Abandoned by God?

[Iwanthealthyhair67]

@CrimsonBelle giving up is not the answer, there sounds like a lot is going on, is there anyone at your church that you can talk to and pray with or perhaps at some other church that you feel comfortable with?

@Iwanthealthyhair67 Yes everyone here has been the most kind and patient and I have thanked them for the posts and messages. When I first typed my original post, it was the worst day I had, had in a long time. I had made a decision that night just to give up, and wrote that post looking to see if it was just me, and needed to know if there was any point at all in continuing this journey with HIM.

You ladies have opened my mind to the idea that there may still be hope, the responses I have made have been explaining in greater detail why lately especially the last few months I have felt so like giving up. I was raised in church, Christianity was instilled in me since I can remember. But there are times when you get beat down so much by the world that you don't know how to get back up. My latest post have been to explain the bitterness and how I came to this..

This whole thing is weird to me, I have never discussed my feelings like this with any human at all, much less on a forum, until last week. I am used to bottling things up until I explode cause I don't like to complain or be negative. But creating this thread has opened the floodgates to feelings I didn't even know I had.

 

[CrimsonBelle]

@CrimsonBelle giving up is not the answer, there sounds like a lot is going on, is there anyone at your church that you can talk to and pray with or perhaps at some other church that you feel comfortable with?

Iwanthealthyhair67 No, not really. I don't go to church anymore, I don't trust them. I have my reasons. In the last 2 yrs I transitioned from Alabama to Los Angeles to New York City so I haven't really settled into one.

I have found some affordable therapy that I am going to begin in March so that may help. My best friend is really strong in his faith, and he is someone that is happy all the time and for whom everything works out for even on a bad day. He is very steady in his beliefs. And he sent me a text saying he noticed something has changed and that he knows I am not happy. He said he can tell my spirit is sad. I hadn't said anything but he is my bff so I guess he figured it out. He has been helping seek therapy to heal my mind and heart, so that maybe I can be nicer to myself and not so cruel to myself. According to him I punish myself and am mean to myself for things I cannot control, and to be honest it is true. And maybe this healing journey can open my heart back up to God . I don't trust churches in themselves, but I trust my friend. And maybe opening up to him spiritually can help, it certainly has helped talking to you ladies

 

[Iwanthealthyhair67]

CrimsonBelle you are in such a tender place right now, if its possible please seek therapist who is also a believer, counseling coupled with prayer will be helpful.

I am sorry to hear that you don't trust the church, I look at church as a place of refuge and it saddens me that some churches make people feel unwelcomed.

We are suppose to be here to help each other.

@Iwanthealthyhair67 No, not really. I don't go to church anymore, I don't trust them. I have my reasons. In the last 2 yrs I transitioned from Alabama to Los Angeles to New York City so I haven't really settled into one.

I have found some affordable therapy that I am going to begin in March so that may help. My best friend is really strong in his faith, and he is someone that is happy all the time and for whom everything works out for even on a bad day. He is very steady in his beliefs. And he sent me a text saying he noticed something has changed and that he knows I am not happy. He said he can tell my spirit is sad. I hadn't said anything but he is my bff so I guess he figured it out. He has been helping seek therapy to heal my mind and heart, so that maybe I can be nicer to myself and not so cruel to myself. According to him I punish myself and am mean to myself for things I cannot control, and to be honest it is true. And maybe this healing journey can open my heart back up to God . I don't trust churches in themselves, but I trust my friend. And maybe opening up to him spiritually can help, it certainly has helped talking to you ladies

 

[JaneBond007]

OP, G-d has promised to be with us. That doesn't mean we won't have challenges. Physical hurts take one to a depression that is hard to get over and one that few others comprehend. You feel abandoned, hurt, "why me?" Just please know He is there. Talk to Him if it's but one word of acknowledgement. Sometimes, you just want nothing, no g-d, no nobody, just to be, without pains. Other times, you come running to Him, desiring slobbery kisses on the cheek. There is no one way to worship G-d or to feel close to Him. Take it easy, take your time but keep on moving. You will find the end of the tunnel, whether it's through healing or through resolve. He simply hasn't promised to heal us. He's promised to be with us. I wish you well.

If I would suggest something, read Job with commentary. People often misunderstand that Job suffered depression. Read on the inside of him. They also think that there is one prescription for spiritual healing. G-d might make this a lifetime. He might take it away tomorrow. Life hurts and you need someone to acknowledge that it does, not that it doesn't. You need someone to walk with you, not just point the best path. He does that better than anyone but He also sends people. Let your friend help you. Blessed to have him and he truly cares to seek counseling for you. You know, in times where it's the darkest and loneliest, that might be the moment you are the closest to G-d.