Am I late?

D

Dellas

Well-Known Member
I just had a convo with my dad and he talked about his friend who use to date Kandi from the House wives of ATL. I was shocked and I said "she dated him?"....he is just a regular ole guy (not broke but not rich either). Then my dad says, where you been ...black guys want women with money. They don't want women who are broke?


I know my brothers only date women with money? you may get alittle more grace if you have the right complexion. I am shocked?

I never head of a man that wants to be taken care of like this?:blush::look::lachen:
 
Yep, you're late. I know PLENTY of men that is only looking for a woman of means or just someone with a "good job."
 
I think it depends on the guy, but I did briefly date a guy who talked about being a househusband. He mentioned it so much that I believed he was serious.
 
I don't know. I don't necessarily think it's about having a woman to take care of you. I think it's more about having a woman who can hold her own. :yep:
 
You're late. This is why I am about towrite off BM. Bare with me for a second. I am a doctor, I don't make a lot of money compared to my cardiology/GI/surgery friends. But I'm not hurting. I have done well for myself (not bragining) but I have. I can't find a guy that isn't a mooch. As soon as they see me, my car, and clothes (I don't dress flashy but I try to look nice and I have a BMW) I start to hear excuses about how they did bring enough money (happened last night) or can I drive (no, and no). Its so lame. I'm on a dating site right now and I have gone out with three BM that have been complete loosers. A nice WM asked me out today that I have been talking to for a while. I told him yes.

I would love to guy the chocolate man of my dreams but if they don't wanna work they don't wanna work. And they will find some one to take care of them. It jusst won't be me.

My sister has the same problem with these men that that could and should do for themselves. She is actually filing for divorce tomorrow after a 3 year marriage. Her husband is the same way. I tired to warn her beforeshe got married but she didn't want to hear it at the time. Now she wishes she was listening.

You don't even have to have a lot of money, just be willing to spend it on them. Be on your guard ladies.
 
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A guy friend did tell me once that he knows a lot of black men who are just out there looking for women who will take care of them--sugarmommas, essentially. He said they had no shame in it.
 
Yeah...some lames think this way. But, I don't think "black men" as a whole think this way. I just think lame black men think this way. I think a driven black man with his own purpose is not looking for a woman he can mooch off of. Further, I think a driven black man with his own hustle just wants a woman who can appeciate him and who can hold her own if she needs to (even though she may never need to). There is something to be said for a woman who has personal goals she is working toward. She makes a great mate and a great mother. She can teach their potential children how to have purpose and achieve goals. BUT...I don't think she NEEDS to be wealthy in order to have a mate who has achieved. Just that she's progressive in her own way. That's different, again from the LAMES. Nobody wants a lame anyway....'cept Kandi. :look:
 
Transformer said:
Yep, you're late. I know PLENTY of men that is only looking for a woman of means or just someone with a "good job."
Click to expand...
:yep: Male gold-digging is very common nowadays. I know men who actively *research* the areas in their cities where women of means can be found and then frequent those areas hoping to land someone they can live off. All of these men are well-educated with high-paying jobs, by the way, but their game plan is to marry into a home on easy street and spend someone else's money. There are also men who just do not want to provide for anyone. These types begrudge a woman even a meal on their dime. They want women to come with half in all situations. In fact, better still if women can contribute more than half, so these men can hoard their own money for themselves.

The state of what passes for manhood nowadays is nothing like it used to be. Better be aware.
 
~Charlotte*York~ said:
Yeah...some lames think this way. But, I don't think "black men" as a whole think this way. I just think lame black men think this way. I think a driven black man with his own purpose is not looking for a woman he can mooch off of. Further, I think a driven black man with his own hustle just wants a woman who can appeciate him and who can hold her own if she needs to (even though she may never need to). There is something to be said for a woman who has personal goals she is working toward. She makes a great mate and a great mother. She can teach their potential children how to have purpose and achieve goals. BUT...I don't think she NEEDS to be wealthy in order to have a mate who has achieved. Just that she's progressive in her own way. That's different, again from the LAMES. Nobody wants a lame anyway....'cept Kandi. :look:
Click to expand...

I'm DYING to know where the non-lames hang.:lol:

I don't know. I guess my vision is skewed bc I grew up with my grandparents and my family is from the DEEP south. The men in my family took pride in being able provide for their women and family. They "courted" their women and would be insulted and ashamed if a woman tried to take care of them or spend a bunch of money on them.

