A messy situation...

[BroadstreetBully]

...has me rethinking my friendship with a few people. When your friends are dating each other, things can get complicated. Names have been changed of course. Sorry this is so long, I'll try to break it up.

Years ago I met a guy, Alex, and we became friends. I got to know some of his friends and became close to a few of them, especially one of them--Brian. Alex started dating a girl, Melanie, and she and I became really cool with one another. Now Alex and Melanie only dated briefly and never became exclusive. They never became exclusive because Alex wasn't that into her. He had been chasing this other girl for years, and he would date around to get his mind off of her, but he couldn't forget about her. He started getting flaky with Melanie who got tired of it and moved on.

Fast-forward to a few months later and Melanie gets close with his friend Brian. They start dating. Alex is perfectly cool with this because...

1. He was never that into Melanie
2. He was still into the other girl who gave him a little false hope
3. He knew Brian was looking for love and would treat Melanie right.

Now the present. Melanie and Brian are still together and VERY happy, in fact, they announced their engagement a few days ago. Alex is still single and has come to terms with the fact that he'll never have that girl he's been chasing for years. He had been acting strange for the last few months and once he heard Melanie and Brian were engaged, things got worse. He called me earlier today and in a rage told me stuff I'd rather not know.

Alex said he is in love with Melanie. I'm not sure how this can be, but he's positive that he regrets letting her get away. They haven't done anything because Melanie is so in love with Brian, but Alex wants to change that. He hates Brian now. Back when Brian and Melanie got together, Alex was their biggest cheerleader, now...not so much. He feels like Melanie should have been his. He's mad that he gave the other girl so many years of his life, and he's blaming Brian for it. Alex actually told me that he is going to try to break them up.

I don't know what to do because I don't want to be in the middle of this crap. I'm not sure whether I should take him seriously or not. I am cool with everyone involved and I hate that it has come down to this. I don't want to cut everyone off but I might have to. I know you all think I should tell them was Alex said but it is much easier said than done.

 

[nappystorm]

Alex gets the from me. He had his chance and messed it up chasing a dream. Even if he did get her, she will always be his second choice. He'd go running back to the other chick in a heartbeat. He is just lonely and jealous and need to go somewhere and sit down.

I would tell. No need of a happy couple breaking up because Alex is an idiot.

 

[SUPER SWEET]

Sounds like things that happen in my life Honestly, you need to talk to Alex and try to get him to see reality. He is just salty. It's not all about not having Melanie. It runs deeper.

 

[HairBarbie]

Typical, wants what he can't have.

He needs to move on.

 

[Spiffy]

Alex needs to man up! He loved, he lost, move on. It's just fear that makes him feel this girl is 'the one' that got away...hmmm, this dude has a pattern.

 

[Christelyn]

Wow. Sounds like a "One Life to Live" episode. Co-signing with what everyone else is saying. This guy is sour grapes for real.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Alex gets the from me. He had his chance and messed it up chasing a dream. Even if he did get her, she will always be his second choice. He'd go running back to the other chick in a heartbeat. He is just lonely and jealous and need to go somewhere and sit down.

I would tell. No need of a happy couple breaking up because Alex is an idiot.

Exactly! I really hope he's not being serious about this. I remember years ago he told me that he was afraid he'd pass up a great girl while chasing after that other girl. I would get so mad at him when he would play games with great girls all because he was waiting on some girl who didn't want him. That girl he has been chasing forever...she used him so many times and now she's moved away with some guy and has completely cut Alex out of her life for good. Now he's sitting around angry because the friend he would tease so much about being too commitment-minded has found love with a great girl.

 

[ladysaraii]

Please tell him to sit his arse down. This has nothing to do w/ brian and Melanie and everything to do with his regret aboutthings not working out.

I guarentee that if it had been another girl, he would have been just as 'in love'

Tell him to suck it up, move on, and stop hating.

 

[itismehmmkay]

Wow.
I'd make sure he didn't break those two up.

 

[tash85]

He had his chance, he blew it and now he wants to pull faces because she's with somebody who treats her right?!

puleeze

 

[Pat Mahurr]

Yeah, I wouldn't tell Melanie and Brian about it.

It's Alex's problem, not theirs. Alex sounds so wishy-washy that he could walk out his front door tomorrow and fall in love with the first skirt that walks by, then forget all about Melanie again. Meanwhile, the damage would have been done between Melanie and Brian -- with each of them waiting for Alex to make a move.

IMO, just talk to Alex. Tell him he's being selfish and that if he really cared for Melanie he would let her be happy with someone who is sure he wants to commit to her - Brian!

 

[DayStar]

Alex needs to sit down somewhere.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Alex gets the from me. He had his chance and messed it up chasing a dream. Even if he did get her, she will always be his second choice. He'd go running back to the other chick in a heartbeat. He is just lonely and jealous and need to go somewhere and sit down.

I would tell. No need of a happy couple breaking up because Alex is an idiot.

Thank you!

Alex is like the typical guy.... They want what they can't have. A great girl liked him, he threw it away, and now that he doesn't have the other chick he was chasing after OR the "great girl" Melanie, now Alex is all bummed out and JEALOUS. SO typical! I had a guy friend who did this to me for years!

He would never see how "great" I was until he saw that another guy was interested in me. Oh this guy friend played so many games! I now see that men in general just like what they can't have. They're territorial.

I'm sure it's also eating Alex up that his good friend Brian has found true love, meanwhile he has NOBODY. I'm sure if Alex were dating some other chick he wouldn't be feeling so jealous or "in love" with Melanie. Sometimes guys really don't realize a good thing they've had until they lose it. But you know what??? If you didn't recognize me being a good thing when you HAD me, then you surely don't need to be trying to get me back after you "lost" me.


Please.... I'm so glad Melanie moved on and has found a great guy.

If I were you BB, I would tell Alex to calm down and snap into his senses, and if that doesn't work I would certainly hint to Brian and Melanie (or....maybe just Melanie) and let them know that Alex is jealous and trying to sneakily break them up.

 

[Natasha009]

I would definitely talk to Alex about his feelings, he seems like he is just feeling sorry for himself and wants to rain on someone elses parade. I mean, you said they weren't ever serious! He seems like one of those guys that like the drama of chasing a woman they can't have, as if by getting her it will validate them somehow.

If that doesn't work, I would talk to Melanie and/or Brian as well and let them know what Alex is up to. You're pretty much in it now whether you wanted to be or not, and you could potentially lose 2 friends b/c of Alex's foolishness by NOT telling, especially if Alex does do something sheisty and they find out you knew he had plans and didn't warn them.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Here's the thing, he can't break up a strong union so who cares what he thinks or tries? If that were me and my ex came on to me, I 'd promptly put him in his place and tell my fiance what happened so that he could promptly put him in his place too (hopefully kick him to the friendship curb but that's between them. Either way, I wouldn't want him around me any more and I'd make that known.). So really I just see that he's a typical guy in a pissing contest. That's HIS tree, how's his friend going to take what could have been his lol! So now he's going to take it back. But you can't take back what isn't yours.
She's with his friend and he needs to get over it.

 

[daydreem2876]

If they were my true friends, I would tell Alex he is acting like a b****, suck it up, and GTFOWTBS... but I can talk to my true friends like that. I tell them the truth not with love but not what they want to hear. It may hurt their feelings, they may get mad at me but thats their choice and there is nothing I can do= becasue I stand firm on what I say.

I would give Brian and Melanie the heads up so that they can choose how to handle it.

Problem squashed, minimal collteral damage, and I still get to be friends with every one