Abandoned by God?

C

CrimsonBelle

Well-Known Member
Hi Ladies
Ok so I am baring my soul and being honest, I ask for no judgement in the questions I ask and the feelings I release.

How do you know whether or not God hates you? I am a young woman that has already worked hard for everything. And everytime I work my way up and come so close to my dream it is snatched away at the last moment. It is painful, it hurts, and it feels like a game. I am surrounded by people that say it is cause of their faith that they get opportunities without working for them, that God just puts everything they want in their path. For years I have felt spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically abandoned by God. I feel abandoned and invisible. My soul feels empty and my heart hurts and I genuinely feel sad 75% of the time. Why should I keep praying and believing and thanking HIM for not being there? I feel like that is like thanking someone for not doing there part. LIke thanking a waiter for not bringing your food, or thanking a teacher for not teaching you...There is a hurtful loneliness and I am tired of waiting on him to feel it and see me. Right now I am at a place where I will always believe that God exists, but I feel like he will never help me heal inside or accomplish my dreams in life or do anything kind for me as his does for all around me. Can someone help me understand or open my eyes? And no this isn't just petty jealousy or anything it is true hurt. I don't understand and will never understand how HE claims to LOVE his people but leaves them to suffer in life inside and out.
 
Precious One... No judgment; No condemnation. Just a great big hug with love and support and to assure you that God has not abandoned you.

:grouphug2: :love3: :grouphug2:

Angel, what you are 'feeling' is only temporary. You shall not be put to shame for trusting God. As a matter of fact, your joy shall be overflowing for it shall be proven that in spite of all of your hurts, fears, doubts and disappointments, you STILL chose to believe and stay with God. Not for all of the good things, but you chose God in spite of. And He will indeed not disappoint you. God loves you far to much to lose you...His precious daughter.

CrimsonBelle, you are 'engraved', embedded upon and within God's heart. God truly, truly, loves you.

Isaiah 49:13-23


13 Sing, O heavens; and be joyful, O earth; and break forth into singing, O mountains: for the Lord hath comforted his people, and will have mercy upon his afflicted.

14 But Zion said, The Lord hath forsaken me, and my Lord hath forgotten me
.
15 Can a woman forget her sucking child, that she should not have compassion on the son of her womb? yea, they may forget, yet will I not forget thee.

16 Behold, I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands; thy walls are continually before me.

17 Thy children shall make haste; thy destroyers and they that made thee waste shall go forth of thee.

18 Lift up thine eyes round about, and behold: all these gather themselves together, and come to thee. As I live, saith the Lord, thou shalt surely clothe thee with them all, as with an ornament, and bind them on thee, as a bride doeth.

19 For thy waste and thy desolate places, and the land of thy destruction, shall even now be too narrow by reason of the inhabitants, and they that swallowed thee up shall be far away.

20 The children which thou shalt have, after thou hast lost the other, shall say again in thine ears, The place is too strait for me: give place to me that I may dwell.

21 Then shalt thou say in thine heart, Who hath begotten me these, seeing I have lost my children, and am desolate, a captive, and removing to and fro? and who hath brought up these? Behold, I was left alone; these, where had they been?

22 Thus saith the Lord God, Behold, I will lift up mine hand to the Gentiles, and set up my standard to the people: and they shall bring thy sons in their arms, and thy daughters shall be carried upon their shoulders.

23 And kings shall be thy nursing fathers, and their queens thy nursing mothers: they shall bow down to thee with their face toward the earth, and lick up the dust of thy feet; and thou shalt know that I am the Lord: for they shall not be ashamed that wait for me.
 
CrimsonBelle, I have felt abandoned by God before, and I empathize with you. From experience, it was not until I bore my soul to God and told Him exactly what I was feeling, that I began to feel His presence in my life. I mean serious prayer, no sugar coating - tell Him exactly what you are feeling and why. Tell Him that you need to feel His presence in your life and that you need to feel His love - in a way that you know it's from Him. And God will answer you. You may have to pray and ask more than once, but be persistent. He will fill you with His presence. And the peace and love of His presence is unmistakable.

