Am I Over-reacting??

[omnipadme]

Serious issue. So me and my SO are leaving the movies and he yanks my hand and says, "Sometimes I have to hold your hand like a child." This is the second time he's done this and each time i've had to think twice about him. Part of me feels like he's just joking, but wtf? Do I look like a damn child to him? Why does he feel the need to equate me to a child? I've talked about him on the board before- he's 10 years older than me and we've been dating almost 2 years. Now i find myself scanning through out entire history and questioning alot of things, i.e. how he ONLY wants daughters, his relationship with his neices, things he's said...i'm so worried, i don't know what to think or if i'm just over-reacting, seeing things that aren't there. I've never dealt with anything like this, i don't know what the signs are.

 

[Maynard]

Serious issue. So me and my SO are leaving the movies and he yanks my hand and says, "Sometimes I have to hold your hand like a child." This is the second time he's done this and each time i've had to think twice about him. Part of me feels like he's just joking, but wtf? Do I look like a damn child to him? Why does he feel the need to equate me to a child? I've talked about him on the board before- he's 10 years older than me and we've been dating almost 2 years. Now i find myself scanning through out entire history and questioning alot of things, i.e. how he ONLY wants daughters, his relationship with his neices, things he's said...i'm so worried, i don't know what to think or if i'm just over-reacting, seeing things that aren't there. I've never dealt with anything like this, i don't know what the signs are.

Naw.

That ninja sound crazy.

Dont ignore this flag.

 

[Bublin]

I like that phrase, 'Ninja crazy'.

I agree - the first thing i thought was - he sounds like a control freak. You have to do it his way and he is belittling you.

Girl - if you are hearing those warning bells, please don't ignore them.

 

[january noir]

I used to have a boyfriend like that... Notice the emphasis on "used to"....

I'm not one to tell anyone what to do, but... RRRRRRUUUUUUNNNNNNNN!!!!!!
And don't look back either!

 

[Ms. Plain Jane]

Serious issue. So me and my SO are leaving the movies and he yanks my hand and says, "Sometimes I have to hold your hand like a child." This is the second time he's done this and each time i've had to think twice about him. Part of me feels like he's just joking, but wtf? Do I look like a damn child to him? Why does he feel the need to equate me to a child? I've talked about him on the board before- he's 10 years older than me and we've been dating almost 2 years. Now i find myself scanning through out entire history and questioning alot of things, i.e. how he ONLY wants daughters, his relationship with his neices, things he's said...i'm so worried, i don't know what to think or if i'm just over-reacting, seeing things that aren't there. I've never dealt with anything like this, i don't know what the signs are.

Does he talk down to women? Does he have negative views towards women? Is he controlling? Talking to him about it...




















And then run!

 

[Syrah]

Serious issue. So me and my SO are leaving the movies and he yanks my hand and says, "Sometimes I have to hold your hand like a child." This is the second time he's done this and each time i've had to think twice about him. Part of me feels like he's just joking, but wtf? Do I look like a damn child to him? Why does he feel the need to equate me to a child? I've talked about him on the board before- he's 10 years older than me and we've been dating almost 2 years. Now i find myself scanning through out entire history and questioning alot of things, i.e. how he ONLY wants daughters, his relationship with his neices, things he's said...i'm so worried, i don't know what to think or if i'm just over-reacting, seeing things that aren't there. I've never dealt with anything like this, i don't know what the signs are.

I'd tell him: a) why I don't like it b) how it makes me feel.

He can take it or leave it - and he leaves it, he can kick rocks.

I'm not a child and I dont want to be treated like a child.

 

[ThickHair]

No you are not over reacting. Is this something that you can deal with because he is not going to change.

The silly person in me would grab his hand and ask grandpa if he needs help get down the stairs. See how he likes them apples.

Seriously though accept it or get rid of him. Don't boo hoo about it every time he does it.

