Age, childbirth and ignorant remarks

Overjoyed

Overjoyed

New Member
I am 36 years old, childfree, dating a wonderful man, but I do desire to get married and have children. It seems lately people are always asking me if I want to have children and when I say yes, the comment is, "well you'd better hurry up and do something". Yes, I would have loved to have had children in my early 30's, but I wanted to be married AND able to afford to take care of my kids without struggling. And to be truthful before the age of 35 I was not ready to have children and struggled with trying to find out who I was and what I wanted.

Many women these days are having kids well after the age of 40 to the point where I believe the advanced child bearing age of 35 will be something of the past. I just wish people would be less discouraging and if they have nothing positive or encouraging to say to just "zip it up". I know I shouldn't care what people say or think, but it seems almost on a daily basis I am getting asked this question. I am curious to hear some of your thoughts and opinions on this as well as comebacks to shut these people up.
 
Girl, ignore these idiots. I'll be 30 in a couple years and could care less about not having kids earlier. Please, I wouldn't trade these independent, young, vibrant, unattached years for nothing. I really hate how some people seem to think that once a woman gets past 35 that having a child is ridiculous or risky. I say a woman should take advantage of her reproductive nature as long as it lasts and forget about all these other losers.

Myriad people have started to wait to get married and have kids. I support that 100% in today's economy!!! Good luck!
 
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WhipEffectz1 said:
Girl, ignore these idiots. I'll be 30 in a couple years and could care less about not having kids earlier. Please, I wouldn't trade these independent, young, vibrant, unattached years for nothing. I really hate how some people seem to think that once a woman gets past 35 that having a child is ridiculous or risky. I say a woman should take advantage of her reproductive nature as long as it lasts and forget about all these other losers.

Myriad people have started to wait to get married and have kids. I support that 100% in todays society!!! Good luck!
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Thank you sista! And btw, that quote from David Ruffin is hilarious-he could sing his a$$ off, but was such a hot mess . I loved the movie and could watch it over and over again.
 
People have something to say when you have your kids young, when you have them old, close together or far apart. People always got something to say. Just ignore it and do what makes you happy. You can't turn back time so you have your children when you are ready and enjoy it. My mom had my sister when she was 41 (me at 26) and boy did she get some looks and comments about birth defects and other such things. I will admit that my moms age (she's 50 now) does bother my little sister (8yo)at times b/c the many of the kids have moms that are in their mid 30's.

I have no ideas for good comebacks but to all the rude people that put me down for having a kid young..my success at motherhood and in life is enough comeback. Having kids at any age is high risk IMO so...good luck!
 
TayMac said:
People have something to say when you have your kids young, when you have them old, close together or far apart. People always got something to say.

I have no ideas for good comebacks but to all the rude people that put me down for having a kid young..my success at motherhood and in life is enough comeback. Having kids at any age is high risk IMO so...good luck!
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That is so true!
 
well.. im sure they're saying this out of concern. they probably don't realize that you've heard it plenty of times before and are sick of hearing it.

do you watch girlfriends at all? this reminds me of that episode when joan went to go see her doctor and the doctor told her that its time consider having kids NOW or face the possibility of never having them at all. she protests and says.. but im only 32. the doctor tells her that while it's true that many women are having babies later and later nowadays..she cant count the number of women who waited too long thinking that they have all the time in the world and now cant have children of their own.

im not saying that this will happen to you or it justifies the constant nagging that you seem to be getting from everyone. im just saying that they can be saying it more out of love and concern then anything else.

im just offering a different perspective, that's all.
 
