Am I making too much of this?

[frida1980]

My brother has a friend that is crushing on me. I'm not really interested, or at least I wasn't. He's slowly wearing me down despite my reservations. Long ago, he set rules for all his friends regarding me. Basically, "Hands off." But I suspect he's made an exception for him. Regardless, he's a party boy, which irks me. But I have no doubt he'll grow out of that stage if he still wants his inheritance.

That's right inheritance. This guy is loaded. And I resent him for it. I think I could get a decent conversation with him, if I didn't know that he was rich. I know I shouldn't hold it against him, but I can't help it. Seeing his Mercedes parked in front of my brother's house irritates me. Hearing about his fathers law firm or campaign irks me. I've never voiced this to him, but can't bring myself to open up around him. All this, and he can barely form coherent sentences around me because he's so nervous. Aw...

I grew up with little and learned the value of hard work early. So I've worked hard at everything and admire people that do the same. It bothers me to see someone that hasn't earned his way basically waltz in and get whatever he wants. To be fair, he did pass his bar and become a lawyer. But his dad still gave him a job at his law firm and bought him another car as congratulations. I'm so judgmental!

I also wonder if I'm secretly attracted to him because of his money. That just makes me more annoyed and irked. I know I'm attracted to him, but I just can't get over that money thing.

I have to be the only girl that won't give a guy a chance because he has money.

 

[lesedi]

His background is different than yours but it doesn't mean that he is wrong for it. His parents were able to purchase him those vehicles and they were in a position to offer him a job at their firm. He had completed his studies so you can't fault him for that.
I used to think that 'money doesn't matter' but as I 'm getting older it is climbing higher and higher up my priority list. If this is a respectful guy, humble....and the only thing you don't like about him is the fact that he is wealthy........THEN YOU NEED TO GO ON A DATE WITH THIS MAN and see how things go. Wealth matters!!!

#cosBeingBrokeaintfun

 

[Keen]

That's a lot of resentment. I don't know if a relationship can survive that.

 

[ShortyDooWhop]

I think that you should wipe your mind clean of pre-conceived notions about him and take the time to have a conversation with him. You might discover that he's a really nice guy who will treat you well. Then again, he could be a pompous jerk. Unfortunately, you'll never know until you speak to him and/or give him a shot. Good luck.

 

[Aicer]

^^^ Yes I agree. You should give him a chance and see how it works out. You can't judge him on what his dad has or does, its not his fault he grew up rich. lol
Besides if it works out you can have one big ol' rich family and there's nothing wrong with that lol

 

[ThickHair]

I don't think you should bother with him. You have some resentment over something that is out of his control. I believe you would lay low until he does something that you deem off the way and silently say, "See, I knew he would do something stupid like that".

I think you are intrigued because your brother had this hands off policy with you and he is letting this one slip in. All I can see is disaster.

Other than money, what is it about this guy that has caught your eye? You basically think of him as a party boy, with no ambition who will be coming into some money. What is so attractive about that?

"I grew up with little and learned the value of hard work early." That line right tells me that you think you are a little bit better than him because you learned the value if hard work. Ok, so what?

Just a little food for thought.

BTW: It seems in a round about way, you just really want to sample the rich boy's goods, besides your brother you two have nothing in common. I say hit it and be safe. If your brother wouldn't have made you off limits with his friends I doubt there would be an issue.

 

[awhyley]

That's a lot of resentment. I don't know if a relationship can survive that.

True. OP, do you resent him or his upbringing? If so, what is he doing exactly that's wearing you down?

 

[Makenzie]

Sounds like if you go out with him you're gonna be sitting back waiting for him to prove your preconceived ideas about him true. Leave him alone. You both will be happier because of it.

 

[frida1980]

I don't think you should bother with him. You have some resentment over something that is out of his control. I believe you would lay low until he does something that you deem off the way and silently say, "See, I knew he would do something stupid like that".

I think you are intrigued because your brother had this hands off policy with you and he is letting this one slip in. All I can see is disaster.

Other than money, what is it about this guy that has caught your eye? You basically think of him as a party boy, with no ambition who will be coming into some money. What is so attractive about that?

"I grew up with little and learned the value of hard work early." That line right tells me that you think you are a little bit better than him because you learned the value if hard work. Ok, so what?

Just a little food for thought.

BTW: It seems in a round about way, you just really want to sample the rich boy's goods, besides your brother you two have nothing in common. I say hit it and be safe. If your brother wouldn't have made you off limits with his friends I doubt there would be an issue.

Actually, I love that rule of my brothers. That way I never have to worry about one of his loser friends hitting on me without retaliation.

