in extenuating circumstances.

 

[envybeauty]

What if the man says, "I just wanna cry." Like when you break up with him and that is his reaction say via text or email.

Annoys me.

I am not for a cry baby in any case but some situations are understandable (death, etc.). Men are less hormonal than women so I don't expect men to break down into tears every month. They tend to have more outlets to express themselves physically (through pickup games of basketball, football or soccer on any given day) with the boys whereas grown women don't say to other women, let's meet to play X. That helps men in terms of a "release" IMO.

 

[weaveologist]

My ex was a typically "hard" and "aggressive" guy. Probably too hard. But anyway, we were going through a very hard time in our relationship. It was trying for both of us. Before he walked out the door he just hugged me tight for a long time. Then I heard sniffs. Then he wiped his face and went in the bathroom for a few minutes.....That was sooooooooo sexy! Whew!

But thats the ONLY time I ever saw him cry.

 

[MD_Lady]

Crying in general just seems to irritate me. When I got with my husband he was a hard man. You couldn't get him to cry for nothing. AND THEN I had a baby and I swear, he's been crying every since. Birth of a child...cry, kids first day of school.....cry, thinking about kids getting older.....cry, death of a family member (I understand crying in situations like this), watching kids sleep....cry. Sometimes I wanna say "stop all that damm crying". But I don't.

Awwwwwwwww... that's cute. Just wait until your children get married. My Dad was a MESS at my wedding and he was even worse when I left home!!!

 

[honeybadgirl]

when drunk and blubbering.... total turn off!!!
i'm not a crier so to see people cry is an instant big ol sigh from me!
except when grieving of course.

 

[Theo]

I mean... if its really something significant.... then crying is permissible. But I don't think its something he should be engaging in often. Then I would advise him to seek therapy.

 

[amara11]

Crying in general just seems to irritate me. When I got with my husband he was a hard man. You couldn't get him to cry for nothing. AND THEN I had a baby and I swear, he's been crying every since. Birth of a child...cry, kids first day of school.....cry, thinking about kids getting older.....cry, death of a family member (I understand crying in situations like this), watching kids sleep....cry. Sometimes I wanna say "stop all that damm crying". But I don't.

 

[Vinyl]

It's not so much the crying itself that would turn me off, but the emotion behind it. I don't care if he gets sentimental because of a movie or a song, but if he's crying all the time because he's unhappy with his life, I'd probably feel too bad to be with him.

 

[luvn_life]

I guess it depends. If we are talking about something and its truly an emotional subject (Past, family issues, etc...) I guess out of true frustration, then it doesnt bother me. But, if he's just crying because something is beautiful or something, I would definitely NOT find that attractive. It also depends on the person and how much I like them.

 

[DayStar]

D you are funny
I dont care if he cries...i just dont like SUPER sensitive men....who have girlie traits ....crying is normal...ive seen men in my family cry..im use to it.

Crying in general just seems to irritate me. When I got with my husband he was a hard man. You couldn't get him to cry for nothing. AND THEN I had a baby and I swear, he's been crying every since. Birth of a child...cry, kids first day of school.....cry, thinking about kids getting older.....cry, death of a family member (I understand crying in situations like this), watching kids sleep....cry. Sometimes I wanna say "stop all that damm crying". But I don't.

 

[-Volare]

D you are funny
I dont care if he cries...i just dont like SUPER sensitive men....who have girlie traits ....crying is normal...ive seen men in my family cry..im use to it.

I'm the complete opposite, men in my family never showed emotion/cried in front of the women. I wasn't used to it at all! My boyfriend last year was one of the first men that I had ever been around that cried a lot and showed emotion, I was taken aback. I'm used to it now and I don't mind criers. Especially if it's over me.

 

[drasgrl]

I've never seen him cry even when his grandmother died. I would like him to because he can't keep things bottled up inside. If he did cry so what I wouldn't think any less of him.

 

[Puddles]

If a man cries it doesn't bother me.......unless he's just a stone cold wimp. Then I ain't liking that one bit.

My husband has only cried 4 times in the 20yrs we've been married. He's an emotional person....but it takes a "whole" lot to make that man cry.

Now me.........I'm like DLewis' husband.
Heck........I tear up at commercials.

 

[Syrah]

No. But my ex-so only cried twice, and both times were the result of deaths (good friend and family member) and both times I had to coax it out of him - meaning he was holding it in more for my sake then his own.

On the other hand, we chicks need to make our minds up. We want men to be "more in touch with their emotions" but are putting stipulations on how they display their emotions and how often they should experience certain displays?

