after 1.5 yrs nothing is right, please help!!!!!!!

K

kimbaparis

New Member
i have been scrupulously following a good hair regimen for a year. i comb only once a week, i moisturize twice a day with either mango butter and coconut oil or a shea butter formula. i don't use heat except in a bonnet with rollers and i use henna every week and then deep condition for at least an hour. i used a phytorelaxer, had crown breakage, switched to a mizani no lye, and relaxed 75 percent, had more crown breakage, then switched to mizani for fine and color treated and now i have a huge hole in my crown. i am so upset. i've worked so hard. i have very fine thin kinky hair. a fine haired 4b. the only time my crown did well was when i got a weave over a net for three months back in nov 2006. the broken spot grew two inches and then promptly broke again after i relaxed it. when i was in college 15 years ago i had a relaxer. why can't i have one now? or maybe i just need to relax straight every 6 weeks and go to the salon for a wash and set every week. perhaps my crown can't take any differences in hair texture and that makes it break. i don't want to go back to natural. i did that for six years and i don't like the styles i can wear with it. they just don't suit me and my profession. i just want to be able to pin my hair up in a bun and on occasion wear it down. can anyone help me? i am thinking of just continuing to relax except for the crown and doing a bun combover and then relaxing the crown and going to the salon every week. or would a press and curl be better? any advice? i'm so distraught. i've worked so hard. this is the best care i've taken of my hair and the worst its ever been... :(
(p.s., i take mulitvitamins, flaxseed oil, excercise 4 times a week, drink lots of water. i'm very healthy) it's just my hair
 
I am so sorry that this is happening to you. I can't imagine how frustrated and upset you must be right now. Do you have any pics to show us what exactly is going on with your crown area?
 
It sounds to me that you may need a simpler regimen. Maybe you could try relaxing with a mild relaxer and being satisfied with it not relaxing bone straight. Then maybe taking out a couple of the treatments you've been doing for a while to see if it's even really necessary.


Most of the women on the board who have had the most success with their hair have very simple regimens. I wouldn't really try to follow anyone else's regimen either. My hair was soooo healthy BEFORE I came to this board and decided to try every suggestion posted all at once. At the time when my hair was healthiest I would just relax whenever I felt like it (which was usually about every 3 months), I used 1 shampoo...1 conditioner...and 1 oil. I didn't deep condition, super condition, oil condition, treat, or pre treat.

I think that the key to healthy hair is basically consistency....Consistency is the key to most things really.
 
Sorry your going through this but it sounds to me like the relaxer......lye relaxer may not work for you.....I personally can't use them.
.....Have you considered maybe going natural I know a few women that experienced this and went natural and are way more happier now....:hug2:
 
Hi. I am really really new to this forum and my hair is just above SL so I probably dont have much authority here :-)
But I read your post and would like to tell you that I am sorry about your hair.
When I came to LHCF a few weeks ago and saw everyone's progress I was tempted to jump on every bandwagon that came my way but I remembered that my heair was healthiest when I used to swim alot ie was physically active, ate a balanced diet, and washed my hair and treated very often... I did nothing special and it thrived.
This time round I am also trying to keep it simple.
Try to give your hair a little break and keep us posted.
*Hugs*
 
Sorry for your situation. Your description sounds like my hair's reaction to relaxers. I would suggest giving up relaxers and going natural again. Also, for me, mango butter and shea butter made my hair hard and dry. Some have not had luck with henna either. So it could be your products need to be simplified.

I hope you find a solution, but I really think it is relaxing (no matter whether it's lye or no lye). Some hair just can't take the chemicals. So maybe even if you don't like your hair in a natural state, you can get it pressed and pin that up in a bun. Good luck.
 
thank you so much for all of the advice. i have been deep conditioning with elasta deep penetrating remoisturizer. i mix it with olive oil and wrap my hair in plastic and then use a heat cap for 20 minutes and then just leave it on for about 1 - 1.5 hours. i chose that one because it didn't have any protein and it thought too much protein might be the problem. i wonder if it is the lye relaxer. i think it was okay when i switched to the mizani no lye before i changed to the lye one.
i'm thinking about trying the olive oil no lye relaxer. one problem is that i've never found a stylist. i was living in paris and now i am moving to london. i'd love to find a stylist i could go to once every six weeks and a wash and roller set person (in nyc where i am from the wash and roller set is usually a dominican salon) for once a week.