Sometimes we have to fight (be persistent) for the things we want in life. This is no different. This is a fight for your faith. Not a physical fight, but a spiritual one. Pursue Him with persistence in prayer. His word says to "keep seeking", "keep asking". No one is persistent about something they don't have much interest in. You have to really want something to keep asking for it. And God rewards persistence in prayer. :yep:

Like I've heard before, without heartache, we would never know true love. Without disappointment, we would never appreciate true joy. Life will not be filled with everything easy, there are some valleys we have to go through. That's just the way it is. But, our outlook during the times we are in the valleys, will determine who we are when we overcome them. In your doubt, keep seeking God. Keep asking Him what You need to know.

I'm not telling you this because I think it sounds good. I speak from experience! I'm praying in agreement with you, sis, that God will show Himself in an almighty and miraculous way in your life. And I know in my heart He will. ((HUGS))

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
A Pastor at my church once said "a worldly demotion is a spiritual promotion". Continue to cling to Him and know that He is sufficient enough to carry you through. I agree that you should seek him in prayer to tell him how you feel and allow him to carry your burdens. He will open doors once again.
 
CrimsonBelle, I understand exactly what you're going through. I have been there. That place where you feel like God is nowhere to be found hurts so much. You feel like God has forsaken you. You feel like God only wants to see you in pain. But I have news for you: God does love you and he will never leave you.

When I got saved, one of the toughest things for me to do was trust God. So much had occurred in my life that I couldn't trust anyone. As my faith in Him built, life took an unexpected turn. Out of nowhere my faith began getting tested. And it wasn't just one petty little test :look: it was back to back, non-stop! Everything began to be taken away from me. Doors were shut in my face. I felt stagnant. If I tried to go up I couldn't, but I knew I couldn't go back either.

I thank God for those moments. I didn't initially because I couldn't understand how a loving God could bring so much chaos into my life. But one thing I learned is God will always be victor in the end.

The reason we suffer at times is because of the sin that entered into this world. Suffering was not apart of God's initial plan. God is not this master schemer waiting for us to fail; that's Satan. Earth is Satan's playground. He has demons everywhere we turn, waiting for a chance to take up residence in our lives. Although God may allow suffering, He will not let Satan prevail.

There are so many examples of suffering the bible. Joseph. Daniel. David. Job. Jesus himself wasn't even exempt from suffering. Unfortunately, we will experience suffering. However it will not be in vain. Not on God's watch. Each of these individuals came back victorious. You can too :hug3:

When you feel like God can't heal you, trust me He won't. For months, I struggled to get over a mentally abusive relationship because I didn't believe that God could heal me. I thought, I'm too broken for God to fix. I acknowledged that I needed God, but had no faith in His healing power. Because God didn't do the healing, I found myself right back with yet another man who cared nothing about me. All those wounds I thought were healed were just temporarily stitched. We think that we're capable of healing ourselves but the honest truth is that we're not. Only God can heal the wounds of the brokenhearted.

When I believed that God really could heal me, let me tell you...God came in and literally snatched that mess up out of me! He didn't waste anytime. Within days, my joy came back. That never happened when I tried to play doctor to myself. My faith was the size of a mustard seed when I let go of my inhibitions and gave my pain to God. I had very little faith to give because I was so broken. But God saw the faith I could give Him and He delivered me. I never experienced joy until God became the center of my life.

Your post breaks my heart because I have been to this place more times than I can count. I wanted to give up on God because life got hard. But I am pleading with you, do not do it. You may think that you can do this thing called life without God, but you will find fairly quickly that it's better to suffer with Him than without Him. Satan is breaking you down sis! He wants you to give up on God so you can serve him. By not serving God, you are inadvertently serving Satan instead. Satan wants to receive the glory for your new job, your new house, or your new found happiness. Don't give him that satisfaction :nono:

I am interceding on your behalf right now. Everything that you're going through is going to be a testimony to someone else. I am using my own testimony to show you that God does heal, He does love us, and He will deliver us. Trust God with your "mustard seed" of faith. He hears your cries for help, but you have to do your part. God is waiting on you to let go of that pain so He can heal you.

