Am I wrong for this??--Guy likes me, but I'm not feeling him...

[Crystalicequeen123]

Okay, so there's this guy that I know who's been liking me for at least a year. I don't have to guess that he likes me...I just know. LOL! I've heard stuff from his friends who have told me, his actions (he's kind of shy and acts weird around me), and just the general "vibe" you get when a guy likes you.

BUT...the only thing is...I'm not into him in the least!!

-First of all, I just got out of a relationship in February, so I'm giving all guys a temporary break until August.
-I still have feelings for a guy friend of mine, but I'm slowly but surely getting over him. So my heart is not really "into" anyone right now.
-Lastly, this guy that likes me is so weird!

I'm not interested in him in the least! He acts so weird around me, he has very strict or black/white views and opinions (I like a more laid back kind of guy), and he doesn't seem well-adjusted socially. Not only that, but he has acted rudely towards me in the past when he sensed that I didn't like him "like that". And LAST but not least...I'm not even attracted to him PHYSICALLY!

I know looks aren't everything, but this guy just does not do it for me at all. He's awkward, he's weird, and I dont' even like him as a "friend".

He gave up last year trying to pursue me (thank goodness) when I think he sensed that I didn't like him like that. I think he could sense that I liked my guy friend. But...recently (for SOME reason) , he's been trying again to pursue me, and I'm not really feeling him. Overall, he's a nice guy (I guess), and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but how do I let him know that I'm not interested without being mean? This is someone Ihave to see every week!

I'd like to do it in a nice subtle way...you know, maybe mention other guys around him, or turn him into a friendzoned guy without hurting his feelings by coming right out and saying: "look buddy...can't you take the hint?? I'm just not into you!"

Am I wrong for this?? Why does it seem like I always attract guys that I'm not attracted to?? Why can't I for ONCE find a guy that is attracted to me, and I to him?? Is that so much to ask??

 

[Highly Favored8]

No ,you are not wrong for not feeling a guy.

OT How are "The Rules" going for you. Now, you see how that works. LOL

I say this b/c you started that thread a while ago and IMHO it all is comming full circle when it applies to some men we maybe into and he is not feeling us and vice versa.

 

[Love Always]

Nope, you're not wrong for this. Just because a guy likes you doesn't mean you have to like him back erplexed.

 

[blue_flower]

You're not obligated to like someone just because he likes you. I wouldn't pay any attention to him. But if he really did like you, he would've been came up to you and let you know. All this acting shy and having his friends tell you he likes you sounds like he's immature or trying to play games. I wouldn't give the time of day to someone like that. He sounds like a waste of time.

 

[ThickHair]

If he ASK, just tell him, "I am flattered, but at this time I am involved with someone else", truth or not, you could be involved with you cat, dog or family issues, you don't have to get detailed. If he doesn't give up, just ignore him 100%, not 50% or 75%, but one hundred percent. You don't have to be mean, nasty or anything.

Me thinks you like the attention because you are very detailed in the discription of him and his actions. When folks truly don't care they really don't pay attention that closely.


ETA: At bible study class, we had a new member. After class be started chit chatting with me, complimenting my hair, earrings, brown skin whatever. I didnt feel threatened or anything, I just said thank you. After he left the woman who was sitting next to him told me that dude was sweet on me, he watched me walk away to the bathroom, get water, get some mints out my purse and he was smiling and everything. I was like oh, really. Never paid any attention or thought any thing of it, because I am not interested. My SO was sitting on the other side of me leading Bible Study, obviously the new guy wasn't aware that my man was on the other side. SO mentioned the same thing last night about the guy talking to me and I was seriously oblivous as to what was going on.

 

[~~HoneyComb~~]

Why are you feeling bad for feeling the way you do? Guys don't feel bad about not liking who they don't like.

You don't owe this guy anything.

Simply tell him your not interested in dating him. Period. You can't be subtle with him, he's not good at taking hints.

Don't waste his or your time anymore.

 

[CAPlush]

It's not mean to come right out and say it. If you had only known him for a few days I would say give it a chance, but it's been years. Rejection is part of life. What do you mean by "pursuing" you. Does he like call you, and not ask you out? I don't get how you know he is in pursuit, but you don't have the opportunity to turn him down.

 

[awhyley]

Am I wrong for this?? Why does it seem like I always attract guys that I'm not attracted to?? Why can't I for ONCE find a guy that is attracted to me, and I to him?? Is that so much to ask??

That's the way it works. All the time. The guy you want doesn't know that you're alive, and vice versa. If this guy creeps you out, then don't bother with him. You already know that you're not attracted to him. Break it gently at first, but if he's still trippin, you're gonna have to make it plain.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

You're not obligated to like someone just because he likes you. I wouldn't pay any attention to him. But if he really did like you, he would've been came up to you and let you know. All this acting shy and having his friends tell you he likes you sounds like he's immature or trying to play games. I wouldn't give the time of day to someone like that. He sounds like a waste of time.

