Advice Needed!

I think that this is a fixable situation. I think pride is getting in the way... Providing the best possible living situation for your child should be paramount.
 
GetHappy2014 said:
Op I think the age difference is playing a factor. He's younger and less mature than you are. He still wants to hang and be carefree. I think your decision is wise to just co-parent for now. Maybe you all will come together as a couple down the road once he matures a little more. I think he also sees you as the Matriarch in your relationship instead of a partner, which means you will probably spend a lifetime trying to get him to fully accept the responsibilities you share. Whatever you decide... keep in mind that you want a peace of mind while you raise your child.
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The man is 33 with a child- he's getting a little to old to be hanging out with the clique.

OP, it seems like you know what you have to do for your own peace of mind and what's best for your child.
 
i agree when i saw 30's im like huh?

odd behavior for that age group...***. dud need to get his money up he has a child to take care of....hanging out with the friends...the crew...yuck. nope. nah.

Ms. Tarabotti said:
The man is 33 with a child- he's getting a little to old to be hanging out with the clique.

OP, it seems like you know what you have to do for your own peace of mind and what's best for your child.
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Yes. Part of it is pride that he dealt with someone I could put a face to. And the other part is wanting him to let go or severely limit time with his crew. He doesn't think they are the problem. But I feel they are all younger, no kids, love to drink and smoke weed. They act like frat boys.

I am older and just dont really care for any of his friends. They and him are too immature. He wasnt always this immature. It seemed to get worse when I was pregnant. He got a new motorcycle, hooked up his car all while never asking what the baby or I needed.

I was pissed as I felt his priorities were all screwed up. He does have good qualities he is a neat freak, can cook and is generous. Just seemed he changed since the baby. He grew into this manchild and i think im just blaming his friends.
 
He was mature when i met him. I always said If I met him and his friends now, I wouldn't of given him the time of day.

But since I was pregnant he lost his damn mind. This is his first. He did a complete 360. This was the guy who used to cook the whole thanksgiving dinner for the family, loved cleaning and grocery shopping. I thought I had a winner, lol!
 
He was upset about it. But I think we were both fed up with the constant bickering and tension. So he said initially he was relieved having his own place. But then he felt desperately alone and missed us.
 
lux10023 said:
i agree when i saw 30's im like huh?

odd behavior for that age group...***. dud need to get his money up he has a child to take care of....hanging out with the friends...the crew...yuck. nope. nah.
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It is odd behavior for a 33 yr old man. The only way I can explain it is he started working since age of 14. Had to take care of his ill mom and the house. Moved out and lived on his own with and without roommates since 18. Has worked hard since. So I can only rationalize it as he is trying to relive the his lost party days. And is living through these friends
 
You chose to have a baby with a man knowing that he was younger, had a crew etc. Unless he is a no good I can't understand why someone would not try to make it with the father of their child. Maybe it's not for me to understand.

Aside from that I had to put aside my pride a couple weeks ago and had to humble myself in order to get something that I wanted. I definitely understand why it's one of the 7 deadly sins :lol:
 
LiftedUp said:
You chose to have a baby with a man knowing that he was younger, had a crew etc. Unless he is a no good I can't understand why someone would not try to make it with the father of their child. Maybe it's not for me to understand.

Aside from that I had to put aside my pride a couple weeks ago and had to humble myself in order to get something that I wanted. I definitely understand why it's one of the 7 deadly sins :lol:
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Your right. I did meet him younger but I met him more mature. He just moved to the area and I literally started dating him a week after moving to his new place. So he didn't really start hanging and getting close to these "friends" until maybe 1.5yrs later. Since then I noticed a gradual change in his maturity level. He drinks more when hes with them, smokes weed, got a motorcycle, etc. Pretty much all things that was showing me he's not family oriented anymore.
 
Sorry OP he is too old for all of that - this is likely the real him. You need to move on up...he will not change if he isn't prepared to get rid of his bad friends.

IMO he probably wants his girl BFF hence why he slept with her friend. They have some kind of chemistry/game going on where it's ok for the clique to sleep together and he clearly couldn't wait to be single to take part. Everyone in the clique now knows he slept with this girl.
 
Stick to co-patenting for now.

Now that the separation is forcing him to do his own part of the parenting, he is realizing its not easy.

Its eating into his free time and I kinda suspect thats a strong point on why he wants to reconcile.

Keep observing him and his behaviour towards you, baby, and crew.
 
Update::

Well, it seems most of you ladies were on the money! We never got back together officially but we were hanging out more cordially coparenting, coloring...

Anyway, he has been wanting to make it official again. Talking about marriage and getting a house. But I wasnt ready as I still had a gut feeling something was fishy. As he still was maintaining his friendship with the girl who was besties with his break fling.

So, I felt like I had to know the truth about this friendship. So, I decided to snoop through his phone. Not good and crazy, ik!

Anyway come to find out his friend was still trying to get her bestie and him back together. Sending pics of her to him, trying to get my ex to get her a job where he works, etc.

Anyway, I blew up and responded with nasty texts to his friend and his "fling" through his phone. We went at it and she threw in my face all the relationship issues we were having.

So obviously my ex was sharing way too much with his friend. Anyway, the ex responses were shooting down these requests. But I found out he was invested in the beginning to making this fling work. But apparently she was crazy and cheated on him with her ex.

But anyway feeling bummed about the whole thing. Somewhere deep inside I wanted to make it work. But its definitely now not a chance in hell.

Especially since my ex seemed more mad at me for snooping and causing all this drama since he claims he didnt do anything wrong.

Just need to vent as I dont know why I feel so defeated and heartbroken. I feel like a idiot and just in a very bad emotional place. I guess i was hoping we could make it work in the long run. Which was stupid of me. I just feel so dumb and played
 
No need to feel bad OP. You wanted to be with the father of your child. I think most of us would want the same. The lesson here is to always trust your intuition. You did that and found out the truth. That bff was poisoning your relationship and he wasn't demonstrating good judgement by hanging around them. Also, he wasn't considering your feelings at all by putting you in a situation where everybody knows he's hooked up with the other girl. It's especially worse now that we know the friend was still trying to get them together. No one needs that kind of drama in their lives. He'll figure that out when he finally matures.
 
And this is why the who female BFF is a load of crap to me, why are you confiding in another woman and telling her the relationship business?! She isn't kin or a therapist.

How would he feel if you were crying on the shoulder of another man, confiding in him and such? It's not beneficial to the relationship no matter how you slice it. You should be working to further build the communication and intimacy with your significant other.
 
Team snoop snoop snoop when your gut tells you to do so :yep:. If you hadn't snooped you'd still be falling for the okey doke. Good for you! You did that! You! Snooped, got your answer, went after the bestie, and got more info. See your power? Instead of being nice, you listened to your gut, trusted yourself, and got the answers you needed. You were hooked up with a bad guy. You deserve way better than that sweetheart.
 
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