Anyone here suffering from "Hair Depression" ?

[FlutterGirl]

I am !

I don't know how to start this thread of if it was necessary or not. But if you can relate (relaxed or natural), here's your time. But, I don't want a start a debate: natural vs relaxed. That was not my point (and I'm anti-relaxer just for myself, I enjoy looking at some healthy relaxed hair). I just wanted to share my feelings, cause I can't find no one to talk about it.

Here's what I just wrote in my fotki:

I'm going to take a break from updating this page, hopefully I'll come back in a few months. I'm going to take a break, but I'll read your comments. I enjoyed every single one. I'll be open for password requests also.

I'm suffering from "hair depression" or something. I don't feel very much my hair right now, it's pretty hard for me to manage and I can't seem to retain any lenght that I work hard for it, but I wanna stay natural and I don't wanna wear extensions, we'll see how it turns out. I feel like I'm going to shave it off and wear wigs.

Also, I find it very hard for me all those nasty comments I hear from my family and even in class (idiots laughing at me constantly) ! I don't have the "good" hair but gimme a break. I'm pretty depressed about the state of natural hair... (I'm talking about 4a/4b/4zzzz). Still today in hair board the pretty ringlets got the big attention and not pretty much the nappies and it's our people.

I wanna stay natural, but I don't know if I can handle it, nor if I deserve it (I don't have a peaceful life). I feel pretty much weak and sensitive. I feel like I'm the only one in my area proning this cause, but I wanna stay true to myself and my convictions...

Mods if you think that was pointless, you can erase it.

 

[kally]

I am and have been for a long time. I get depressed just looking at those with beautiful hair. Natural and/or relaxed. Everyone else hair seems to have it going on. I am so far away for it all. At time I want to give up, but I can not go out in public looking like I do now. I mean I wear the wigs, but knowing that it is not my hair depresses me even more.

 

[LocksOfLuV]

I am !

I don't know how to start this thread of if it was necessary or not. But if you can relate (relaxed or natural), here's your time. But, I don't want a start a debate: natural vs relaxed. That was not my point (and I'm anti-relaxer just for myself, I enjoy looking at some healthy relaxed hair). I just wanted to share my feelings, cause I can't find no one to talk about it.

Here's what I just wrote in my fotki:



Mods if you think that was pointless, you can erase it.

I don't know what to say. Just offering some support. Sounds like you got a lot going on in your mind. It's gonna be all good mama. We are here for ya. Yell, scream, let it all out, if no one else will understand it will be the hairboard .

 

[FlutterGirl]

Thanks Kally to relate LocksOfLuV for your support !

Folks always say that I think too much, and I'm a direct speaker

I wasn't in a good mood when I wrote that... I don't know, I feel just like I'm gonna relax this mess, but I know I would feel really bad to do that and I would tell them they were right about the fact that could'nt survive without relaxing...

When I got all this praise about my press it made me sick to the heart...

 

[MzTami]

Yes I'm definately going through hair depression. I think my main problem is that I'm style challenged, and my inbetween natural length hair doesn't help. I'm at the point where it's too short to put into a ponytail and doesn't look good in any other styles, like (twist, braidouts, etcc). I'm too embarassed to wear fake hair or extensions.

I've expected to have more growth with my natural hair but I guess my hair is in recession.

Anyway, I'm glad you started this thread because I was thinking the same thing.

 

[FlutterGirl]

MzTami: Glad I helped by starting this thread !

I know your pain ! I'm shoulder lenght but with my 80598534% shrinkage I can't put my hair in a ponytail unless I blow dry. My styles don't last that long and I feel like my fotki is a joke compared to all the wonderful work on other websites.
I've never been able to do twists-out braids-out...
Extensions f@% up my hair, I'm trying to break the addiction.

 

[Mystic]

Girl.., I am not in your head so I cannot understand what is going on in there but I am looking at your album and wish I had you hair!! It's absolutely gawgeous! There are SO many people here who would die to rock what you have! I do not know what your expectations are why you are "hair depressed" but I would swap with you anyday. Maybe instead of giving into the depression, start to fall in love with your hair again and appreciate where it's at. I am sure you have a lot of admirers......

I am !

I don't know how to start this thread of if it was necessary or not. But if you can relate (relaxed or natural), here's your time. But, I don't want a start a debate: natural vs relaxed. That was not my point (and I'm anti-relaxer just for myself, I enjoy looking at some healthy relaxed hair). I just wanted to share my feelings, cause I can't find no one to talk about it.

Here's what I just wrote in my fotki:



Mods if you think that was pointless, you can erase it.

