Anyone here had a long distance relationship?

[Amour]

Just wondering whether anyone here has successfully conducted a LDR?

Me and my sister are in the process of setting up a business and I have decided to move back home to be able to fund our business idea more effectively which will mean I will be leaving my S/O in this city. He cannot move cities with me as he is still studying and has another 2 years left.

I know I need to move for the success of my business but the LD thing

Any tips, stories would be appreciated

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

DH and I had a LD relationship for almost 2 years before we married. (We've been married almost 17 years).

He was military and we would get together during his leaves or I would take some time from my job to go visit with him when I could. We would try to see each other every three months.

We talked for hours every week via telephone, and lots of love letters/cards to keep communication tight.

It was difficult, when you're in love and in a relationship you want to be with that person everyday.

When we decided to get married, I knew that I had to be the one to relocate; it was easier for me to find a job where he was because when you're in the military, you go where you're assigned and you can't just up and relocate when you feel like it.

Good luck in your relationship, long distance relationships can be successful.

 

[tinkat]

DH and I had a LD relationship for almost 2 years before we married. (We've been married almost 17 years).

He was military and we would get together during his leaves or I would take some time from my job to go visit with him when I could. We would try to see each other every three months.

We talked for hours every week via telephone, and lots of love letters/cards to keep communication tight.

It was difficult, when you're in love and in a relationship you want to be with that person everyday.
When we decided to get married, I knew that I had to be the one to relocate; it was easier for me to find a job where he was because when you're in the military, you go where you're assigned and you can't just up and relocate when you feel like it.

Good luck in your relationship, long distance relationships can be successful.

I was in a long distance relationship before. We were together for almost four years before the LDR began. He joined the military. I agree that when you are in love, you will make it work. Although I am not with the person anymore, I be in a LDR again if I had no choice and if I really loved the person (Our relationship ending had nothing to do with distance bc if I wanted to see him I could). The most important thing is to keep the communication lines open and visit each other when you can.

 

[Bunny77]

You know Honeycomb, I find it interesting how many couples "in the past" (like pre-2000s) did long-distance relationships and thought little of it. It seems like today, folks hem and haw if they live 70 miles away from each other and decide not to pursue a relationship with someone they claim they really like because of where he/she lives... the excuse being that it would be difficult to "spend time together."

But I hear of folks who went to different colleges and dudes who'd drive for hours for multiple years to see their girlfriends, or military situations where people are gone for months at a time... and I'm like, what gives with this generation? Are we just super-spoiled? There are more methods of communication NOW than ever, but people almost expect that they should be in each other's physical presence 24-7 and if they can't do that -- or if they have to make an effort to see each other -- then they say "it's too hard."

(Sorry about the tangent... I've been thinking about this for a while.)

Oh, my story... so I've been seeing a guy over the past six weeks who lives in another state. It's a 4-hour drive, but so far, it's been working... I'm rather pleased that he's willing to drive and I'm willing to do so as well (I drive a lot for work anyway, so it's not a big deal). Not exclusive yet, but I'm very pleased that this guy is willing to make an effort. I've had so many men pass simply because I live an HOUR away from Detroit (where most are). Goodness!!!

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

You know Honeycomb, I find it interesting how many couples "in the past" (like pre-2000s) did long-distance relationships and thought little of it. It seems like today, folks hem and haw if they live 70 miles away from each other and decide not to pursue a relationship with someone they claim they really like because of where he/she lives... the excuse being that it would be difficult to "spend time together."

But I hear of folks who went to different colleges and dudes who'd drive for hours for multiple years to see their girlfriends, or military situations where people are gone for months at a time... and I'm like, what gives with this generation? Are we just super-spoiled? There are more methods of communication NOW than ever, but people almost expect that they should be in each other's physical presence 24-7 and if they can't do that -- or if they have to make an effort to see each other -- then they say "it's too hard."

(Sorry about the tangent... I've been thinking about this for a while.)

