Am I Overreacting?

[assiyrabomb]

On my way to my daughter's dance class this morning, she and I make a pit stop to Dunkin Donuts. She has MBL that I flat ironed last night for the first time in a year. I also straightened my hair as well. Anywho, we walk in and are standing in line when this older black man and his white, female friend/girlfriend walk in behind us. After a few minutes of standing in line, he makes a comment:

Him: "Excuse me but you and your daughter both have beautiful hair. At first, I thought you were wearing a wig but I realized it's your real hair."
Me: "Thank you."
Him: "Yea. You don't see black women with nice, long hair often. All they wear are wigs and weaves."
White woman: *chuckle*
Me: "Our hair grows. We just have to take care of it like anyone else."

It wasn't until I got in my car and thought about the convo that I got upset. I probably wouldn't have taken so much offensive if it were just him and I but to put down black women right in front of your white, female "companion" is what really pissed me off. And missy with her thin and scraggly ends even had the audacity to chuckle. I don't know if I'm over reacting but I'm livid.

 

[tatiana]

You are not overreacting. I will be a little salty too.

What a loser.

 

[overtherainbow]

You're not overeacting. I would have side eyed him throughout that convo.

OAN: I do commend you for having the stamina to straighten two heads of hair in one night! I can't even get through one section without pouting.

 

[Guinan]

Don't let an idiotic stranger ruffle your feathers.

 

[IronButterfly]

Yes, you are overreacting. He's a stranger, right? Why is his foolishness ruining your me-time?

 

[BlackRinse]

Nope, especially the chuckle. Alladat wig and weave conversation was unnecessary.

 

[Kinky4Agirl]

He's obviously still asleep... Wake up idiot.

 

[pre_medicalrulz]

Hmmm I wouldn't have thought nothing of it. Just took the compliment and kept it moving.

 

[Bunnyhaslonghair]

He went out of the way to bring down black women (in front of a ww too). It's self hate. Probably the reason he's dating that white woman. I'm always a little sad when older black men do stuff like this. Like, all these years of living and you still don't know better?

 

[CodeRed]

I probably wouldn't have taken so much offensive if it were just him and I but to put down black women right in front of your white, female "companion" is what really pissed me off. And missy with her thin and scraggly ends even had the audacity to chuckle

I think this was probably the worst part since white women's hair is the standard and they know that. If she wasn't there/hadn't had the reaction she did then I would've said you were overreacting. You didn't do anything in front of them though so...

 

[Ajna]

The word "they" would have been a conversation ender for me. I think you handled it quite well because it would have no longer been about hair. I am annoyed now like so what if you wear a weave or a wig ...why should it matter?? When white women wear extensions no one has anything to say... smh what a jerk!

 

[larry3344]

You are not overeacting. Thats very insensitive on his part.

 

[assiyrabomb]

Hmmm I wouldn't have thought nothing of it. Just took the compliment and kept it moving.

I wasn't bothered by what he said so much as who he said it in front of. It bothered me that he put down black women in front of a white woman. And that fact that she chuckled really got to me. I guess you can try not to be bothered by what people say but I'm human and it really offended me.

 

[assiyrabomb]

The word "they" would have been a conversation ender for me. I think you handled it quite well because it would have no longer been about hair. I am annoyed now like so what if you wear a weave or a wig ...why should it matter?? When white women wear extensions no one has anything to say... smh what a jerk!

It shouldn't matter. Women of all races and ethniticies wear weave for various readons. The woman he was with could've used one. Maybe he could give her hair advice.

 

[FriscoGirl]

The convo should have gone like this...

Him: "Excuse me but you and your daughter both have beautiful hair."
Me: "Thank you."
Him: "Yea. It's so nice to see black women with nice, long hair"
White woman: *palm face*

Older black men should always UP lift black women especially in front of WW

 

[pre_medicalrulz]

I wasn't bothered by what he said so much as who he said it in front of. It bothered me that he put down black women in front of a white woman. And that fact that she chuckled really got to me. I guess you can try not to be bothered by what people say but I'm human and it really offended me.

Sweetie you asked us for our opinion. I simply gave you one. Nothing more. Nothing less. But let's be real for a second. Black women ARE mostly seen with weaves and wigs. Are they not? I'm not sure how that is putting a black woman down. He gave you a compliment because of what he is used to seeing. Doesn't matter if it was in front of a green or a purple person.

 

[YesToHair!]

Was it a diss though? I don't know, sounds like an observation to me.. one that is not far fetched

Yes we wear wigs(myself included) and weaves, some of us all the time. And yes a black woman (outside the boards) with MBL hair is not as common a sight as asian/white women

I do think you are overeacting OP, IMHO.

 

[IDareT'sHair]

I think he should have kept his mouth shut. If he had a compliment, simply say that. No need for him to take the conversation further.

There was no reason for him to express his opinion about what BW do.

Obviously, he was with who he wanted to be with (Strangy Hair and all).

So don't justify being with one of them by making us a target of your insecurities as a BM.

Whenever they are with one, in public, they always have some kind of uneasy look.

With the little value White Society has placed on the Lives of BM, they look rather foolish actually.

 

[LivingInPeace]

I understand feeling some kind of way because he was with an ofay. But when I'm out and about, most of the black women I see are wearing somebody else's hair on their head. It's not a secret.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

White women wear wigs and weaves even more than Black women. When I was weaving White women were in Adorables (or Lugo's) to pick up their hair too.
Not to mention, a lot of women keep their hair cut in a style so they aren't focused on length. Most women in my office (of every race) have had their hair at the same length for years (95% shoulder and above).

Weird how older Black men feel the need to comment at all about long hair on Black women.
Years ago something similar happened to me while waiting on a friend to pick me up.....except after the older Black man went on and on about me growing out my hair I didn't have the heart to tell him it was an 18" fusion weave. My friend and I had a good laugh about it when she picked me up.

 

[assiyrabomb]

Sweetie you asked us for our opinion. I simply gave you one. Nothing more. Nothing less. But let's be real for a second. Black women ARE mostly seen with weaves and wigs. Are they not? I'm not sure how that is putting a black woman down. He gave you a compliment because of what he is used to seeing. Doesn't matter if it was in front of a green or a purple person.

I don't have a problem with your opinion not at all. I was just clarifying my own. It was moreso the context of him saying it in front of a woman who's race is often viewed as the standard of beauty. A lot of black women do wear weaves but I also see a lot of them rocking natural hairstyles as well. I cannot wait until people get away from this perception that black women cannot grow long hair.

 

[metro_qt]

i dunno. overreacting ...i get that question from black and white people....ESPECIALLY other black women....

people have a heart attack when they realize i have mid back to tailbone length hair under my wigs of the same length....

i just explain to everyone...don't judge a black woman by her wigs and weaves, you don't know how much beautiful hair she may have protected underneath...

her business, her choice.

 

[greenmetro99]

I think he was giving you a compliment..... Say thanks and move on with life.