I know it may hard, but the most difficult part of the healing process is giving God the authority to heal you. God loves you.

Sorry this post is so long. I pray that message speaks to you.
 
I don't think I've ever posted in this forum before and probably will not again but I stumbled across THIS post and it struck me right in the middle of my heart. This was ME. I was HERE...probably about 20-30 years ago. ------>x<------ Right there with you. I even went as far as to become so bitter and angry, I denied that He existed. How could He? I'd done EVERYTHING I was supposed to do. EVERYTHING! Why couldn't I have all of those things I wanted that seemed to come soooooo easily for everyone else? Well the answer was simple actually...and it took me about 10 years of wandering around lost in space to find it.

Those things weren't FOR me. Had they been for me, I'd have had them.

Seek ONLY HIM and you will be provided with EVERYTHING you NEED in this lifetime.

The things you NEED aren't always the things you THINK you need either. This is CRUCIAL and KEY. Sometimes we confuse NEEDS with WANTS. There's no magic formula to getting all of the things we want and most of the things we want don't necessarily coincide with the things we NEED.

There is nothing wrong with having A plan. But you need to remember that THE plan has already been set out for you and you're not always going to understand it or agree with it but you can absolutely, POSITIVELY 110% TRUST IN IT. We get so embroiled with spinning our wheels second guessing THE PLAN that when the cue telling you where to go and what to do comes, we don't even hear it! You didn't get that job? Or that house? Or that man you had your sights set on...Forget about it. Wasn't for you (yet). Shhhh! Something's coming! And it's tailor-made for YOU. You just need to L I S T E N. You're not going to talk over Him...lol.

Feel better. Much Love. XO.

HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU. Count on that.
 
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"Sometimes you gotta walk through the darkness to get to the light...No matter how hard life gets, you still gotta fight."

Secular song, spiritual truth. Reminders are everywhere. Don't give up and learn what hope is.

For the medical side of this:

Being said 75% of the time is probably depression. Be sure to talk with your doctor as well to see if everything is physically ok. They'll go from there.
 
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I can truly relate to a lot of what you are saying! As I read through your post all I heard was doubt. Pray that doubt away! Pray that your faith be increased and strengthened! Believe in the power of God in every area of your life!!!! I'm praying for you! You will get there!
 
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CrimsonBelle The advice you've received here is great and I don't have much more to add just these few words. As Gods children we will suffer and go through some rough patches but trust me deliverance is not far away. Don't give up praying and believing in him. Lately I've been heartbroken about my relationship status and sometimes I think why me God what am I doing wrong but then I look at the other blessings in my life and I see that it is only because of God I am where I am. Sometimes we need to be thankful for what we do have and what we have accomplished so far. You may think life is rough but there's probably someone looking at you and wishing they were in your shoes because your situation is not as bad as theirs. Just hang in there and continue to trust God. He will answer eventually and when he does it will be all worth the wait!
 
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OP, pardon me if I'm somewhat frank with you but... Problem #1 is comparing yourself to others and their opportunities is going to disappoint you every time. When I first got saved, my life became what I thought was a nightmare. I began to have major financial failure even to the point of having to sell all my furniture and sleep on a mattress on the floor and eventually lost my apartment, getting all my stuff put out on the street and having to start from scratch. I cried and was angry with God, I threw things, I begged God to listen to me, I even contemplated giving up. I can remember praying for others and seeing God move yet I was failing at everything I tried and I felt rejected at times. Here is what I learned in that period of my life, many times when we go through we automatically begin to think its because God is not with us. We can only "feel the presence of God" when things are going great. Unfortunately, we will have tribulation in this world. That's why the Holy Spirit is our comforter, our helper. Stop listening to people tell you that what you're going through is because you lack faith. If you are a believer then Christ abides in you by the Holy Spirit, everyday. Your feelings will deceive you, so at the time you think you "feel the presence of God" and that changes, it's not because the Holy Spirit has left. Believe the word of God rather than your feelings and the words of others. If our heart condemn us, remember God is greater than our hearts. How we feel is no indication of whether God is present. If you are a believer then He is. Greater is He that is in you than He that's in the world. Get alone with Jesus, tune out the naysayers, and you ask Him what he's trying to show you and what he'd have you to do. Depend on Him for direction. We have the Holy Spirit as a guide. He is an ever present help. Remember that. Jesus loves you.
 
