Another Regurgitation

G

Ganjababy

Well-Known Member
I know I say so much on here. Please forgive me. I have no one to share with IRL. I lie, I do but I have too much bloody pride. I do not want them to know my business.


I am tired of my husband. I want a divorce. I have not told anyone in real life. Everyone think we are this perfect couple. If we divorce we will break our families heart. His family love me so much. Mine thinks he is the second coming. Me? I want more.

There was always something about him that I could not put my finger on. I finally realized what it was. He resents me for thinking highly of myself. He told me I act like I am above everyone else and act like a princess. I was brought up by my dad, god knows he was a kang but he always made me feel like I was the most precious thing the almighty created and that I deserved everything life had to offer.

My husband's parents are still together. His dad is a wimp who forced his mom to grow balls. Because of that I think he resents me because I am just like mom and he is like is dad but add a growing self awareness and resentment. He wants us to go to counselling when I get myself together. I want a new husband.


I feel like a deserve an upgrade. We were equally yoked when we got married but now not so much. This is something that is not talked about on here enough. What happens when you start out on equal footing but the woman outgrows the man?

Should I stay because he supported (by force because I knew I deserved no less) me through 4 university degrees? Got bullied by me into investing in homes? I could stay but for him to to basically admit and tell me in other words that I a smelling myself was like a turning point. I am so tired of men feeling threatened by me. Not all men I have been with, but the ones who mattered.

If I am going to make a break it will be now or never, before I am old and decrepit. I feel as if he resents me for my self confidence and expectations.

This was not evident when we got married 16 years ago. But the he was more educated and was the breadwinner, he still is the breadwinner but I supplement by decorating our house with expensive furniture etc. I refuse to live below my standards to make him feel like a man.

In my heart I feel,like it's time for an upgrade. I guess I am a cold hearted wench...

He served his purpose. Now he is just getting on my nerves, plus he resents me and I cannot take it. Though I take full responsibility for the resentment. He cannot handle my severe depression, anxiety, ptsd and other stuff. He can do better and so can I when I get better. Sobs...
 
Last edited:
Ganjababy said:
I know I say so much on here. Please forgive me. I have no one to share with IRL. I lie, I do but I have too much bloody pride. I do not want them to know my business.


I am tired of my husband. I want a divorce. I have not told anyone in real life. Everyone think we are this perfect couple. If we divorce we will break our families heart. His family love me so much. Mine thinks he is the second coming. Me? I want more.

There was always something about him that I could not put my finger on. I finally realized what it was. He resents me for thinking highly of myself. He told me I act like I am above everyone else and act like a princess. I was brought up by my dad, god knows he was a kang but he always made me feel like I was the most precious thing the almighty created and that I deserved everything life had to offer.

My husband's parents are still together. His dad is a wimp who forced his mom to grow balls. Because of that I think he resents me because I am just like mom and he is like is dad but add a growing self awareness and resentment. He wants us to go to counselling when I get myself together. I want a new husband.


I feel like a deserve an upgrade. We were equally yoked when we got married but now not so much. This is something that is not talked about on here enough. What happens when you start out on equal footing but the woman outgrows the man?

Should I stay because he supported (by force because I knew I deserved no less) me through 4 university degrees? Got bullied by me into investing in homes? I could stay but for him to to basically admit and tell me in other words that I a smelling myself was like a turning point. I am so tired of men feeling threatened by me. Not all men I have been with, but the ones who mattered.

If I am going to make a break it will be now or never, before I am old and decrepit. I feel as if he resents me for my self confidence and expectations.

This was not evident when we got married 16 years ago. But the he was more educated and was the breadwinner, he still is the breadwinner but I supplement by decorating our house with expensive furniture etc. I refuse to live below my standards to make him feel like a man.

In my heart I feel,like it's time for an upgrade. I guess I am a cold hearted wench...

He served his purpose. Now he is just getting on my nerves, plus he resents me and I cannot take it. Though I take full responsibility for the resentment. He cannot handle my severe depression, anxiety, ptsd and other stuff. He can do better and so can I when I get better. Sobs...
Click to expand...
Go to counseling. Stay married. Don't ruin your life.

Coupled with the other thread you wrote- you are prime for having an affair. If you are gonna leave the marriage, leave for yourself NOT because you want a new husband.

Dating has become one big circus because these men are spoiled grown boys that are treating us women any ole type of we because we have allowed it. You have a man that is willing to go to counseling and work on y'all problems. KEEP HIM.
Remember your marriage vows- better or worse? This is the worse part. Don't quit. Meet your husband half way. Put effort into making your marriage beautiful. When a light bulb breaks in a house, you don't throw away the house and find a new one- YOU FIX THE LIGHT BULB.

And if nothing else I said gets through to you-

Imagine if your husband was telling his friends he wants a new wife- an upgraded model. How would you feel?

Actually now that I really read your post in detail, your mind is made up. Carry on and I hope you find your upgrade. You say he served his purpose- to support you to get you to the position you are in now so you can leave him. Heads would roll if a man did that to a woman.
 
Marriages go thru cycles. When my hubby and I got married 10 years ago we were equally yoked. For a period of time he earned substantially more, but then I switched careers and things took off in my career. My husband is my biggest support though. It's not a competition.

You are going thru a lot right now. It's best not to make such a huge decision during this time.
 