Actually, Ben started coming by after my massive break up with my Ex. My brother started to talk him up, and I was livid. I despise fix ups, especially after a break up. Now that I've gotten over my ex and I'm don't feel like this is a set up anymore, I'm less "mad" at him. Ironically, this is normally a guy I would go for. Lawyers and I normally have a lot to talk about. He's really smart great sense of humor and shows all signs of being a nice guy.

I think I'm realizing I clinging to reasons not to like him. My last guy was the one I just knew I was going to marry, and realizing that that wasn't going to happen was rough. In truth, I afraid that if I finally talk to this guy I'm going to like him despite my reservations. He might be good for me, since I'm so uptight. But the entire situation is a little weird for me.

 

[Allandra]

That's a lot of resentment. I don't know if a relationship can survive that.

I think you're right.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

what.....help me understand. ur "irked" cuz he got money...or rather, an inheritance? or would u prefer someone broke....

 

[frida1980]

what.....help me understand. ur "irked" cuz he got money...or rather, an inheritance? or would u prefer someone broke....

Irked because he has it made. I don't mind money, but it's a little different when you earn it on your own. He did pass his bar easily. I do respect that a lot. But to be fair, I have no idea if he let that go to his head or not.

 

[yeahisaidit]

Let me see if I have this right...

He likes you. He's educated. He has a job. He has a car. He's not broke. He's never been disrespectful (from what I've gathered).

Even though you resent (Translation: JEALOUS) of the fact that his family has money, you like him.

I'm really trying to figure out the problem here. You ask if you're making too much of this, I answer HELL YES!

 

[frida1980]

Let me see if I have this right...

He likes you. He's educated. He has a job. He has a car. He's not broke. He's never been disrespectful (from what I've gathered).

Even though you resent (Translation: JEALOUS) of the fact that his family has money, you like him.

I'm really trying to figure out the problem here. You ask if you're making too much of this, I answer HELL YES!

Jealous? Huh... Never thought of it that way.

I'm also nervous of being seen as a gold digger.

 

[yeahisaidit]

Jealous? Huh... Never thought of it that way.

I'm also nervous of being seen as a gold digger.

Since this guy and your brother are good friends, I seriously doubt that he'd see you as a gold digger. If it's well known that he has a crush on you, then he's probably inquired to your brother about you on numerous occassions. I also think that if he saw gold digger in you, he wouldn't like you.

I think that your resentment of his upbringing stems from jealously. You grew up working hard to get everything you wanted in life. You see him as someone who just had everything handed to him. You probably wished at one point in time that you had an upbringing like his, but since you didn't, there's jealously there.

Give the man a chance. You don't have to marry him tomorrow. A date never hurt anyone. If he turns out to be exactly what you thought, at least you got a free meal out of it.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

that shouldn't be your concern. He can't help that he has an inheritance. All things are subject to change. In other words, his issues shouldn't concern you personally (being irked, worried if it's gone to his head, etc.). Pre-judging can cause you to miss out.

and if he does turn out to be an azzhole, so what. you don't have to be friends with him anymore. Your association with him will cost you nothing, in terms of getting to know him, etc.

bottom line, life is too short. concern yourself with YOU and don't worry about what he has. It may or may not impact you. It should always be about you, not the other way around. Don't make his issue your issue, making it about him.

 

[frida1980]

Blargh.... You guys make it sound simple. I do tend to over think everything and never just jump in. I'm probably overanalyzing. Hmm...

Maybe I'll friend him on FB. No harm in that.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

yeah, whateva...chile puleez...i betchu won't be "irked" if he pulled up in dat same said mercedes n took u out...and paid for it...den what? would u still be irked? if he took u to a reception at dat firm, and introduced u as his woman, would u still be irked?

i think da problem lies deep. i think ur irked with urself. picha it. cuz if u ask any of da women on dis hea board, i don't think any of them would be "irked" at a brotha dat got it goin on, GAINFULLY.
employed, a car and other perks. perhaps you've not read da otha threads.

the problem ain't him, it's u. u said u didn't grow up with much and u learned da value of hard work. so what. didn't everybody? u like da fact that he's after you, but ur intimidated and got some self esteem issues witcha self cuz u prolly feel that you won't measure up to his lifestyle. that's why ur "irked".

if ur dat irked, go get someone who u feel is on ur level. feel me?

 

[ppp422]

Since this guy and your brother are good friends, I seriously doubt that he'd see you as a gold digger. If it's well known that he has a crush on you, then he's probably inquired to your brother about you on numerous occassions. I also think that if he saw gold digger in you, he wouldn't like you.

I think that your resentment of his upbringing stems from jealously. You grew up working hard to get everything you wanted in life. You see him as someone who just had everything handed to him. You probably wished at one point in time that you had an upbringing like his, but since you didn't, there's jealously there.

Give the man a chance. You don't have to marry him tomorrow. A date never hurt anyone. If he turns out to be exactly what you thought, at least you got a free meal out of it.