You are receiving so much wisdom in thus thread! God never leaves nor forsakes us. We must truly seek Him first and continue to stand on and speak the word of God over our lives. Christ never said taking up the cross or our Christian walk would be easy. That is why we walk by faith and not by what we see. God is so faithful and so true to His people we have the word of the one true living God which is the Bible. Always place reverence for the Lord within your heart. Pray, praise and worship the Lord and have a relationship with Him. (((((((((BIG HUG)))))))))).
 
He is a faithful husband/father. I sometimes wonder why we had to go through what we did. Then He spoke to me today. I needed a glass jar that I could use to ferment apple enzymes and a pretty large one. Couldn't find one with the sealeable rubber top or something that allowed a pressure seal in my immediate area. Today, I decided to go to my favorite little flea market and there it was, looking quite different than what I would have imagined I'd use. It had apples on it. I noticed them when I got it home to wash it. Even in the little things, He knew what I wanted. It wasn't expensive in the least, but my "husband" brought me an apple jar. He remembered me. Sometimes, husbands and fathers will get their daughters little gifts to show they care. Imagine getting upset it wasn't a Mercedes but something simple like that little apple jar. In that instant, He let me know that He hears my thoughts and my heart. I remembered to thank Him for every little thing.
 
CrimsonBelle ,
All I have to offer you is this poem that was on a little card attached to something I received in high school many years ago.There are different versions.

FOOTPRINTS
One night I had a dream...
I dreamed I was walking along the beach with God and across the sky flashed scenes from my life. For each scene I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonged to me and the other to God.
When the last scene of my life flashed before us, I looked back at the footprints in the sand. I noticed that at times along the path of life there was only one set of footprints.
I also noticed that it happened at the very lowest and saddest times of my life. This really bothered me and I questioned God about it.
"God, you said that once I decided to follow you, you would walk with me all the way but I noticed that during the most troublesome times in my life there is only one set of footprints. I don't understand why in times when I needed you most, you would leave me".
God replied "My precious,precious child. I love you and would never,never, leave you during your times of trials and suffering. When you see only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you".

:bighug::bighug:
 
Wow ladies. Thank You for such kind heartfelt responses. I rarely allow myself to be that vulnerable and honest. Thank you for embracing me with kindness and sharing your experiences and thoughts. I have read each response. I think releasing all of this is the first step to healing. I am seeking therapy and hope that through therapy I can start healing and being open spiritually again. One step at a time right?
 
CrimsonBelle Thank you for this topic and post. I read the first two sentences and I wept uncontrollably. I wept for a while. I feel that way too. I wept as I scrolled down and saw the responses and the encouragement of hope. I will keep this thread in my heart and lean into it. God has revealed so much to me by the Holy Spirit this week and I am still hurting, but I am going to press my way through.

I could have written that post myself, I know that was God yet showing me and working with me about what I am struggling with internally. I pray for a full deliverance for myself and for you. I pray that God will lighten your load and fill your heart with hope, joy, happiness and peace. I pray that you will receive all of God's promises and that your life will be a testimony to others seeking HIM.

Thanks to everyone who shared because it was a blessing for me.
 