i can't do anything with my hair when it is natural other than twist it or wear an afro because it is so kinky and i really don't like that look nor does it work for my profession. it's just my hair -- it's weak, thin and extremely kinky. my sister stole all the tips i learned here and has lovely natural hair in a loosish afro. to be honest i'd rather do the comb over the bald spot with my relaxed hair until it grows back. i can still pin up my hair into a french rollish looking do and that's better for work.

do you really think shea butter and mango butter could be the problem? they seem to make it feel nice. i don't know what else to use. i mght just go back to hair grease. my regimen is pretty simple. i don't do very much other than moisturize twice a day and wash, henna and deep condition once a week before roller setting myself and then finger combing. i do have a tangling problem though and wonder if that is it.
 
kimbaparis said:
thank you so much for all of the advice. i have been deep conditioning with elasta deep penetrating remoisturizer. i mix it with olive oil and wrap my hair in plastic and then use a heat cap for 20 minutes and then just leave it on for about 1 - 1.5 hours. i chose that one because it didn't have any protein and it thought too much protein might be the problem. i wonder if it is the lye relaxer. i think it was okay when i switched to the mizani no lye before i changed to the lye one.
i'm thinking about trying the olive oil no lye relaxer. one problem is that i've never found a stylist. i was living in paris and now i am moving to london. i'd love to find a stylist i could go to once every six weeks and a wash and roller set person (in nyc where i am from the wash and roller set is usually a dominican salon) for once a week.

i can't do anything with my hair when it is natural other than twist it or wear an afro because it is so kinky and i really don't like that look nor does it work for my profession. it's just my hair -- it's weak, thin and extremely kinky. my sister stole all the tips i learned here and has lovely natural hair in a loosish afro. to be honest i'd rather do the comb over the bald spot with my relaxed hair until it grows back. i can still pin up my hair into a french rollish looking do and that's better for work.

do you really think shea butter and mango butter could be the problem? they seem to make it feel nice. i don't know what else to use. i mght just go back to hair grease. my regimen is pretty simple. i don't do very much other than moisturize twice a day and wash, henna and deep condition once a week before roller setting myself and then finger combing. i do have a tangling problem though and wonder if that is it.
Click to expand...

Too bad putting that perm down for a bit is not an option for you :S

I have fine kinky strands as well and butters do not work so well for me to be honest. QP elasta is very heavy as well and I didn't find it very moisturizing on my hair (although I did not mix it with any oils- my hair doesn't like EVOO much either). I simply can't rely much on butters for moisture much unless I mix it with something else and maybe on my twists and buns to keep the fine fly aways at bay. But I do want to try shea butter though. But i'll tell you this, when I did not have a stylist (some 9 years ago) all I did was wash with shampoo, grease my scalp and hair with Dax and put it in 2 or 4 braids. My hair grew nicely and I remember it being soft...
 
Darling, I am sorry to hear this. I'm going to suggest three things:

1. Do a BC. You can get a cute, pixie cut or you can even just get a version of the new Katie Holmes haircut (which is super cute and very professional). You're going to spend so much time worrying about your crown area. As somebody who has dealt with breakage (and is still doing so, to an extent), it's much more obvious the longer your hair is. Also, you hair will look much thicker. People will just assume you cut your hair because it's a new year and you wanted a new start.

2. Are you applying your relaxers? Mayber you're best going to the salon for that ever 6-8 weeks. If you go to the right one, you can request a scalp massage, which I suspect will really help with filling in your crown area.

3. Are you stressed out in general? I would actually suggest treating yourself to some type of relaxation massage (total body) or a spa day every once in awhile. Stress can do horrible things to your hair and cause breakage.

Please, post pictures so we can continue to assess and help.
 
kimbaparis said:
i have been scrupulously following a good hair regimen for a year. i comb only once a week, i moisturize twice a day with either mango butter and coconut oil or a shea butter formula. i don't use heat except in a bonnet with rollers and i use henna every week and then deep condition for at least an hour. i used a phytorelaxer, had crown breakage, switched to a mizani no lye, and relaxed 75 percent, had more crown breakage, then switched to mizani for fine and color treated and now i have a huge hole in my crown. i am so upset. i've worked so hard. i have very fine thin kinky hair. a fine haired 4b. the only time my crown did well was when i got a weave over a net for three months back in nov 2006. the broken spot grew two inches and then promptly broke again after i relaxed it. when i was in college 15 years ago i had a relaxer. why can't i have one now? or maybe i just need to relax straight every 6 weeks and go to the salon for a wash and set every week. perhaps my crown can't take any differences in hair texture and that makes it break. i don't want to go back to natural. i did that for six years and i don't like the styles i can wear with it. they just don't suit me and my profession. i just want to be able to pin my hair up in a bun and on occasion wear it down. can anyone help me? i am thinking of just continuing to relax except for the crown and doing a bun combover and then relaxing the crown and going to the salon every week. or would a press and curl be better? any advice? i'm so distraught. i've worked so hard. this is the best care i've taken of my hair and the worst its ever been... :(
(p.s., i take mulitvitamins, flaxseed oil, excercise 4 times a week, drink lots of water. i'm very healthy) it's just my hair
Click to expand...

