AGE: DOES IT REALLY MATTER?

[indigodiva]

As age is a common topic when people are talking about relationships, I'm more than sure this has been discussed before, probably more than once...but I haven't seen any lately.

So, how do you guys feel about age gaps in relationships? For those of you who are still dating, do you have an age bracket requirement for potential SO's? If you do have a requirement, what is it? For those of you who are married, what is the age gap b/w you and your spouse? If there is an age gap, how did it affect your relationship in the beginning, if at all? And how long have you been married?

I know the older you get, the less an age gap matters..well thats only my theory..In general, does it matter in the long run? I know this is a case by case thing, so personal opinions are welcome.

I'm kinda curious to see if their is a link between age and longevity in relationships. My grandparents are both 79 years old..They have been married for 58 years..I called my their house last night and my grandmother was threatening to kick grandfather's a$$...they are both a MESS! But they love each other so much! My parents have a 3 year age gap ( they met at 16(mom) and 19(dad) and they dated in high school--they didn't start that seriously dating( the stuff that leads to marriage) until much later after mom finished college.. they dated other ppl in between.

Also what do you guys think about a 17 girl and 21 year old man dating...(i'm not sure if that is legal)...I mean it worked back in the day, but realistically can that type of relationship work today?..you have one graduating high school, and the other graduating college..That doesn't even make sense to me since that's two different life stages, but I'd like your opinions

 

[Windsy]

As age is a common topic when people are talking about relationships, I'm more than sure this has been discussed before, probably more than once...but I haven't seen any lately.

So, how do you guys feel about age gaps in relationships? For those of you who are still dating, do you have an age bracket requirement for potential SO's? If you do have a requirement, what is it? For those of you who are married, what is the age gap b/w you and your spouse? If there is an age gap, how did it affect your relationship in the beginning, if at all? And how long have you been married?

I know the older you get, the less an age gap matters..well thats only my theory..In general, does it matter in the long run? I know this is a case by case thing, so personal opinions are welcome.

I'm kinda curious to see if their is a link between age and longevity in relationships. My grandparents are both 79 years old..They have been married for 58 years..I called my their house last night and my grandmother was threatening to kick grandfather's a$$...they are both a MESS! But they love each other so much! My parents have a 3 year age gap ( they met at 16(mom) and 19(dad) and they dated in high school--they didn't start that seriously dating( the stuff that leads to marriage) until much later after mom finished college.. they dated other ppl in between.

Also what do you guys think about a 17 girl and 21 year old man dating...(i'm not sure if that is legal)...I mean it worked back in the day, but realistically can that type of relationship work today?..you have one graduating high school, and the other graduating college..That doesn't even make sense to me since that's two different life stages, but I'd like your opinions

Age gap is ok if you are comfortable with it and it's legal. My age range is 32-42; I once dated someone in his 20's and I felt like a child molester because my son is 19; I wasn't comfortable with that at all.

 

[nadz]

The age factor is less significant than the compatibility factor. It just depends on the two people involved. Age seems to be a big factor only because many people who click together tend to be within the +/- 4 year range. But that, in my opinion, is more circumstantial than anything else.

Another factor that is inherently tied to age range is similar background experiences (living in the same 'generation' increases the chances of 'identifying' with the person). But clearly this one factor rarely makes or breaks a relationship.

But I don't think a person should not be considered solely because of age (assuming both parties are legal of course!)

 

[hair_wit_favor]

I think it depends on how far the gap is...I was 18 and dated a 34yr old--I thought that was cool at the time, but now that think about it, that man took advantage of me and my ignorance. That was too big of a gap, I was fresh out of high school and he had a career and was well established, I didnt care about anything other than going out partyin' with my girls and he thought that was childish... needless to say, we broke up after a year.

 

[Ms Red]

I think it all comes down to the maturity of the people involved. When I was 20 I dated somone who was 24 or 25. It wasn't a big deal. My dad was 4 years younger than my mom and it worked out well. I have known men to be a decade older and it works.

 

[tuffCOOKiE]

I think it depends but not on the amount of years apart. I think it depends what stage of life you're in. For example, if I'm 16 and dating someone who's like 21, what would we have in common? He would be a college graduate about his resposibilities and career (ideally). On the other hand, he might just be a total lame, have nothing going for him except his 16 yo gf who is going to grow up to realize he's a bum.

If a 21 yo tries to date someone 5y older than her, its more ok because they are still both about thier careers, thier advancement, graduate schooling etc.

Finally if a 26 yo is dating a 31 yo, I don't even see a problem at all if they are in the same 'life bracket'. Like they both have the same goals/ aspirations. Even if the gap was 10 years I think its ok.


I think age aint nuthin but a number if you have the same mindset getting into the relationship.