 

[sky_blu]

Im just wondering why that would come out of his mouth.

 

[NYCQT16]

That sounds ridiculous....I don't think you are overreacting

 

[graCeful_89]

Yeah I mean...that sounds kind of strange. What kind of relationship with his nieces? And why only daughters? Hmmm...

 

[Always~Wear~Joy]

he doesn't see you as his equal.

let it go.....he's exhibiting crazy qualities and you shouldn't feel safe.

 

[Apple-Cakez]

(*excuse my french*) but HELL NO you ain't over-reacting! He is PATRONIZING YOU! And it's also a slight form of ABUSE! He has NO business yanking on you like you're incapable of moving on your own, you're grown! And secondly, that comment shows that he has the propensity to be CONTROLLING! You should let him know that he has NO right to disrespect you by relating to you in that manner. IMO, He also sounds arrogant, meaning: He's a man who secretly harbors those "Caveman Values" who thinks women are beneath him anyway, and it doesn't help that he's 10 years older than you! So prepare for your SO to not be so willing to understand your point of view or care to do anything about it...if that happens, you might have to do some MORE thinking about if you two have a future.

Good Luck!

 

[MrsBKJ]

Ok, honestly out of the whole two years you guys have been together he has done this twice? so out of how many hours and minutes that are in two years....

lets work it out....

60 mins in a hour
24 hours in a day 1440 mins
365 days in a year
2 years in the relationship....1051200 mins (my math is crap so tell me if its wrong)

these two incidents have probably lasted no more than 5 mins each....so ten mins in total (very generous).
you are going to focus on ten minutes out of all those minutes????? ten mins to end a relationship?

Ask him why he does it(dont expext it to make sense to you though), tell him you dont like it and TELL him you would like it to stop. If he doesnt get it then explain to him how it makes you feel - but he might not understand after all he isnt a woman and he isnt your age so he might not be able to see the world through your eyes just as you cant see it through his eyes.

Dont put your whole relationship under scrutiny for ten minutes worth of something you dont like.
If you are not happy with the relationship based on other factors then thats ok but to end a whole relationship because he "yanked" your hand for 2 seconds. I mean would it really be worth it?

Uzz

 

[Valerie]

No you are not over-reacting, you deserve better!

 

[donna894]

Serious issue. So me and my SO are leaving the movies and he yanks my hand and says, "Sometimes I have to hold your hand like a child." This is the second time he's done this and each time i've had to think twice about him. Part of me feels like he's just joking, but wtf? Do I look like a damn child to him? Why does he feel the need to equate me to a child? I've talked about him on the board before- he's 10 years older than me and we've been dating almost 2 years. Now i find myself scanning through out entire history and questioning alot of things, i.e. how he ONLY wants daughters, his relationship with his neices, things he's said...i'm so worried, i don't know what to think or if i'm just over-reacting, seeing things that aren't there. I've never dealt with anything like this, i don't know what the signs are.

I get the sense that he had done other things similar to this and that this is just one example. Am I right? I don't mind him being ten years older than you, but I am concerned about how he is relating to you. I sense that he is controlling - he talks about relationships with his nieces, future daughters - all female relationships where he would be older, wiser, and have the upper hand. And he says he feels he needs to hold your hand like a child? Why?? Did you ask him to hold your hand - No you didn't. So why does he feel that way? That comment, BTW, is belittling to you. Personally, I think the man has issues and you need to be careful - very careful!

 

[MissMasala5]

How old is he? He may be more aware of his age, and the differences between both of your years. He may be getting a little insecure, and is simply projecting this insecurity. Being reassuring may help him out.

 

[BAP28]

after the word YANKED--im like wtf

there would be no need for my SO or any man i am seeing you yank me anywhere--why would anyone have to yank and adult anywhere--it make sno logical sense to me in any situation--and then refer to me as a child--those 2 elemenst right there are enough---

go with your gut----

 

[donna894]

How old is he? He may be more aware of his age, and the differences between both of your years. He may be getting a little insecure, and is simply projecting this insecurity. Being reassuring may help him out.