I used to feel sometimes that God was not there for me. This was some years back. God wanted me to rely on him and I was just not ready or able to stop trying to support myself and let him hook me up. He took me off the job (kicking and screaming I might add) and proceeded to handle my business. Never. In. A. Thousand. Years. Did. I believe. that. the. mortgage. company. would. cancel. the. mortgage. They cancelled $89,000 of my debt. I thought I would be 90 and selling girl scout cookies to pay for that house. He sent me home to my sick parents and set the stage for me to Honor Thy Father and Mother. He made it possible for me to fulfill the word like that. God is ready, willing and able. He is there. OP, you may feel a little lonely and that your prayers were not answered but he has not forgotten you. Stand still and you will see the salvation of the Lord....Man Oh Man..He is..the hooker upper!!:meditate:
 
Sorry. I was done until I scrolled up and saw the footprints post. When my father died, I went to prayer at the church. It was nice. I just went up. It seemed like everything I needed appeared. I went to the cemetery alone to view the site. It seemed sooo peaceful.(Everybody out there is dead. It's real quiet!). It seemed like I was just looking down on everything and everything was just great. I was just jubilant. Me. the stone to the bone daddy's girl. I was having a cloud 9 death experience. Who feels like that? It was really fabulous. I had done all to stand and stood therefore. I did all possible for Dad. Then the Lord came for him. I had finished the course. Amen!
 
I used to feel so disappointed until I realized

1. I was telling God what I wanted and then being mad that I did not get it. We are servants of God. How can a servant make demands of his master?
2. I was focused on earthly desires and I don't just mean things. Also goals and decisions. I used to be so angry about so many things not happening and as my family got older that many things would not happen in our lifetimes...and I was so terribly angry. Then I realized, if I truly believe in God and the afterlife, how can I be angry that My life is not complete now? The very nature of our current existence is we are in an imperfect and incomplete world. We can always look forward to the next. Only then did I find peace. I do still struggle sometimes but I do. It despair like I used to.
 
Farida said:
I used to feel so disappointed until I realized

1. I was telling God what I wanted and then being mad that I did not get it. We are servants of God. How can a servant make demands of his master?
2. I was focused on earthly desires and I don't just mean things. Also goals and decisions. I used to be so angry about so many things not happening and as my family got older that many things would not happen in our lifetimes...and I was so terribly angry. Then I realized, if I truly believe in God and the afterlife, how can I be angry that My life is not complete now? The very nature of our current existence is we are in an imperfect and incomplete world. We can always look forward to the next. Only then did I find peace. I do still struggle sometimes but I do. It despair like I used to.
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I am glad you found peace with life and that it works for you. That is a blessing that you were able to heal and move forward. Thank you for your kind response and sharing your experience.

But I do believe we should be able to have what we want in life. Why should some of us have to "make do" and live and unfulfilled life of despair and sadness? Others are enjoying life with all of there wants and needs being granted every second. I know life isn't fair but I refuse to live this life of depression and sadness while trying to always be a good person. Waiting in misery for heaven to come is a painful existence for me. I would rather be happy in the present time and still think of heaven then waiting in misery for death. There are too many good people in this world suffering and my true feeling is God needs to do better. Show mercy to those who need it instead of heaping blessings on the ungrateful masses. Heal the broken hearted and actually listen to the painful outcries. I would give anything for a healed heart. One day I hope I won't feel so shattered. I would give anything just to not feel so numb in my spirit. It is an emptiness like no other.

Hopefully therapy will help. And maybe one day I will be able to believe HE cares again. Maybe one day I will pray and know he hears me. I feel hurt by HIM. I don't know how to trust HIM anymore..I am trying but I don't know how. I am rereading every post daily and it helps. Thanks ladies.
 
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CrimsonBelle said:
I am glad you found peace with life and that it works for you. That is a blessing that you were able to heal and move forward. Thank you for your kind response and sharing your experience.

But I do believe we should be able to have what we want in life. Why should some of us have to "make do" and live and unfulfilled life of despair and sadness? Others are enjoying life with all of there wants and needs being granted every second. I know life isn't fair but I refuse to live this life of depression and sadness while trying to always be a good person. Waiting in misery for heaven to come is a painful existence for me. I would rather be happy in the present time and still think of heaven then waiting in misery for death. There are too many good people in this world suffering and my true feeling is God needs to do better. Show mercy to those who need it instead of heaping blessings on the ungrateful masses. Heal the broken hearted and actually listen to the painful outcries. I would give anything for a healed heart. One day I hope I won't feel so shattered. I would give anything just to not feel so numb in my spirit. It is an emptiness like no other.