Thank you! I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels this way. I'm not going to settle, but the older I get, the more and more my mom is down my back trying to get me to give any old guy a chance just because he's "interested". Please! Been there, done that. It was an awful relationship. I always felt like I wasn't being honest!

BTW...I think the main reason why he hasn't actually come out and said that he likes me is because he can already sense that I'm not really feeling him. If he got more signs that I liked him (smiling at him, texting/calling him, going up to say hello to him all the time, being all flirty with him, etc.) I get the impression he'd be all on me like white on rice. Yuck!

Me thinks you like the attention because you are very detailed in the discription of him and his actions. When folks truly don't care they really don't pay attention that closely.

Lol! I mean, the "attention" (if you can even call it that) doesn't hurt I guess...but honestly NO amount of attention will make me like a guy. In other words, most of the time, guy attention doesn't cloud my judgement. THe only reason I'm paying him such "close attention" now is because I have to see this guy every week in church. Plus, most people know that I'm single. It would be soo much different if I had a boyfriend, or at least a guy that I liked that I KNEW liked me back. I wouldn't give this other guy a second thought. But the fact that he believes that I'm single (and I technically am!), and therefore am "fair game", I always feel like I have to be "on guard" around him, since I know that I"m not interested in him.

Last year I didn't care what he did, or even notice whether he was coming or going. But he's been getting more and more bold and "overt" with his interest in me (ie. inviting me places, calling me, coming up to me to start conversations, etc).

Meanwhile I'm thinking: how do I curb his interest without being mean?

It's not mean to come right out and say it. If you had only known him for a few days I would say give it a chance, but it's been years. Rejection is part of life. What do you mean by "pursuing" you. Does he like call you, and not ask you out? I don't get how you know he is in pursuit, but you don't have the opportunity to turn him down.

Yes, he's been calling me sometimes...but again...he's going very slowly and gingerly because he can already sense that I'm not that into him. He's not getting green lights on my end. I'm probably confusing to him! LOL! It's called: Just not that into you buddy! I'm just trying to be nice.

Also, I'm quite an athletic girl, and last year I was getting a group of my friends to play tennis and basketball at a local park every week just for exercise and fun. Well...unfortunately HE heard about the fact that I liked playing tennis and playing sports, so then he started inviting me to play with a group of his friends. Oddly enough, when my guy friend (the one I'm trying to get over) found out...he started trying to come to the courts as well (long story). Anyway...I would sometimes go play tennis with him because (duh!) I like to play tennis! I didn't see any harm in it...at first. But, then I realized that he liked me. Late last year however he had stopped with the invites because I guess he figured I didn't like him. And he's right.

But recently, he's started back up inviting me and MY friends (mind you) to go play tennis. I guess it's one last ditch effort to try again. My friends see nothing wrong with it because they don't know the whole story. They just think he's inviting people to play. Meanwhile I know what's really going on. I've gone a couple of times, but I dont' know what else to do! I can't lie and say that I don't like playing (I was the one who started playing in the first place), and I feel like it will make me look weird if I don't accept his invites. Maybe seem a bit mean?? And I don't want him spreading lies about me to everyone in revenge, because then it will hurt my chances at finding someone.

I've been making some excuses not to go to the courts on some weeks, but it's like he wants to go every single week...sometimes more than once! I know that if we keep on playing tennis together he'll think I'm interested, and he'll just continue to push further and invite me MORE places.

Has anyone else ever been in this type of predicament?

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

No ,you are not wrong for not feeing a guy.

OT How are "The Rules" going for you. Now, you see how that works. LOL

I say this b/c you started that thread a while ago and IMHO it all is comming full circle when it applies to some men we maybe into and he is not feeling us and vice versa.

LOL...I don't know what you mean by things "coming full circle" (please explain), but I've been still practicing "the Rules", but a more "moderated version" of it. I don't have to keep telling myself not to go talk to that cute guy across the room. I don't have to prevent myself from calling a guy first. It's so much more a part of my personality now that I don't really have to think so hard about it. I can't say that I haven't broken any rules or have landed "guys of my dreams" since I first started, but I think I've definitely learned to just let nature take it's course.

If there's one thing I've learned while going out with a good girl friend of mine, it's that guys will find a way to do or say SOMETHING to you to let you know they are interested! My girl friend is a "Rules Girl" to the T, and she doesn't even realize it! She's just always been that way! She's a "natural".

She walks into the room like she owns it. She never talks to a guy first, unless introduced or approached. I watched her smile and briefly say hello to some guys who came to a party of mine recently and just mind her own business. Meanwhile, I was trying to be nice to the guy since I was the hostess, was smiling, laughing, and making conversation (here and there to be friendly...not because I was interested). Do you know that after the party the guy asked a friend of mine about MY girl friend?? The one whom he had only said like one or two words to?? I think "hello" and "goodbye"?? I was floored!

So ladies...you really dont' have to try hard at all. In fact, my friend showed me that the LESS you show or say to a man, the more "intrigued" he becomes.

In other words..if a guy spots you and is interested, he's interested period. We don't have to "DO" anything.