I agree! In all fairness, he has been to law school and passed the bar exam which shows a good degree of intellect and work ethic. I tend to over analyze situations my self so I know where you are coming from, but there are sooooooo many more legitimate reasons to eliminate a guy than having money. If your brother (I assume you agree with his moral judgment) thinks he is ok, I say give him a chance. Who knows he could have more to him then you think.

 

[ppp422]

Since this guy and your brother are good friends, I seriously doubt that he'd see you as a gold digger. If it's well known that he has a crush on you, then he's probably inquired to your brother about you on numerous occassions. I also think that if he saw gold digger in you, he wouldn't like you.

I think that your resentment of his upbringing stems from jealously. You grew up working hard to get everything you wanted in life. You see him as someone who just had everything handed to him. You probably wished at one point in time that you had an upbringing like his, but since you didn't, there's jealously there.

Give the man a chance. You don't have to marry him tomorrow. A date never hurt anyone. If he turns out to be exactly what you thought, at least you got a free meal out of it.

I agree! In all fairness, he has been to law school and passed the bar exam which shows a good degree of intellect and work ethic. I tend to over analyze situations my self so I know where you are coming from, but there are sooooooo many more legitimate reasons to eliminate a guy than having money. If your brother (I assume you agree with his moral judgment) thinks he is ok, I say give him a chance. Who knows he could have more to him then you think.

 

[frida1980]

yeah, whateva...chile puleez...i betchu won't be "irked" if he pulled up in dat same said mercedes n took u out...and paid for it...den what? would u still be irked? if he took u to a reception at dat firm, and introduced u as his woman, would u still be irked?

i think da problem lies deep. i think ur irked with urself. picha it. cuz if u ask any of da women on dis hea board, i don't think any of them would be "irked" at a brotha dat got it goin on, GAINFULLY.
employed, a car and other perks. perhaps you've not read da otha threads.

the problem ain't him, it's u. u said u didn't grow up with much and u learned da value of hard work. so what. didn't everybody? u like da fact that he's after you, but ur intimidated and got some self esteem issues witcha self cuz u prolly feel that you won't measure up to his lifestyle. that's why ur "irked".

if ur dat irked, go get someone who u feel is on ur level. feel me?

Wow....

You are completely right. I am feeling intimidated because right now I don't feel like I measure up. I don't think I realized until you posted this right now! I cannot believe I didn't realize this before. I guess I needed someone to give me a wake up call.

Considering that you're RIGHT about too many broke guys around and not enough ones with cash, maybe I should just go for it.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

like i said before in anotha thread. go in your room and take a good long hard look at yourself in the mirror. Love the woman that stands before it and accept YOU for who YOU are. Acceptance and Love. That's all. When you start to accept and love you for YOU, then, and only then can you allow someone else to come into your space and get to know and enjoy the REAL YOU. That's being real. Loving YOU.

Always be yourself. With those two ingredients, you should never go wrong, in your relationships (with both male and female), career, family, etc. But you have to start with YOU.

People can sometimes smell insecurities (weak minded, etc.). People will feed off of those insecurities like a leech. In my opinion, this is probably the reason why most relationships do not work. People are to focused on others, rather than focusing on loving and accepting themselves.

Now, with your background, and his background, I think it would make a wonderful opportunity. Not monetary wise, but in other things. He, too, probably feels the same way. No one would want him because he has been fed with a silver spoon all of his life. Men have insecurities too. The money, cars, etc. are all superficial.

Stop being so hard on yourself. Enjoy this life, because it is not a rehearsal. Everyone deserves to be happy. Don't pass up on a good thing, meaning getting to really know WHO YOU ARE.

 

[Makenzie]

like i said before in anotha thread. go in your room and take a good long hard look at yourself in the mirror. Love the woman that stands before it and accept YOU for who YOU are. Acceptance and Love. That's all. When you start to accept and love you for YOU, then, and only then can you allow someone else to come into your space and get to know and enjoy the REAL YOU. That's being real. Loving YOU.

Always be yourself. With those two ingredients, you should never go wrong, in your relationships (with both male and female), career, family, etc. But you have to start with YOU.

People can sometimes smell insecurities (weak minded, etc.). People will feed off of those insecurities like a leech. In my opinion, this is probably the reason why most relationships do not work. People are to focused on others, rather than focusing on loving and accepting themselves.

Now, with your background, and his background, I think it would make a wonderful opportunity. Not monetary wise, but in other things. He, too, probably feels the same way. No one would want him because he has been fed with a silver spoon all of his life. Men have insecurities too. The money, cars, etc. are all superficial.

Stop being so hard on yourself. Enjoy this life, because it is not a rehearsal. Everyone deserves to be happy. Don't pass up on a good thing, meaning getting to really know WHO YOU ARE.

Great advice. Love the bolded. It may be my signature one day.