Oh, my story... so I've been seeing a guy over the past six weeks who lives in another state. It's a 4-hour drive, but so far, it's been working... I'm rather pleased that he's willing to drive and I'm willing to do so as well (I drive a lot for work anyway, so it's not a big deal). Not exclusive yet, but I'm very pleased that this guy is willing to make an effort. I've had so many men pass simply because I live an HOUR away from Detroit (where most are). Goodness!!!

I don't know what the deal is either about long distance relationships, and when DH and I were dating almost 20 ago, we didn't have any of the modern technology now that would have been wonderful to keep in touch. Sometimes our phone bills were outrageous! But it was worth it.

Long distance relationships are a bit more work, but no more work than relationships in general and I think it gives each person an opportunity to really talk and get to know each other and you don't have the "physical" in the way, you really get to know a person mentally and then when you do get together, it's great!

Bunny, good luck with your relationship!!! Girl, I wish DH and I only had 4 hrs between us when we were dating.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

I was in a long distance relationship before. We were together for almost four years before the LDR began. He joined the military. I agree that when you are in love, you will make it work. Although I am not with the person anymore, I be in a LDR again if I had no choice and if I really loved the person (Our relationship ending had nothing to do with distance bc if I wanted to see him I could). The most important thing is to keep the communication lines open and visit each other when you can.

This is what kept our relationship strong--we went as little as possible without some type of communication--no big gaps or lapses in time where you were left wondering or getting negatives thoughts.

 

[KPH]

My SO lives in VA and I'm in FL and have access to a lot of FFmiles.

 

[MissMeWithThatIsh]

I've done it... married the guy and just came off a deployment with him.

Basically, if it's meant to be, it'll workout. There are no real ules to assure this, but it will work

 

[Vanity1]

You know Honeycomb, I find it interesting how many couples "in the past" (like pre-2000s) did long-distance relationships and thought little of it. It seems like today, folks hem and haw if they live 70 miles away from each other and decide not to pursue a relationship with someone they claim they really like because of where he/she lives... the excuse being that it would be difficult to "spend time together."

But I hear of folks who went to different colleges and dudes who'd drive for hours for multiple years to see their girlfriends, or military situations where people are gone for months at a time... and I'm like, what gives with this generation? Are we just super-spoiled? There are more methods of communication NOW than ever, but people almost expect that they should be in each other's physical presence 24-7 and if they can't do that -- or if they have to make an effort to see each other -- then they say "it's too hard."

(Sorry about the tangent... I've been thinking about this for a while.)

Oh, my story... so I've been seeing a guy over the past six weeks who lives in another state. It's a 4-hour drive, but so far, it's been working... I'm rather pleased that he's willing to drive and I'm willing to do so as well (I drive a lot for work anyway, so it's not a big deal). Not exclusive yet, but I'm very pleased that this guy is willing to make an effort. I've had so many men pass simply because I live an HOUR away from Detroit (where most are). Goodness!!!

Good points when I hear of people complain about how they don't want to take the relationship far because it is long distance I am always like erplexed. And those feel this way are often very clingy, once they are in relationship, their existence is based on it.

I have been in two long distance relationships, one of them being DH, and he was overseas at months at a time for work. The other relationship the guy lived like 2 hours away from me, but we still made time to be together and really enjoyed talking on the phone, sending love letters and gifts, etc. These have been the best relationships I have been in and when we finally saw each other we really appreciated the time we spent together.

In both instances, neither were difficult, for me. I missed them at times, but it wasn't hard on me.

So alot is to be considered in these types of relationships but I strongly believe they can be successful.

 

[hopeful]

LOL @ Bunny's tangent, but you made some excellent points as usual. My husband and I dated long distance for four years before we got married. Mostly he drove down to visit me on the weekends while I was in college but sometimes I would take the bus to see him. I think he was usually 2 to 4 hours away from me. Fortunately he was never so far away that we couldn't see each other at least once a month and every major holiday as well. We were just determined to make it work because we loved each other so much and wanted to be together. I didn't want anyone else and neither did he. After I graduated college his job did transfer him a longer distance away but by then we were engaged and planning for our wedding, and he was working on getting a job near me once we we were married.