Hopefully therapy will help. And maybe one day I will be able to believe HE cares again. Maybe one day I will pray and know he hears me. I feel hurt by HIM. I don't know how to trust HIM anymore..I am trying but I don't know how. I am rereading every post daily and it helps. Thanks ladies.
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CrimsonBelle

I can truly understand where you are at right now. I have been a person who struggled with depression since I was 17 years old. I've had many ups and downs in my life. I grew up cemented in Church and with God. I come from a Christian family and upbringing with several family members working in the ministry all over the body. I knew of God but I've never knew God. I am just realizing that now. I understand your pain and sadness.

Let me tell you a little about me. I will be 36 years old and all I've ever wanted was to be a wife and have a family. I grew up with marriage, all of my uncles and aunts are married and everyone have children and families. I had this expectation that when I turn 25 I would be on that road. Life did not happen that way for me. I was hurt and confused. I prayed and prayed, cried and prayed. I felt that what I wanted was the natural order of things and it wasn't much. I wasn't asking for a 5 bedroom home, million dollars. All, I wanted was to have love and someone there for me that way God intended for it to be. I could not understand why God wouldn't bless me with this small request when others seem to obtain it so much easier than me. Then I would hear, God blessed me, I prayed for it and then he blessed me. I felt like, I've been praying for years and I have nothing but heart ache! Why does God not hear me, am I really not good enough? Why did God not see me fit and he knows this is all I wanted? I didn't care for much else, God loves marriage why would he do this? This became a central part of me. I felt like I was stuck in life, I'm not fully grown or a woman. I was devastated. Family asking you when your going to have children or married or better yet as a clinician who work with children, Do you have kids question comes up. It's so hard and it still is hard for me.

I say this to say. I shook my fist at God, I got angry with him, I fell off the path and wagon. I felt despondent and with despair. What I have learned is that no matter what, I am feeling, no matter what is going on around me, I have to submit and recognize that HE is God and if he chooses NOT to bless me in the only way that I have sought him, I will accept it. I will still bow down before him and humble myself. It was a tough pill to swallow because I had to sacrifice my desire to serve him, to worship him. I have to and had to get myself out of the way. I tried so hard to make this blessing happen for me and I kept sinning, getting myself involved in wrong people and situations. There is not peace or glory in that. I rather be without and live according to God's will than to continue chasing that desire and ending up with egg on my face and angry with God because he didn't move when I told him or needed him to. Now, this is a recent revelation and I'm not pretending that I have it all together because I truly don't. But I sincerely pray that you will give Him another chance to come into your heart, to heal your heart. That you will follow him and worship him and that in his time and in his way, he will bless you openly and publicly for what you prayed and believed for in private. Please don't compare your life and situations to other people around you. I know its hard because I do it often but you don't know what they may have gone through and how submitted their heart is to God.

I am praying for your blessing and deliverance and thank you for this thread, this has really helped me in my struggle and walk.
 
CrimsonBelle One thing I learned is that when you are fully walking in God's will, His desires for your life will become your desires. The only thing I wanted to do when I graduated college was to work in my field of study. I thought that would fulfill all of my needs. Long story short, God gave me what I asked for and I'm not satisfied at all. Now that I am committed to God's will, my desires have changed completely from what I want to do in life to what He wants. If He wants me to quit my job, I'll do it. If He wants me to stay where I am until He says so, I'll do it.

I just have one question for you: do you honestly believe you'll be happier without God? Your concerns aren't going to magically disappear just because you take God out the equation.

I really hope that you find answer you're looking for.
 
Divine. said:
CrimsonBelle One thing I learned is that when you are fully walking in God's will, His desires for your life will become your desires. The only thing I wanted to do when I graduated college was to work in my field of study. I thought that would fulfill all of my needs. Long story short, God gave me what I asked for and I'm not satisfied at all. Now that I am committed to God's will, my desires have changed completely from what I want to do in life to what He wants. If He wants me to quit my job, I'll do it. If He wants me to stay where I am until He says so, I'll do it.

I just have one question for you: do you honestly believe you'll be happier without God? Your concerns aren't going to magically disappear just because you take God out the equation.