Please dont feel bad. My professor had her first and only child at 40 when she got married. She had the same mentality as you. Her husband was also 40 and it was both their first child....He's a beautiful and healthy little boy. I've also known of others who have done this at that age for what ever reason.
There are 3 pregnant woman on my job now who are over 35. Two married one not. ALL are accomplished professionals. I say all that to say, that having children at 35+ it's getting more common and people need to mind their own business and get over it.
 
runwaydream said:
well.. im sure they're saying this out of concern. they probably don't realize that you've heard it plenty of times before and are sick of hearing it.

do you watch girlfriends at all? this reminds me of that episode when joan went to go see her doctor and the doctor told her that its time consider having kids NOW or face the possibility of never having them at all. she protests and says.. but im only 32. the doctor tells her that while it's true that many women are having babies later and later nowadays..she cant count the number of women who waited too long thinking that they have all the time in the world and now cant have children of their own.

im not saying that this will happen to you or it justifies the constant nagging that you seem to be getting from everyone. im just saying that they can be saying it more out of love and concern then anything else.

im just offering a different perspective, that's all.
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Even if it is out of love & concern what do they expect me to do? grab up any man at random and let him impregnate me? I never need to get a baby AND an STD with all of the craziness in the world. I dated a guy from the age of 26-32 who I thought I was going to marry. He wanted to have children so badly and I almost went for it, but looking back I am glad I did not because eventually I found out that he was not the type of man that I wanted to spend my life with. People never think before they speak. What if I had some condition where I could not have children? Most if not all of the people who make the comments are single parents who are all too familiar with the struggles of single parenthood or single parents with multiple baby's daddies.

One chick who made a comment on hurrying up because of my age has a 14 year old son with my sorry pathetic cousin who has children with about 5 different women, and she has a young son by a pathetic loser who is a habitual cheater(and she recently married him too). You would think someone like that would have little or nothing to say.:nono:
 
Girl, ignant comments from folks who should be minding their business, know no bounds...:nono:

You are always not living up to someones standards...:rolleyes: shut 'em down, be happy !!! Me think thats what really under their skin...you are probably glowingly happy....:yep:
 
Overjoyed, I applaud you for waiting until you were financially, emotionally ready, and married. You will not have any regrets when and if you do decide to have children. It's no ones business when you decide to have children, I don't know why folks think it is. Continue to be strong and ignore the negatives comments. I wonder sometimes if they folks that make comments like the ones you've had made at you are not jealous that they didn't have their lives well-thought out before bringing children into the world.
 
JFemme said:
Girl, ignant comments from folks who should be minding their business, know no bounds...:nono:

You are always not living up to someones standards...:rolleyes: shut 'em down, be happy !!! Me think thats what really under their skin...you are probably glowingly happy....:yep:
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:drunk::drunk::drunk::drunk::drunk:
 
The comments are insensitive, but there's some truth to them. Fertility begins to decline at 28 or so and several of my friends who waited until they were older to have children are having difficulty conceiving.
 
Overjoyed said:
Even if it is out of love & concern what do they expect me to do? grab up any man at random and let him impregnate me? I never need to get a baby AND an STD with all of the craziness in the world. I dated a guy from the age of 26-32 who I thought I was going to marry. He wanted to have children so badly and I almost went for it, but looking back I am glad I did not because eventually I found out that he was not the type of man that I wanted to spend my life with. People never think before they speak. What if I had some condition where I could not have children? Most if not all of the people who make the comments are single parents who are all too familiar with the struggles of single parenthood or single parents with multiple baby's daddies.

One chick who made a comment on hurrying up because of my age has a 14 year old son with my sorry pathetic cousin who has children with about 5 different women, and she has a young son by a pathetic loser who is a habitual cheater(and she recently married him too). You would think someone like that would have little or nothing to say.:nono:
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i see what you mean.. having a child isnt something that should be rushed. however they are probably thinking that if you DONT rush then you might never have a chance at all.

on one hand.. they need to stfu and stop reminding you of your biological clock.
but on the other hand... they're right about that clock

you're right about "what if i had a condition" tho. other factors really should be taken into consideration before such comments are made. i understand what you're saying and agree with you 100% but i also think you should see where they might be coming from before you get too upset.
 