Me personally, yes I want to be successful and will always work and have my own money. But at the same time, I wouldn't want a dude who was talking to me solely for that reason. I don't even like how a lot of my guy friends say they want xyz lifestyle but are depending on that dual income by marrying a girl making xyz money to attain it-why aren't u ambitious enough to get it on your own? I don't think that way and wouldn't want to be with someone who does. I do not look at marriage as a means to upgrade my lifestyle.
 
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Imani said:
I'm DYING to know where the non-lames hang.:lol:

I don't know. I guess my vision is skewed bc I grew up with my grandparents and my family is from the DEEP south. The men in my family took pride in being able provide for their women and family. They "courted" their women and would be insulted and ashamed if a woman tried to take care of them or spend a bunch of money on them.

Me personally, yes I want to be successful and will always work and have my own money. But at the same time, I wouldn't want a dude who was talking to me solely for that reason. I don't even like how a lot of my guy friends say they want xyz lifestyle but are depending on marrying a girl making xyz money to attain it-why aren't u ambitious enough to get it on your own? I don't think that way and wouldn't want to be with someone who does. I do not look at marriage as a means to upgrade my lifestyle.
Click to expand...

Tell it. I agree. I rather prefer the old style type of man whose personal principles will not ALLOW him to expect to upgrade his lifestyle based upon what a woman can offer him financially. That's foolishness. Saps! But, I do think a woman's lifestyle should at least remain consistent or upgrade when she marries. Whatever she was able to provide for herself before him, he should be able to provide for her if he marries her.
 
I never thought most men were this way, but if there's some kind of growing trend it might make sense of some experiences I've had. I run into a lot of men it seems, that I would think they would automatically say "Oh, she's about X and has X, but I'm not really about anything, so I'm not going to pursue." But they don't. I'm not saying "Oh he as to make so much more than me" or anything, but I have wondered what some men thought they had to offer. Maybe it makes more sense that they're not trying to bring something to the table.

I do run into a lot of general laziness, though. The texting, the giving you their number and asking you to call...meh.
 
~Charlotte*York~ said:
Yeah...some lames think this way. But, I don't think "black men" as a whole think this way. I just think lame black men think this way.
Click to expand...
I have even found that this trend crosses race. Most of the men I had in mind in my post above are white. American manhood across the board and across races is of much poorer quality nowadays than the traditional ideal. It started with deadbeats and other such types unwilling to provide for their families becoming more common, until hardly anyone batted an eyelash at news of yet another man shirking his responsibilities. Once that sort of indolence and selfishness in men became no big deal by virtue of being so common, men seeking to up the ante by living off women was the natural next step. I expect that men being provided for by women will become as common in our lifetimes as men being deadbeats and insisting on their wives paying for half of everything (even when the men can provide) is nowadays.
 
Hmm... I don't know any men (that I can think of) who think this way. I know a lot of men who expect their wives to WORK and are irritated by the thought of having a housewife, but someone just looking for a woman who's well off strictly to mooch off her?

No, I haven't met one of those. I'll have to keep and eye out :sekret:
 
Bun Mistress said:
You're late. This is why I am about towrite off BM. Bare with me for a second. I am a doctor, I don't make a lot of money compared to my cardiology/GI/surgery friends. But I'm not hurting. I have done well for myself (not bragining) but I have. I can't find a guy that isn't a mooch. As soon as they see me, my car, and clothes (I don't dress flashy but I try to look nice and I have a BMW) I start to hear excuses about how they did bring enough money (happened last night) or can I drive (no, and no). Its so lame. I'm on a dating site right now and I have gone out with three BM that have been complete loosers. A nice WM asked me out today that I have been talking to for a while. I told him yes.

I would love to guy the chocolate man of my dreams but if they don't wanna work they don't wanna work. And they will find some one to take care of them. It jusst won't be me.

My sister has the same problem with these men that that could and should do for themselves. She is actually filing for divorce tomorrow after a 3 year marriage. Her husband is the same way. I tired to warn her beforeshe got married but she didn't want to hear it at the time. Now she wishes she was listening.

You don't even have to have a lot of money, just be willing to spend it on them. Be on your guard ladies.
Click to expand...