 

[FlutterGirl]

Girl.., I am not in your head so I cannot understand what is going on in there but I am looking at your album and wish I had you hair!! It's absolutely gawgeous! There are SO many people here who would die to rock what you have! I do not know what your expectations are why you are "hair depressed" but I would swap with you anyday. Maybe instead of giving into the depression, start to fall in love with your hair again and appreciate where it's at. I am sure you have a lot of admirers......

:Blush2::Blush2::Blush2::Blush2::Blush2::Blush2:
Thanks for that kind of compliment. That's the best compliment on my hair that I had in my entire life.
I don't know what's going on in my head either. I love the softness of my hair, twists are my signature style and it makes me look so unique.
Heres the top things that pissed me off at this time:
Family, stylist, friends telling me to relax
My one-inch spot (burning hair from a stylist who used a HOT HOT HOT pressing comb withou any heat protectant... and it's supposed to be the best ethnic salon in my city)
Thinning hair line
SHRINKAGE
Too much hair has it's low and high
Not seeing much progress after 3 and a half years natural
I don't have much skils :/

 

[honeycomb719]

Thanks Kally to relate LocksOfLuV for your support !

Folks always say that I think too much, and I'm a direct speaker

I wasn't in a good mood when I wrote that... I don't know, I feel just like I'm gonna relax this mess, but I know I would feel really bad to do that and I would tell them they were right about the fact that could'nt survive without relaxing...

When I got all this praise about my press it made me sick to the heart...

I know exactly where your coming from. I'm constantly in hair depression, but I just try not to put too much focus into it. Ive been keeping it with some type of weave in it lately, either braids, ponytails etc...just so I dont have to look at my own hair. I just cant seem to retain length either, not matter how gentle I treat my hair, so Im just managing the best why I know how.

Cybers ((((hugs)))) I feel ya pain girly

 

[Mystic]

AWWW, that is so sad because your hair is really beautiful. I know it's going to be hard but you need to eliminte the negativity that surrounds you with regards to your hair and do YOU. It would be very sad if you give into pressure, do something with your hair and later regret it because you did it to please someone else. If you want to stay natural, focus on that and find ways to get the hair problems you are having under control. Your natural hair is so beautiful and you look really cute and unique.

Once you have reconditioned your mind about loving and keeping your hair natural (inspite of people pressuring you to relax), you will begin to tackle the other problems. Thinning hair (we all experience that) and this can be eliminated by stop wearing tight braids (extensions); the burnt spot can be eliminated by flatironing with a protective serum; shrinkage..., oh well, that comes with the natural territory; too much hair? give me some. I think the most depressing part should be not much progress afer 3.5 years natural - THAT I UNDERSTAND. I started my journey 7-05 and that's what frustrates me too but I put it into perspective and let it go. Try to do some cute braids (with your own hair, moisturize the edges and leave it alone) to get your mind off your hair. All the best!!!

:Blush2::Blush2::Blush2::Blush2::Blush2::Blush2:
Thanks for that kind of compliment. That's the best compliment on my hair that I had in my entire life.
I don't know what's going on in my head either. I love the softness of my hair, twists are my signature style and it makes me look so unique.
Heres the top things that pissed me off at this time:
Family, stylist, friends telling me to relax
My one-inch spot (burning hair from a stylist who used a HOT HOT HOT pressing comb withou any heat protectant... and it's supposed to be the best ethnic salon in my city)
Thinning hair line
SHRINKAGE
Too much hair has it's low and high
Not seeing much progress after 3 and a half years natural
I don't have much skils :/

 

[Nay]

I just wanted to tell you that I think that you and your hair are beautiful. Don't let other people and their dumb comments get to you, especially family members.

Family can be the worst. Every time my brother sees me, he kind of looks my hair up and down, sometimes he'll touch it, and then he'll say, "Have you ever thought of having it professionally done?" He used to say it looked poodle-like And if someone else compliments my hair in his presence, he kind of looks at me with a look on his face that says that he doesn't see what that person could possibly find appealing about my hair.

Some black people just REALLY have a problem with black hair in its natural state.

Now, as far as your hair depression, we've all been there. I used to DREAD washing and combing out my hair. It was such a chore. But then I found the products/techniques that worked for me, and now it is so much easier. I used to covet other folks' hair, especially some Hispanic chicks who had beautiful long wavy/curly hair, but then I discovered my hair's own special beauty. For YEARS my hair stayed one length, but then I figured out what I needed to change, and my hair started growing. (For me I needed to stop using so much heat, wash my hair more frequently, comb it out gently in sections while well conditioned.)