He is obviously insecure, but the problem that concerns me is that he is dealing with his insecurity in a way that is putting down the OP. She shouldn't have to put up with this. What about her sense of self worth. If that's how he handles his business, he'd have no business with me. I'm just saying....

 

[andreab]

OK. when he yanks your arm are you walking in front of him by walking faster then he is? This could just be the wrong way for him to express to you to slow down. However if you see other warning signs I would move on.

 

[mrsjohnson75]

Trust your feelings.......it isn't right.

 

[MissMasala5]

I think situations like this require honesty and communication. Let him know that it took you off guard, you didn't like it, and ask where is this type of behavior coming from in the first place. The responses should give you directives on what to do next. Total disregard of your feelings, being defensive and turning the tables on you, and other such behaviors are a sure sign that you need to rethink this relationship.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

Ok, honestly out of the whole two years you guys have been together he has done this twice? so out of how many hours and minutes that are in two years....

lets work it out....

60 mins in a hour
24 hours in a day 1440 mins
365 days in a year
2 years in the relationship....1051200 mins (my math is crap so tell me if its wrong)

these two incidents have probably lasted no more than 5 mins each....so ten mins in total (very generous).
you are going to focus on ten minutes out of all those minutes????? ten mins to end a relationship?

Ask him why he does it(dont expext it to make sense to you though), tell him you dont like it and TELL him you would like it to stop. If he doesnt get it then explain to him how it makes you feel - but he might not understand after all he isnt a woman and he isnt your age so he might not be able to see the world through your eyes just as you cant see it through his eyes.

Dont put your whole relationship under scrutiny for ten minutes worth of something you dont like.
If you are not happy with the relationship based on other factors then thats ok but to end a whole relationship because he "yanked" your hand for 2 seconds. I mean would it really be worth it?

Uzz

imma have to steal this logic the next time i am in a relationship

anyhoo back on topic yes if it were me i would be quite annoyed with what he did i.e the yanking and telling me i am like a child but i am more concerned about him saying the other stuff bout daughters and such i dunno why but it doesnt sit well with me

 

[mrsjohnson75]

Ok, honestly out of the whole two years you guys have been together he has done this twice? so out of how many hours and minutes that are in two years....

lets work it out....

60 mins in a hour
24 hours in a day 1440 mins
365 days in a year
2 years in the relationship....1051200 mins (my math is crap so tell me if its wrong)

these two incidents have probably lasted no more than 5 mins each....so ten mins in total (very generous).
you are going to focus on ten minutes out of all those minutes????? ten mins to end a relationship?

Ask him why he does it(dont expext it to make sense to you though), tell him you dont like it and TELL him you would like it to stop. If he doesnt get it then explain to him how it makes you feel - but he might not understand after all he isnt a woman and he isnt your age so he might not be able to see the world through your eyes just as you cant see it through his eyes.

Dont put your whole relationship under scrutiny for ten minutes worth of something you dont like.
If you are not happy with the relationship based on other factors then thats ok but to end a whole relationship because he "yanked" your hand for 2 seconds. I mean would it really be worth it?

Uzz

There are other "little things" happening during the 2 years(according to the OP)....that little stuff add up over time.....

 

[MrsBKJ]

There are other "little things" happening during the 2 years(according to the OP)....that little stuff add up over time.....

Hey
I got that which is why I sed it would be ok to end the relationship based on other factors...but theres obviously a reason she is staying because maybe the "little" stuff is just that...little....

We can all agree to disagree with our partners its just not easy to do. we choose to focus on a small negative portion of our relation and not look at the bigger (and often better) picture.

Walking away is not easy but it is easier than to sit down and talk it through.
If it's worth saving you will stay and if it isn't yu will reasons to leave.

Let us know

Uzz