I really hope that you find answer you're looking for.
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divine I am not happy with HIM now. My whole point is that I feel like HE is not there for me. I stated that I felt spiritually lonely. It is a type of numb feeling and an unbearable loneliness. No one wants to live without GOD, but when you constantly feel abandoned and darkness fills where his light should be then you are already living without his presence. Sometimes I don't get the point in following his rules and his way of life if this is going to be the result. I would love to see a loving act, a personal loving act directed towards me by HIM. I am over all of the tests, and hardships. I didn't like tests in school, I aced them all but didn't like them, and I don't like test in life. I have had enough. I would rather be shown love than test and discipline and all that. As HIS child I deserve better, we all deserve better, the Bible also says we have free will. And being spiritually tortured because we choose actions of free will in career is not fair, there are over 7 billion people on the planet. I am sure those who do not live the perfect life that HE may or may not plan because of free will are not tortured. I am just asking for mercy and to wake up feeling like I matter, to wake up and not feel worthless and invisible, to wake up and know what I do and my life means something.
 
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Amen!

If you are not getting results something is wrong not with God but often times with us, this is a harsh reality and our 'flesh' doesn't want to hear it, you can't do you and do Jesus too. Once you decide to follow hard after God then your desires to please yourself diminishes over time and only the things of God matter.

Divine. said:
@CrimsonBelle One thing I learned is that when you are fully walking in God's will, His desires for your life will become your desires. The only thing I wanted to do when I graduated college was to work in my field of study. I thought that would fulfill all of my needs. Long story short, God gave me what I asked for and I'm not satisfied at all. Now that I am committed to God's will, my desires have changed completely from what I want to do in life to what He wants. If He wants me to quit my job, I'll do it. If He wants me to stay where I am until He says so, I'll do it.

I just have one question for you: do you honestly believe you'll be happier without God? Your concerns aren't going to magically disappear just because you take God out the equation.

I really hope that you find answer you're looking for.
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I just want to say thank you again ladies for all of your posts and some of you have messaged me privately, thank you for that as well. Since posting this, everyday I reread every single comment and viewpoint. It helps me make it through the day.
 
The fact that you are still breathing (God's breath) have a job, have somewhere to lay your head, have luxuries and is not going in want, don't have any ailments that you have mentioned, says HE has done and is doing for you.

May I ask what are you doing for God, that you feel entitled to all that your asking? Have you considered how He felt, did you ask, are you where you should be in him?

CrimsonBelle said:
@divine I am not happy with HIM now. My whole point is that I feel like HE is not there for me. I stated that I felt spiritually lonely. It is a type of numb feeling and an unbearable loneliness. No one wants to live without GOD, but when you constantly feel abandoned and darkness fills where his light should be then you are already living without his presence. Sometimes I don't get the point in following his rules and his way of life if this is going to be the result. I would love to see a loving act, a personal loving act directed towards me by HIM. I am over all of the tests, and hardships. I didn't like tests in school, I aced them all but didn't like them, and I don't like test in life. I have had enough. I would rather be shown love than test and discipline and all that. As HIS child I deserve better, we all deserve better, the Bible also says we have free will. And being spiritually tortured because we choose actions of free will in career is not fair, there are over 7 billion people on the planet. I am sure those who do not live the perfect life that HE may or may not plan because of free will are not tortured. I am just asking for mercy and to wake up feeling like I matter, to wake up and not feel worthless and invisible, to wake up and know what I do and my life means something.
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Iwanthealthyhair67 said:
The fact that you are still breathing (God's breath) have a job, have somewhere to lay your head, have luxuries and is not going in want, don't have any ailments that you have mentioned, says HE has done and is doing for you.

May I ask what are you doing for God, that you feel entitled to all that your asking? Have you considered how He felt, did you ask, are you where you should be in him?
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Iwanthealthyhair67 I am not entitled, please do not refer to me as such. I believe in hardwork and dedication, but I also believe in payoff. I actually do have health issues that I do not want to put on here, but am trying to recovering from thank you.