Where are you located and what kind of men are you accepting dates from. I work for a Fortune 500 company and do relatively well for myself. I'm not ballin' or anything but it's obvious that I make a good living. I can't remember the last time a man (black or white) pulled any of the crap you've mentioned with me. Are you dating men who bring as much as you do financially to the table, if not more? That right there might be the problem. I can't imagine a black doctor, lawyer, engineer, accountant, professor, etc. asking to drive your car or have you pay for dinner.
Seriously, it's not a black man thing, it's the kind of black men you've dated recently.
 
Sad to say that yes you are late a I know quite a few men who are looking to be househusband. It's disgusting and unnatural.


Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
Bun Mistress said:
You're late. This is why I am about towrite off BM. Bare with me for a second. I am a doctor, I don't make a lot of money compared to my cardiology/GI/surgery friends. But I'm not hurting. I have done well for myself (not bragining) but I have. I can't find a guy that isn't a mooch. As soon as they see me, my car, and clothes (I don't dress flashy but I try to look nice and I have a BMW) I start to hear excuses about how they did bring enough money (happened last night) or can I drive (no, and no). Its so lame. I'm on a dating site right now and I have gone out with three BM that have been complete loosers. A nice WM asked me out today that I have been talking to for a while. I told him yes.

I would love to guy the chocolate man of my dreams but if they don't wanna work they don't wanna work. And they will find some one to take care of them. It jusst won't be me.

My sister has the same problem with these men that that could and should do for themselves. She is actually filing for divorce tomorrow after a 3 year marriage. Her husband is the same way. I tired to warn her beforeshe got married but she didn't want to hear it at the time. Now she wishes she was listening.

You don't even have to have a lot of money, just be willing to spend it on them. Be on your guard ladies.
Click to expand...

I am SO GLAD you mentioned this. I have a very good friend, like you, who is a doctor, drives a Mercedes truck, does pretty good for herself. However, guys are very intimidated when she tells them she is a doctor. It's not like she makes an issue of it, but they get intimidated and start telling stories of financial horrors, etc. Even some of the guys that SEEM to have it going on are loosers.

I told her, next time, just tell them u work at Wal-Mart or McDonalds. I don't get it.
 
cheetarah1980 said:
Where are you located and what kind of men are you accepting dates from. I work for a Fortune 500 company and do relatively well for myself. I'm not ballin' or anything but it's obvious that I make a good living. I can't remember the last time a man (black or white) pulled any of the crap you've mentioned with me. Are you dating men who bring as much as you do financially to the table, if not more? That right there might be the problem. I can't imagine a black doctor, lawyer, engineer, accountant, professor, etc. asking to drive your car or have you pay for dinner.
Seriously, it's not a black man thing, it's the kind of black men you've dated recently.
Click to expand...


Even the men who are financially stable and can bring something to the table are looking to "relax" financially and let someone else take the wheel. You'd be surprised. I live in the Washington, D.C. Metro area, and it is rampant here.

And guess what, some of these women here (some that I know) actually go for it. Think it's cute. I'm not interested in investing in a man....trying to help a man get himself together. That's not happening. I know a female right now who is doing it. Got him living in the house, purchased a truck for him, etc.

But then, you have some women who like to be in control, etc. I guess that is another topic.
 
cheetarah1980 said:
Where are you located and what kind of men are you accepting dates from. I work for a Fortune 500 company and do relatively well for myself. I'm not ballin' or anything but it's obvious that I make a good living. I can't remember the last time a man (black or white) pulled any of the crap you've mentioned with me. Are you dating men who bring as much as you do financially to the table, if not more? That right there might be the problem. I can't imagine a black doctor, lawyer, engineer, accountant, professor, etc. asking to drive your car or have you pay for dinner.
Seriously, it's not a black man thing, it's the kind of black men you've dated recently.
Click to expand...

I believe it's a regional thing too. I had a PhD friend who lived in Memphis who told me all kinds of stories about the mindset of the men down there when it came to the women "holding her own" and one step further being cared for. There were also hoards of undesirables who as soon as they found out she had a degree would be trying to step up. She's not from TN and said it was overwhelming, so her response does not surprise me.
 
cheetarah1980 said:
Where are you located and what kind of men are you accepting dates from. I work for a Fortune 500 company and do relatively well for myself. I'm not ballin' or anything but it's obvious that I make a good living. I can't remember the last time a man (black or white) pulled any of the crap you've mentioned with me. Are you dating men who bring as much as you do financially to the table, if not more? That right there might be the problem. I can't imagine a black doctor, lawyer, engineer, accountant, professor, etc. asking to drive your car or have you pay for dinner.
Seriously, it's not a black man thing, it's the kind of black men you've dated recently.
Click to expand...

