Am I Shallow?

[Ivonnovi]

New guy and he's instantly head-over-heals.

I can list several positives about this guy such as he opens all the doors when we're together; pulls out my chair; always a gentleman; thoughtful; caring; ....considerate....and so on (less than 1 month into knowing each other but so far most indicators are a "thumbs-up")

"MY" problem......
Inhale exhale......and he's aware of the problem but not the extent to which it annoys me.

1. He is not "well spoken" at all
o English: The sentence put this over there with that thing or contraption
o New guy: Da Sintince put dis ova dare wit dat ding owr contraptin.
2. I have tried "strong" coaching on the proper pronunciation and tongue placement to create the "th" sound. But I honestly don't see him "trying". ...It's like the "old dog refuses to learn " a new trick! (He even reworded a statment to avoid the "th" sound because I asked him to repeat what he said)
3. He ran off a similar sentence when we were in public (he was talking to a store clerk) and I literally cringed. Now I'm feeling shallow because this "embarrassment" is feeling like a deal breaker for me.
4. He's also trying to "rush" the relationship with questions like what size ring should I get you? Has offered to make space in his closet for me. Asking his young son if he'd mind if I spent more time with them.​

.

I've politely explained (more than once) that I'm just getting over the "relationship from hell" and have just started dating, ,....and do not want to rush into another relationship let-a-lone committing to someone who I hardly know

So again? Am I being shallow? I know several men in who in this situation would run for the hills, what I want to know is how do women (the nurturers) respond to this ? Help!!!!

 

[kismettt]

rushing a relationship is an automatic dealbreaker for me. it has not worked in the past, and i do not trust it at all (especially at my age). so that would be enough.
as far as the English thing? I would be cringing, too. I dont want to be with someone I feel embarrassed by.

 

[butterfly_wings]

A well spoken man is very important to me, I don't want my kids growing up saying "ya get me" all the time but I draw the line at coaching. The ring things is a bit much for 1 month!!

It depends on how you feel

 

[BlkHoneyLuv2U]

is he from another country or is he an American with a speech impediment?

 

[LisaLisa1908]

If you are posting about it, it's a problem. Cut your losses.

 

[Ivonnovi]

My grown kids would roll their eyes in total dismay if they heard that from a guy I was dating....(and I pretty much told him that). I did not allow that with my children so I definatley find it hard to ignore in a "potential" mate.

Regarding Coaching, I did not mind the concept at first. We all need a bit of it or "coaxing" from time to time, but this is a challenge I'm not "trained" for.

Rushing....is another story though. At my age I definatly know better and so should he.

 

[Ivonnovi]

ROTHLMAO
At fist I thought he was Cajun. I really did. But hell'naw he's from and grew up in CA. And let's just say that from what I've learned so far, did not have attentive leadership when he was growing up. (school or home) The good thing is he's aware of it and wants better for his kid.

is he from another country or is he an American with a speech impediment?

 

[MrsWatson]

LOL...sorry to laugh but this reminds me of a dude I dated in college who didn't know how to cut his meat.
He held his knife and fork like Fred Flinstone and one night even knocked his steak off of his plate and onto the floor (luckily it was like 3 AM and we were in Denny's).
I had to break it off after that because I had tried to teach him the proper way and he was too stubborn to listen.
I don't think it's being shallow. In my mind, we should all be on a constant mission to better ourselves. Sometimes that means learning how to cut meat and sometimes it can mean learning how to speak. If he is unwilling to at least try, I'd let him go. JMO.

 

[Everything Zen]

If it really bothers you, you shouldn't feel bad. Lord knows he'll end up doing plenty of other things that will get on your nerves. You need to start on as good a foot as possible. That's one of my pet peeves as well. I'm sure you probably put up with some things that others wouldn't touch. It's all about taste.

 

[Mane Event]

You are not shallow at all....Bad speech is a deal breaker!
How are you going to take him around your friends and family....let alone, some sort of business/corporate event.

There's a time and a place for everything. Now, I'm not saying he should be "fake" but the brotha needs to use some discretion. If he's not capable of doing so, then I say keep it moving.

I dated a guy from New Orleans...I couldn't even understand him and he had to repeat everything at least twice. A Southern gentleman but it was definitely frustrating for the both of us!
"Rightchya" "Yahurd" "Beyyyybay" - At least I'm now ready for Mardi Gras!!!!

 

[msdeevee]

No , you're not being shallow.

I'm the first one to tell women they throw away good men because of shallow changeable issues...but if he is not well spoken and you feel you have to be a coach and he doesn't seem willing to do better, NO!!!!

Especially if he is not a youngster. A man of some age may not be able to change up so easily even if he wants to.

Like others have said I would cut my losses now.

A Man that is dumb (not saying he is ) is a deal breaker for me. I love a Man that reads well and speaks well and I don't have to be ashamed of him around family and friends and in business situations. I didn't realize the value of that until I married such a man (very well spoken).

Sidenote:: You look great , I was surprised with you talking about grown kids. You look like a 20 yr. old yourself.

 

[AnnDriena_]

You will either have to live with the constant embarrasment or lower your standards. Deal breaker both of them.

And him already trying to get his little boy in the picture is a big no no. I'd run for the hills. Why is he rushing? Let a woman start talking about wedding rings this early in the game and you'll never see dude again. Why should we have a different standard?

 

[Divine Inspiration]

You're not being shallow, IMO. I can TOTALLY appreciate what you're saying. I find it perplexing and a total turn off when a GROWN man cannot clearly and intelligently communicate. It's a deal breaker for me because I would suffocate in a relationship with a lack of good, healthy conversation. Plus, if you're genuinely trying to help him improve and he's resistant, then it becomes extra pointless. If he's comfortable with his way of communicating, don't try to change him. Simply move on. It's not fair to either of you for you to be embarrassed and him to feel inadequate or emasculated.

He MIGHT get a little more time if everything else was in order but ring talk and bringing his kid into the picture month 1?!?!?

Ann is so right...when women do that rushing nonsense, men freeze up like popsicles. It's not cool on either side though. If it's right, it'll still be right 3 months from now.

I'd have to disengage.

 

[vkb247]

I understand the post and what you are asking but honestly, after reading your post, there seem to be issues beyond his speech and your gut seems too be telling you that this is the beginning of bad situation.

 

[Ivonnovi]

Many thanks to you all! I appreciate your input and quick responses.

For the past few days I have "marinated" in the idea that on the surface the "gift horse" seems everything that a woman would want and is caring......BUT when you look "the gift horse" in the mouth I see a whole lot of problems brewing.

I (the 5th to) admit that I can be cynical and critical at times and I was wondering if I was being that way in judging him.

I'll find a way to gently push the "Lets Just Be Friends" button. Does Staples sell this?