 

[mscocoface]

I have had two. Both worked the one I am in now was that way for about 5 years we are married now.

You have to want it to work, maturity and self confidence plays a huge part.

Both of you can't be frustrated about the distance at the same time.

 

[Ms Red]

I am in one now. We are 2 hours (driving distance) away and I am usually out of state 2-3 days a week. Both parties need to be mature and have some semblance (sp?) of a life independent of the relationship. If the two of you are on the same page and really enjoy spending time with each other, it will work!

 

[EbonyYoungin517]

Speaking of long distance relationships....I've been trying to look it up but do people who are married and was in or currently in long distance relationships have a higher divorce rate? I have yet to have anything numbers on that but if anyone knows...please let me know!!

 

[Dposh167]

communication is VERRRRY important. if one isn't keen on that....then it can be difficult. and I like the points bunny brought up about how all the technology we have access to now. take advantage of it. I know i did when i was in my LDR. AIM & email (circa 2004) were our best friends.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

My SO and I met online so from the getting to know you stage, to the friendship, to the falling in love/ commitment ALL happened long distance before we even met one another. Communication is key. We talk to each other at least 6-7 times every day and text/e-mail each other at least 4-5 times every day. We communicate so much that the 1700 miles in between us doesn't seem that far apart.

Making solid plans to visit one another and/or plans to move to the same city is important too. After we complete grad school (roughly Dec. 2010) he will move to Boston, but for now frequent visits help us. Also you two should buy webcams and get Skype accounts(signing up is free and u can make free web telephone calls). That has been an awesome late addition to our LDR.

 

[jerseygurl]

I'm in one right now and like Afrolicious, we were committed to each other before we even met and meeting each other was like icing on the cake. We call, text, chat, email each other but we still respect each other's independence. It can work if the couple put their minds to it.

Oh yeah he's in Nigeria so the distance is no joke. I can't just go and visit when I feel like it so it's imperative that we communicate with each other.

 

[*~*Afrolicious*~*]

I'm in one right now and like Afrolicious, we were committed to each other before we even met and meeting each other was like icing on the cake. We call, text, chat, email each other but we still respect each other's independence. It can work if the couple put their minds to it.

Oh yeah he's in Nigeria so the distance is no joke. I can't just go and visit when I feel like it so it's imperative that we communicate with each other.

Ooo My SO is half Nigerian!

 

[jerseygurl]

Ooo My SO is half Nigerian!

Aww shucks!!! small world. I loves me my Nigerian men. It's a shame the ones I've met here are trifling

 

[Farida]

Bunny77,

I think our generation is just overall lazy when it comes to relationships.

I also think LDRs do better when there seems to be a goal in mind.

 

[hopeful]

Bunny77,

I think our generation is just overall lazy when it comes to relationships.

I also think LDRs do better when there seems to be a goal in mind.

Good point.

 

[VioletWylde]

I definitely agree with a lot of the advice given here. I've been in a LDR for going on 2 years now. We're about 1500 miles apart. Communication is absolutely key. Take advantage of all of the modern technology that we have. Some things that I've learned: When it comes to important "talks", try to get onto Skype or Yahoo voice so that you can hear each other's tones and verbal cues (we assign emotion to text and from time to time it is possible to assign the wrong emotion to a statement or question depending on our moods). I missed a lot of the little things that you get to have when you're in close proximity with your SO--like stealing a kiss or just joking around together. I like to send him care packages for special occasions with little things to let him know he is on my mind. Also, growing pains can be kind of weird in a LDR. You might have one visit where everything is cool and another where you feel really confused. It can be a lot to handle at times, but I found it to be worthwhile. I hope that you do too--best of luck!

 

[Candycane044]

This is so encouraging....thanks to all the ladies that responded. I just moved to TX from MO and my S/O is back home trying to finish school. I needed to read this, as I've been having a hard time adjusting.