Anyway, the point is try not to feel discouraged, don't listen to those who give you unsolicited advice/comments, and keep giving your hair TLC. You and your hair will be just fine

 

[kweenameena]

Girl You are truly beautiful! Don't trip! Not everyone is being a hater but some just don't understand. It's okay to want to be who God made you to be naturally. When I told one of my best friends that I was going natural she was like Why would you want to walk around with short nappy hair like you're from Africa? My aunt said " oh so you're gonna wear afros all the time" and a coworker asked me was I into nuts and berry juice now. People are always gonna have something negative to say. So just expect it from them when the subject of your hair comes up. If they don't say anything negative then be surprised and grateful! You always will have a support system here. PM whenever you need to (and I'm not just saying that) because I sometimes go thru the same thing! LOL!! A watched pot never boils and the same is true with growing hair. That's why I like to keep mine braided so I can't keep checking every minute to see if it's grown. Especially the morning after the MTG

 

[ubavka123]

You've gotten a lot of encouragement here. So, you know where to come when your family and friends are acting like they don't get it. I can relate to how you feel--and I have been on this board forever and a day!!! I should have elbow length hair by now if it wasn't for a major setback. After my setback I had similar feelings to yourself, but I also knew that it would take time for my hair to bounce back. It since has and I am trying to focus on where I am right now and not on where other's hair is. Sharing photos is for inspiration, not to get you down about where you are. I would love to have my APL hair already, but I know that with patience, time and care, I will get there. Maybe not as fast as others, but in my hair's own time.

Also, you look lovely in your albums. Your hair is beautiful. As soon as you get that into your head and keep it there and start acting like it, others will know they can't mess with you. Perhaps they can see that you are sometimes unsure of yourself and they exploit that by discouraging you further. Wear that hair proudly whether pressed or natural. You should never let anyone affect your concept of self. Be strong in who you are and their words will lose their meaning. You need to focus on the fact that this is what you want for your hair and leave them alone. When they make comments, make sure you let them know that you like your hair just the way it is.

I wish you all the best.

 

[healthyhairin07]

Girl, I understand what you're going through. I've been growing my natural hair for years because I wanted to be able to wear an afro one day then have my hair straight the next. I love the versatility of natural hair, but last week I was seriously considering getting a perm, and all of my friends who have perms were rallying me on to do it. I'm glad I didn't though because like you, I knew I would've regretted it.

This is only my third time pressing my hair since it's been natural, but I've worn braids most of the time because my husband and some family members make me feel like I look crazy when I wear my natural hair and I got really insecure about my hair. (That's one of the reasons I only put a pressed picture on here. I have my issues too.)

I'm hoping that one day we as a people will take advantage of our hair's natural abilities and grow to love our hair in its natural state. I think you're very beautiful, and I think that if you continue to fight on and try new things with your hair that surely you'll find something that will work for you. I'm up for the challenge with you.

I'm so happy that you posted this message because I've been feeling the same way too. That's why I'm up at 1:30 am, trying to find some help for my hair.

 

[crlsweetie912]

cosigning! After my unwanted BC, I am so down because I lost all of the progress that I have made in the last year. I was so in the dumps I put in a sew in just so I wouldn't have to look at my real hair. I just keep my spirits up by knowing that if I did it once, I can do it again!!! I just wanted to show my progress at my 1 year anniversary next month and now I have nothing to show.

 

[InnerSoul]

I can relate... right now I am currently stuck at shoulder length . I know I should be grateful that I even have hair at all but still we get depressed b/c we start comparing ourselves to one another and that isn't good. I do this all the time to myself and it gets my down. But I must be happy for who I am and what God has blessed me with. Embrace your hair and if u don't want to relax... don't. Every once in a while keep your hair pressed if you want versatility. I am glad u started this thread because I know that u aren't the only one that feels this way. Those that are around you that want to make negative comments about your hair in its natural state...could be insecure within their own souls. You have a lot of hair and you are pretty.. so keep your head up!

 

[Dee Raven]

Hi Fluttergirl,

I'm glad you wrote this post. I've been feeling that exact same way as you. And you've been getting some good advice. And your pics are all beautiful.

Thanks.

 

[Junonia]

I'm depressed that the nape of my neck is still uneven and thin while the rest of my hair is okay. I don't want to cut all my hair for that little area. I think the cause might be my coat rubbing agaisnt that area and my sweaters. At this point, I don't know what to do

 

[seraphinelle]

I"m frustrated that I may never get past shoulder length. Or even neck length.