I have asked for a signs and followed HIM where he told me to go. And the minute I did everything fell apart. I never thought I would be where HE put on my heart to go but I followed HIM and it has been hard.

As I said, all I want is to wake up and feel a light heart, wake up with no sadness, and no heavy heart, a sign to know HE sees me, a sign to know he loves me. Many people have the things you listed above, and they do not feel empty. I want to NOT feel empty or abandoned. That is my first goal, I feel like if I can be a healed heart inside and out and feel that his presence like I did so many years ago, everything else could fall into place. But healing has to take place first. Everyone has the right to feel this like they matter. I don't believe in letting people suffer just cause you can, or to make them stronger.

When you are spiritually lonely, no one can fill it cause it is the spirit and heart that are empty. I am not asking for crazy things and handouts, just for one day to remember what it is like to be happy, carefree, and not afraid admit that I am happy. The only thing I remember about being happy is being afraid to say so cause I knew if I did HE would take it away. Peace of mind, peace of heart, peace f spirit is what I need. Other things in life can fall into place if I feel better about me. The truth is, I don't even like me. No matter how hard I work, how much make up I put on, how much weight I lose, or how many good deeds I do...deep down I never feel good enough. That is why I go out of my way to always try to do the right thing, cause I know at the end of the day I am just not adequate.
 
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@CrimsonBelle

Sorry to hear about your health issues, I pray that you recover fully in Jesus name.

"Signs" are not faith, maybe that is where He is trying to get you to be in Him, to trust Him implicitly and not to waver. Trust that there is no failure in God ask Him what He requires of you, earnestly seek after Him and listen to what He is saying, He does speak to us you know, but most times we are so caught up in our own selves that we don't hear.

For the most part everyone here has given you great advice it almost sounds like you have made up your mind to abandon God and this is your last effort to say that you have tried but you are moving on...




CrimsonBelle said:
@Iwanthealthyhair67 I am not entitled, please do not refer to me as such. I believe in hardwork and dedication, but I also believe in payoff. I actually do have health issues that I do not want to put on here thank you.

I have asked for a signs and followed HIM where he told me to go. And the minute I did everything fell apart. I never thought I would be where HE put on my heart to go but I followed HIM and it has been hard.

As I said, all I want is to wake up and feel a light heart, wake up with no sadness, and no heavy heart, a sign to know HE sees me, a sign to know he loves me. Many people have the things you listed above, and they do not feel empty. I want to NOT feel empty or abandoned. That is my first goal, I feel like if I can be a healed heart inside and out and feel that his presence like I did so many years ago, everything else could fall into place. But healing has to take place first.
Click to expand...
 
Iwanthealthyhair67 said:
@CrimsonBelle

Sorry to hear about your health issues, I pray that you recover fully in Jesus name.

"Signs" are not faith, maybe that is where He is trying to get you to be in Him, to trust Him implicitly and not to waver. Trust that there is no failure in God ask Him what He requires of you, earnestly seek after Him and listen to what He is saying, He does speak to us you know, but most times we are so caught up in our own selves that we don't hear.

For the most part everyone here has given you great advice it almost sounds like you have made up your mind to abandon God and this is your last effort to say that you have tried but you are moving on...
Click to expand...

Iwanthealthyhair67 Yes everyone here has been the most kind and patient and I have thanked them for the posts and messages. When I first typed my original post, it was the worst day I had, had in a long time. I had made a decision that night just to give up, and wrote that post looking to see if it was just me, and needed to know if there was any point at all in continuing this journey with HIM.

You ladies have opened my mind to the idea that there may still be hope, the responses I have made have been explaining in greater detail why lately especially the last few months I have felt so like giving up. I was raised in church, Christianity was instilled in me since I can remember. But there are times when you get beat down so much by the world that you don't know how to get back up. My latest post have been to explain the bitterness and how I came to this..

This whole thing is weird to me, I have never discussed my feelings like this with any human at all, much less on a forum, until last week. I am used to bottling things up until I explode cause I don't like to complain or be negative. But creating this thread has opened the floodgates to feelings I didn't even know I had.
 
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