A Little Advice Needed

[THicknLong]

Hey ladies.. I told myself I would just be focusing on my graduate degree and work. Of course I end up meeting a guy this weekend.. lol. So I usually sabotage relationships before they start. I am needing to know how do I allow him to pursue me, without friend zoning him. We met at a bar last weekend. Which is funny because we run in the same circles, we used to go to the same run club, we never actually met each other. One of my close girlfriends knows him as well, we were at the same birthday party 3 years ago.. Funny thing is I am a bit of an introvert so of course I never noticed him, I was just trying to run out of the place. Now here is the thing we work for the same company. I was the one that initiated the communication, when I Im'd him at work, but he offered his phone number first. It was funny because I offered him my email when I first met him. He told me when he gave his number he was trying to get my number not my email. lol. We are both in our 30s, no kids, single and have similar hobbies, exercising, reading, socializing with friends. Now ladies how do I find out if he is serious? Not just my work IM buddy, or texting buddy.

 

[hopeful]

Stay focused on you, your dreams, your goals. Let him pursue. Have no expectations other than you only engage with men who are kind, consistent, attentive, make your life better. Do not let him or anyone derail you from your goals. You don’t really know him and he doesn’t know you. Don’t let having common work and friends make you feel too comfortable with him. Let him and time show you who he is, if he’s interested, and if you are interested. It takes time to get to know someone.

Be chill and keep living your life and doing what you were doing and have been doing. If you don’t want to be a text or IM buddy then just don’t. You exchanged phone numbers so you could talk I assume and schedule time to see each other face to face. If he stays texting and IMing tell him ONCE and only once that you don’t like or enjoy texting and IMing. Leave it at that. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Do not over invest. Lean in when he leans in. Lean back if he leans back. Move on quickly if your instincts tell you he is wasting your precious time.

 

[THicknLong]

Stay focused on you, your dreams, your goals. Let him pursue. Have no expectations other than you only engage with men who are kind, consistent, attentive, make your life better. Do not let him or anyone derail you from your goals. You don’t really know him and he doesn’t know you. Don’t let having common work and friends make you feel too comfortable with him. Let him and time show you who he is, if he’s interested, and if you are interested. It takes time to get to know someone.

Be chill and keep living your life and doing what you were doing and have been doing. If you don’t want to be a text or IM buddy then just don’t. You exchanged phone numbers so you could talk I assume and schedule time to see each other face to face. If he stays texting and IMing tell him ONCE and only once that you don’t like or enjoy texting and IMing. Leave it at that. Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Do not over invest. Lean in when he leans in. Lean back if he leans back. Move on quickly if your instincts tell you he is wasting your precious time.

Exactly what I needed to hear. My last relationship was a complete distraction. I promised my self the goals I set for me, that nothing or no one will get in the way of them.

 

[onyxdreams]

The ball is in his court, let him pursue you. If he is looking for more than a friend than he will make a move.

 

[007PMP]

Do nothing but respond to his chase. That’s our jobs — he chase, you do nothing but give him more fuel to keep things going. Don’t refuel the tank if he doesn’t meet your expectations as the driver.

Easy peasy.

 

[greenmetro99]

Hey ladies.. I told myself I would just be focusing on my graduate degree and work. Of course I end up meeting a guy this weekend.. lol. So I usually sabotage relationships before they start. I am needing to know how do I allow him to pursue me, without friend zoning him. We met at a bar last weekend. Which is funny because we run in the same circles, we used to go to the same run club, we never actually met each other. One of my close girlfriends knows him as well, we were at the same birthday party 3 years ago.. Funny thing is I am a bit of an introvert so of course I never noticed him, I was just trying to run out of the place. Now here is the thing we work for the same company. I was the one that initiated the communication, when I Im'd him at work, but he offered his phone number first. It was funny because I offered him my email when I first met him. He told me when he gave his number he was trying to get my number not my email. lol. We are both in our 30s, no kids, single and have similar hobbies, exercising, reading, socializing with friends. Now ladies how do I find out if he is serious? Not just my work IM buddy, or texting buddy.

How do you find out if he's serious? Well you wont ever know that unless you get to know him and vice versa. Take your time and get to know him. Over time he will show that he's serious by spending time with you, taking you on dates, etc.... He will pursue you. If he doesn't pursue you then he's not interested. Don't have sex with him for a while.....

Did you ask him what type of connection he is seeking? At the beginning, some men will tell you that they are just looking for a friend or casual dating. Others will tell you that they are dating and looking for a relationship.

 

[THicknLong]

Well ladies, quick update- He invited me out for drinks, which was nice. The brother did not pay that was strike one for me. Then he goes to show me a video, celebrating St. Patrick's day since, our birthdays are close together we talked about getting together around that time. Well laughs were had by me that night, seeing as a guy I dated is one of his very close friends, whom was also on his way to join us at the bar. He goes to text his friend and tell him I am there, the friend texted me all night, disregarding the fact he knew I was out with him. Ladies laughs were had by me all, weekend. They have both been on my phone for the last two weeks, since I am busy with work and school I made plans for one to take me out to dinner for my birthday this weekend, and the other to take me out to dinner on my actual birthday. I am just going to have fun! I see why they are friends, they both are quite funny and engaging in conversation. I am taking neither one of them serious. I am always down for nice drinks and dinner. I made dinner plans with two new men also this week, to celebrate my birthday.

How do you find out if he's serious? Well you wont ever know that unless you get to know him and vice versa. Take your time and get to know him. Over time he will show that he's serious by spending time with you, taking you on dates, etc.... He will pursue you. If he doesn't pursue you then he's not interested. Don't have sex with him for a while.....

Did you ask him what type of connection he is seeking? At the beginning, some men will tell you that they are just looking for a friend or casual dating. Others will tell you that they are dating and looking for a relationship.

 

[greenmetro99]

Yes, live life and have fun! Get you a free birthday meal, some drinks, and laughs. Sounds like a good plan to me. Both men are casually dating and probably full of games so definitely avoid catching feelings.