Sweety, I'm in the south, I moved to Nashville a few years ago and its really different.

For one, most black MD, Lawyers, ects don't want to date a black doctor, lawyer ect. And I'm not saying that because some one rejected me! I;m jugding this by who they are dating and marry. I can't figure it out myself. Its almost like they want some one to stroke their ego and make them feel important.

I once had another MD tell me he could call me and tell he he was running three hours late for dinner plans because he was "stook seeing patients." I stopped him right there. 1. you can call/text/page 2. I have been busy but I know what time it is and if I want to be polite and say I'm running late I will.

Oh and the other problem. None of them act like they are married. Alot of the men I work with who are married don't act like it. They flirt with me the nurses, any one. I;ve had a few ask me out. They go to the mixers and hit on interns. :sad:

Off my soap box. I'm not saying that everyone man is like this, and I'm not saying that every man I meet is like this but there is a new breed of man, WM, BM it doesn't matter. These men (no they are not the majority) don't have the same outlook as my Father for instances did.

It doesn't matter what a man does for a living if he is selfish he is selfish. I title doesn't make you a better more giving, affectionate, respectful person.
 
ThatJerseyGirl said:
Even the men who are financially stable and can bring something to the table are looking to "relax" financially and let someone else take the wheel. You'd be surprised. I live in the Washington, D.C. Metro area, and it is rampant here.

And guess what, some of these women here (some that I know) actually go for it. Think it's cute. I'm not interested in investing in a man....trying to help a man get himself together. That's not happening. I know a female right now who is doing it. Got him living in the house, purchased a truck for him, etc.

But then, you have some women who like to be in control, etc. I guess that is another topic.
Click to expand...

At the bolded, :ban:
 
Bun Mistress said:
Sweety, I'm in the south, I moved to Nashville a few years ago and its really different.

For one, most black MD, Lawyers, ects don't want to date a black doctor, lawyer ect. And I'm not saying that because some one rejected me! I;m jugding this by who they are dating and marry. I can't figure it out myself. Its almost like they want some one to stroke their ego and make them feel important.

I once had another MD tell me he could call me and tell he he was running three hours late for dinner plans because he was "stook seeing patients." I stopped him right there. 1. you can call/text/page 2. I have been busy but I know what time it is and if I want to be polite and say I'm running late I will.

Oh and the other problem. None of them act like they are married. Alot of the men I work with who are married don't act like it. They flirt with me the nurses, any one. I;ve had a few ask me out. They go to the mixers and hit on interns. :sad:

Off my soap box. I'm not saying that everyone man is like this, and I'm not saying that every man I meet is like this but there is a new breed of man, WM, BM it doesn't matter. These men (no they are not the majority) don't have the same outlook as my Father for instances did.

It doesn't matter what a man does for a living if he is selfish he is selfish. I title doesn't make you a better more giving, affectionate, respectful person.
Click to expand...

Well hot diggitty da*n! I didn't know it was like this. Usually these types of men give themselves away from the jump with the stupidity that comes out of their mouths. Examples:
"Here's my number. Call me."
"When are you gonna cook for me?"
"Yeah I wanna see you. Come over and watch a movie."
"Why won't you call me? Are you one of those women who expects a man to do everything?"

The second I hear that mess I already know that he's not a man who's looking to step up and lead. He's either unsure of himself or lazy and neither one of those things is acceptable to me.
 
Bun Mistress...I kinda agree with you about blk doctors though. Of course all are not like that, but most of my friends are in the medical field in some professional capacity. Some of my blk female friends in medical school did mention that some of the guys didn't want doctors as wives. They preferred nurses, teachers, etc. Nothing wrong with that...but some of those select few made a point to say that they didn't want an "equal." They wanted someone who could facilitate their dream, meaning their careers and wishes would take a backseat to the husband. As one guy so eloquently put it, "I'd rather date someone at McDonald's."

On the other side of the coin, I know of 5 black pairings from medical school/residency that are either together, engaged or married.
 
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