Get it out...No problem. Just be a man about it. Just like I don't like cry baby overly emotional chicks around me, the same is true for guys. If you're an emotional basket case ready to road rage the car in front of you for not using a signal, we're just not gonna work out. Going off on wait staff in restaurants or freaking out at the airport when you're trying to check in? If you can't articulate your "angry" emotions without cursing every other word? Nah...

Do what you do, just be a man about it.

 

[spelmanlocks]

No it doesn't bother me as long as he dosn't do it too much anyway. When he does cry it makes me feel like I have to run and protect him. Plus crying can be good for you. Sometimes I feel great after a good cry, it just releases all of that pent up frustration. Then I know men cry anyway, and I want my man to feel comfortable doing it in front of me instead of feeling like he has to cry in the dark.

 

[tinkat]

No it doesn't bother me as long as he dosn't do it too much anyway. When he does cry it makes me feel like I have to run and protect him. Plus crying can be good for you. Sometimes I feel great after a good cry, it just releases all of that pent up frustration. Then I know men cry anyway, and I want my man to feel comfortable doing it in front of me instead of feeling like he has to cry in the dark.

Yea I agree with that. I don't mind of my man cries, as long as it not about silly things of course.

 

[tinkat]

No. But my ex-so only cried twice, and both times were the result of deaths (good friend and family member) and both times I had to coax it out of him - meaning he was holding it in more for my sake then his own.

On the other hand, we chicks need to make our minds up. We want men to be "more in touch with their emotions" but are putting stipulations on how they display their emotions and how often they should experience certain displays?

Get it out...No problem. Just be a man about it. Just like I don't like cry baby overly emotional chicks around me, the same is true for guys. If you're an emotional basket case ready to road rage the car in front of you for not using a signal, we're just not gonna work out. Going off on wait staff in restaurants or freaking out at the airport when you're trying to check in? If you can't articulate your "angry" emotions without cursing every other word? Nah...

Do what you do, just be a man about it.

Exactly! I agree. It would bother me if he never showed his emotions like that. Of course a person does not want somebody crying over every single thing. But if you frustrated, just let it out, its ok.

 

[KEWLKAT103]

I have a crying man and it's o.k with me.
I'm not a big crier, so it took some getting used to.
He cries at movies, plays, etc.
He feels and thinks very deeply and has no problem showing his emotions outwardly. On the other hand, my emotions take awhile to surface.
I guess it's good we balance each other out.

 

[kayte]

crocodile tears ...when breaking up with me
oh..this hurts me more than it hurts you darlin

yup...sure
spare me

and he had to work mighty hard to get one tear : which dint even
have the momentum to roll down the eye..so maybe technically
it was not crying...a lil cry?

 

[Starr1]

No. My husband has only cried a few times in our relationship and each time it's only made me more attracted to him. There is something so sexy about a man who is able to display a full range of emotions. . .

 

[Lebiya]

I think men who hide their emotions, usually end up hiding other things too.

I want him to be himself, all of himself, open and honest with his emotions all the time.

 

[cocoberry10]

Crying in general just seems to irritate me. When I got with my husband he was a hard man. You couldn't get him to cry for nothing. AND THEN I had a baby and I swear, he's been crying every since. Birth of a child...cry, kids first day of school.....cry, thinking about kids getting older.....cry, death of a family member (I understand crying in situations like this), watching kids sleep....cry. Sometimes I wanna say "stop all that damm crying". But I don't.

Dlewis, you are so real

I think that men should cry, but not in EVERY situation. I think if we allowed men to shed their feelings more, especially around us (their SO's/wives) in PRIVATE, they would have an easier time being HARD when they need to.

I need my man to know WHEN to be hard, not just to be hard for the sake of it. My man needs to be a provider and a protector of his family. When we are out, I want to know that he will slay dragons for me.

But if he's really going through a hard time, and he needs to talk, I'm there for him. I guess I would rather him come to me, than go to another woman!

 

[cocoberry10]

I mean... if its really something significant.... then crying is permissible. But I don't think its something he should be engaging in often. Then I would advise him to seek therapy.

Your last sentence really hits the nail on the head. I think there are A LOT of Black men who are very depressed and trying to hide it, but it becomes impossible to do that forever!

No wonder the suicide rate is so high for Black men!

 

[cocoberry10]

No it doesn't bother me as long as he dosn't do it too much anyway. When he does cry it makes me feel like I have to run and protect him. Plus crying can be good for you. Sometimes I feel great after a good cry, it just releases all of that pent up frustration. Then I know men cry anyway, and I want my man to feel comfortable doing it in front of me instead of feeling like he has to cry in the dark.

I agree with this!