Am I shallow-MAN DRAMA!

[Anonymous21]

Here is the deal. I am an Older-30 single female and not "involved" with anyone seriously. I had a serious boyfriend for 3 years (we were almost married) and tragically after we broke up he was killed in an auto accident. Since then I really haven't been involved with anyone seriously (I don't believe it is related to his untimely & unfortunate death /images/graemlins/frown.gif) It had been 2 years since we stopped dating when the incident occurred.
Anyway I met this one guy that I found this guy with the personality, charisma that I really dug-we are very much alike and for lack of a better word he CAN Handle me and my personality. He lives in another state and unfortunately is VERY good looking and has an EGO to match. I find it hard to feed an EGO that big so I pretty much just left it alone. We corresponded for a while and it fizzled out.
Well I met another guy who is 4 years younger than me and is a SWEETHEART! He caters to my every need and I LIKE HIM but I am in no way attracted to him. At one point he tiptoed around me because he didnt want to "mess up". I was like BE YOURSELF!!!!!! I would prefer a MAN more aggressive but when I say he is a sweetey I mean just that. He tries to do everything for me and treats me wonderfully. I hang out with him, kick it with him. He is Aggressive in a sense he is always in my hair (ha ha-I have met his friends & family) but I am NOT attracted to him at all. I don't want to lead him on and I like his company but he wants to continue to something serious. I have already told him I cannot give him anything but the current day we are in and can't promise him a FUTURE, but this persitent one does not CARE!
My questions are
1) What to do about the sweetheart that I have no attraction to. I do like him but can take him in small dosages. We spent a LOT of time together this past weekend and he began to ANNOY me A LOT! I believe it is because I "like him to a point" This lead to my conversation about I can give u nothing but this moment. Mind u he is NOT giving up! Am I just a SHALLOW & pathetic person to dismiss him because of a lack of attraction????? He did annoy the H#ll out of me which leads me to believe it is more than the lack of attraction to him.....???? TRUST ME I KNOW A GOOD MAN IS HARD 2 FIND!!!!!! Mind you if I was attracted to him....I would probably be on the way to a relationship with him.
2) Should I just forget the dream guy I forgot to add both of us admitted to seeing other people and I havent spoken to him in a minute so he may be involved with someone else. When we talk we laugh have a GREAT time and enjoy each other's company! But he lives in another state and from what I notice about him...he will take a lot of work and effort......??
ADVICE PLEASE

 

[pebbles]

Re: Am I shallow?????? Welcoming ALL OPINIONS!!!!

Anonymous21,

You are not shallow. If you are not attracted to this younger individual, don't force it. It's not meant to be right now. Who knows, later you might change your mind. But until that time, please be true to your heart. As for the other one, wait and see where that goes. I'm not big on the long distance relationships. However if you guys start getting close, he may suggest that one of you makes the move to be nearer to the other one. That would definately be a move in the right direction. I would wait and see if he makes the suggestion. /images/graemlins/smile.gif
I hope this helps a little.

 

[henrilou]

Re: Am I shallow?????? Welcoming ALL OPINIONS!!!!

Ya know, good loyal, faithful, caring men ARE hard to find. And they are not at every corner or club. When I met my b/f, I was not that attracted. I mean he was nice... but...But we hung out for a while and this grew on me, and I also realize that relationships are only worth it if HE can get over himself enough to want to make you happy and make things work....OK what I mean is don't write #2 off, yet... Don't tease him or be dishonest, but keep your heart open to it....As far as #1--I don't know, it doesn't sound like a meaningful-deep-connected relatinship is in the cards for now...

 

[cocoberry10]

Interesting thread. Bumping. No, I don't think you are shallow

 

[Ivonnovi]

Bump, (researching for a topic)
I vote not shallow.

 

[AnnDriena_]

Neither one are for you.

It's hard enough to feed a big ego in the same town as you. As far as Long Distance I wouldn't waste my time with that. I think a relationship needs time and we need to observe each other in a normal setting. Not the sweetness well be giving each other because we are so happy to see one another on our scheduled visits.

Number 2# is also a no go. Annoyance is your minds way of telling you that something about him is not setting right with you and is not what you need in your life. A man should compliment, ease and stimulate your mind. Not put you on edge with his behavior. Intentionally or not.

Just because he is nice does not give him a pass to not be what you need and want. And if you have already told him you don't want anything serious and he persists that just his passive aggressive way of continuing to pursue what he wants and not caring what you want. If he were truly a nice guy he would back off the boyfriend status search and just be a friend. But since you've told him the deal and he still persists then he just doesn't care what YOU wants it's all about him. And he can hide behind a SWEETHEART demeanor but trust he is not a sweetheart.

 

[*~Mocha~*]

The younger one with no attraction- I dont see anything succesful coming out of this. I tried dating someone who was an ultimate sweetheart. He helped paid for my tuition made sure I was good all the time. Paid for hair appts. He did whatever he had to do to make he happy/smile. the problem was I was NOT attracted to him and as time went on I couldnt be with him. There has to be some type of physical attraction IMO.

And yes you should forget out cutie with the Ego. The end.

Let Love come and find you.. These are just potential friends for the moment. If a relationship was suppose to come with cutie with an Ego it wouldve happened.