Am I Second Best?

[golden1]

My husband to be and I have been aruging a bit lately because one of his family members that he is super close with is sick and he is very stressed out. He ended up telling a mutual friend this morning that he had a chance to have a family and he messed that up and now it seems like it will never happen. He used to have a girlfriend that another girl chased away some years ago. When I heard that statement my heart dropped. Does that statement mean that he does not feel strong about me as he did for her or am I reading too much into it?

SHould I confront him about it or let it go?

 

[Rastafarai]

Hey Golden,

A few questions:

1. Why were you arguing over his sick family member? How has the stress from this affected your relationship?

2. What was the context of the conversation when you heard him say what he did?

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

My husband to be and I have been aruging a bit lately because one of his family members that he is super close with is sick and he is very stressed out. He ended up telling a mutual friend this morning that he had a chance to have a family and he messed that up and now it seems like it will never happen. He used to have a girlfriend that another girl chased away some years ago. When I heard that statement my heart dropped. Does that statement mean that he does not feel strong about me as he did for her or am I reading too much into it?

SHould I confront him about it or let it go?

Well, only you can answer that. were you the one who chased another girl away?

Honestly, you should approach him with that, because if keep thinking about it (your mind will start to play tricks with you, having you think nutty things), then one day you'll explode and say something that you didn't mean to say, and once you say it, you can't take those words back. It's all about approach. Approach him in a nice concerning kinda way. Kinda ease into it. Don't just outright ask him, because then he will be on the defense.

 

[awhyley]

You probably need to start that conversation with, "Something's been bothering me . . . "

I would need answers. This maybe a little personal, but er, can you have children? Is he having a problem reproducing?

 

[golden1]

I can have kids. I guess what he means is that he thought he was going to have a life with this girl but then the other girl chased her away. I wasn't the one who made the girl leave, that was some years before my time.

 

[tiara76]

we can't tell you if you are second best, only you can tell yourself if you are or aren't regardless to even what he thinks....if he doesn't see something better in you than in a previous person then ask yourself if you are showing him your best and if you are and you feel like he's not appreciating it then you guys need to have a talk

men do settle just as women do, make sure neither one of you did for whatever reasons and issues you have going on, or things that havent been as individuals so that you can grow together as a couple

 

[golden1]

I have not given him my best or my all for many factors, but even still with what I have shown him, many times he has told me I am the best ever, or the best thing that has ever happened to me. Alot of this has to do with sex. I know they had a great sexual relationship, but I have held back all of me in that situation because I have gained alot of weight and I am ashamed and I feel very unlike myself

 

[jamerichameleon]

You say you've gained a lot of weight...did you meet him at your current weight? Even if you didn't, he's telling you you're the best thing ever so cherish that. He can sense you holding back, and probably feels like he's got something to do with it.

Talk to him about the situation and be honest about your feelings. Listen to what he has to say, and go from there. You may be taking what he said out of context and/or it may be time for you two to really lay everything on the table. You shouldn't go into marriage with trepidation and wondering if you're really who he wants and vice versa.

((HUGS))!!

 

[BrooklynSouth]

I have not given him my best or my all for many factors, but even still with what I have shown him, many times he has told me I am the best ever, or the best thing that has ever happened to me. Alot of this has to do with sex. I know they had a great sexual relationship, but I have held back all of me in that situation because I have gained alot of weight and I am ashamed and I feel very unlike myself

You need to be youself, take the chance to give your all with someone you truly love and trust; otherwise you are just marking time and time does fly.

 

[Nyssa28]

I have not given him my best or my all for many factors, but even still with what I have shown him, many times he has told me I am the best ever, or the best thing that has ever happened to me. Alot of this has to do with sex. I know they had a great sexual relationship, but I have held back all of me in that situation because I have gained alot of weight and I am ashamed and I feel very unlike myself

I felt the same way with my SO when I gained some pounds but I quickly got over that notion when I focused on my positive attributes. You can still drop it like it's hot, or at least warm.... It'll make you feel better and possibly motivate you to lose the extra weight.

 

[mrselle]

Your weight may not be an issue for him and if it is could it be because you constantly bring it up? Men feed off of confidence. Even if you are a little heavier than you want to be, you can still carry yourself like you’re the sexiest woman to ever walk his way. What most men find attractive is confidence and confidence comes from the inside. Let me tell you a little secret, when my husband met me 16 years ago, you couldn’t tell me anything. I thought I was the finest thing on earth. He liked that about me. Somewhere along the way I let people get in my head and I stopped feeling good about myself. It showed in my appearance because I stopped getting all dolled up and it showed in how I carried myself. One day he said to me, “What happened? When I first me you, it was like you knew you were fine. No one had to tell you. Now you always want me to compliment you. What happened?” Another thing to keep in mind is that men can be insecure and if you aren’t giving all of yourself to him he may feel like there is something wrong with him. The best thing to do is to sit down and talk to him about these things because it sounds like there is a lot going on behind the scenes.

 

[Farida]

My husband to be and I have been aruging a bit lately because one of his family members that he is super close with is sick and he is very stressed out. He ended up telling a mutual friend this morning that he had a chance to have a family and he messed that up and now it seems like it will never happen. He used to have a girlfriend that another girl chased away some years ago. When I heard that statement my heart dropped. Does that statement mean that he does not feel strong about me as he did for her or am I reading too much into it?

SHould I confront him about it or let it go?

Talk to him. That statement alone could mean several different things.

It could be what you think it means, (which I doubt, because he still can start a family with you)

or

it could mean that he did something to ruin his family jewels...if you know what I mean.

or

anything else

It is ambiguous. And third-hand, and out -of-context.