It's depressing too.

Looking back at pictures and realizing how long my hair use to be.

 

[SilverSurfer]

Yes...I am in the dumps about my hair too. I am natural have been going on 5 years but every single year (it's like a curse) something happens and I end up loosing a lot of my hair and eventual doing another big job to start over again.
This year the curse has already happened but I am trying so hard not to cut it bald again...maybe the bald patches...the weak ends...the breaking will stop and my hair will grow back healthy again. erplexed I don't know either.

 

[isobell]

Girl I know how you feel! Don't be discouraged! I think the depression mostly stems from trying to watch something grow that only grows 1/2 inch per month...if you really want to stay natural maybe you should put your hair away for a while...maybe 3 to 6 months, in braids or some other protective style, at the end of this time you will be able to see a discernable difference in your hair - 1.5-3 inches - to reassure yourself that it is growing. The fact is that as long as you eat well and leave it alone your hair will grow. And ignore all those ignorant people who have chosen not to be supportive of you, this is your hair journey and when your hair grows out and looks fabulous they'll all be trying to be like you. HHG!

 

[honeybadgirl]

sometimes i feel like i just want to relax it, cut it, but i really love my natural hair. i dont get much support from my family especially my mom who just wants to see me with sleek, str8, flowing hair. whenever i do wear it str8, which is rare, she says, did u get a perm!?!?!? (all excited). i like being able to wear it curly, str8, frizzy, whatever! its my hair and i love it and so should you. embrace it and have fun with it. dont put too much thought in your hair and the progress of growth. its like waiting for the phone to ring when want someone to call....it doesnt be patient and love it! i get frustrated too but i get over it and so will you

 

[SohoHair]

I'm not there right now but I SOOOOOO understand what you mean because I've been there before.

I had a period last summer where everytime I washed I lost fistfulls of hair and I was leaving globs of hair all over the beige carpeting on non-wash days. It was so painful and bad that I didn't even want to sign on to LHCF because I knew I'd only get more depressed.

Even after that period stopped and I revamped my whole regimen I was still in a deep funk because my hair on a day-to-day basis just looked like crap. I couldn't it get my ng/texlaxed portions to look sleek and non-frizzy so every single morning I wrestled with my hair for at least 20 minutes before I went out and I STILL was not satisfied with my hair.erplexed

I finally began to think of it like this. In order to really REALLY clean a room you have to make a horrific mess first, so in order to get to a really REALLY great state where my hair was shiny, gorgeous and fabulous, I first had to go through the bad stuff first. I only got my first real life hair compliment on Saturday after over a year of haircare and it just about brought tears to my eyes because only I know how much I've been through with my hair.

So keep your chins up ladies because it does get better, and as with anything it's about the journey, not the ending.

 

[Lucia]

I feel your pain, but you're making progress everyday.
I've been so frustrated in the past by setbacks and evil hairstylists that I had practically given up.
I had just reached mid-bra strap, it wasn't even but I hadn't straightened it in like 6 months so I know it was healthy mostly.
I went to this "salon" and they washed it badly, scrubbing, and tangling my hair, then comb out, then blow fryed the stuffing out of it. Then the stylist goes you need a little trimm (that's wehn I should have paid and left) so I said just a little bit off the ends. Do you know that witch cut my hair back to shoulder length, then to add insult to injury she said you hair was very damaged ends weak, you really need to take care of your hair, come back in 2 weeks, it was harsh and blatent.
I actually went home and cried my eyes out, think I got love at home, HE** NO, they were like your hair looks good straight, I don't know why your so upset. so that was it, I came to boards and vented, thanks ladies BTW. then I erased all my hairgoals and disappeared form the boards for a while and re-grouped, I braided it up and re-vamped my regime.
Sorry long post but I wouldn't be where I am know if I had let them make me give up my goals.
So don't give up, find a new game plan, regime, take a mini-break, but if you give up you'll feel worse cause then they'll say seee i told you you couldn't grow your hair that long etc....
keep your head up mammi.

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

OMG i know what you mean my hair is a big mess it is making me want to get a perm everytime i wash nothing but tangles and breakage i am at wits end but my scalp can not handle the chemicals and twist outs and puffs are the only styles i can do and now the maixglade is not even getting it straight and it is 1 degrees out side so wash and gos wont work i feel like getting a buzz cut

 

[Victorian]

Oh no, hair buddy! Don't be depressed! I'm sorry people aren't being supportive
When I don't know what to do with my hair I rock the bandana/scarf. I did that a lot in my early days as a natural when it was a little too much stress to try to get it into a puff.