A day outing

[phynestone]

I know I posted this in my blog, but I wanted to get feedback from those who frequent this forum. There's a guy in my classes (actually, all of them) whom I met at orientation. On the first day of class, he sits next to me and proceeded to in all of our classes. We start talking and writing notes to each other like we're still in high school. I don't know if he was trying to test me or feel me out, but one day he tells me about this girl he met that he likes. I was polite and listened, and when I got home later in the evening, he calls me to verify the assignment, which was explained thoroughly in class. My roomies thought he was trying to see what my reaction would be and if I would be receptive to his calls after that. Anyway, when one of our classmates asked me for my number (a female) so we can stay in touch outside of class, he asks to get my number too. That was actually the first or second day of class. Okay, so last week, as we're leaving class, he suggests we should hang out sometime. I say that's fine b/c I thought he was being polite or didn't really mean it. This past week, he asks me about my plans for my birthday since it's this week. I told him I have a friend coming to visit me and so I will be busy showing her around. He writes again and says that we should do lunch for my birthday. I'm thinking, okay, that's nice. My roomies are saying it's a date and my roomie's special male friend claims the guy wants to see how lunch goes and possibly extend the date into the evening if it goes well. I see it as two friends hanging out, but now I'm not so sure. I wonder if he's trying to test the waters. The girl he told me about isn't a serious thing for him in his words, but I don't want to be played. So I guess it would be safe to say he's dating right now, but isn't exclusive with anyone. I don't want to overthing anything, but it's been a good while since I've been excited about a guy and well, I don't know. Thinking about trying the four man plan TheLaurynDoll suggested. What are your thoughts about this situation?

 

[panamoni]

one day he tells me about this girl he met that he likes. I was polite and listened,

Keep this in mind. It meant something that he told you this. He's definitely dating other people and may or may not be interested in you past friendship.

The 4 man plan sounds great so that you have more guys to focus on besides him (and you can tell him that you met a guy that you like). Be proactive in creating a dating life that works for you and don't wait for him taking the initiative to dictate the relationship. Consider making evening plans for your birthday so that lunch is all you do with him, and if he's interested in hanging out past lunch, he'll have to schedule another time to be with you.

 

[phynestone]

Oh, I won't see him on my actual birthday b/c like I mentioned, my friend will be in town and I will be spending the day with her. He will have to schedule another day to meet with me.

The only problem with the Four man plan is that I don't have any prospects! None!

 

[ThickHair]

You do not have to fill him in on your agenda, stop now while you are young, so it will be natural when you are older. No man needs to know your agenda. If he wants to take you to lunch, you pick the day and time. I think you are seeing more into this then what is at hand. Plus he told you he likes some other girl.

Let him take you to lunch, say thank you and poof be gone.

Are you in high school or college?

 

[Sosoothing]

Why not just relate to him and get to know him purely as a friend if you are comfortable with it until he says something definite.
He hasn't said or done anything to clearly show you if he is at all interested in being more than just friends IMO. It seems to me he at the very least wants to be friends which is fine if he doesn't have a girlfriend. If you don't mind that he may be dating others too, I don't think it hurts to be friends and see if anything develps from there.

 

[phynestone]

I'm in grad school right now.

I'm going to take his lead on lunch, just plain nonchalance so I don't look crazy.

 

[Bunny77]

I'll borrow a line from the name of that one dating company...

"It's Just Lunch."

Honestly, I don't think the fact that he told you about the girl that he likes is even relevant to this situation. Going to lunch with him doesn't equal having a commitment to him. If he wants to take you out for a nice afternoon date, just go and have fun. Even if it's dinner, same thing.

I say this a lot (and Zaynab always backs me up), but I think we (women) move seven steps forward in our minds when a man suggests a date. We're already wondering about if we're ready for a relationship, if we're gonna get played, if this, if that... uh, it's just one date right now. One that hasn't even happened yet and that might not happen (more on that in a moment). All this overthinking and overplanning and you end up talking yourself out of what could be a really nice afternoon.

Now... the other thing... he's hinted at taking you out, but he hasn't asked you on a date yet, has he? Until he officially does that, you don't have an outing, a lunch, a date, nothing... funny, my mom used to be like this and I would always have to be the one to bring her back down to earth.. I'd tell her about some men I'd meet who'd say, "Yeah, we need to go out sometime," and ask me for my number and she'd get all giddy and say, "Ooh, you're dating!"

Uh, no I'm not. Seeing that no plans have been made, I'm not doing anything right now. And many times, no date ever happened. Some men like to talk and flirt and have no intention of taking any action.

So anyway... sloooooooooooooooow down the mental process in your head about this dude. Until you have an official invitation, you aren't dating him or even hanging out with him. And if he does ask you out, all you're doing is going out with him at least one time. You don't have a relationship with him, so whomever else he is dating (or not) should not be a concern.