The younger you are when you have kids, the less the possibility of problems.
However, that being said, it isn't anyone's business but your own why, when or where you choose to have children or not.
 
chellero said:
The comments are insensitive, but there's some truth to them. Fertility begins to decline at 28 or so and several of my friends who waited until they were older to have children are having difficulty conceiving.
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Very true, but in the same token there are many people under 25 with fertility issues. I mean I am prepared if I do have difficulty conceiving such as adoption, but I will cross that bridge when I get to it.:yep:
 
WhipEffectz1 said:
Girl, ignore these idiots. I'll be 30 in a couple years and could care less about not having kids earlier. Please, I wouldn't trade these independent, young, vibrant, unattached years for nothing. I really hate how some people seem to think that once a woman gets past 35 that having a child is ridiculous or risky. I say a woman should take advantage of her reproductive nature as long as it lasts and forget about all these other losers.

Myriad people have started to wait to get married and have kids. I support that 100% in today's economy!!! Good luck!
Click to expand...

THANK YOU! People are so stupid and rude with that mess. I just want to scream, "Not everyone wanted to have a baby when they were 12 like YOU did!":perplexed
 
I'm in the same boat as Overjoyed and I have friends in the same position. It is what it is. If I can't have kids because of my age, I'll deal with it then. I can't just hop up and have kids with some random guy because my bio time clock is slowing down (and I don't pretend that it isn't)--if that were the case, I could have had children many times over by now. :lachen:
 
Oh, and everyone(just about) knows that fertility declines with age. Saying something rude and inappropriate like "Well you better hurry up then" serves NO purpose whatsoever.
 
Cheleigh said:
I'm in the same boat as Overjoyed and I have friends in the same position. It is what it is. If I can't have kids because of my age, I'll deal with it then. I can't just hop up and have kids with some random guy because my bio time clock is slowing down (and I don't pretend that it isn't)--if that were the case, I could have had children many times over by now. :lachen:
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OK!! if you wanted to have kids under any circumstances whatsoever, then you would have had them by now.

People just do not think before they speak sometimes, I swear.:nono:
 
MizAvalon said:
OK!! if you wanted to have kids under any circumstances whatsoever, then you would have had them by now.

People just do not think before they speak sometimes, I swear.:nono:
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LOL, I am glad you can "feel" where I am coming from with this-I know I am not being a bitter pill. In my opinion it is plain rude!!!! Sometimes the way the question is phrased I literally gasp and give them a look like-wtf and they still don't get it.:nono:
 
Kinda OT but I also must warn you that when/if you decide to get pregnant the ignorant remarks do not stop AT ALL! They increase and will annoy you in ways you never thought possible.
 
TayMac said:
Kinda OT but I also must warn you that when/if you decide to get pregnant the ignorant remarks do not stop AT ALL! They increase and will annoy you in ways you never thought possible.
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I would imagine that it's a million times WORSE then. Especially during pregnancy. The things that I have heard people say to pregnant women and new mothers...:nono:
 
MizAvalon said:
Oh, and everyone(just about) knows that fertility declines with age. Saying something rude and inappropriate like "Well you better hurry up then" serves NO purpose whatsoever.
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Amen. I guess they haven't figured out that I know how to NOT get knocked up.
 
WhipEffectz1 said:
Girl, ignore these idiots. I'll be 30 in a couple years and could care less about not having kids earlier. Please, I wouldn't trade these independent, young, vibrant, unattached years for nothing. I really hate how some people seem to think that once a woman gets past 35 that having a child is ridiculous or risky. I say a woman should take advantage of her reproductive nature as long as it lasts and forget about all these other losers.

Myriad people have started to wait to get married and have kids. I support that 100% in today's economy!!! Good luck!
Click to expand...
i agree, i got thise stupid remarks as well, i am 32 and had my 1st a few months ago..take ur time , and go by ur own rules!!! now i get a diffrent set of stupid questions....like when is the next one??????????? it just never ends.....
 
I just respond with "I'll have kids whenever G*d says it's my time." That usually shuts people up. I've only had two people come back and say, "Well, you must not be doing something right."
 
asummertyme said:
i agree, i got thise stupid remarks as well, i am 32 and had my 1st a few months ago..take ur time , and go by ur own rules!!! now i get a diffrent set of stupid questions....like when is the next one??????????? it just never ends.....
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Madison is such a cutie pie:yep:. I wouldn't have to worry about these type of remarks if you just give your pretty lil baby to me:grin:.
 
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