Of course, it couldn't hurt that she was wearing a flattering sweater showing a hint of cleavage, and stiletto heels with some cute snug jeans!!

That's the way it works. All the time. The guy you want doesn't know that you're alive, and vice versa. If this guy creeps you out, then don't bother with him. You already know that you're not attracted to him. Break it gently at first, but if he's still trippin, you're gonna have to make it plain.

Yes, but WHY is it this way?? I just don't get it. Why is it this way? Or, is it only this way simply because we FEEL it is this way? Ie...could LOA be in effect in this?

 

[MD_Lady]

Not only are you not wrong, you don't have to justify your feelings either.

 

[Highly Favored8]

LOL...I don't know what you mean by things "coming full circle" (please explain), but I've been still practicing "the Rules", but a more "moderated version" of it. I don't have to keep telling myself not to go talk to that cute guy across the room. I don't have to prevent myself from calling a guy first. It's so much more a part of my personality now that I don't really have to think so hard about it. I can't say that I haven't broken any rules or have landed "guys of my dreams" since I first started, but I think I've definitely learned to just let nature take it's course.

If there's one thing I've learned while going out with a good girl friend of mine, it's that guys will find a way to do or say SOMETHING to you to let you know they are interested! My girl friend is a "Rules Girl" to the T, and she doesn't even realize it! She's just always been that way! She's a "natural".

She walks into the room like she owns it. She never talks to a guy first, unless introduced or approached. I watched her smile and briefly say hello to some guys who came to a party of mine recently and just mind her own business. Meanwhile, I was trying to be nice to the guy since I was the hostess, was smiling, laughing, and making conversation (here and there to be friendly...not because I was interested). Do you know that after the party the guy asked a friend of mine about MY girl friend?? The one whom he had only said like one or two words to?? I think "hello" and "goodbye"?? I was floored!

So ladies...you really dont' have to try hard at all. In fact, my friend showed me that the LESS you show or say to a man, the more "intrigued" he becomes.

In other words..if a guy spots you and is interested, he's interested period. We don't have to "DO" anything.

Of course, it couldn't hurt that she was wearing a flattering sweater showing a hint of cleavage, and stiletto heels with some cute snug jeans!!



Yes, but WHY is it this way?? I just don't get it. Why is it this way? Or, is it only this way simply because we FEEL it is this way? Ie...could LOA be in effect in this?

Sorry what I mean "full circle" that when a guy is not into a women b/c she has chased him and broke all the rules of courtship etc.... Then you have a man who follows "the rules" and for what ever reason a woman can say I do/ don't like you. I just think that it is cool that know by knowing 'the rules" of dating/ courtship we find out what we like/don't like in others.

 

[Tybi]

Yes, but WHY is it this way?? I just don't get it. Why is it this way? Or, is it only this way simply because we FEEL it is this way? Ie...could LOA be in effect in this?

I was thinking this too. It always seems this way, at least to me in my life, but is it because I expect it to be that way that it is or is it just that way??!!!

Anyway I have experienced many many situations like yours OP. It is so much easier said than done sometimes to just walk away and ignore someone. I realized for me that I had a hard time letting go of certain people in my life because I was always taught to treat others the way you want to be treated and to do unto others etc. So when I met a guy that I was not into, or even a potential friend that worked my nerves, it was always hard to tell them to their face that I did not want to be around them, I mean I would not want anyone to do that to me of course so naturally I did not do it to them. This cycle of stupidity ended up leaving me emotionally and spiritually drained.

Not anymore though. I realized that life is too short to be dealing with negative situations. These people's lives are their own, and they will move on to someone that is a better match for them as you will do the same. Let go of the guilt, stop answering your phone, stop hanging out, keep your meetings with this guy formal, say hi and be on your way. He will get the point, but you have to let go first. Any time you show him even a minute of attention may lead him on, so keep your distance. It might be hard at first but soon it will become easier!

 

[preciouzone]

1.) You can introduce him to another girl to take the
focus off of you...?

2.) This guys is going to Break.You.Down -- won't happen
overnight... but you are going to fall madly in love with him
and then you guys will reminisce about the old days and laugh!
Lol...

I have nothing else to say

 

[Avaya]

1.) You can introduce him to another girl to take the
focus off of you...?

2.) This guys is going to Break.You.Down -- won't happen
overnight... but you are going to fall madly in love with him
and then you guys will reminisce about the old days and laugh!
Lol...

I have nothing else to say

That is what Steve did to Laura!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

1.) You can introduce him to another girl to take the
focus off of you...?

2.) This guys is going to Break.You.Down -- won't happen
overnight... but you are going to fall madly in love with him
and then you guys will reminisce about the old days and laugh!
Lol...
I have nothing else to say

Oh gosh...heck no!! No guy is going to "make me" like him. Sorry!

You either like the person, or you don't. Sad to say, his personality isn't even one that I would find attractive in a friend. He's not mean, but he seems like he has a few issues. Idk...just a vibe I get. Some of the ways I've seen him act towards others...idk...I just get a red flag sometimes that he and I would NOT be compatible at all.