The switching of relaxers literally broke my 4b off particularly in the crown area too. Stick to one relaxer. I had to BC to 1/2 in TWA because of switching relaxers. But most detrimental was when I got a "corrective" relaxer. The relaxer put all over my hair.:wallbash:

Review this thread as to help with that thinning crown:

http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=973
 
I totally understand what you are going through! Because I am going through a similar dilemma in my natural journey with little to no results. To add to the other ladies' great advice, I would also invest in reading Sistaslicks articles that you can find on her profile. She has an amazing article on upkeeping protein and moisture balance within the hair. And I truly think that due to the relaxer change you hair is prodominantly suffering from moisture loss.

HTH!!
 
I'm hearing what you're saying about not wanting to go natural - however, I do think that you can go natural w/o wearing the styles you mentioned. Maybe you could do wig, weaves, fall, etc. & grow your natural hair long enough to wear the straight styles you desire. If your crown is not agreeing with relaxers right now:nono:, going natural may be your only option.
 
The relaxer I've been using is Designer Touch: Sensitive Scalp Formula. It is a mild relaxer but I add EVOO and Sweet Almond Oil to it in order to slow down the processing time.

I think a simple regimen would help get your hair back into shape in no time.
-A shampoo
-A conditioner
-A deep conditioner
-A leave-in/ moisturizer (oil is optional)
-Protective styles such as wigs or phony ponys

I'd say the henna treatments may be a little too frequent for you hair to take. Henna can be very drying and that may be the source of your breakage.

Good luck and keep us posted on how your hair responds.
 
Yea to me it sounds like relaxers. How often are you relaxing your hair and how long do you leave it on? If it is 6 weeks than you could be relaxing to often. I relax every 12 weeks but waiting 8 weeks is fine as well.:yep:
 
Maybe you can go natural & do blowouts and press-n-curls - so your hair will remain pretty healthy and you can do the styles that you want (just a thought.....)
 
malibu4590 said:
The relaxer I've been using is Designer Touch: Sensitive Scalp Formula. It is a mild relaxer but I add EVOO and Sweet Almond Oil to it in order to slow down the processing time.


I think a simple regimen would help get your hair back into shape in no time.
-A shampoo
-A conditioner
-A deep conditioner
-A leave-in/ moisturizer (oil is optional)
-Protective styles such as wigs or phony ponys

I'd say the henna treatments may be a little too frequent for you hair to take. Henna can be very drying and that may be the source of your breakage.

Good luck and keep us posted on how your hair responds.
Click to expand...

I was going to say the same thing...it seems like you are henna'ing your hair an awful lot! Once a week....and henna has a lot of protein in it too....most people experience a drying out of their hair when they do henna and follow immediately with DC's to correct the overdrying effects. I think 1x a week is too much but I'm no authority...plus you are following up that henna with Elasta QP Mango butter which also has a mild protein in it. I would definitely take a look at sistaslick's fotki and articles b/c she addresses many of these issues of overloading hair with moisture and protein. I feel your frustrations but maybe a relaxer just isn't gonna work for you....I remember my hair used to be so long before when I went to the the salon 1x every 2 weeks for a shampoo, condition, and press. My hair was never healthier and all I did was grease my scalp every other day...ahh those were the good days...good luck and I'm sorry this is happening to you!
 
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kimbaparis said:
i have been scrupulously following a good hair regimen for a year. i comb only once a week, i moisturize twice a day with either mango butter and coconut oil or a shea butter formula. i don't use heat except in a bonnet with rollers and i use henna every week and then deep condition for at least an hour. i used a phytorelaxer, had crown breakage, switched to a mizani no lye, and relaxed 75 percent, had more crown breakage, then switched to mizani for fine and color treated and now i have a huge hole in my crown. i am so upset. i've worked so hard. i have very fine thin kinky hair. a fine haired 4b. the only time my crown did well was when i got a weave over a net for three months back in nov 2006. the broken spot grew two inches and then promptly broke again after i relaxed it. when i was in college 15 years ago i had a relaxer. why can't i have one now? or maybe i just need to relax straight every 6 weeks and go to the salon for a wash and set every week. perhaps my crown can't take any differences in hair texture and that makes it break. i don't want to go back to natural. i did that for six years and i don't like the styles i can wear with it. they just don't suit me and my profession. i just want to be able to pin my hair up in a bun and on occasion wear it down. can anyone help me? i am thinking of just continuing to relax except for the crown and doing a bun combover and then relaxing the crown and going to the salon every week. or would a press and curl be better? any advice? i'm so distraught. i've worked so hard. this is the best care i've taken of my hair and the worst its ever been... :(
(p.s., i take mulitvitamins, flaxseed oil, excercise 4 times a week, drink lots of water. i'm very healthy) it's just my hair
Click to expand...