You would be extremely selfish and cruel if you left him now that you feel he no longer serves a purpose. By your own words he has stood by you through many things and endured things that may have broken other men. Get some counceling work through your issues and stay married. Your DH sounds like a good man who loves you don't throw that away because of selfishness. This is most likely a phase anyways.
 
Thanks for keeping it real. I have too much time on my hands. Thinking too much tomfoolery:spinning: Next year I need to take up a hobby and get a life. Or go back to school.


Just re-read. Lawd at this point I am being pathetic. Let me stop and go buy a diary:look: I miss the blogs.

But we women sometimes have those what if moments too darn it. Or am I the only one? Men upgrade all the time. Okay let me stop...
 
Last edited:
I definitely wouldn't make any kind of life altering decision until you come back from the hospital.

If you think your husband of 16 years can't handle your issues, what do you think is gonna happen when you get back out there? It's tough for those of us who don't have all those things going on! Not to mention just the unprecedented amount of f***bois running around out here. Please know I'm not at all saying that you don't deserve to be loved because you're going through some things, I'm just saying it's a lot to take on.

If you decide you really don't wanna be with him anymore, fine. But please don't leave your marriage assuming the grass is gonna be greener somewhere else.
 
Last edited:
Sure we all have those moments when it seems like starting over with a clean slate would be easier. Fortunately most people talk it out, or think about it for a while, or try to improve their situation before acting. Think this out , talk to hubby, and consider marriage counseling if this feeling persists after you take time off for your personal issues.
 
Last edited:
Ganjababy said:
Thanks for keeping it real. I have too much time on my hands. Thinking too much tomfoolery:spinning: Next year I need to take up a hobby and get a life. Or go back to school.


Just re-read. Lawd at this point I am being pathetic. Let me stop and go buy a diary:look: I miss the blogs.

But we women sometimes have those what if moments too darn it. Or am I the only one? Men upgrade all the time. Okay let me stop...
Click to expand...

This may help.

Try creating more of a work/life balance and you may find he fits in better.

Sometimes feelings of irritation and frustration from being around our partners, children and animals ( :look: ) is just a symptom of dissatisfaction with life in general. Ive experienced this before, so I know would definitely try to rejig a few things, upgrade my own situation and reassess.
 
Girl I love you but I do think it's kinda messed up that your husband supported you through 4 degrees and multiple high-priced purchases yet now that you've gotten what you needed from him, you feel like you've outgrown him.

Did you marry him for what he could do for you? His resentment may have merit because I would be pissed if I contributed to my husband's success and he turned around and started treating me like the help.
 
I'm glad you are writing this out so we can talk you off the ledge.

Please don't get divorced. This is a rough phase you're going through. Unless you're not telling us the whole story. From the snippets you've written about him on different occasions, this man loves you.

It sounds like you're restless with life. Go to marriage counseling as he's suggested. Even if you decide to leave him, make sure you've done everything you possibly can before throwing in the towel. Trust me, you don't want to be outchea. Things have changed in 16 years.
 
Ganjababy,

I completely understand that moment and reoccurring thought process of wanting to leave. During those moments its important to be still. Perhap search your old post to remind you of how supportive he has been.The reality of love and marriage is that it fluctuates for both parties. No judgements here, I've been married forever, I know the thoughts of maybe....
 
I understand how you feel ganja -1000% percent but I don't think you are in the right state to make this decision right now. Your most recent posts have me thinking your husband does resent you and is worried about you straying - probably for good reason- but if he is willing to go to counseling maybe you should try that and the treatment for your depression before throwing the towel in. For all you know your husband may actually be triggering your depression and/or keeping you sane. You won't know until you have that time and distance from
Him in the 6 weeks you are gone.

Look after yourself!
 
^^^I agree. You had deleted the original message in that last thread by the time I got to it, so I don't know if the above is true. But if he's been abusive in the past, I don't give a **** if he supported you for a trip to the moon. That's a deal-breaker for me. If he hasn't been abusive, then I agree with the others. You shouldn't make a huge decision like this under the state you're in right now.
 
nlamr2013 said:
OK wait didn't you also have a thread about hubby being abusive a few weeks ago? Or was that not you?
I would suggest counseling only because I don't believe in divorce unless as an absolute last result but if he is abusive to you because he resents your upward movement that's not OK
Click to expand...

I agree to not make any decision when you are suffering depression, but I was starting to think I had lost it so thank you.

Didn't her hubby threaten to take her off this world not too long ago? I don't care what she did this is never ok in my book.
I'll edit if you want op. (((hugs)))
 
Yes. He had a birthday party for me a few weeks ago. This guy in his 20's who works for a family member told me he was in love with me for the last 2 years. I felt flattered. And flirted back. I was tipsy and felt good that this boy thought i was attractive. DH overheard the convo.

The next day he went nuts and smashed the house and left me. He came back eventually.

I am not excusing his behaviour. But i have been more abusive. I have strangled him and he passed out. He is a big dude and he told me that he chooses not to retaliate when i lay my hands on him.

I have stopped being physical.
 
Thanks for the extra details @Ganjababy. I had no clue you and your husband had a history of abuse. I agree with everyone else. Take this time to focus on getting well. Your feelings toward your husband right now are just a symptom of a greater issue that can only be fixed once you are healthy and in the right state of mind.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top