 

[Caramela]

I think, as another poster put it, that compatibility is more important than age. There's a 5 year age gap between my husband and I but we're very compatible, and he's very mature. So it works out great. Age, unfortunately (and fortunately for me) doesn't guarantee maturity

 

[indigodiva]

interesting answers ladies..keep them coming

 

[bLackButtaFly]

I don't think it matters. I was 21 and was seriously involved with a 33 yr old man. granted I had already graduated college and was working, and living on my own, so I think that helped vs. me still being in school. Once I knew he wasn't after me b/c of my youth, age was a non issue for me. However as cool as he tried to play it in the end I don't think he could deal w/ our relationship, and what he felt he was holding me back from. We were very very in love, and I know he still loves me, but he just couldn't get over the age thing and I could wait around for him to be okay w/ it.

Now we did have to deal w/ skepticism from everybody that he was using me, and that I was a gold digger from everybody on both sides of our lives. However usually once they saw the two of us together they changed their minds. We were extremely compatible, and really were the ying to the other's yang.

 

[ThickHair]

I am currently dating an older gentleman. I am 3 years younger than his daughter. Before I though all old men were "dirty old men". He stepped to me proper and we are getting along great. I think I am falling in love a little. He will be 59 in a few days but I don't have a problem with it; I am soon to be 36. He is everything that I listed on my list of qualities that I wanted in a man. When I met him and got to know him and was glancing over my list I noticed that I did not list age, so I figured this is the way it was to be. He treats me like a queen and I am not going to balk at his age.

16 and 21 is a bit much but to each his\her own.

 

[Tamrin]

It all depends on maturity level. I know first hand.

 

[Everything Zen]

I'm 25 and my guy is 35. This has been the best relationship I have ever been in!!! I will never date anyone under 30 or hopefully anyone else ever again!!!!

 

[spelmanlocks]

I think it depends on what stage you are in, in your life. I dated a 25 man for about 7 months when I was 18 and a freshman in college. It was fun to date him because he had his own apartment, car, job, and plenty of food in his fridge, lol. But our lives were so different. He was worrying about going to grad school and advancing on his job, while I'd only just begun college and had no idea what a real job entailed. He couldn't stay up until the wee hours of the night on the phone and I'd always get mad at him for it cause I was a true night owl in college.

Overall, I think we were just at two different levels of life. I was in the I'm outta my parents house and now I wanna party stage, and he was at the I'm looking for a wife and trying to settle down stage.

 

[Lady Esquire]

When I was 18, I dated a 32-year-old-man, who owned his owned business, and he introduced me to so many great things. But it turned out that despite his financial success and culture, he himself had a lot of growing up to do. That taught me that age does not automatically equate to maturity.

I must admit though, after dating him, I preferred older guys, because they are a bit more "together" in a lot respects. A few months later I met my husband who is only 4 years older, which turned out to be a great. But had we never met, I would have been okay ending up with someone as much as 15 years older, as long as we were good to each other and brought out the best qualities in one another.

 

[Much2much41]

I am currently dating an older gentleman. I am 3 years younger than his daughter. Before I though all old men were "dirty old men". He stepped to me proper and we are getting along great. I think I am falling in love a little. He will be 59 in a few days but I don't have a problem with it; I am soon to be 36. He is everything that I listed on my list of qualities that I wanted in a man. When I met him and got to know him and was glancing over my list I noticed that I did not list age, so I figured this is the way it was to be. He treats me like a queen and I am not going to balk at his age.

16 and 21 is a bit much but to each his\her own.

I'm so happy for you, but I'm not sure I could do that. I have a girlfriend whose age gap w/her husband was even more than you and your SO's, and I just looked at her like . She loved his last years drawers, though. But do you know, he had the AUDACITY to cheat?? erplexed So, they aren't together anymore, but she still likes 'em "long in the tooth". Like you said, to each his/her own.

 

[fletgee]

At this stage of my life I have had my share of "bringing up baby". Younger men have no appeal to me on any level. Their lack of sophistication, sexual knowledge, financial stability and basic life experience, (just to name a few) are a turn off.

All the men ( and yes I said men-plural) in my personal life are 3 months to 2 years older than I am. So for me it does matter. Very
much so.

I think it's a matter of maturity and life experience that led me to my comfort zone. So trust and believe that I am very.....very comfortable.

 

[Browndilocks]

It matters for me if the age difference is really significant. In doing a favor for a friend, I went on a double date with her. The dude that I was paired up with was attractive, had swagger and cheddar. I was repulsed by him though because he is 52 years old. That's older than my mother. I was nice during dinner that evening but I could never bring myself to even entertain the thought of seeing someone that old. it just ain't happenin.

 

[SouthernTease]

Gosh...
it depends on the person I dated a man in
his late 30s that looked and acted like he was in
his 20s except he had twice the cash and
then I've dated guys my age (20s) that act like old
men because they are too concerned with making money
(or doing well in school) to have a life... just my experience

 

[Stormy]

To me it depends on a number of factors such as number of years, level of maturity of both individuals and the stage of life you're both in. I dated a man who was 16 (or 18 can't remember) years older than I and although he spoiled me rotten, he was still trying to be a playa. Plus he had a lot of little hang ups. Then I dated one just 12 years older who treated me even better, was much more mature and tired of that playa life. He got that out of his system before we started dating. Both were business owners, and I can't remember much about the first one, but the second one I ended up marrying.