The bolded is what stood out for me, I would cut down considerably with the henna treatments and add more water-based moisture and then add oil. HTH
 
Hey don't be too hard on yourself or your hair for that matter I recently had to do a BC and now have very cute tapered cut. I also have very fine delicate strands and what has been working for me so far is finding a protein and moisture balance. Even though you may think your hair does not like protein it probably really needs it in order to gain more strength because sometimes if we over moisturize our hair can also become too mushy and that can make it over delicate causing it to also snap (I hope I said that correctly)....I have been using protein every 4-6 weeks and when I do I follow immediately with a moisturizing conditioner to soften the hair back up. When I had longer hair Nexus Emergencee worked really well for me and so did Sebastians 2 + 1 (2 parts moisture and 1 part protein) I have started to use the Sebastian again and will purchase Nexus soon (using the Aphogee, pretty okay). Also make sure that you are not anemic because if you are it can wreak havoc on your hair it did for mine (taking iron and other supplements faithfully). One last thing don't be so hard on yourself or your hair ( I know I said it already) maybe do like some of the other ladies suggested make the regimen a little simpler, tweak it a bit maybe there is something that you are using that your hair doesn't particularly like.....I for one am learning to listen to what my hair likes and not what everyone else's hair likes (even though it is tempting to do so) Best wishes to you on your journey and KEEP THE FAITH!!!!!!!!!!!:yawn:
 
i think your balance of protein (strength) and moisture (moisture & softness) is off. cut back to moisturising once a day, deep condition once a week and depending on what your hair likes, do a light or hardcore protein treatment like aphogee (once every 6+ weeks).

i hate to say it but your hair cannot handle a relaxer right now, imo. either that or you're using the wrong one. but due to the state of your hair, now is not the time to experiment on what relaxer really works for you. by continuing to relax, you are compounding the damage. i think you should consider transitioning. you do not need to be have your hair in an afro if you like straight hair. what you can do is press your hair regularly so you can achieve that straight look without the relaxer. although you must bear in mind, you run the risk of heat damage. i know pinkskates here and chicoro are naturals with very long hair (i think beyond bra-strap) that press their hair with no damage. this route is undoubtedly lengthy but if you want to save your hair, i think it's your best option. it's better to spend a year transitioning than to have hair that is still damaged and breaking one year later.

additionally, if your hair was not breaking 15 years ago, i think you need to re-call what relaxer your were using (if you still undoubtedly want to stay relaxed) and how you were treating your hair back then. what you were doing may be different to what you are doing now. ultimately though, i think you need to lay off relaxers for a long while.

if you have split ends then you'll also need to cut or trim your hair to get rid of the damaged ends. split ends travel up your hair shaft, making the damage more extensive so it's best to nip it in the bud.
 
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You mentioned that you were thinking of using the ORS Olive Oil No-Lye Relaxer. Before I began transitioning, that was my relaxer and I loved the way it made my hair turn out. I always used the regular or mild one. I have very fine 4a hair and it always came out very soft and moisturized. Even though I don't relax anymore, I still use their hair moisturizers. I love the line. I would give that one a try.
 
As someone suggested, try half wigs for a protective style. I would also advise you to scrap your current regi and start over since something is not working for you at all. First thing I would kick to the curb is the henna. You have to get to know your hair and try new products. If something doesn't work don't try to make it.

I also have fine 4a/b hair and I like CON poo, Keracare Humecto, Affirm 5n1, PM Awpauhi Mist, NTM silk touch, oil rinses, and ORS no-lye relaxer.
 
Tenny said:
First I'm so sorry this is happening to you :hug2:

You are using to much henna, cut down to once every 6-8 weeks, once a week is entirely to much. Second mango butter and coconut oil or a shea butter formula are not moisturisers, they are sealants for a liquid or creme based moisturiser.
Click to expand...

I agree with this.
Make sure you are not overlapping your relaxer. and probably changing your relaxer so often might be the problem also.
 
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